Sweet Iron Co

How do we feel about a "F**k No" shirt?🤔

Who speaks for the horse, though? 🤷‍♀️
Because according to some people, us lowly amateurs have not 'earned' the right...

They say "When you've ridden at the highest level are you're entitled to an opinion"

"I've seen worse...."

Or "Let she without sin, cast the first stone"

Sorry what?

Should we slink into a corner because we're fearful of being called a hypocrite, or that we need a qualification to shout down horse abuse.

Where would that leave the next horse?

The terrified animal with it's head strapped down, it's mouth cranked shut, receiving intermittent whacks from which it cant escape?

It leaves them right there, getting more of the same because we're being shamed into silence by people that have skin in the game.

And it's not bullying, trolling or an orchestrated attack to stand up and say

"I WILL speak for the horse, and it's not ok."

Right now there are 'experts' flocking to pledge their support for a woman they've watched repeatedly whip a horse, while she's running through the sand screaming that her whip "doesn't hit hard enough!"

These experts say "I'm not condoning it but..." that's exactly what they do.

They dismiss it as a moment in time, they blame the whistleblower and they shame 'do-gooders' for running her down.

There's even a veterinarian out there wringing his hands because her sponsors are bailing but NEVER ONCE does he mention the welfare of the horse.

To me, that's far more disturbing than the incident itself... because this is what it says to the world;

"Nothing to see here guys...Equestrian welfare is A-OK"

"We get a weird buzz from making our horses dance in sand... and sometimes you just gotta whack the f**k outta them to make it look pretty"

And on that depressing note, it's my gut feeling that this is the tip of the iceberg and there's still more to come...

We haven't yet heard from the other darlings of Dressage, and with each passing minute that silence becomes more deafening.

And for us that say "It's a hard NO from me" - How do we set ourselves apart?

Cos honestly, right now, I've got no idea..

But the idea of sharing the identity of 'equestrian' alongside sycophantic warriors, fawning over their fallen 'golden girl' instead of condemning the treatment of that horse is just too revolting to bear.

Thoughts? 🤷‍♀️

Phoar 🤣

Who is this Horse Gurl anyway?
The 'vile Australian?'

First, please meet my little friend.. This roan pony was captured from the Australian bush as a totally wild, 12yo stallion in September 2023.

I want you to meet him so next time you hear someone say it's impossible to rehome 'feral horses' you can think of him.

As for me? I'm Jemima.

Dimply, delightful and apparently now a detective..

I'm mad for a huge helmet and I love a long sock 😘

The Egg is on the boil.

Have you been threatened or intimidated by someone in the equine supplement space?

Have you received unsolicited contact by a man making menacing statements? Perhaps you've been threatened with legal action or received a poorly written 'cease and desist' letter?

In the last 24 hours alone I have spoken to three (3) different women who have received some or all of the above by a man representing a prominent horse supplement company.

This is not ok.

Legitimate, professional companies do not behave like this.

For this prick to go swinging his shlong around, purposefully trying to frighten women - to intimidate them and silence them...

It really boils my piss.

And for me, what started with some research into their questionable science and unethical advertising has now completely side-quested into a story about the appalling behaviour of the people behind the scenes.

For context, I didn't seek these women out - I wasn't looking for this info. Each one crossed my path separately - all within the space of a day. They all had a similar story about this man and what he'd done.

This makes me believe there must be more people out there.

So if you know someone this has happened to, please do not tag them - but privately ask them to contact me because I would like to get a feel for the scale this has been happening on.

For anyone else, could you share your thoughts?

Would you willingly purchase a product & line the pockets of someone who thinks this is appropriate conduct?

Does your piss also boil hearing about this? Or is your thermostat slightly better regulated than mine?

I value your thoughts.

P.S. Incase of misdirected venom: This is not a company I have published about previously.

