Aleksandra Jeka - Psychologue FSP

Brains with ADHD and Autism operate on the monotropic processing style. It means, that they do better focusing deeply on a detail rather than naturally processing the bigger picture.

Such a nature of mental functioning can make a person so deeply immersed in what they're doing that anything from outside of the current focus is automatically filtered out and doesn't even reach their perception.

During the hyperfocus other stimuli, and cues go straight to the background noise. We lose track of time and ignore physiological cues. Other tasks and responsibilities lose priority or get forgotten.
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Hyperfocus is both a strength and a challenge. It allows a deep engagement and results in productivity in activities our brains find interesting or stimulating. On the other hand, it can make it difficult to switch tasks, maintain a balanced routine, or stay on top of other obligations. I can also get associated with the impression of productivity and indirectly cause a tendency to procrastinate. The belief that since so many times an all-night hyperfocus saved my ass, I don't need to start this task now. I will hyperfocus on it when it becomes urgent.

Nevertheless, maintaining balance and staying regulated as a neurodivergent person is already hard. If your hyperfocus makes you neglect other responsibilities and detaches your perception from monitoring your needs it's a perfect way to disregulation.
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Don't get me wrong. I love it. Surfing on this feeling is amazing. The results of it are often amazing too. But here's a healthy piece of wisdom from me: hyperfocus is a superpower. When it happens, it feels great. By all means, use it for fun and pleasure, but don't rely on it as a strategy. Hyperfocus can't be summoned. It happens naturally, and when it does, enjoy it. But also, do the work on building the right routines, systems, and strategies for yourself. Don't rely on hyperfocus. Because it comes with a price, and you don't owe paying it to your job, studies, or anyone and anything else.

Cherish your superpower. Protect your balance.

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Pretty useful hints for traveling and managing meltdowns ♡ Thank you Hayley

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It's absolutely optional, but can be a serious for some people.

This solution meets the needs of those who book several appointments per month by themselves, or those who need to apply frequent modifications to their bookings.

You can now also reschedule and cancel your bookings by yourself (both in the app or on the regular website).

I love building accommodations and facilitators 🤩
Executive functions are too precious to waste on additional emails

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To everyone who needs it, there's an app where you can make your own character from Bluey😆😍

https://meiker.io/

is not a personality flaw, nor does it reflect one's poor discipline.

Just as a body protects an injured muscle and makes you, for instance, limp as a form of compromise, a brain aims to protect itself from what it estimates as a too great effort or harmful consequences.

Procrastination reflects that there is a tangible obstacle between you and the task. The problem is that , we are not even introduced to the vocabulary that would help us name these obstacles.

Typically, if things don't get done for too long, the reason is often due to either cognitive difficulties:

□ too boring (folding the laundry)
□ too vague (write a thesis, clean the 🏠)
□ not urgent (get a new 👓)
□ not sufficiently rewarding (clean it now even though it doesn't look dirty yet)
□ requires too much of your

Or emotional difficulties such as

Now, sadly, before we grow the awareness of our executive functions (EF) capacities and their fluctuations, we get to learn how negatively perceived any EF difficulties are. is the vocabulary we are offered. Not quite the most encouraging circumstances to admit we struggle and ask for help 👉👈

So, doesn't it make sense that your brain only ever feels like avoiding the topic as long as possible? Instead of addressing these difficulties, we avoid, , or

Now, here comes a universal technique helping with procrastination🙏🌼

1- Instead of telling yourself , I have , treat it as a sign that your 🧠 needs help.
2- Ask yourself: Why does my brain hate the idea of doing it? What is so awful about this task?
3- Say something nice and validating to your ❤️‍🩹
4- based on point 2, what would I need to make it happen?

(I'll drop some solutions in another post. Feel free to propose a task in a comment. I'll use it as an example :D )

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🍣 Platters - a separate category for the activities to do with others. Some people with ADHD tend to confuse understimulation for loneliness. Hanging out with people is stimulating. Our brain can associate one with another and automatically crave being with people when we feel bored. But socializing is not the only way to address it. It's good to have separate activities to do solo or with friends.

