Baby Body Blue

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https://revivetheland.com/sustainable-neighbor/f/breaking-ground---an-introduction-to-sustainable-neighbor

Breaking Ground - an introduction to Sustainable Neighbor My family is ever growing, though it has not always been that way.

Discipline, perseverance, and making the hard decisions every damn day.

If you know me personally you may not be surprised to hear I was fenced and decisionless about receiving the ... my main reason being that regardless of the direction these restrictions take, I will always be the deciding factor of whether something is right by me or my family or not.

The truth is, I don't believe that doing this made a difference to their safety with where we sit right now with vaccine and infected numbers.

What I do believe is that I will stop at nothing to provide for my family, and there for "I don't wanna" just wasn't good enough anymore.

needs their manager to be present, I need to have the ability to network and market and that freedom is being taken from me, if I don't comply to new passport restrictions. And I refuse to throw all my work away.

I'd be lying if I were to say I'm not conflicted.. Its an understatement to express how my right to chose for myself is slowly being taken from me, as means of survival, and longevity of business are a stake.

I am in no way and anti vaccer, nor am I disappointed in my choice to move forward with creating imunity for the very real illness that surrounds our lives right now, however, I cannot express enough, how badly we need to weigh those pros and cons and do ONLY what's right by our own individual freedom of choice!

Our futures, are bright, we are almost out of the confusion. But the world we will see on the otherside. Is highly dependant on our actions these upcoming months.

I've remained silent about my position on covid, not for fear of controversy, but because I believe its YOUR choice whether you comply to orders, or not. And it should always be that way!

#ᴄᴏᴠɪᴅᴠᴀᴄᴄɪɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

Some people won't realize,

They won't take credit where it's due, and instead will displace the way they feel their being misconstrued onto others.

Some will give you the opportunity to be yourself without apologizing. While others will expect you to cater to their ideals on how to be and whats acceptable. And that's okay

But what Some need to accept. Is that their truth being painted on someone else does not excuse misconduct of the past.

By simply displacing, you're not accepting growth. You're not accepting your actions, and this goal, is not clear or succeeded.

Take full credit for all sides of you.

Apologize when you've made a big no no but otherwise. Own every aspect. Every flaw. Every inch that makes you, you.

Only you can change that.

Hai yo

I'm cheering for you and I will till my last breath!

Despite our differences, or any way you may or may not have wronged me or been hurt by me, I'm still on your team. And hoping you're winning this part of your journey!!

Just because we don't float together....don't mean I'm not with you!

Even if I'm my own last cheerleader....I'm still rooting for you too.

Imagine, waking up every day wondering if you're going to be able to stomach a meal that day, while worrying about the wellbeing of your unborn child.

I joke all the time about how my kids ate me...but I want to make it very clear that Hyperemisis Graviderum or HG is no Joke!!

It's NOT comparable to morning sickness, and can trigger a plethora of health issues in baby and mother during and following birth. Including preclamsia which can be fatal, low birth weight, pre mature birth, or what caused the majority of my weight loss hyperthyroidism. Along with many other conditions.

Only 2% of pregnant women will face the symptoms and consequences of carrying full term with HG, and I was lucky enough to experience it with both my back to back pregnancies!

Though there are safe treatments for HG they aren't always effective and often women need medical intervention to reach full term including assistance staying hydrated, as well as eating through feeding tubes.

Pregnancy is supposed to be this wonderful time, where we enjoy weight gain, and all the food. But for many of us that is not the case!

Do or dis you suffer from HG throughout your pregnancy? I'd love to hear your story.

We have all been feeling it lately....
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This time around, this wave of precautionary lockdowns in Ontario seems like the groundhog YEAR!

I myself haven't been able to find the words for anything really lately. Hence my nearly two month hiatus.

Though today I realized that even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with not being okay. Something we really need to watch out for is, how long we've aloud ourselves to not be okay.

For me it was long before lockdown that I found myself falling off routines and allowing old habits to surface. And at the time. I think I truly needed a break! The problem was. Not knowing where to pick up again after that break!

I can't explain why it feels so hard, why there's this dull pain that's been coming across me lately. But what I can say is I know I'm not alone!

I know that were all having days like this through this pandemic, and were all in need of space, and coddling all at the same time, which is really hard to make sense of.

I'm so lucky to have built relationships with such amazingly inspiring women who show up and show me everyday why we do this. Why we pour into ourselves daily, so we have enough to help empower eachother, into making the most of this damn lock down just like we did last year!
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I know its so hard sometimes. Speak up about your moods, there will always be someone who understands.