Shhhhhh.... 🤫

"The first rule about science is you don't talk about the science"....
And just when you thought it was all over, we found the missing 'scientific report' 👀 https://horsegurl.com.au/ponease-scam-we-scienced-the-science/

FOR SCIENCE 💪

Ponease Scam: The Fallout 💣
Get the next instalment here : https://horsegurl.com.au/the-ponease-scam-the-fallout/

Awkward 🤣😳

Ooof...

Did you want to see the list of fake profiles? It's quite the effort.... 👀

Remember all those months ago when I said a scammy company had tried to bribe me with the sh*tty sum of £500 (but I couldnt fine the pound key???)

Well this is it... and it's probably been worth the wait 😎

The Ponease Scam - We've all been taken for a ride... - Horse Gurl This article is an introduction to a fascinating web that’s unraveling in the world of equine supplements…. And depending on when you read this, it’s happening right now. Today. This very second. What you’ll read here is just the surface and you probably wont believe me when I say how deep i...

Duncan will not be happy about this 😬

Here's one for my horse business owners, the page admins or anyone that needs to sell stuff every now and then 🤓
"How to Sell on Social Media Without Sounding Salesy"
https://horsegurl.com.au/how-to-make-promotional-posts-on-social-media-without-sounding-salesy/

Ladies, for all your mansplaining needs, pls contact Duncan... He uses photoshop for a living and knows a thing or two about heads 💪

Don't you reckon this feels like a long distance relationship?...We share an intense few days together, banter like besties and I show you my bum...

But then suddenly, I pack my bags and leave you on your lonesome.

Well, Girlfriend.. if you're ready to take the next step, you can come with me this time...

I've recently moved in at Horse Gurl

It's a place where I share horse stories, awkward encounters and the small business sleigh ride to insanity.

Join me there for laughter, swearing and some truly obnoxious articles.

I'm still unpacking and figuring out where all the things go but I'd love to see you over there...

And if you've got any requests for particular stories, topics or hard hitting equestrian journalism then please drop them below...

My pen is poised and notepad is ready 🤓

Horse Gurl
Horse Gurl
Horse Gurl

Placed your order? Well urine for a treat 😜
And honestly, I have absolutely no idea how this photo is relevant to anything...

But at least I'm wearing knickers so for that, we give thanks. But considering I was bringing my supermodel A-Game to a 'bush wee' pose, the granny pants seem like an appalling oversight.

⏰ Anyhoo, enough of the rambling covid brain fog fuzz...This post is your friendly PSA that the store will close in a few hours and wont re-open for quite a few months....

And let me tell you, statistically speaking you'll have ragrets if you sit on your hands.

I know this because my inbox blows up for a few weeks after each sale with people busting to 'get a few things'...And you should know, I have accommodated these requests exactly zero times 🤣🤷‍♀️

So buy some things... You'll be glad you did 😎
https://sweet-iron.com.au/

Baby Reindeer aside... 😜
Could we have some photos of the shirtains in the wild?🙏

Slippers are on! I'm ready to pack 💪
The store is open til Sunday 🛍️
https://sweet-iron.com.au/shop/
*sadly The Egg is not available for purchase at this time.

Firstly, can we please normalise sick selfies? Surely I'm not the only one that enjoys a quick visual check-in to see if I look as revolting on the outside as I do on the inside (and rarely, mind you, am I disappointed with the results. That hair is just perfection! 💅👌)

Secondly it's time for some housekeeping...

"Oh yay" I hear you say.

"F**k I love housekeeping.. It's right up there with filing tax returns and getting a pap smear. Just make it snappy could you?"

Yes ma'am... Yes I will.

From a clothing & somewhat surprising perspective - I have been successfully campaigned to open the store again by a diligent group of gals.

Well played. You know who you are 😜...

However, I don't exactly know when it will be because I need wait for this sickness to piss off before I can drag myself out of bed to pack orders.

I'd guess it will be in the next 10 days because SURELY this bug can't hang around that long can it? CAN IT??? 😱

Plus my campaignees need their new shirts for a particular event, so there's only so much more time I can spend on the couch in my flannels.

