Amrita Bhar, Registered Psychologist

It is with profound sadness that we announce the passing of Dr. Sue Johnson on April 23, 2024. Dr. Johnson was a beloved teacher, therapist, author, and the pioneering innovator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Her remarkable contributions have left an indelible mark on the field of therapy and the lives of countless individuals, couples, and families worldwide. She was also a cherished friend whose warmth and wisdom profoundly touched all who knew her.

Read Obituary and watch tribute video: https://loom.ly/DwYr16c

There is an ‘undamaged’ part of Self.

“With practice, we can see that our wounded child is not only us. Our wounded child may represent several generations. Our mother may have suffered throughout her life. Our father may have suffered. Perhaps our parents weren’t able to look after the wounded child in themselves. So when we’re embracing the wounded child in us, we are embracing all the wounded child in our past generations. This practice is not a practice for ourselves alone, but for numberless generations of ancestors and descendants.”
~Thich Nhat Hanh

Today we want to share an important thought with you. It’s worth remembering every day 🙂

November is Men’s Health Awareness Month! Congrats to the Momentum Mental Health Awards Nominees! Check out Angela Ross’ monthly blog post here: https://bit.ly/3E4RkCY

De-escalation= when both partners know their partner's defenses have nothing to do with them. They are just the triggers setting off a fight/flight threat response. Taking it less personal is a necessary first step to replacing a negative cycle with a positive cycle!

Some of you have seen this list before. It’s Cliff notes from my podcast with Brené Brown on apologizing and defensiveness and why it matters so much.

If you haven’t listened to this free, two-part podcast on Unlocking Us, go at it. We laugh a lot which helps with the painful deep dives.

The part that stays in my body was a role playing where I role-played Brené’s mother and she was devastating me with my crimes of neglect at an earlier time of my divorce from her dad.

Of course, that’s what she was supposed to do for the role play but I could hardly stay in my skin, it was that intense. How did I apologize when I became too flooded to listen—and without making my apology just a quick way to get out of a hard (read excruciating) conversation?

Thanks to on Instagram for this hand written list.

Have you tried putting a name to each of your emotions? Something beyond “happy” or “sad”?

Taking a moment to think about what you’re feeling is surprisingly beneficial; it helps you center yourself, and increase self-awareness and self-connection. By naming your feelings you can be with them, rather than let them take over and control your behavior. Save this chart and try using it next time you’re in an extreme mood. It might surprise you.

https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/mate-replay

On Grief and Trauma ....

Trauma, and the Myth of Normal - Replay A conversation with David Kessler and Dr. Gabor Maté as we discuss Trauma, and the Myth of Normal.

“There is ecstasy in paying attention... Anyone who wants to can be surprised by the beauty or pain of the natural world, of the human mind and heart, and can try to capture just that - the details, the nuance, what is. If you start to look around, you will start to see.”
-Anne Lamont, Bird by Bird

Photo: Arielle Schwartz (sunset 8/26/18)

Already read 'Attached?' Here are 6 other therapist-recommended books about attachment theory If you want to learn more about attachment theory and you've already read 'Attached' try one of these six, therapist-recommended reads.

Many people struggle with apologies.

Some examples of NON-apologies:
- I’m sorry IF you felt that way
- I’m sorry BUT you did X (making it about you)

A true apology is about:
- Expressing genuine remorse
- Taking clear responsibility

"Learning would be exceedingly laborious, not to mention hazardous, if people had to rely solely on the effects of their own actions to inform them what to do."

Remembering the life and work of Albert Bandura. Born in Mundare, Alberta, Bandura went on to become the Father of Social Learning Theory, and the fourth-most cited psychologist in history.

that self-compassion doesn’t eradicate pain or negative experiences, it just embraces them with kindness and gives them space to transform on their own ✨

📝 A theme from this week’s email

🔥 Coming soon!

"One of the best things you can do in your relationship is to turn toward bids for affection.

As defined by The Gottman Institute, a 'bid is any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection.'

The big bids can be easier to identify: buying flowers, giving gifts, PDA, but just as important and much more easily missed are the minor bids for affection.

These can include everything from:
-Pointing out something for the other person to notice: Isn’t the sunset beautiful?
-Asking to do something as a team: What don’t we work on that together
-Reaching out for help: Will you help me with this?
-Sharing the events of our lives: You won’t believe what happened…
-Asking for recognition or validation of an accomplishment: How did the eggs turn out?
-Wanting to learn more about your partner: Tell me about your day.
-Reaching out for physical affection: Come cuddle with me.
-Asking for advice or guidance: What do you think I should do?
-Wanting to embark on a new adventure together: Let’s take that cooking class
-Opening oneself to receive comfort or refuge: I’m so tired after work today…

Each of these bids is an opportunity for connection, powerful when responded to, and potentially damaging when ignored.

So the next time your partner reaches out, attempt to recognize it for the bid it is, and reach back."

Illustration and words by Grace Huntley Counseling

Can our deepest pain be a doorway to healing? - Wisdom of Trauma Watch The Wisdom of Trauma Movie Premiere on June 8-14, Featuring DR. GABOR MATÉ Plus a 7-day teaching series on trauma with leading experts!

Let's Talk About Migraine | PainAB This educational opportunity brought together experienced, multidisciplinary speakers to empower people with new headache and migraine management strategies, treatments and tools.

"When we feel lazy, but it isn’t because we need to rest, we are generally in a state of avoidance. We are avoiding doing something that makes us feel uncomfortable emotions such as anxiety, anger, or fear."

No Such Thing as Lazy: what it Really Means when we don’t Feel like Doing Anything. | elephant journal Let’s break down “laziness,

We shared some good laughs this weekend on our vlog! 😂

How about you? When is the last time you made time for a good laugh?

Laughter is good to cool down a hot brain. It is also good as a companion on our quest for meaning.

For a free daily uplifting quote to help support you through depression https://thedepressionproject.com/daily-quotes

Home - Hold Me Tight Online Secure adults have better relationships. They are more empathic to others, and better care-givers. They also know what they need and understand how to ask for support when the going gets tough.