🍲 Soup of the day - In picture 4 you can see that the already existing positions from other categories made their way here. It's when you someday start feeling a specific desire to do this very specific thing. For example, you like reading books and you want to start this one book your favorite YouTuber recommended recently. That's when you put it in 🍲. But this category is also made for all the novelty you want to experiment with. Actually, when building your first dopamenu, you can put quite a lot of things here, test it, and decide whether you want to keep it in the regular menu or not.

🛒 Supplies - In picture 5 you see several activities from different categories creating new points in the supplies category. These new points must happen in order to unlock the activities. For example, you want to upcycle an ikea cabinet? You need sandpaper and paint. Can't start without them. And yet, how many times did we end up having some time to kill but no supplies, or abandoning a hobby and feeling guilty about purchased equipment?

And while there's nothing wrong with abandoning hobbies, I want to show you a more efficient way of making the inspiration and preparation more likely to overlap👌

🛒So, this category is to make explicit all the things that need to happen before the future you gets to enjoy the fun. Picture 6 shows that you are free to choose when you take care of them. You can do it when you're scrolling your phone anyway, or put it on a todo list for your adult side to "buy the toys" for the fun side.

It's important to have your fun activities accessible 🙏 and to have a choice, a menu adapted to different energy levels.

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I often hear complaints from people about their tendencies or weaknesses linked to their brains' nature. "I'm forgetful, disorganized, I can't let go... Yeah, sure. I'm also good with seeing and connecting details, but I wish I could get rid of these bad traits".

🪷The thing is, it's not a balance of good neurodivergent traits and bad ones. The traits are like a common root for both positive and difficult experiences. Forgetfulness is not a trait, nor is easily distracted, etc.

🌵Examples of some neurodivergent traits are: preference for

These traits lay at the source of diverse experiences, both good and bad. But the traits themselves are not bad. It's not something you should fix or get rid of. They are part of who you are and they are awesome! You're an X-men and your powers rock 😉 Only, sometimes you're having a hard time because of them and you might need help in building accommodations and a support system FOR THE EXPERIENCES that result from the traits.

🍋 You're sensitive to smells? Good! Because you can fill your life with amazing sensory experiences! Keep a nice smell with you when you leave the house, stop to smell flowers, coffee, rain, experiment with shower gels, stim with smells♡!

🍉 You struggle with reading physiological cues? Don't rely solely on introspection. Build an outside guiding system. (See the post about drinking with straws)

😊📚 One of my favorite therapy homework is to find some neurodivergent traits in yourself and attribute the positive and negative effects to them. Identifying the positives helps you realize and appreciate the strengths of your unique brain. Identifying the negative ones will help you develop the appropriate solutions.

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The argument wheel 2.0 🤓📢 design update👉👉
I thought of the most essential elements of a good, constructive discussion about a disagreement.
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As you see, there are several ways of sharing how we feel about something. These feelings want to be heard and validated. A portion of empathy is always welcome, and when we feel vulnerable, it's the one thing that our inner child really needs in order to drop the defense. 🥊🥊

Then, we have the green ones: validation, acknowledgment, empathy. The magic is that we can both feel hurt and angry but also understand that the other side feels alike. It is not a matter of who's more hurt or guilty. Hearing from the other person that they get it, that this thing must have been pretty unpleasant to us, makes us feel a little safer to share.
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Finally, solutions! How can we do it better next time? Hearing these kinds of questions not only helps us avoid similar future conflicts but also offers some extra safety and trust points💕. "They care. My feelings matter. My boundaries have been crossed today, but this person truly wants me to feel safe and respected in the future🥹".

And of course, 🆘🚪the emergency break. Sometimes, we do feel too upset and too aroused to have a constructive conversation. Sometimes it is for the best, to take a break, and return once it's possible to think slower🧯.