There wont be any new or exciting things... but I might dig around for some end of line clearance stuff or those 'sh*tty stubby holders' y'all love so much 🤣

So I guess this sale will be more to fill in your wardrobe gaps rather than reinvent yourself in a whole new style (unless you regret not buying Shirtains last time around... and you know deep down it's your true sartorial calling)

And in other news, a few years ago I created an equestrian page FOR FUN... just to see how fast I could do it.

Which absolutely boggles my brain these days because I honestly think eating glass would be more fun than spending extra time on social media...

And yet, here we are 🤷‍♀️

So after completely forgetting about that page for a few years, I realised that it might make more sense to re-name it and put all my writing rambles over there and keep the clothesy stuff here.

Because even though it's a HOT mess... It's still messy here and I think it makes more sense to keep them separate.

Don't worry though, I'm not about to start saying things like 'Elevate your riding with the new sculpting shirts' and other garbagey statements like that. The normalness will stay just the same.. it will just be the content that's different.

Horse Gurl is the new home for the writing rambles.

It's a website and newsletter with awkward equestrian stories (plus a side serve of marketing for business owners that are losing their minds).

I can promise you'll like it there if you enjoy reading things that make you feel better about your own mediocre riding endeavours.

See you there, J'bye-bah xx

(because 👆 that's how my sinuses are making me pronounce my own name at the moment 🤣)

P.S. Go and get a pap smear... It's really not something to f**k around with and to my UTTER DELIGHT I recently found out you can do a 'self serve' version at home.

It's quick, painless and only a tiny bit weird.. it's like a home covid test for your under carriage.

So if you're overdue there's no excuses, go and do it now... 💪

Yoda Lay Hee Hoo 👊 🎵

Awwww yeah! 🤣🤣

"Wait! OMG! You were with the fluffy grey pony who had his own ideas at EQUITANA Australia?!"

Yes ma'am, that was I... and I'm still dirty at the little turd 🤣🤣

A few weeks ago when I ruthlessly exploited my pony for a Celeste Barber inspired photo shoot - a cluey reader recognised me so I thought I'd share the story.

And if you'd like to know how it feels to do deep sand running up and down an arena in front of 8,000 people sitting in grandstands... Then please read on 🤓👇

Competing at Equitana... with Timmy Trumpster the rescue pony - Horse Gurl Equitana is the the biggest equine extravaganza in the southern hemisphere… and to borrow the words of Anchorman, it’s “kind of a big deal” When I first had the idea of competing there, I knew I would never cut it with the proper, fancy equestrian disciplines – but they were advertising th...

I’ve got the tiniest bit of anxiety creeping in that this page might end up becoming a bit like equestrian Jackass…

Only the Jackass dudes KNOW that they’re about to pull a stunt that will probably hurt and hopefully be hilarious.

Also they get paid a bloody fortune.

Where as for me, I genuinely don't want to be this sh*t….

Becoming a more competent horseperson is literally my entire life goal… But since I’ve started sharing these stories, I do appreciate the silver lining when things go wrong 😎

So this morning, both Anthony and myself had the exact same thought when I grunted my way onto the ground.

(AND- by the way - I actually SAW a string of snot go flying out of my nose on the way down! Quite amazing really.. but not really the point)

“Pity about the fall… Good content though 🤣🤷‍♀️”

But you knew I wasn’t going to just post the whole video here for the Kool-Aid lovers to rejoice in right?

Nah.. they’ve gotta come to Substack for that.

And seeing as every single time I try and impress Lucinda Green MBE I pole-drive myself into the pasture - I thought it only fitting that I include it in the post about her.

It’s free to read and if you cant be bothered to hear about my Sexy Running again you can just scroll to the end to see this morning’s video.

It's right there at the bottom of the post.

https://horsegurl.com.au/lucinda-green-sexy-running/

Enjoy

P.S. Mum, no - I’m not hurt. Yes I should have been wearing my back protector. Soz 😬

I don't want to give the game away entirely... but guys, this is the kind of quality content I'm working on right now in 'Tales of a Terrible Equestrian'

So if you think you need this kind of inspo in your life and can part with $3 a week...

