Karen M Gladigau Author

I know it's time, I've felt it's time for a couple months now but have kept myself busy with life and distractions.
This morning I had a dream. A dream where I stood up in a crowd of strangers, as I perceive myself, my body image, my age, my mum body, my aging menopausal very imperfect lived in body; I stood up in a crowd of strangers, all ages, men and women, in a bikini.
As soon as I realised what I did I sat straight down again, mortified, embarrassed but most of all, vulnerable - raw.
What happened next was inconceivable to me. A young man, not far away in the crowd voiced his opinion, not what I was expecting, instead was very vocally favourable in enjoying what he saw, wanting to continue to see me standing up again.
I know how I view myself is not authentic. I am making a little headway from where I was 3 years ago, I can see beauty within me now at least 50% of the time, instead of the 5% back then. My body dysmorphia comes from a combination of childhood sibling taunting, hearing You're fat and ugly, and believing that as true over the years. It was then stamped indelibly into my psyche while growing up in the supermodel era where they were bones on the catwalk, not the beautiful curves that were me I now can see looking back.
Don't we all say now, ‘I wish I was as fat now, as I thought I was back then…’
While I strive to be authentic online, to show the Good and the Bad, I've had a hard time coming to terms with the Ugly, my perception of myself. I love seeing the beauty in my profile pics I've put up over the past 2.5 years, knowing they are me, I know that, I took the photos, yet I still have trouble believing they are me. I have been forced to start to rethink my self perception. Forced to look in the mirror and match what I see each day with those incredible photos, that only get more unbelievable with time, as I heal and change. How?
I look at those photos, and then myself in the mirror, and try to match it in my mind. Some days I go ‘nailed it’ but most I see the perceived faults, the lines, the neck, the cellulite and gravity.
I know it's time, time training myself instead, to look for beauty, for appreciation for continued excellent service from my body as I watch others replace knees and hips, worse, disappear.
So by sharing this with you all, I make myself accountable. I stand up in front of you all in my mental bikini, size 16/18, my new roll of upper belly, lower baby belly, cellulite, gravity laden curves and rolls and cannot forget the cellulite on the elbows, and I challenge myself to see the beauty in all that is me. Every day, every minute, every second. I will try to not control images taken, and posted. I will try so very hard to see the beauty instead of all the flaws in my head, my ego shouts out to me instantly.
I know this is also a battle the majority of men face, it’s not just me, not just women. Every man that has tried to get my attention has also had body image problems, most mention their weight, or height early on.
I will try to be thankful to be me, every minute, every day. I hope by doing this, little by little, I will be able to see myself like that man in my dream who viewed me, perfectly beautiful and desirable.
I am a proud, confident, strong woman and I will win.

Karen M Gladigau Author updated their website address.

Howdy!
I welcome you to my page. I should use my bio a fellow Unisa student wrote last week, cos damn I sounded interesting!
I'm not going to give you my background story, that will come out with future posts Im sure. Im not here to sell you anything, promote anything nor change your mind about anything.
I am a fledgling writer. Oh I have some great stories in me waiting to come out, epic trilogies, short stories, poems and many musings. Its taken a couple of years for me to work out how I wanted to use this page and yesterday I finally had inspiration.
I can only be me.
I'm real, I'm honest, I believe in love so much, and I believe in the good of people. People amaze me. Their stories, their tragedies, the absolute horrors they go through from birth; yet they can still be the most incredible humble and caring people you would ever meet. The power of the people is absolute nowadays. The internet has provided us that platform to voice our concerns, or our love, to help one another. The internet can also provide those with a platform to share the darker side of humanity, and to spread ill-will. The choice is for every one of us to decide how we want to be represented in today's world, for the future to see.
I believe in the power of one. One person can make a difference. I hope to one day say, "I was a person that made a difference to this world. For people, for animals, for children, for women, for men, for how we love one another and for trees." Or even, she tried to make a difference.
Every person has a voice, an opinion. Yours is welcome here even if it's negative. My value of myself doesn't rely on opinions of others of me anymore. I have learned in my course though that a lot of the negative posts are done by artificial intelligence, robot, or bots. They are programmed to talk like humans, and to think for themselves with each human interaction. About a third by memory of bad feedback are bots.
I love learning, I love seeing a new view from another perspective. It blows me away how differently we can see the same thing. Your feedback will be treated with respect and kindness from me.
I love a laugh though, I am inappropriate, kinda rude so a bit of a warning there may be adult humour, no I guarantee there will be adult humour so be warned.
I will tackle subjects the majority of Facebook users want to shy away from, as its uncomfortable, and people aren't sure how they can respond. Many of you never respond and that's OK.
So I'm excited to see where this leads me, the people I meet, the tears, the laughter, the love and most of all the kindness.
There are many faces to me, my transformation over the past three years, the healing and growing I have been doing that's led me to here, today. I think this photo shows a bit of who I am.
I welcome you and thank you for your time, to stop and read this, and hopefully think and participate in the future.
WELCOME!!

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Karen M Gladigau is a fresh new Author in Australia and loves to write a unique story seeped in love, s*x, fantasy and a touch of magic with real down to earth relatable characters.
Emotion that makes you think, drawing you into the depths of her stories.
Karen grew up on a farm in rural South Australia so has an affinity with the land, trees, animals and horses, specialising in breeding and training Straight Egyptian Arabians for 30 years. She competed successfully against other breeds in their own disciplines often in the ribbons.
Writing and Spirituality called to her later in life so she enrolled into UniSA in the Bachelor of Arts course, Creative Writing and Literature. In her first class she was urged to start writing a book immediately so excitedly she did!
Previously the last story she wrote was for a Yr 10 assignment at Keith Area School.
Press like to stay in touch with Karen’s stories and poems and join her on Pinterest and YouTube for giveaways and promotions! She would love to hear from you!