Empower Couples - Relationship Coach

Reason’s Why Couples Stay Together Even Though They’re Unhappy?

When you first have children they talk about the challenges of parenting....the struggles of a baby waking in the night,
the toddler who won’t stay in their bed, the cost of childcare, injuries from sports...
Having to take off work to pick them up from school when they don’t feel well, helping them with homework, a messy house, the never ending laundry, the cost to buy school clothes, packing their lunches....
You watch their eyes light up on Christmas morning....and try to soak in the magic of those moments.
You coach them in sports, rushing to practices and ballgames...and tote them all over the country to let them play the game they love...no matter how exhausting or expensive it becomes.
Life is just so busy that you rarely even stop to think what the end of those days look like.
In fact, it’s not really even something you can wrap your mind around.
You go into it thinking that 18-20 years sounds like a long time....
Then suddenly hours turn into days...days into months...and months into years.
That little person that used to crawl up next to you in bed and cuddle up to watch cartoons...suddenly becomes this young adult who hugs you in the hallway as they come and go.
And the chaos and laughter that used to echo throughout your home....gets filled with silence and solitude.
You’ve learned how to parent a child who needs you to care for and protect them....but have no clue how the whole “letting go” thing is supposed to work.
So you hold on as tight as you can...wondering how time passed so quickly...feeling guilty that you missed something....
Because even though you had 20 years.....it just somehow doesn’t seem like it was enough.
You ask yourself so many questions...
Did you teach them the right lessons?
Did you read them enough books as a child?
Spend enough time playing with them?
How many school parties did you have to miss?
Do they really know how much you love them?
What could I have done better as a parent?....When it’s time for them to go, it all hits you like a ton of bricks.
And all you can do is pray....hope....and trust that God will protect them as they start to make their way into the world alone.
Parenting is by far the most amazing experience of your life....that at times leaves you exhilarated....while others leave you heartbroken.
But one thing is certain.....it’s never enough time...💕
So for all the parents with young children...whose days are spent trying to figure out how to make it through the madness...
Exhausted day in and day out...
Soak. It. All. In.
Because one day....all those crazy days full of cartoons, snuggles, sleep overs, Christmas morning magic, ballgames, practices and late night dinners...
All come to an end.
And you’re left hoping that you did enough right, so that when they spread their wings....
They’ll fly...💕

The healthiest relationships and friendships are not necessarily the ones that look happiest to the naked eye.

They aren’t necessarily the ones where two people are always found holding hands, giggling, dancing and singing with the butterflies on Instagram, where nothing ever goes wrong and love is beautiful and blissful and perfect.

External ‘perfection’ can easily mask internal devastation, disconnection and that awful, unspoken desperation to be free.

The healthiest relationships are the honest ones. And they might not look so ‘happy’ or ‘carefree’ from the outside. They might not fit the image of what a relationship ‘should’ or ‘must’ look or feel like.

Here, two people tell the honest, painful truth about today, and continually let go of all their preconceived ideas about each other. The relationship is forever renewed in the furnace of authenticity. There may be ruptures, misunderstandings, even intense feelings of doubt and disconnection, but there is a mutual willingness to face this seeming mess head-on! To look - with open eyes - at the present rupture, and not turn away or cling to the past. To sit together in the midst of mutual shattered dreams and expectations, and work to find a place of reconnection, here, now, today.

Here, relationship is seen as the ultimate yoga - an ongoing and ever-deepening adventure and rediscovery of each other, a constant letting-go and a constant meeting! Love is not a future destination, conclusion, point of arrival, or a convenient story to tell others. Love is alive.

As Eckhart Tolle says, relationships aren’t here to make us happy - for true happiness lies within. They’re here to make us profoundly conscious.
To break us, to humble us, to make us whole again.

Be with someone you can call "home".
Your partner should be your safe zone. Your happy place. Your calm in a storm. Someone you can count on. Life could be tough and chaotic sometimes. It's best to have someone who will always be there for you. Someone who will motivate you and guide you. Someone who will champion your growth. Someone who cares about your peace of mind. Someone you can call "home".