Well baby, it's just a few clicks away 😎

https://horsegurl.com.au/tales-of-a-terrible-equestrian/

Cue the hate mail.... in 3, 2, 1 😳💣
"Beware the Cult of the Wavy White Rope"

This is probably the most awkward topic I've written about... and not because of the usual self-deprecating suspects like pooping my pants or face planting.

No... lately I've been slowly writing (and releasing) a book called 'Tales of a Terrible Equestrian' which follows my middle aged equestrian pursuits and rise to mediocrity💪
..And while it's SUPPOSED to only be available to paid subscribers only (a move I made to minimise the hate) - I've stuffed up the settings on this one so I made it free for everyone to read...

So um.... enjoy?

I guess...

Unless you're still a bit partial to tipple of Kool-Aid, in which case - I have my protective, sparkling helmet strapped on and I'm ready for the hate 🤣🤷‍♀️

You've been warned...Proceed with caution 👇
https://horsegurl.substack.com/p/chapter-5-beware-the-online-cults

I have a love hate relationship with event photographers...
It’s not them of course, God Bless them sitting out in the scorching sun and blizzards to capture our bravest moments 🙏

The love/hate thing is because their images are sometimes an undeniable reminder that I look like an airborne praying mantis instead of a smooth and capable equestrian.

In fact I’ve set a challenge for myself that until I can open the event photographer’s album without a sense of dread - then I will not pass go, I will not collect $200 and I will not graduate from 65cms height classes.

Of course, I think my biggest issue is that I cannot see a stride.

No sireee…

In fact, I’m not even sure what it means.

Do little laser beams measure the strides like long jump markers?

Do little airport men with their ping pong paddles suddenly appear telling you when to take off?

Because...again.. I don't want to incriminate myself but I just tend to point, shoot and hope for the best 🤷‍♀️

And it’s for this reason I’ve enrolled in Lucinda Green’s 28 Day See-a-Stride Challenge.

I’m already part of her online Academy and bloody love it - so I reckon this Challenge might be a game changer.

I’ve also offered to be an affiliate as the last stop before OnlyFans…

Basically it means if you too want to leave your praying mantis days behind and sign up using my link - then Lucinda will give me some pocket money.

I’m kinda looking forward to being much less sh*t in 28 days time and if that idea also tickles your fancy then you can sign up here.

https://www.lucindagreenxcacademy.com/a/2147831760/ZVzmakkf

I’m sure there will be some kind of community aspect involved… but even still, maybe we’ll start our own group where praying mantises can gather together in a safe space to learn to be less sh*t 😬🤣

See you there 💪
(Remember to use this link https://www.lucindagreenxcacademy.com/a/2147831760/ZVzmakkf otherwise Lucinda will make me do hard labour instead 😩)

Another day, another slay....💅
But is it my best work? 🤔 Enjoy a brief history of my greatest photographic works in 'Ode to Celeste' and make your own mind up 🤷‍♀️ https://horsegurl.com.au/equestrian-celeste/

In my new role as an investigative journalist, I am writing an article called 'Thanks for cantering off, you C*&T' (except I'm using the whole word, with none of those stupid symbols.. because that's just one small but very enjoyable part of Substack).

As part of this article, I'm including a list of suggestions for 'Riding Etiquette' that we can all follow in order not to enter C-worthy territory.

For this I need your help so I've opened the tip line...

If you'd be so good, please file back through your memory bank to occasions that pressed your angry buttons.

I'd like to focus solely on other equestrians doing incuntsiderate things, not the meth-head motorcyclists or unfortunate garbage truck incidents, if you get my drift.

Please share your experiences either below or via DM and all contributions will be held in the strictest confidence (unless you think the offender needs a jolly good shaming - in which case, I'll be happy to assist 🤷‍♀️😜)

📸 Photo of me with my ducks and a glass of peas so the post doesn't get lost (seriously.. why do people do this??? 🤣🤣)