Resilient, doesn't mean invincible. It definitely aids in ability to succeed, but we're still a work in progress, always!

I've been sharing a lot of my triumphs lately, what I think is important to share is that those triumphs don't mean that life is in any way "Perfect".

- Though my perception is beginning to make it seem that way most days! -

The truth is adulting isn't all lollipops and rainbows. And we aren't meant to have all the answers and react the exact same way to every occurrence.

Someday are most definitely still filled with tears, making compromises with myself to have a better day the next day! There always seems to be something else that comes up and seems like its meant to challenge me, and I DON'T always win, whats important though is that I try!

We are constantly learning and experiencing and its okay to take a huge leap forward and suddenly feel like an emotional log!

Its okay to lose yourself for a few minutes to be better on the other side.

Because emotions weren't meant to be kept inside. And we have a HUGE range of them!

So next time you feel like your plummeting, like everything is falling apart out of your control. Maybe thats the time you need to feel the overwhlement, so you have the right answers when you're feeling more in control!

We are all human, its time we stop pretending we are only aloud to feel one emotion.

Self love shoot. Naturally. ==>>

Swipe for my rendition of a photo shoot!! Embracing every tiny moment I embraced myself this month, though grabbing my makeup bag and dressing up sexy for a shoot is on the upcoming.

This past month was month with we worked together on some amazing projects that really allowed us to blossom on our respective journeys.

I am so greatful that and brought me to this fabulous chapter.

What I've learned about a part of my confidence that I've always had, is that doubt. Its not mine. It belongs in the eye of those onlooking without the proper guidance to shine their own light.

There's nothing wrong with being a little egotistic as long as you can rein it in the proper ways. And my intentions have never been to outshine!

Truly, there's nothing wrong with knowing your worth. Who cares if someone thinks your full of yourself

I was a 2010 higschool graduate!👇

Thanks covid for ruining any chance my class had at a reunion this past year, but seriously, so glad I got to spend my 10 year grad anni, reflecting on all the paths that lead me here!

That year was also a year of growth for me, that year is when my homestead dreams began to blossom.

People forget that being an army brat means I spent much of my early life living in the prairies and bouncing off my grandparents farm between moves, so when I start going on about the earth, how it has literally everything we need to survive, how we spent a good hundred years pouring chemicals into dirt to fabricate bounty when what we should have been doing is continuing generational self sufficiency.....

- I bet you guys had no clue I was a flower child! -
....In fact this part of my journey is fueled on creating a self sufficient future and educating the next generation of the importance of being connected to and protecting our natural resources.

Everything in this world goes full circle, and we are a huge part of that rotation. Being more aware of my impact on the real physical things the world has to offer really opened my eyes to things we do daily that affects eachother, and thus developing my dream of homesteading makes even more sense to me now!

Whats something that's super important to you, that you work on daily as part of your self love journey but has a bigger ripple effect?

Have you realized how powerful your journey can be?

I started mine, if you haven't already heres a great way to start!

I joined my first challenge group as part of my new coaching incentives. And though I really had no clue what to expect, I have to say I'm beyond words with how amazing it is to be a member.

Challenge groups are made in focus of goals to bring like-minded people together NOT only to achieve these goals, but to share life experiences, to have an outlet when you're really not feeling things, to share and be proud of what were putting on the table and in our bodies, and of coarse most peoples favorite, brag about their successes.

My challenge group keeps me focused. They give me grace. They inspire and uplift and most of all there's always someone who's gone through whatever it is holding you back with advice on how to conquer it!

I can't believe I waited this long to really drive into these endorphins, and without my community it wouldn't be possible.

Challenge yourself. Start that success story!

MY addiction story.

In my early teens I faced a few traumas due to loss, emotional abuse, and fighting as a result of not really dealing with any of my emotions properly. At the time, as a child, I know it was not my responsibility.

Instead of telling people of my struggles however, I began a 10+ year relationship with alcohol and at 15 a 3 year struggle with drug use!

I battled with emotional regulation, relationships, poor decision making, mental health issue after mental health issue as a result of the many experiences using brought my way.

I moved from home at 17, briefly returning and wanting that freedom back, out again in a town home much to expensive to upkeep, inviting roommate after roommate without screening.

Using so I wouldn't feel the frustration of my stuff being stolen, being manipulated, going hungry despite making really good money yet having to cover everyone's bills!

Which is around when I started accepting abusive behavior apon myself.

