ALWIN

A lot of people are doing crazy stuff right now that they wouldn't be able to disclose to potential mates. Stuff that will impact their future, taking a toll on them either physically or emotionally, while leaving their spouse to deal with. Plenty might choose to remain single so they wouldn't have to deal with the burden of disclosing key events that shaped their lives - misses, most likely.

As time goes on, many married couples will be living in deceit or half truths. More people will lie to just so they can experience matrimony.

This facade, as well as other factors will result in a less intimacy as well as s*xual life, poor communication/transparency, distrust, lack of pair bonding and exclusiveness in marriage mates. If your partner doesn't know your full story; your strengths and weaknesses, your losses and wins, your shame and pride, how can they connect with you on a deep, fundamental level? It's like being separated by some invisible wall.

Interestingly, humans have a tendency to erect mental walls when they sense non reciprocity of exclusiveness. It's a psychological defence mechanism. Why give one's all when one senses the other isn't forthcoming? For some, they'd look for that honesty in the arms of another: "He/she sees me for who I am." People will cheat just so they can experience that which they once did, and can't with their other half.

Quite a hand full of people will become so jaded in marriage because they've seen and done it all in past casual relationships.

What do you , though?

Magnate

"Promise me you'd never leave me". Said no married woman ever.

"When you date a girl, she immediately becomes fatherless." Said no married man ever.

Magnate

If you're a vindictive person, chances are you'd end up marrying an abusive person. You have a toxic disposition that prevents you from noticing redflags, and removing yourself from the situation. Your default mindset is to remain and get even. Work on yourself, or you'd end up in very dire circumstances.

The same applies to persons with inflated egos. Such people can't take rejection. They chase everything and anything to prove a point. To them, dating is all about showing their circle that they can get the "best" available option. This could land them relationships they have no business being in. They'd bear all the redflags during courtship just to keep appearances. Sometimes they can't even tell these redflags because they haven't trained themselves to discern them. Such relationships are ticking bombs.

Finally, If you believe in cheating back, you are likely to commit paternity fraud, or infect your spouse with STD, and not tell them.

Magnate

Men(especially those who date to marry), before meeting a lady, have a deadline in your head. At least have a period frame. Of course with time, you'd have to reveal that to the lady you're courting. It's her right to know.

Women, if you think you are ready to get in to a relationship, have a timetable. OBSERVE with that in view. You should've even been working by YOURSELF based on that.

Also men, before taking a lady, make sure your parents would approve or you are sure ready to marry her regardless. Or don't engage!

Ladies, if you're dating to marry, mention it. You can do so by casually saying when you intend marrying. A man who is ready won't freak out. If he does, he isn't the one for you.
I'm not asking you to start planning marriage with anyone that comes knocking. I'm saying you should have a timeline. That way, if that period happens to hit when expectations haven't been met, you can either come up with a new deadline or decide to move on.

Above all, you must have palpable reasons for choosing whom you marry. You should be able to LIST them.

Remember; LOVE = EMOTIONS + RATIONAL THINKING.

Magnate

Those who think of themselves as victims in toxic relationships often say: "I would've found someone better had I not met this person".

That's actually cap. Due to their mental disposition, they may have landed on someone worse. If they indeed landed on someone better, they'd probably be the abusive one! Why? Simply because whatever toxic trait one finds in their current partner, is that which attracted one to them in the first place. They resonated with that toxicity.

If you married a drunk, there's a certain aspect of that personality that reflected in other areas of their being which stimulated you. True, you now know what it means like to date a drunk. But you wouldn't know what's like to act right with someone sober. This applies to every individual in every relationship. Hence the need to re-examine yourself after a break up; you need to detoxify yourself. It isn't just about what was done to you, it is also about what you did or didn't do that caused your relationship to fail. NO ONE is that innocent. NONE!

If one can't even admit there were patterns one missed before choosing a particular person, then the situation is worse than imagined!

Magnate

When you cheat, you're essentially saying: "I don't want you anymore. Just that the paper work can be so exasperating!"
If you cheat back, you've evolved the marriage to an open relationship. Anything goes from there on.
about that if you're contemplating the act.