If you wake up each day and everyone you care about is healthy (Including YOU)...

It's a great day 😀

Lifelong commitment is not what everyone thinks it is.
It's not waking up early every morning to make breakfast and eat together.
It's not cuddling in bed together until both of you peacefully fall asleep.
It's not a clean home and a homemade meal every day.
(It's all this and more) 👇👇👇👇
It's someone who steals all the covers or snores like a chainsaw
It's sometimes slammed doors, and a few harsh words, disagreeing, and the silent treatment until your hearts heal.
Then...forgiveness!
It's coming home to the same person every day that you know loves and cares about you, in spite of and because of who you are.
It's laughing about the one time you accidentally did something stupid.
It's about dirty laundry and unmade beds without finger pointing.
It's about helping each other with the hard work of life! It's about swallowing the nagging words instead of saying them out loud.
It's about eating the cheapest and easiest meal you can make and sitting down together at 10 p.m. to eat because you both had a crazy day.
It's when you have an emotional breakdown, and your love lays with you and holds you and tells you everything is going to be okay, and you believe them.
It's when "Netflix and Chill" literally means you watch Netflix and hang out.
It's about still loving someone even though sometimes they make you absolutely insane, angry, and hurt your feelings. Who loves you for fat or thin, happy or grumpy, young or old.
Living with the person you love is not perfect, and sometimes it's hard, but it's amazing, comforting, and one of the best things you'll ever experience.

POST CREDIT: viewfromhere64

You know what? When l reflect back on my life, l have been desperately trying to get someone to love me like l loved them..!

As a young adult l had a "boyfriend" for a number of years and when he would try to break it off, l would have an anxiety attack and beg him to stay. My dignity was totally out the door..

I know now that I had separation anxiety.
(l really just overcame this a few years ago)..
You cannot make someone love you.
Foolishly, l believed that, not all relationships have equal love..
l was told that one always loves the other more..

So, if you believe that, then everything is normal right. So why go for more? This belief allows you to settle for less.
Believing and thinking that you can change to make them love you more is also.. Phew!

It is impossible to change another..
lt is impossible to make someone love you.
I am not angry or disappointed in myself for the way l was. I am happy l have seen how l was. I can no longer manipulate or push another to love me.

I am happy with me these days. Not all days, but a good 90% and who knows it could get higher one of these days 😉.

What l do know though, is Love is shared. Love is respectful and, of course, Love is mutual ❤️❤️

🤔 ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During a seminar, a woman asked, "How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The speaker noticed a large man sitting next to her and asked, “Is that your partner?”

In all seriousness, she answered, “How did you know?”

“Let me answer this question because it's probably weighing on your mind,” he replied.

Every relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fall in love. You eagerly anticipate their calls, crave their time, cherish their touch, and appreciate their quirks. Falling in love is easy—it’s spontaneous and natural.

You didn’t have to do anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

But after a few months or years, the initial euphoria fades, replaced by a deeper connection, trust, and mutual respect for each other’s feelings, needs, and values. This is the natural cycle of a committed relationship.

However, things can easily go in a different direction.

It's common to blame our partners for our unhappiness instead of looking within to find out if we’re happy with ourselves first. Too often, we seek fulfilment outside ourselves. This can take many forms, like infidelity, work, hobbies, excessive TV, gaming, phones or even substance abuse.

The answer to this dilemma doesn’t lie outside your relationship. It lies within you.

I'm not saying you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could, and you might feel better temporarily. But soon, you’d find yourself in the same situation because your unresolved emotional wounds will resurface in any future relationship.

The key to a successful relationship isn’t finding the right person; it’s learning to love yourself first. Then, find someone who loves and respects all of you, imperfections and all, and is willing to work on themselves too.

Sustaining love requires a commitment to each other, making your relationship a priority every single day. It takes time, effort, energy, and most importantly, it demands wisdom, patience, unconditional respect, and trust.

You need to be aware and develop the relationship skills to make it work. Love isn’t a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner) to ensure success, just like the physical laws of the universe.

If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable. Love is a decision we consciously make every day. ❤️

"What's one childhood memory that still impact's you today"?