My first boyfriend to lay a hand on me was gone fairly quickly. The second, broke a tooth, and nearly killed me one night, I faced false charges, he even manipulated the police officers into offensive acts. Which led to more trauma, and more self medicating!

I moved time after time, was homeless twice as a single woman with a dog, was molested by a close friend.

I met amazingly selfless people. And learned amazing stories, faced losses, and gained strength. And when I thought I was in so deep that I needed a savior. Those two lines appeared! And the rush, that came from the cycle of alcoholism. Had to end.

Though I stopped using the trauma that I had to face and the residual emotions didn't end. Not right away.

It took the better part of the last two years to pull my head out of my emotional ass. But I did it.

I've faced and conquered the things that took away my confidence strength and beauty.

And now. That I've taken that step back, and allowed myself to heal from the inside out. I'm ready to conquer whatever life brings my way PROPERLY.

I'm ready to run. Are you coming with me?

You could be the most selfless person in the world, and still not be putting the right energy out there!

I spent a long time wondering why I always seemed to attract toxic energy into my life, despite always putting others first, and often going without.

The truth is life doesn't work that way. In order to fill the cups of others you truly need to ensure your not pouring out of a cup half full, because once its empty you start tapping into other energies, and your actions don't come without conciquence.

I thought that making others happy, fulfilling others needs beyond my own would reciprocate back into positive energy. But what it was truly doing was draining me, of anything that could be used to love myself.

Once I started paying attention to my own needs, and fulfilling them myself, it became even easier to give parts of that positive energy to people, but without the reprocussions.

And instead of feeling drained by the people attracted to me, for once I feel that I am getting more of what I need to keep filling that cup without even asking.

I was asked what success meant to me, and without a doubt, its that flip, the one where all of a sudden, all that work seems effortless. And things start falling into place without checking over your shoulder!

Success is different for everyone, but for me, its receiving back what I put out into the world, because I put the work into knowing my worth 😉

Incase you need help with the three most damaging things we allow to control us sometimes.

Fear, doubt and excuses all have one thing in common, their ability to keep is from achieving the success we deserve!

Now I want you to pretend like the entire world is telling you that you " "CAN'T", and then take all that negativity and raise it up in the palm of your hand, now, squash it, like a bug!

It feels damn good to take all that doubt and show the world what you're holding deep inside once you allow yourself to reach thwt confidence!

And let me tell you it's not easy!

It takes a lot of WORK. But like anything you put work into, squashing fear, doubt and succeeding past excuses, can be the most rewarding thing to spend your time on!

So whats holding you back most? Let start where you need the biggest push! Thats what we're here for!

I always try and support local. So much so its inspired me to start a business catered to my friend who own small businesses...

For me its always been about the full circle.

Giving is just as important as receiving regardless of where you stand financially.

We are equal, and no one should be thinking or making anyone else feel otherwise.

We are all part of eachothers flow and truths and need to be more weary of our actions upon others.

And we only have one world, so its about time we learned to share and respect it.

If you've been with me for the past year watching waiting, and wondering what I've been working towards. I've laid it out point blank, and all nice a pretty for yah 👌

Welcome to the place where you'll be accepted and loved and if you don't like it you'll be taught how, or hit the door because I also believe strongly its not my job to please you or yours to please me.

Is this your s**t show?!? Lets hear a Hey Yah if it is!

"Be the hero to your own story"

I took a couple personality quizzes today in challenge group and the results made me hop over to my friends inbox and "WTF" for a second before realizing what the results meant to me.

~ That no matter what the result of any of my future endeavors my children are looking up to this beast of a woman who can handle her some s**t, still embrace the little things, and still pours her heart into others regardless of what the days held. ~

And for that I am damn proud!

I am damn proud for all of the things that brought me here to the part of my journey where I get to connect with other WARRIORS, where I get to help new fighters menuver, and influence the next generation to follow their dreams.

Yes. I'm a mother, and an entrepreneur, I'm a teacher and a leader. But most of all I'm a kick ass warrior, fighting for a future we can all appreciate and call home for generations to come!

I'm this way because I know better than believing one person can't make a difference. And with courage, strength and persistence, I can educate and help others thrive!

So how do you become a warrior? Stop denying the world the power you hold within ya, I can even help you find it!

I used to be so afraid to talk about it!

Despite always saying if "that" was ever me I know I would have the strength to speak up..Instead I spent over a year suffering in silence, consumed with guilt and depression!