Magnate

The rich don't have the best quality women. Neither do the poor. Both simply have women with different circumstances. Choose your mate according to your circumstance.

Magnate

Look. There are good people and there are bad. However, that paradigm shifts in relationships. There's no good or bad person in relationships. Just perspectives. How do I mean?

You see? If I were to get involved with a murderer, I can't exactly term myself good any longer, can I? It would be strange for me to start complaining that; "my partner" is such a "bad" person!", right? I mean, what would that make me?

The dynamic in such a relationship isn't good or bad anymore. It's simply my partner acting out her nature in a way that doesn't align with my desires this time around. Perspective.

I can't fancy myself the hero because I forfeited that luxury when I chose her. As long as I'm in that relationship, it'll be rich to paint an entirely bright picture of me.

Magnate

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." - Ephesians 5:33

Buddy, you'd need self control when your wife offends you. While your anger is understandable, you wouldn't use that opportunity to speak unkind words to her. Or torture her with the silent treatment. Some even throw hands! Sad. When you've made a mistake, you don't beat yourself, do you? Those times you'd appreciate if people gave you the benefit of doubt right? You'd love for those you've offended to not assume your error was insidious. Say for instance, you called and your wife didn't pick up. We know you don't like it when your call goes to voicemail. You've told her several times. Granted, you are mad. If you indeed love her as you do YOURSELF, wouldn't it be better if you didn't assume the worst? Wouldn't it help if you waited for her to explain herself? Would abusing her on the road be the same treatment you'd want for yourself?
Remember, bitter words can destroy her self esteem. Your relationship would ultimately suffer. Yes this is the umpteenth time you are reminding her of this issue. Yet you have to keep doing so, lovingly. Even if you are in the right, most of what you say can be lost because of HOW it's being said. Let her discern your love even when you're admonishing her. You need to equally ask yourself if it's really necessary for you to call her out every time she messes up. about it.

Ma'am. I understand that your guy makes your neck swell every darn time! He's so slow. But God still wants you to submit to him. If he's hurt you, please don't use it as an opportunity to be disrespectful. It shouldn't be that each time there's a quarrel, you switch from titles of endearment to passive aggressive name calling. Others go straight to using the man's birth name: there's always a shift from "babe" to Magnate. That does a lot of damage to his psyche. You don't need to do that for him to get how offended you are. While telling him how his actions have hurt you, pay attention to YOUR tone and body language. He needs to always feel respected, no matter how heated things get. That way, he'd be more inclined to think about it on his own later on. You don't like when your past transgressions pops when discussing a present situation. So avoid keeping scores as well. Learn to discuss each incident in isolation.

Never forget the person whom you are talking to when there's a misunderstanding. Even if things escalate, you could promise yourself to talk later on. Schedule the time when that will happen. In the meantime, do not close the doors of communication. Don't let your anger prevent you from seeing the big picture. It's more than just you. It's a team. You aren't fighting each other, but the problem. Let love guide you in how you address conflict.

One of the reasons our society's morality keeps downgrading is because there are many people who want to prove the point of: "I could do the wrong things and still be successful!". On the surface that might be possible. But what really is success?

Makes me think of the TV series, Ozark
The plot follows a man and his family as they get wrapped up in the affairs of a drug cartel. As the story progresses, we see how the man, against all odds, struggles to keep his family safe.
The series is a Netflix Original. It's completed at 4 seasons. What I love about the show is it's twist and turns which elevate tension. We equally see the characters develop in to a shell of their former self. It's brilliant! I recommend you watch it.

Magnate

Teams: "I don't need a man. I make my own money" and "I don't need a woman. I could employ a maid" offline.

Je viens d’atteindre 400 followers ! Merci pour votre soutien en continu. Je n’aurais jamais pu y arriver sans votre aide. 🙏🤗🎉

If wunna know the way my skin di sweet for this my 400 followers ehn! The think is making, making me! 😂🙌🏿
Thank you so much! Wuna di make, man fit start take this hobby seriously. If no be say I konto(stingy), waris giveaway that I cannot give, away? Edwan please don't start 😑

I appreciate you all:

"For who has despised the day of small beginnings?" - Zechariah 4:10.

