Mango & Snow

✨A PARENT’S LOVE ✨
Jomay Amora-Dueck

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who grew up in a loving home
and never had to beg for love, acceptance and recognition.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who grew up never having to worry
about food on the table and roof above their heads.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who never had to miss school
because they were up all night breaking up the fight.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who never had to walk on eggshells
and (literally) broken beer glasses.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who never had to attend to their mother’s wounds
and wondering when it will be their turn.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who was never told to grow up fast
because they had siblings to raise – it’s a must.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who never had to suffer in silence
and put on a brave face the next morning.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who never had to keep their feelings and opinions to themselves
to keep the peace.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who was never forced to abandon their dreams
and make decisions they will later hate and regret.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who tolerates abuse and the bare minimum
thinking that’s what they deserve.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who was abandoned as a child
and now is doing the same thing to their own.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who suffered abuse and neglect
but decides to stay ‘for children’s sake’.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who cares more about what others might think
than their children’s wellbeing.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who suffers from trauma and shame
and (un)knowingly passes them down to their children.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who uses guilt and silent treatment
to get what they want, and to teach discipline.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who tolerates abusive spouse and son
and tells everyone, “It’s okay, it’s nothing, just try to understand.”

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who takes the side of their abusive son
And abandons their other children for speaking up.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who thinks they’re always right
and calls those who ‘talk back’ ungrateful, disrespectful.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who chooses manipulation and gaslighting
instead of accountability and gentle parenting.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who tolerates the toxic family
because they benefit from it, directly or indirectly.

“A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided”
Says the parent who would rather die
than apologize.

If only people own their mistakes and do whatever it takes
to unlearn what they learned, and change the world they live in
if only they build a home where love is given, not earned
where all wounds are healed
where children are loved, safe, and thriving
then the cycle of trauma and shame can be broken.

Only then…

A parent's love is whole, no matter how many times divided.

---

Jomay Amora-Dueck
Winnipeg, Manitoba
April 13, 2023

✨️One of the biggest lies ever told is "blood makes you family".✨️

Growing up, I didn't have any good role models. I grew up with people who I didn't want to be like and situations I didn't want to be in.

I had a family, but they acted like strangers.
We had a house, but it was not a home.

And so all my life I was constantly hustling because I know that things have to change.

The home, and the people in it, had to change.

This desire to find out what gentle love and safe space truly feel like led me to this journey that's intensely dark and scary.

Breaking generational trauma is a road less traveled for a reason.

This s**t is painful and overwhelming, and will make you feel sad and lonely on most days.

But, the falling apart, the breaking open, is making space for me to hold space.

I don't want to be the ancestor that continued more of the same s**t - the endless cycles of trauma, violence, chaos, pain and poverty.

I want to be the ancestor that breaks that cycle and brings my lineage back into balance, love and abundance.

So I have to pick my battle, and silly me, this is what I chose.

Suck it up, I tell myself. Whatever it takes!

On those days when I'm feeling defeated, I have to remember that I can reflect on and be thankful for certain aspects of my life AND still want to pursue growth and meaningful change.

I can celebrate my achievements AND forgive myself for my mistakes and shortcomings.

I can love my parents (and siblings!) AND hold them accountable for their hurtful legacies and actions.

I can show up for my loved ones AND set boundaries for myself.

I can prioritize myself AND still be generous with others.

I can have mixed emotions about a life transition AND experience grief that comes with it.

I can acknowledge the pain and darkness in my life AND still be a light.

Growth and change can be hard, but staying in the same place is not an option.

Having said that...

I will continue to unlock the next level of my healing journey for myself and others.

I will acknowledge and heal my wounded inner child and make my 70-year old self proud.

I will create my own family who values love, respect, compassion and kindness.

AND most importantly, I will take on the next battle like the bad bitch that I am. ❤️