That perfect mom everyone kept claiming to see blossoming, was hurting so damn much inside, that I just didn't think anyone would understand.

Maybe no one in my immediate family or circle truly did, which resulted in an entirely different battle then I had prepared for, because it took a better part of six months to be heard, seen, and shown mechanisms to cope. But inch by inch with the help of my communities mental health and addictions services, and some amazing people along the way, I found peace with how my life change, the peace a lot of mom's are gifted along with the birth if their babies.

I know now that at the time I was feeling my worst that these mechanisms were always in me! I also know I had to make it through the fog, so that I would know what to do on the other side!

I wouldn't want to meet a version of myself that hadn't experience my truths. And if thats not self pride I don't know what is.

The road, its still bumpy, but I found my voice when I'm suffering.

So when the pain gets too much...don't forget there's so many people who have been or are going through something that WILL help you.. Let's Talk

Best believe this theory has been tested!

I don't even know how many times I've watched the bad ass shine after the battle of finding one's self.

But I'm so greatful I can be a part of some of the discussions new actions and changes of those who have included me on their journeys.

This world is full of amazingly talented, creative, smart and ambitious folk! Imagine what would happen if we all tapped into that full potential?

Why are you still waiting? If you're wondering what I can do to help, get in my inbox!! I promise its an effortless step in the RIGHT direction!

Sometimes capturing the perfect moments doesn't always happen, but thst doesn't mean we shouldn't try and capture the moments. Swipe --->>>
For full shoot 🤣

I was just talking with one of my mentors and coach about how I just can't catch this kids excitement about Momma's dancing, and workouts and energy as of late!

I don't even know who's more excited and I so hope it's him and his brother. Because it takes A LOT to jump out of your comfort zone, and I've done so much work on that, and business and now coaching that I really hope it pays off in more way then one!

These kids always take priority! I am so glad I get to be present for all the moments, mentally and physically!

I realized this a LONG time ago!

We really need to start giving ourselves the credit we feel we deserve, because I think this statement would really resignate better even within myself.

No more will self doubt hold me back.

No more will opportunities pass while I sit in fear.

Fear was meant to drive us after all wasn't it?

So if there's something your willing to put time and energy into, what's stopping you from accepting that THAT is where you need to be spending!

Hesitation.

Its there to make us stop and think, is this really good for me?

It gives us space to reflect on what might come when we take action in our lives.

It comes at us daily, without warning, and usually without notice, but did you know its a hindrance?

Did you know that every decision made during moments of hesitation defines how you achieve things in life, whether you achieve them easily or with more work than you thought it might take?

Because it totally does. Think about the amount of times you hesitated and waited and watched others take opportunities you had the same chance to take?

How many times have you weighed the pros and cons and couldn't find the push to achieve those goals?

How many times has hesitation taken complete control of your success?

I seriously want to know the answer.. And if its more than one then we need to talk.!

Because I've unlocked a ton of confidence within myself this past year! I want to help you get to where I am.

So why haven't we talked yet?

You're so deserving of all the happiness...don't belive it? Neither did I!!!

I was without a doubt told this a hundred times before it resignated.

When your to do list is never ending, and it seems like there's always more being asked of you, its not easy to feel accomplished, and accomplished is happy!... or so I thought.

Once I was able to let go of that need to complete things that aren't going to fulfill something within me, that statement became super simple and easy to understand.

Life's not about having a picture perfect home, or having all your dishes done, and laundry folded and put away. Its not about clean cars, and perfect schedules, or meals always prepped!

Its about enjoying the little things. Every little thing that you WANT in your life. And not letting yourself feel stressed or guilty because you are slacking all week on meals because you NEEDED that hike in the woods!

I sure as hell don't feel an ounce of guilt for the wrinkled clothes and frozen fingers my kids will consequently find this week!

Whatever makes you happy, you're deserving of it, so when you find the time, fill your heart with it!

I was once told by someone I admired, that they admired me...

And today it really hit me just how much more confidence we'd have if we looked at ourselves as our friends do.

The amount of amazing, incredible, passionate, selfless and memorable people that fall victim to mental health and addiction because they just don't see how amazing they truly are.

If someone in your life is suffering. Remind them what value they have... give them something to hold onto.

I can't say it will make a difference. But in a world so full of hate a judgment. It might be the only light they see.

Asking for help, it doesn't make you any less capable. It makes you more...

I struggle with admitting when I need something, someone, a break, anything really! And I know for a fact I'm not the only one who bites their tongue when it comes to asking for a hand!