Magnate

Bro, your stability gives a reasonable woman the security to develop her rational thinking. Her emotional disposition thrives in chaos. If you are lazy, she'd likely harness her solipsism. If you aren't principled and you compromise your integrity, she'd have an excuse to grow wanton. If you're a cheat, you open the doors for disrespect and vindictiveness. When you get verbally violent, nagging ensues, and boy, oh boy, you don't want that!

Sis, your nurturing, provides a kind man an ideal atmosphere to be vulnerable. It helps him become emotionally mature. He thus has the clarity to increase mushy moments with you, yet be comfortable about it. Disrespect heightens his pragmatism. He'd rationalize his defenses if your are a blabbermouth. If you're overly demanding, he'd think to weigh the cost more. Being unsupportive (undermining his decisions) would likely lead to him emboldening his sense of self. Badmouthing and getting physical could appeal to his primal need for self preservation. Trust me, you ain't ready for all the smoke!

Magnate

Look. It's your prerogative to wanting to explore your s*xuality before marriage. What is not okay is to get all defensive when others don't want to be with you based on that. It's not being judgemental. Marriage isn't charity. People want what they need. You can't blackmail others in to accepting you. If you wish to be accepted, change or go find those who reason like you do!

Magnate

Before giving your attention to one person, you must make sure you are ready. Relationships are costly! Why not focus first, on achieving your goals to a reasonable degree? Or laying the groundwork first? I mean getting a consistent pay check. Say making sure to earn 50k monthly? Then you can look for a girl that is willing to bring in 30 to 50k as well. Now how long do you both plan on saving to get married? How many kids? Can you look after each other? If your parents were to ask you these deep questions, would you have an answer?

Yes, you both have strong emotions for one another, but are you ready to shoulder responsibilities while simultaneously chasing your dreams? Why put yourself through all that? Why not continue working on nurturing healthy friendships with the opposite gender? You mustn't be in a relationship with anyone that you crush on.

Magnate

The mistake some women and men make is thinking that the question: "what do you bring to the table?", always involves financial contribution. That you see posts of men asking for different things doesn't necessarily mean men are confused. It should simply inform you that different men look for different things. Pay attention to the person in front of you, and discern what they mean.

You shouldn't be triggered by the question. Any ADULT should know what they can bring in a relationship. It's not just about you. People equally don't want to have their time wasted.

Magnate

You have no idea how stability - not wealth, can enrich your marital s*x life.

Magnate

If dating is a period for thoroughly asking, courtship is a period for thorough planning: setting specific deadlines, considering that the prospective mates had revealed to each other their time interval for settling down during dating. As courting progresses, both parties plan budgeting, discuss family planning, when to start having kids, whether or not they'd have, they'd determine place of residence, health care, finance, chores, relationship with in laws, and envisaging how every aspect of their compatibility would play out, discussing every detail.

Since at this stage emotions are visibly higher, it'll be recommended for the couple to consider a chaperone - an open minded, mature, and discreet friend that can help make sure intimacy doesn't escalate to undesired levels(those who are particular about obeying biblical standards can contemplate this suggestion). The two wouldn't want to feel used in the event of irreconcilable differences. Yes, nothing is set in stone yet. One could, at that stage, spot new red flags that could potentially undermine a permanent union!

This post isn't to say that non-virgins wouldn't have a successful marriage life. Neither is it condemning them. They could still use the principles behind this post to benefit themselves. My primary target is those who are yet to take certain steps. Understandably though, it is in each and everyone's prerogative to decide how they want to live their lives.

When both mates are satisfied with their observations, they can proceed to marking their territory further through engagement. This usually following parental approval for some. Next, are the various rites which culminate in the partners legalising their union!

Treat dating and courtship seriously! They set the tone of matrimonial life. Everything after the wedding is a chain reaction spiraling from decisions made way back, at relationship's inception.
In view of the foregoing, there's no specific time frame for dating and courtship. It all depends on the couple. However, it is now apparent that dating and courtship shouldn't linger for long. If one were to venture a specific time frame, 6 months after meeting is enough for both man and woman who have NEVER MET to determine if they'd spend the rest of their lives together. After that, they can start discussing wedding plans. Those who've been friends prior could take less. Whatever the case, the goal is to thoroughly observe to see if both could handle(not change) each other's personality in a marital relationship.