It’s all about the little things for each other, don’t try to understand it, simply just RESPECT that it means something to the one you love.

Today is Valentine’s Day a day set aside to celebrate love ❤️
Darren and I aren’t big on it because it’s so commercialised and we believe every day should be Valentine’s Day.

Remember to SHOW your partner you love them in their love language…. Words mean nothing without action.

Happy Loving Day ❤️

Ever found yourself on the brink of an important or delicate conversation with your partner and not sure how it's going to be received?

The key to turning it from a potential screaming match into a respectful conversation lies in the art of timing, setting the scene, and reading your partner's emotional state before the conversation.

Discover the transformative power of intentional communication and create a space where respect can flourish, building a connection that withstands the test of challenging conversations.

It's not just what you say (the words you use) it's also when (partner is 100% present), where (space with no distractions) and how you say it (your tone) that makes all the difference in the world of effective communication.

🗣️ Effective communication is an art! 🎨 It's not just in the words we speak, however the tone we use and the body language we convey.
Mastering this trio transforms conversations into impactful connections.
Let's be mindful and choose to have respectful conversations.

Respectful Listening is more than just hearing words; it's about valuing perspectives and creating a space so your partner feels heard and respected. Respectful listening is an art that builds genuine connection and empathy.
Elevate your conversations by truly hearing and respecting each other's voices. 💙

Food for Thought!
"💑 Why do we dive into relationships, knowing the honeymoon phase has an expiration date? 🤔 Societal norms and most relationships experts suggest 6 months to 2 years, that's not true.
Love is an evolving journey, not just a destination. Maintain respect, trust and continue to make your relationship your priority to embrace the depth, growth, and connection that follows the initial bliss.

Let intentions be rooted in respect, trust, patience, and commitment, building a love that transcends societal expectations! ❤️

🌟 Embracing the Power of Blended Families 🌈💖

Hey Facebook fam! 🤗✨

Today, I want to speak about the magic that happens when families blend together with love, respect, and a shared vision for the future. 💑👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

In our household, we've learned that the key to a thriving blended family is to use "OUR" when speaking about the kids.

No more "yours" and "mine." It's about embracing the beautiful connection of family, blending our stories together as one. 💕👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

Sure, we respect that our children have their own parents, however our focus is on showering them with love as if they were our own. 💞🏡 After all, a united front is what makes a house a home.

🌟 Respecting each other's parenting styles is crucial!

Instead of judgment, let's have open discussions about how we can create a parenting blend that works for everyone.

We're a team, not players on opposing sides. Teamwork makes the dream work, and it also gives our kids the love, nurture, stability and security they needed when growing up.

Remember, children sense when there's any sort of emotional disconnect. Let's be that connected team, that powerful blend of parents our children need. ❤️👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 When we prioritise love, respect, understanding, and teamwork, we create a home filled with warmth, security, and happiness. 🏡✨

Here's to celebrating the beauty of blended families! 💖

💑 In relationships, consultation is key!

Just like a successful business partnership, decisions must be a joint venture. Before accepting invitations, making choices or decisions, take the time to communicate and align with your partner.

🗣️ It's not about asking for permission or control, it's about building a strong foundation of connection, understanding, teamwork and respect.

Respect and Trust are the two pillars that build a strong Relationship Foundation. Without them, the foundation weakens, then cracks begin to appear, and disconnection creeps in overtime.

Don't let the cracks widen and spread;

📢Take action now!

"Rebuilding trust and respect is like cementing the bonds that hold you together. 💑 Address the cracks, strengthen your foundation, and watch your connection thrive!

🔥 Keeping the flame alive!
Regular hot dates aren't just about what activity you get up to together, it can be an intimate dinner at home. What matters is about the thought that goes into it, knowing what your partner likes and feeding your connection through quality time without distraction.

Make time for each other, share laughter, and cherish the quality moments that keep the connection and spark alive.

This matters greatly to maintain the lovers connection just as you did when you first met.

Hey, Amazing Beautiful Couples 🥳

Being New Years it that time again to update your vision board, set your goals and manifest your dream life!