I'll seriously wear myself down to the stub before I let anyone know that I'm drowning.

Though everytime I do grow a pair, and reach out it doesn't take long for someone to say, or do something to turn me around. And that's the beauty of having a village.

All month I've been feeling drained! And I know you guys have the stuff! But this extrovert just couldn't find it in her to admit that what makes her tick was fading.. so I reached out privately to a friend about information on something to boost my energy.

This friend drove here, after dinner to make sure that momma got her goods!!

And that my friends is why we need to squash those fears! We need to take confidence in our shortcomings and TELL someone whats up!

Or else were just suffering alone with no end in sight!

So stop letting that fear control you, stop letting it tell you you're meant to suffer alone. Because I bet your village is super willing to be there for you in any way they can, just like mine!

Doubting me? Let's talk and I'll let you in on the secret of how I assert myself.

No matter the circumstances, your children, are YOUR responsibility. Not anyone else's.

The day I gave birth I was ready to protect these kids from conflict, no matter the cost, no matter how tired, or conflicted. They come first!

Always.

Ladies and gentlemen if the other parent of your children makes you chase them down for answers, or to communicate with their children when you are the full time caregiver and provider....its time to get those support papers signed!

And I know I'm going to get all sorts of slack for this statement but its about fu**in time someone explained just how raw the decisions we make to protect our children are sometimes.

I'm tired of being blamed for not tracking down someone who has less on their plate then me.

I'm tired if being put down for being late and asked to show up early for the convenience of someone who never calls, yet expects to be aloud to speak with their children.

And I refuse to allow my children continually be effected by a mother who's tired of dealing with this s**t week in and week out!

I broke free from controlling behavior in my life, and I know we are all hurting, but using young babies as a coping mechanism, as a pawn, treating them as property...that don't fly with Momma bear!

I know more than one of you needs to say this to their respective ex.

Step up or step back. I want them to shine like me!

I'm doing it on my own..that break.. its mine when I need it now! - and heres why.

speaks a million words with this illustration thats circulating Facebook and many of you have probably already seen me share there! What I didn't share was why it made me say the statement I shared with it... so here goes.

I spent hours in labor, with both these children, and ignored signs of a toxic relationship because I thought it would be easier to have "help".

I was left in the hospital with Dax on the left at around 20 hours post partum after not sleeping and being afraid to put my child down, their father not only slept while I was in labor, but returned to his regular sleeping patterns, ignoring any signs I was showing then of post partum, and of needing "help", even after the nurses spoke with him. He tried to leave following an argument and despite chosing to stay I still spent the night alone, with Dax in the nursery afraid I wouldn't wake to feed him.

Less than a year later, Major, on the right, was born with Dax safe at home being cared for by my step father. We had questionable doubts about whether he'd be okay, but as a new mom twice over I knew he needed us to leave him be. Again, I was left and it was contemplated that he not return despite having a hard day returning to normal sleep, couldn't eat and even stand from my epidural.

These red flags were present in my relationship. They weren't minor incidents. They were both followed by turmoil and question as to whether I would ever be truly appreciated by this man as the woman who created life, twice in 20 months.. and I don't feel like I really was, until the chances were fewer.

I wish I wasn't afraid to doubt what I know is wrong by me, I wouldn't have let myself make decisions based on false hope for as long as I did, but I also wouldn't have experience the growth I needed to be here.

Always chose your gut, its what fuels your brain right?

Torn...the single word that pretty much sums up parenting, especially when you have multiples.

As much as I love being a mom, and very much dreamt of these days long before they came, I like many suffered post partum as a result of having my entire life abruptly shifted with the welcoming of my children.

I fought with an old version of myself and this new one for months before I realize that there was no battle to be fought. And tonight when I was rocking my boys yo bed, one by one, in separate rooms -because I guess the 6ft rule applies to brothers too now- I was reminded of that truth.

I caught myself feeling the anxiety tonight, I for a second felt the rage, and Major could feel the tension, he was crying while I was holding Dax, because I knew that one more minute was what we both needed! When Dax was settled I went and snuggled Major, and once he was down I found a sleeping Dax in my bed!

Its not always this easy.. sometimes I NEED a minute before I go to my crying kids when the anxiety hits, its so easy to let that become overwhlement and then a tired mom forfeits the clean living room to two over tired boys until 9pm. But I'm getting a lot better and controlling the moments that matter, because I have to, so they learn how to.

And that's a new win I'll take for next time I get worked up!