Marriage is rewarding when one does it right. It is an achievement to look forward to for those who can make room for it.

Magnate

Some guys observe a lady before approaching her. Asking her out is giving her the possibility of observing him in return, while equally studying her up close. This scenario is typical if the two were friends prior. This is the less formal approach.
For other men, they'd approach a woman whom they've have no connection to before. Both would be studying each other from square one.

During dating, both would typically ASK questions to determine compatibility. Such questioning need to be thorough. That is why both the man and woman need to know what they themselves want before engaging or entertaining another person. A woman shouldn't just respond to just anyone that comes to her because she's an adult. A guy doesn't just go about asking any lady out because he's reached adulthood. Not everyone is for everyone and it is wise to sometimes engage in relationships with a view to marriage. It is unfair to yourself to take on some responsibilities if you ain't ready. I promise you, libido doesn't k!ll. Relationships will not solve your problems. Even if they did, it'll come at a HUGE price!

In the dating phase, both s*xes could view themselves as good friends. Needless publicizing their intentions to everyone. It's advisable not to get in to situations of intimacy. Remember, it's simply "observation". They'd be better off going on group dates. Some visit parents. This is important. It lets both break character, giving each other the opportunity to observe in casual circumstances. Once both have agreed to their choice, they can proceed to telling family and friends. The relationship now progresses to courtship.

Magnate

Hope its clear now 😊

We complained that girl children were given in to marriage way young(underage inclusive), back in the days. That they needed to pursue their dreams first. To fight that, do you know what strategy we adopted? We let them experience matrimonial responsibilities without the security of marriage. Instead of marrying young, they have children young. Others aborted young. We also came up with the "ho.e phase". We even glorify these anomalies. We coined it "women's s*xual liberation". Yet somehow we think this new reality incentivises men to commit long term via a legal union when our partners of the opposite gender have become the "kindest" they've ever been!

Magnate

Do not confuse a lady's innate ability to nurture to mean she's mature and ready for marriage. Same as do not confuse a man's financial independence to mean he's capable of handling a family.

Magnate

That one says "Men or Women typically do this and that" doesn't mean that which is being discussed applies to every individual man or woman in the exact same proportion. Even though there are patterns that a group in general exhibit, there are still some in the set that demonstrate those SAME patterns in UNIQUE ways. Others completely deviate from the conventional.

If one says women display hypergamy by pursuing those whom they look up to, it doesn't mean some intelligent women can't date the less intellectually gifted. It doesn't equally mean they wouldn't engage with one who is on the same IQ level. Let's break the paradigm further; it doesn't imply that some women wouldn't fancy men who aren't quite there upstairs. Each circumstance presents UNIQUE advantages and disadvantages.

The point? Apply generalisations and stereotypes with discernment.

Magnate

As a family head, the best leverage you'd ever hold over your partner, is your ability to set the right example. You are a leader. You should embody the values you desire your family to live by. If you don't fancy people coming home after 6 pm, you, come home before. If you love cleanliness, you should be the cleanest. If you hate lies, be the most truthful. If you hate being ghosted when there's an issue, don't go mute when there's a misunderstanding. If you abhor cheating, be loyal.

The moment your family senses that you do not practice what you preach, I guarantee you it'll be a matter of time before things start falling apart. Your wife would swiftly spot your double standards. She too is imperfect. There are times when women don't even understand the essence of certain prohibitions because of their emotional disposition. That's normal. But your good example will make her unable to come up with a pretext for disobeying you. She'd be likely to get on board because she's observed your integrity.

Being the head doesn't mean Bible principles don't apply to you. In fact, they actually apply to you the most! Don't feel overwhelmed by this though. Love and your earnest efforts at upholding the right thing, will incite your family to cooperate with you. Not only out of obligation, but doing so, joyfully.

A good leader isn't without flaws. When you fall, apologize. If you fail many times, apologize many times. That too, is a mark of a great leader!