Would you add something to this wheel? Would you like to try it 🤩? Well, how about you print it or draw a similar one, and keep it in the house in case some day it comes in handy? 😊
(I wheel 🤪)

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Well😅

Neurodivergent folks, particularly those with autism or ADHD, often prefer sitting positions that provide more proprioceptive feedback, for example, cross-legged. It increases awareness of how our body occupies space.🤓
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The preference for cross-legged sitting or other non-traditional postures is believed to be related to differences in proprioception (body awareness) among neurodivergent people. Sitting in these positions kind of helps us feel more grounded and focused 🙃🤗
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Of course, sitting preferences can vary among all people, regardless of their neurotype, but certain tendencies have been anecdotally observed.😉
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That's how an interesting idea came to my 🧠🤩. I sealed a deal with www.techstudio.ch to give you a 20 CHF discount for these cool super wide and comfy office chairs😃
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My code AJEKA20 gives you a 20 CHF discount on the chairs listed in this post (you can copy their German names and find the product in the store) and several weighted blankets 🧠🧡💛🩵
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The best part is, that my patients can now try this chair in my office and check if they'd like to purchase it for their home or workplace.
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We need as much comfort as we can get! If there's a way of feeling more comfortable and grounded while sitting at a desk, I say YES 😍 Ain't gonna use my spoons to sit uncomfortably❤️‍🔥💪

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New therapy office 🤗 at Bahnhofstrasse 94, 8001 Zürich. Open since May 2024

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So, I saw their ad on Facebook, and from the first seconds knew that this is a toy for me 😍
I had a few attempts at painting before and each time felt a lil disappointed with the result ("No learn. Only paint xd")😅

So the idea of ordering a kit that guides you through the whole process felt very appealing. How can I screw that up? I picked a medium complexity level picture from their menu so that I don't get discouraged by the ambitious amount of tiny fields to color.

Here's why I recommend this activity, especially to people with ADHD❤️

🎨 stress relieving (im serious!!!) It's a form of mindfulness😍 It's crazy how this little picture requires your full focus to color the fields and not cross the lines. You're so focused on this simple task that your brain gives up on thinking about anything and everything at once. You're just tunning into a flow and feel caaalm 🧘‍♂️

🎨 immediate reward - you witness the picture changing after every minute you work on it

🎨 doesn't require regularity - you can abandon it and resume after months 😃

🎨 mess free! And that's a big one. You don't need to change clothes or prepare the room.

🎨 preparation free - you just need a little corner and a cup of water and you can work color by color with only one paint cup open. That point makes it:

🎨 commitment free - you can spend on it 5 minutes at once (and still see a result) or 3 hours

I recommend it with whole my heart 🤗

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Emotional support is about letting the other person know that we hear them and that their feelings make sense. It really comes down to "you are feeling # # # because yyy and it makes sense" It's the opposite of saying, "come on, it's not a big deal. People have worse problems." etc.

Protip: you can also use it as a coping strategy. Imagine you're talking to your inner child, helping them make sense of your/their experience. (If one can feel comforted by ChatGPT, then an inner dialogue is way more powerful ❤️‍🩹)

Another interesting point is that you can, by all means, do what I did here in an organic conversation with a person; specify that what you need right now is emotional support and not solutions and give them another shot😉

When it comes to boundaries, we often feel that communicating or even having them can hurt others. We still need to say "no" sometimes or ask for help when we're vulnerable, but if the boundaries are unclear, we will try to guess where they lay because we want to be respectful but also not rejected. It puts pressure and responsibilities in the places they don't belong.

Whereas when we clarify the boundaries, assume the responsibility for communicating them, and refuse the responsibility for guessing where they are, it will actually feel lighter and way more respectful for both sides.

"if I know that you are able to say no or say stop, I won't be worrying about being too much" and "If I know I can say no when things are getting too hard, and you won't be mad with me, then I don't have to be scared and avoidant"

The protocol is the same for both emotional support and finding solutions. However, it is essential to specify the support required.

♡

Emotional support is all about validation. Sometimes, we need a company in processing emotions. If we get solutions instead, it can feel like invalidation :c

There also are times when we are not emotionally available to offer this kind of support. It doesn't mean we don't care. But while refusing it to someone in need isn't easy, forcing ourselves and crossing our own boundaries will feel just as awful. Plus, our mind will try to protect us by losing patience and even becoming passive-aggressive to eventually be scared of the bad mood in other people.

The good news is even when refusing help, we can be gentle about it. It's fair to make things clear and let the person in front get support from someone who can give it. No matter how hard we try, some things are hard to hide. There's always a risk that they will sense how hard helping them is for us. And it's not a nice feedback to get.