Remember to do your couples vision board and goals setting as well. 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 👭 👫

🌟 Embracing the Power of Manifestation and Goal Setting on this special day ✨

Just a little reminder as we dive into the realm of setting goals and manifesting our dreams for 2024:
The magic truly happens when we align our internal energy and vibes with our aspirations! 🚀💫

Remember, it's not just about writing down your goals or creating vision boards as that just the conscious part of the task.

🙌🏻 This is the most crucial part of manifesting:
It's about feeling with absolute certainty within yourself at a deep subconscious level that you **CAN** and **WILL** achieve everything you desire.

*Doubt * has a sneaky way of creeping in subconsciously, blocking the flow of the universe's energy.

So, let's make a pact to heighten our awareness that if *doubt* comes in we will kick *doubt * to the curb! 👋🚫

⭐️ This is the magic here: ⭐️

💕 *Internally Visualise, *feel,* and *believe * in the power of your dreams. Let go of any lingering *doubts* and watch how the universe conspires in your favour.✨

It's all about that magnetic energy, darlings! 🔮✨

So, as you set your intentions and pave the way for an incredible year and journey ahead, let that internal confidence radiate within you.
You've got this, and alway *feel * that the universe has your back! 🌌🌟

May 2024 be your year to become not only the best version self however to go live your best life 😘

Here's to a year filled with manifesting miracles and crushing those goals with unwavering belief! 🌈💪✨

Happy New Year Beautiful People from us to you.
Love and light 🙏🏻 💛

🌟 Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year! 🌟

As we celebrate the magic of Christmas and embrace the the new year, let's reflect on the power of regeneration.

May this season fill your hearts with joy, gratitude, and the warmth of love. Remember, each day is a new opportunity to unwrap the gift of life, to cherish moments, and to create a brighter future the one you choose.

Let the energy of Christmas ignite the flames of kindness and compassion within you. Embrace the challenges ahead with courage, knowing that you have the strength to overcome any obstacles.

May the coming year be abundant in love, connection, success, joy, and fulfilment. Believe in yourself, chase your dreams, and savour every precious moment.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas filled with love, and a New Year abundant with blessings, growth, and endless possibilities.

Here's to a journey of triumphs, resilience, strength, focus, consistency, commitment to the unwavering pursuit of happiness.

Embrace a spectacular year ahead, here's to 2024 being the year of change 🎉🌈 💰 ❤️ 🥳 🥂

Love and light 🙏🏻 💛

Call now to connect with business.

An Interview I did a year ago, some pivotal points about the honeymoon stage, the important of quality time, respectful listening and the two pillars of a relationship RESPECT & TRUST.

Episode 21 - Caterina Smillie - How To Fix Relationship Problems In todays episode, I had the opportunity to SPEAK with Caterina Smillie. Caterina is a relationship and personal coach, who uses the holistic path compared t...

🌟 Happy Father's Day! 🌟

To all the extraordinary dad's out there, today is a day to celebrate you and the profound impact you have on your children's lives.

As a relationship coach, I respect just how crucial your role is in shaping not only your child's future relationships, also their character, morals and values.

Fatherhood is not just about providing, also it's about loving, nurturing, guiding, and being a strong, supportive presence. It's about teaching your children about respect, kindness, and empathy through your own actions. It's about showing them what it means to be a responsible partner and a compassionate friend.

In my work, I've seen firsthand the beautiful connections that strong father-child relationships can create. Your love and support are the building blocks for healthy, thriving relationships in the future.

So, take a moment today to celebrate yourself and acknowledge the impactful influence you have on your family's happiness.

To those facing challenges in their father-child relationships, know that it's never too late to mend and strengthen those bonds. Reach out, communicate, and work together towards a more loving and connected future.

My coaching services are here to assist you in navigating these waters and find the path to deeper understanding, respect and connection.

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers, grandfathers, stepfathers, and father figures!
Your love and dedication are truly worth celebrating today and every day. ❤️👨‍👧‍👦

Why do some men struggle to emotionally connect with their partner?

