Brainstorm Psychology, Online Counselling

Why does looking at old photos make me sad? This question comes up fairly often in my practice.

Looking at old photos can evoke a variety of emotions, and sadness is one of them. There are several reasons why old photos might make you feel sad:

1. Nostalgia: Old photos often remind us of the past and the people, places, and experiences that we cherish. Nostalgia can bring a mix of emotions, including happiness for the memories but also sadness for the passage of time and the inability to relive those moments exactly as they were.
2. Loss and change: Old photos may remind you of people or relationships that have changed or are no longer present in your life. They can serve as a reminder of loss, whether it's the passing of a loved one, the end of a friendship, or the way things used to be. This sense of loss can evoke feelings of sadness and longing.
3. Comparison to the present: Looking at old photos can highlight the differences between the past and the present. You may feel a sense of sadness or disappointment if you perceive that your current life or circumstances don't measure up to the happiness or perceived simplicity of the past.
4. Time's passage: Old photos can serve as a visual representation of the passage of time and the realization that moments and stages of life are transient. This awareness of the fleeting nature of time and the impermanence of life can evoke a sense of sadness or melancholy.
5. Regrets and missed opportunities: Reflecting on old photos may bring to mind choices, opportunities, or experiences that you missed or regret. It's natural to feel a tinge of sadness when contemplating what could have been or reflecting on past decisions.

It's important to note that while old photos can evoke sadness, they can also bring joy, fondness, and gratitude for the memories and experiences they represent. Emotions are complex, and it's natural to have a range of feelings when revisiting the past through photographs.

Becoming a new mom can bring about a range of emotions, and it's common for anxiety to accompany the transition. Coping with anxiety is essential for your well-being and for providing the best care for your baby. Here are some strategies to help you manage anxiety as a new mom:

1. Seek support: Reach out to your partner, family, and friends for emotional support. Share your concerns and fears with them. Joining a support group for new moms can also provide a valuable network of understanding individuals who can offer guidance and share similar experiences.

2. Practice self-care: Take care of yourself by prioritizing self-care activities. This can include getting enough rest, eating nutritious meals, and engaging in activities you enjoy. Remember that taking care of your own needs is not selfish—it's necessary for your overall well-being.

3. Establish a routine: Creating a consistent routine for you and your baby can help reduce anxiety. Having predictable schedules for feeding, sleeping, and playtime can provide a sense of structure and control. Be flexible and adjust the routine as needed, as every baby is unique.

4. Set realistic expectations: It's important to recognize that being a new mom is a learning process, and it's normal to feel overwhelmed at times. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your baby. Don't compare yourself to others, as every parent and baby is different. Celebrate small victories and be patient with yourself.

5. Get help: If you find that your anxiety becomes overwhelming or persists for an extended period, don't hesitate to seek professional help such as a psychologist who specializes in postpartum anxiety.

7. Limit exposure to stressors: This might include minimizing exposure to news or social media

Remember, you are not alone in experiencing anxiety as a new mom. Be kind to yourself and seek support when needed. With time, patience, and self-care, you can effectively manage anxiety and enjoy the journey of motherhood.

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When you wait for someone or something to create change for you, you are giving away your power. You have the power to immediately take steps to improve your situation, regardless of what your circumstances are.

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“I’m Stuck”=
-Feeling trapped in some psychological scenario that is important to us
-Uncertainty about making the right choice or decision
-Inability to see the way forward
-Having repetitive negative thoughts

Stuck can quickly turn to feeling hopeless and helpless; When you can’t achieve the things you want, the internal dialogue can quickly turn to criticism, self-blame, low self-worth, anxiety, disappointment, frustration, and lack of motivation.

Working Through Getting Stuck :
-What’s the most important thing for me right now?
-What’s the benefit of the situation versus getting out of it?
-What are the long-term consequences of staying in the situation?
-What are the consequences of having the same thoughts long-term?

-Are your current thoughts affected by the past? If so, you might be struggling to let go of past events.
Try: Practicing acceptance, forgiveness, changing your perspective, thinking about the situation from another person’s view, examining your beliefs, thinking about the needed steps to change thoughts and the situation, and thinking about your values and purpose.

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Do you know what your most important values are? Are you living consistently in alignment with them? If no to either of these, you will experience anxiety and stress. Learn your values, and commit to living in such a way that your decisions, thoughts, and behaviour are driven by your core values.

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Anxiety Management Skill #4: Using the ‘Observing Self’. Try practicing creating distance from your toxic thoughts rather than automatically accepting them as true.

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Let the storm pass, because it will!