Autistic burnout

10 Signs You're not Tired, You're in Burnout. 🐌 Become a snail! If you'd like, you can support the creation of these videos on Patreon! You can get 2 exclusive videos a month, access to the Discord serv...

Diagnosis can be an important part of one's identity or a subtle detail helpful in making sense of their experience. Both perspectives are absolutely okay. We all have different baggage of experience and we build a sense of self using different elements. Gender, profession, looks, relationships. They are all bricks, more or less important for what makes you you.
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We witness nowadays a sort of a bloom of representation of different minorities. The LGBT abbreviation gained more letters in common use, sexual and ethnic minorities, neurodivergent individuals, and people with diverse disabilities or family models got representations in movies and social media. This extra attention is sometimes difficult to understand, especially for those who grew up unaware of the invisible struggles, and who never experienced alienation and ostracism, or on the contrary, got convinced that the only way to cope with it is to repress the hurting and
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Therefore we hear people complain: why does everything have to have a label? Everyone wants to be special now!
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My answer is, if the world allowed more diversity, we could just go on and say "I'm like that", "I have this thing", "I prefer it this way", "it's just how I am". No labels, no tests, no flags.
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Sadly, some people got bullied, judged, punished, or rejected for being different. Many of them tried hard to change, hide, please, and get accepted or at least safe. All who tried pulled one conclusion out of it: I'm not enough, there's something inherently wrong with me.
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So with the research developing and brave internet creators taking the scene to talk about their experience, some of these terrified lonely souls are offered a word that resonates so much, that explains their life so coherently like nothing before. Moreover, they are offered a community. The very thing they longed for forever.
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Surely, I depends on person, but some might find more comfort in a label than others. And that's why they feel the need to label things
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For those who need it🤗🍾💪

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I bought this planner a few weeks ago and ever since I use it at work with my patients and in private life, especially on my days off🙃.

It shows a timetable template from 7 to 20 o'clock. An average day of an adult person. Yet, its organization can be frustrating and challenging for individuals with ADHD.

This planner is not something you'd be using every day. It's a "semi-carte blanche" 😜 providing some initial structure.

On a free chaotic day, or a day you have so many things to do, it might help you illustrate the time in a day that is actually available.

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Start by writing down the things that must happen one way or another; meals, showers, walking the dog, appointments. Then, you'll obtain windows between your tasks. In the spots lying between work and moments of effort, you might wanna place something entertaining. In the spots lying between routines and hobbies, you might put some chores that should be done that day. But hey, even if you have a 3-hour long window, it doesn't mean you have to clean or read for 3 hours straight. Switching is ok.
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The important observation from this exercise is that you don't really have "all day" as 24 or even 15 hours. If you block the spots with all the invisible tasks, you will have a better view of the available time and also of your energy levels. You will see what happens to them during the day.

Grocery shopping, cooking, sending emails, walking the dog, cleaning after cooking... these are all real chores that consume your time and energy. If you have one free day and you only relax for 2 hours it is okay. It is still better than 0.

If you feel like your time slips through your fingers, try it :D

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When ADHD solves problems that it created at the first place: There are times when you run out of dopamine and executing any function is somewhere between painfully hard and not happening. Typically in these moments, your brain either needs to rest or engage in simple and pleasing activities in order to get a reward. Well, there is one more thing that has a power to give it a push. It's .

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So let's say you're wandering around the house getting ready to go out in two hours. Suddenly it hits you, that the time estimate you came up with without checking it online is ridiculous. 😐 You are realizing that if you don't leave in 10 minutes, you will be 30 min late to work.

