Clubfoot Cozies

Long story short, I had a medical procedure done in hopes of preventing a premature birth. I was put on modified bed rest, and told that I was not to work for the duration of my pregnancy. I was heartbroken that I would be leaving my students, but I was determined to do what I had to do to keep my baby safe. After this procedure was done, I had a follow-up ultrasound to make sure everything was okay with both baby and I. While the technician was looking at baby, he mentioned that the feet looked clubbed (we chose not to find out the gender). He called in another experienced technician to get a second opinion, but they both decided that it was just the baby pushing out on my uterus, and that it was nothing to be concerned about. PHEW. I was so relieved.

As my pregnancy was now deemed “high risk”, I was due to have a couple of extra ultrasounds. The next ultrasound I went to, the technician didn’t say a thing about baby’s feet. I wasn’t really worried about them because I trusted the last technician’s evaluation, but it was still on the back of my mind. When I went to my next OB appointment, she mentioned that my last ultrasound showed a possibility of clubfoot...

What?

Are you kidding me?

I was SO upset. My husband was at work that day, so I called my mom and wept. She reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11 and did what moms always do- made me feel better.

We arrived at our specialist ultrasound and I was really nervous. I didn’t want to know the outcome... I didn’t want any more bad news. Sure enough, we saw those curly little feet and it was confirmed, our baby had bilateral talipes equinovarus (clubfoot). I didn’t even cry (surprisingly)... not then at least. I just felt numb. I felt frustrated, defeated, and sad. We had plans to meet up with family and friends later that day as we were out of town and near people we don’t often see. I put on a fake smile and pretended like I was okay, but really I felt like everything had gone wrong. From that day forward, I prayed SO hard for our baby’s feet. That God would heal them. That our little baby would not have to suffer, to have surgery, or to have any treatment at all. It was a waiting game and all I could do was pray. I meditated on Jeremiah 29:11 and chose to trust God in the midst of the unknown. Family, friends, and even friends of friends were praying for our sweet baby’s feet.

As our due date drew closer, I was constantly expecting to have the baby early. My OB was actually surprised when I walked into her office at 30 weeks and was still pregnant. We were waiting and waiting and finally my due date arrived... I was still pregnant. I went into labour that evening and had a beautiful baby girl early the next morning. After a few minutes of snuggling her and kissing her sweet head, I asked my husband how her feet looked. His answer was “They look alright”. When I finally got the chance to look at them myself, I felt a mix of emotions. They were a mild-moderate case, so I was thankful that they did not look like the pictures I had engrained in my head (thanks Google). But to be completely honest, I was disappointed. Why wouldn’t God heal my baby’s feet? Why would he allow her to be born with a deformity? Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind.

God has a plan for this baby. I didn’t know what it was at the time and I still am not completely sure what it is today. This is a part of her story, and it is a part of mine as well. We are all born into a world with suffering and disease. I do not believe that God wanted Lilliana to have clubfoot, but I do believe that He allowed it to happen for a reason (or many reasons). I do know that because of Lilliana’s feet, I have met many wonderful people, reconnected with old friends, learned many important life lessons, and grown in my relationship with the Lord. And now, as I sew bar covers for others, I have the privilege and opportunity to pray for many sweet babies and their feet.

This is not the first time that I have witnessed God bring many positives out of a negative situation and I know it won’t be the last. After all, Lilliana’s case could have been a lot worse. She only had to have four weeks of casting (the minimum), and we avoided the minor surgery to lengthen her heel cord because her feet were so flexible. I am choosing to believe that these things happened because of all the prayers that were prayed for her before she was born.

Lilliana will have her own story to tell one day, and it might sound similar to mine, but it might sound completely different, too. I pray that her story glorifies God despite her difficulties and that she uses her feet as a tool to bring people to Jesus! God has a plan for her life and I can’t wait to see it unfold!

Thanks for listening!

I truly appreciate your support.

Jenn