There are certain societal, environmental and cultural programming that have indeed contributed to some men that may find it harder to emotionally connect in relationships.

Here are some potential reasons why some men might struggle with emotional connection:

Socialisation and Gender Norms:
Many societies have traditionally encouraged men to suppress their emotions and be stoic, the accepted emotion was really only anger.. Not surprising it's mostly men that enlist in anger management courses right? Which by the way don't assist many men for long term change.
This can lead to difficulties in expressing and understanding emotions, making it challenging to establish emotional connections.

Communication Styles:
Men and women often have different communication styles, which can impact how emotions are expressed and understood.
Some men might struggle to communicate their emotions.
This leading to misunderstandings or a perceived lack of emotional connection.

Fear of Vulnerability:
Expressing emotions and opening up can make men feel vulnerable. Some men might fear that showing vulnerability could be perceived as a sign of weakness, leading them to avoid emotional conversations.

Past Experiences:
Previous experiences, especially negative ones like past rejections or failed relationships, can impact a man's willingness to emotionally connect again.
They might develop emotional barriers to protect themselves from potential ridicule or hurt.

Attachment Styles:
Different attachment styles can influence how men form emotional connections. Men with an avoidant attachment style might have difficulty relying on others emotionally, while those with an anxious attachment style might seek excessive reassurance.

Stress and Mental Health:
Stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues can affect emotional availability and the ability to connect with others. Men, like anyone else, can struggle with these issues.

Lack of Emotional Literacy:
Some men might not have been taught or encouraged to develop emotional awareness, intelligence and literacy, which are important for understanding and expressing feelings.

Unresolved Personal Issues:
Personal insecurities, unresolved trauma, or unresolved conflicts from the past can hinder emotional connection by affecting an individual's emotional state.

Expectations of Masculinity:
Societal expectations of what it means to be masculine can sometimes conflict with open emotional expression.
Men might feel pressure to conform to certain ideals of how men should be and behave that discourage emotional vulnerability.

It's so important to be aware that emotional connection is a complex aspect of relationships, and that it's not that men don't want to emotionally connect with their partner, it more that many men just don't know how to due to a combination of the factors mentioned above.There are plenty of men that have strong emotional connections with their partners, which is wonderful to see.
Respect, awareness, patience, and understanding are key in building and maintaining emotional connections in any relationship. If someone is having persistent difficulties in this area, seeking support from a Relationship Coach or counsellor can be extremely beneficial.

💁🏼‍♀️How to REBUILD trust in a Relationship!

1️⃣First and most important thing to consider is this:
Do you want to forgive and are you willing to forgive?
If you are not willing than none of the steps below will make a difference. Rebuilding trust in a relationship can be challenging, however it's possible with 100% commitment, effort, patience, and effective communication. Don't play the blame game

Here's a step-by-step guide to assist you to rebuild trust:

1️⃣ Acknowledge the Issue:
First, both parties need to acknowledge that there's a breach of trust that needs to be addressed. Denying or downplaying the issue will only hinder the process.
2️⃣ Take Responsibility:
If you are the one who broke trust, take full responsibility for your actions. This means admitting and owning what you did, why it happened, and showing genuine remorse.
3️⃣ Open Communication:
Create a safe space for open and honest communication. Both parties should be willing to express their feelings and concerns, without fear of judgment.
4️⃣ Respectfully Listen:
When discussing the breach, make sure both parties listen respectfully to each other. This shows listening to hear and validate each other’s feeling rather than respond to excuse or justify. This means the listener is making it about them not the speaker.
5️⃣ Respect the Impact:
You cannot understand how someone is feeling as you are not their heart so just respect the emotional impact. The hurt person must explain how the breach impacted them emotionally and how it has made them feel. EG: disrespected, hurt, betrayed… The other person must truly hear and respect the impact of their actions.
6️⃣ Set Boundaries:
Establish clear boundaries moving forward. Discuss what behaviours are acceptable and which ones are not. Clarity is key in preventing future breach’s or misunderstandings.
7️⃣ Apologise Sincerely:
If you're the one who broke trust, offer a sincere and heartfelt apology. Avoid making excuses and justifying, focus on how your actions hurt the other person and what you can do to make change.
8️⃣ Make Amends:
Actions speak louder than words. Show through your behaviour that you are committed to change. This may involve making amends for the specific actions that led to the breach of trust.
9️⃣. Be Patient:
Rebuilding trust takes time. It won't happen overnight. Be patient and allow the hurt person to process their emotions, and gradually begin to trust again.
🔟 Consistency:
Consistency is key. Show through your actions over time that you have changed and are committed to rebuilding trust. Keep your promises and be reliable.
1️⃣1️⃣Transparency:
Be open and transparent about your actions and decisions. This assists in rebuilding trust as it reduces the chances of any hidden agendas.
1️⃣2️⃣ Seek Professional Support:
If the breach of trust was significant or if communication is breaking down, consider seeking the support of a relationship coach or counsellor. They provide guidance, facilitate productive conversations and offer tools to assist you to move forward faster.
1️⃣3️⃣Forgiveness:
If you're the one who was hurt, forgiving doesn't mean excusing the behaviour or act. It means forgiving the person and letting go of the anger and resentment toward them and giving the relationship the chance to heal and reconnect
1️⃣3️⃣ Together:
Engage in activities that allow you to rebuild the relationship together. This could be something as simple as spending quality time together or trying new experiences.
1️⃣4️⃣ Learn and Grow:
Use the experience as an opportunity for personal growth and to strengthen the relationship. Reflect on what led to the breach of trust and how you can avoid similar situations in the future.

Remember, every relationship is unique, and the process of rebuilding trust might vary. It requires effort, respect and commitment from both parties.

☎️ Book a consult call today...

✅ Do you struggle when it comes to discussing MONEY and Financial Goals with your PARTNER?

Fourteen years ago, when Darren and I started dating, it was quite obvious from the outset we had very different views and beliefs around money.

Our blueprints were not aligned in many ways and the demographic in which we were raised was polar opposite.

I did not have a healthy relationship with money at all.
I came from a belief of lack, had no savings and didn’t even really know how to save.

I had old debt from three years prior to us meeting which I was still paying the minimum amount due, rather than doubling down and getting rid of toxic debt.

Darren on the other hand respected money. He came from a place of abundance and had a savings plan in place. He would save weekly and was self-disciplined not to dip into those savings if he spent what had been allocated for the week.
He would purchase things out of NEED rather than WANT most of the time.

Our perspective of money was extremely different.
We could have either chose to dance around the subject and allow it to impact our relationship in the future or have strength, courage and respect to discuss the topic head on and come to a solution as a partnership..
We were aware then that if we couldn’t get this part of our relationship right there was not much point moving forward.

Darren introduced me to a new way of viewing money which was much needed. Until then spending money was a way to make me feel good of course it was only in the moment, I didn’t respect for money at all. It was just a tool to buy a moment of happiness. I had never even considered that it could be used in more proactive ways to create the lifestyle of my dreams.

I remember we had a conversation around money quite a few years back.
Darren asked me what my biggest goal was in relation to money?
In that instant, the first thing that came to mind was to be debt free as quick as possible.
I didn’t know it at the time but that was to be the starting point on my journey to becoming financially free.

Overtime our money blueprints have aligned, today I have such a respect for money. I’m debt free, have savings, stop spending money on STUFF rather I invest it in the financial markets so that my money works for me.

👫 We are unstoppable together, a power couple that can achieve whatever we want personally, professionally and of course financially. We sit down and reassess our life’s directions and plan towards our future financial goals.

The subject of Finances and Money within a relationship of any kind is of paramount importance.

✳️ Identify, acknowledge and respect each other’s money blueprints today so that your money conversations in the future are exciting rather than argumentative.

CHECK YOUR MONEY BLUEPRINT

1. Identify your personal perspective of money?
Lack / Abundance
2. What did you see and learn about money growing up?
Spend / Save
3. How would you describe and your childhood household?
Poor /Mid-Class/ Rich
4. Do you respect and value money? Yes / N