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Our and are really good at convincing us they are important and true. This is usually not the case 🛑Often, they come from heavily negatively biased beliefs, which aren’t objective at all.
exercise:

1.) Start observing your thoughts
2.) What emotions follow the thoughts?
3.) Are your thoughts negative or positive?

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We all have a finite amount of energy, and anything we think about eats up some of that precious energy. Lowering anxiety can increase our energy so we have more for other things we enjoy

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Practice acceptance to reduce anxiety-this does not mean that you like it want the negative experience to happen; it means that you’re no longer using energy to battle with it

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I want to share a bit of encouragement that whatever you’re working through right now, whether it’s some anxiety or other life situation, you don’t have to wait until your problem is fully resolved to enjoy life.

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According to Harvard University research (2010) approximately 47% of time is spent on thoughts not connected to the present moment ie., memories of the past, future planning, dreaming, imagining, thinking about past conflicts/dramas.
Even though it is nearly impossible to stay present all of the time, you can increase your energy and decrease anxiety by practicing mindfulness every day. Mindfulness must be consistently practiced in order to be learned.

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'Pulling back' helps us create space to breath, and re-ground ourselves. This process is highly individualistic, and can be obtained in many (creative) ways:

-I give myself permission to stop 'performing'. I do not have to perform at 100%, all the time. I am still competent.
-I give myself permission to say no to things that I know will tax my precious mental energy. I am still caring and capable.
-Sitting in silence is a form of self-care. It's not a waste of time.
-Refusing to show up to every 'argument party' I'm invited to, is a form of self-care. It doesn't mean they 'win'.
-I give myself permission to do all these things, even if others object. They will adapt.

It is a natural human need to feel seen and heard, a survival instinct. Ever since we were young, being seen and heard means we’re going to get our needs met (i.e., fed, changed, played with). Feeling invisible (or being given the silent treatment) is so painful (there’s a reason ‘solitary confinement’ is listed as a form of torture under many human rights organizations). There is hope, and a good therapist can help.

www.brainstormpsychology.com

Getting stuck= Engaging in certain behaviours that sabotage what is wanted to be achieved

In our sessions, we can work on identifying where the 'stuck' feeling is coming from, and how you can move through it to break through to the other side 🙌🏻

Book here👇🏻:
https://www.brainstormpsychology.com

😂 It’s always good to go at your own pace in therapy, but sooner or later the real work must begin 🙏

What’s holding you back? Life is full of ups and downs; maybe you are in the midst of one of these ‘downs’, such as the loss of a relationship. Or, maybe you feel like you are missing out on living your life to the fullest. Sometimes we need help from a non-judgmental, compassionate professional to help us gain new perspectives, and help us re-examine beliefs and patterns that may be getting in our way.

You are not alone, and there is hope. Please take the brave step of reaching out today.

Plot twist: there’s nothing to prove

Flooding is a sensation of feeling psychologically and physically overwhelmed during conflict, making it impossible to have a productive problem-solving discussion. While flooding affects everyone differently, in general, it impacts one's ability to think logically—which can contribute to stonewalling.

Stay tuned. Later this week we will discuss how to manage flooding and address stonewalling in relationships.

This post is not meant to address situations of abuse. Social media is not a substitute for individualized support.

What are some of your favorite ways to cultivate self-compassion 🙏🏽🌱🪴

Take some time today and check for anxiety hot spots!

Why does contempt in a relationship predict divorce so strongly? It's impossible to build connection when your relationship is deprived of respect. Contempt is fueled by long-simmering negative thoughts about one’s partner, and it arises in the form of an attack on someone’s sense of self.

Please note: this post is not meant to address situations of abuse. For immediate support, please contact thehotline.org.

We always assume that a goal in life is to be happy, but we don’t talk enough about why being happy can be scary or even triggering 😬😭

Most of us want to be happy, and we look longingly toward that sensation, but we may also notice a subconscious or conscious fear of the sensation. Maybe our brains have tracked past experiences where we felt happy and then something terrible happened shortly thereafter 😔As a result, our brain may have formed an association where happiness precedes something terrible. Or maybe we didn't have a safe, secure space growing up that allowed for happiness. As a result, the sensation may feel too vulnerable, too uncomfortable or just too foreign for us to enjoy.

Anyone out there relate to this? What other reasons do you see at the root of a fear of happiness? Share in the comments below 💗💗

😂🤷🏼‍♀️

(Overthinking excessively can steal our peace and increase anxiety.
A common goal in therapy is to ‘reduce the size of your book’)

Well this may be the most liberating thought I've seen all week 🌸