And suddenly, everything becomes possible 😆💪 you're turning into most efficient, organized and motivated version of yourself. You just got this. Sweet dopamine is hitting your brain and you just feel alive and make it on time😎
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And you kind of have a choice here. You can give yourself a medal and a high five for saving a day or ... act exactly like grown-ups used to react to your that today you know weren't your fault. Today you know you were born with a neurodevelopemental disorder. That certain things, such as organization or time management were harder for you than they are for others. Today you know you've been punished unfairly. Today you know you needed a hand. You didn't deserve their anger. They were supposed to help you learn, help you cope. They were supposed to cope with their anger aside, because yeah, nobody's saying that they shouldn't feel angry or annoyed at all. But they were not supposed to get this anger out on you... Too bad they didn't know ...
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But you know it today. So why would you get mad with this poor inner kiddo of yours? Why don't you take the win and tell them it's ok. You are right to feel scared or frustrated. Because sometimes basic adult tasks are hard for you and it's unfair. But it's not your fault and it's not that you're not trying hard to overcome it. So there's no need to direct your anger towards yourself. ❤️‍🩹

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I love how Meg's videos can seem like "haha reaching to tictocs" but are actually very well structured and educational 🤗

Here's one about

Enjoy❤️

If you think this is Infantilising Autism, you're WRONG. 💛WATCH NEXT💛:If you need something wholesome to watch after this one, did you see last week’s autistic Instagram reels? I was almost crying, they’re so dam...

I love this serie so much😍 Cinema Therapy🫰

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🎈🎈🎳🎈🎈 !
An excellent metaphore for boundaries 🙏
We can accommodate other people, meet in the middle, or even sacrifice a part of our comfort in order to take care of someone else. But balance and some ground rules are the key to not losing ourselves in the process.

To follow up on this video, I'd say a sort of measure or hierarchy of needs and limits could be an interesting dimension.

For example, (someone asks us to switch places in the line because they are about to miss their train) if I can give up 5 minutes of my time right now, it would be 4/10 inconvenient, but for this person it would probably be an inconvenience closer to 8-9. I still have a choice, but I'm probably ok with it and wouldn't feel taken advantage of.

Now, what if I'm in hurry and I'd like to ask for such favor?😱😁 (ooh noo, people pleasing, being too much, judgement, rejection & CO...) what's the difference? Are you crossing someone boundaries by asking? Is it your responsibility to guess ahead where are their boundaries? Can you trust them with setting their own boundaries ? Or maybe you have learned that sooner or later you will have to pay back for the extra favors..........🌱..........

Boundaries are important. They not only protect your integrity and comfort, but also your relationships. Once you take care the responsibility for setting and communicating your own boundaries, you lift it from other people. We are not supposed to guess what's fine or not for others. Nor we should get punished for guessing wrong.

Having boundaries makes relationships safer, healthier and more clear 😌

Boundaries and Taking Up Space: How To Be a Better Balloon - I’m so excited that this video is sponsored by Audible! Did you know you'll be able to listen to my audiobook on it once it's released?...

Diagnosis can be a powerful asset. Whether is a formal diagnosis issued by a doctor or self-diagnosis, which is not less valid, especially when we talk about neurodivergence.

Putting aside the debate about phrasing it as “disorder” vs. “neurotype.” Both autism and ADHD come with a pack of strengths and challenges. Diagnosis is learning that your brain is different and that certain struggles come from these differences. Neurodivergent brains can’t be “cured,” nor do they need to be! A big part of their struggles results from the ways our world is designed. Hence, the key lies in awareness, accommodations, and strategies.

Diagnosis is the first step to the well-being of a neurodivergent person living in a neurotypical society. It allows them to identify the invisible challenges and develop strategies to answer the needs nobody thought about growing up.

Self-diagnosis is no different. If you recognize the symptoms of autism or ADHD in your functioning, if you always felt different, and these concepts fit right and seem to explain a lot about your life, then there is a huge chance you’re neurodivergent and can benefit a lot from learning these strategies and applying some new rules to your life.

You may check my website where I link some legitimate sources on you tube, spotify and Instagram. Learn, test, discuss, and reach out for support if you need someone to walk you through this new fascinating dimension. It’s worth the effort if it ultimately means living more in your comfort zone !

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I wrote such a nice introduction to this post only to not save it and lose it 😅 Anyways, this video comments on the body of research on autism and stimming—examples of studies from 70' to the present.

Not Stimming is MORE dangerous than you think... I have a new Patreon! Today is the last day to get your snail membership badge (but if you're just a tiny bit late, it's fine, you can still have one!):https...