Magnate

Sex/love making was originally supposed to be the climax of a legally bound relationship. Every(almost every) erotic encounter, a culmination of sorts to an episodic tale of marital adventure packed with highs and lows. The aftermath, cathartic(both parties feeling fulfilled, and hoping for future instalments to an unending narrative).

But since we are a "chosen" generation, s*x has taken many unorthodox forms. To some, it's simply a stand-alone tale. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. A self contained story ends, and moving on. No lingering plot point. For others, it's an anthology series featuring a fresh cast for every new story arc. Only the narrator is maintained. Then we have legends who view s*x as, well let's say, a story featuring an ensemble cast with several actors playing lead roles. There's a version of s*xual encounters which mirrors the plot of a multiverse story or spy thriller. One character interacting with others from alternate realities or a story centered around a spy adopting several aliases/identités to achieve their goals. Important to note that some storylines end prematurely. They could get cancelled without prior notice.

You see that with the latter, unresolved plot holes as these are common: "what are we?", "He used me", "you have gotten what you wanted na, please don't break my heart oh", "she finessed me", "she played with my emotions", "she was only after my money", etc.

Choose your story WISELY.

Magnate

Sleeping around doesn't help you "master" women. At best, it mIGHT(you saw that right) only help you master sleeping around. Forget sleeping with multiple women to find compatibility. You wouldn't even know how to master a good woman if she pops. You'd stress her so much, and she wouldn't even understand why. Funny thing is you might not as well. Your very own patterns will be your undoing. Do you care though?

Magnate

It's very funny that you'd think it's your prerogative/right to accept a guy's money, together with gifts and still tell him "no", yet thinking the prerogative is still yours in determining how he might react to your finessing. You are essentially gambling with your life. You've taken all power you had and given it to another human who could be as manipulative as you, or even worse.

Magnate

For every "evil" you blame men for, women too are guilty of the same. Women have bullied other women. They have cheated. Women have been manipulative. Women have ab.used kids. Some have exploited others s*xually. Others have contributed in making wives miserable by accomodating cheating husbands. We have women who defend polygamy. A lot of women practice double dating. Mothers pressured their underage girls in to marriage. We have women who worry about male children more than men themselves (please don't blame society on this). The list goes on.

Women have always been the enablers of every system across the ages.
Remove men from the equation, and strong women will bully the weaker ones. Why? That's imperfect HUMAN nature for you! Nothing to do with gender.

Women's reactive/passive nature makes them think they're absolved of accountability/blame. That's deniability at best!

Being stuck on who does what sin "more" is such a lazy talking point. Downplaying their involvement and highlighting the extremities of male predisposition, isn't progressive. Trying to pander to women without holding them accountable, is NOT the way to go! Trying to subtly blame men for all female problems, yet at the same time requesting their help is so counterproductive. That's emotional blackmail! Pedestalizing women while simultaneously humiliating men is a far cry from being WOKE. You are unwittingly becoming the very thing you're attempting to fight against.

Do better! Lest your efforts crack under the weight of your own double standards.

Magnate

Women are hypergamous in nature.
The issue is most humans focus on the superficial aspect of the above concept.

Hypergamy simply means women typically date who is above them. How this is demonstrated is that some popular women for the most part choose to mate with the most affluent men. It is thus easy to conclude that women are after money or fame. So average earners don't stand a chance. Upon closer observation however, we find that it's not that simple. If we look at it on the surface level, the nuances and complexities of the female mind would be lost on us. The same is true when some opine that men chase "beauty". What is beauty actually? That's a discussion for another time. Let's stay on course, yeah?

You see, women naturally gravitate towards men whom they can LOOK UP to for stability. Don't confuse stability with wealth. The former could result in the latter. But the latter doesn't imply the former. Look at it this way. Consider two men - A and B:

A: Ruthless, hard working, arrogant, self absorbed, scheming, manipulative, cheat, goal oriented, physically fit, alcoholic, smart, charming, punctual, deceitful, workaholic, brave, stoic, etc.

B: Loyal(abhors cheating), hardworking, modest, goal oriented, punctual, principled/spiritual, open-minded, humble, rational, healthy routine, long suffering, patient, kind, stoic yet nurturing - balance, etc.

Who is realistically going to be more financially successful? I'd go for A. But who among the 2 demonstrates leadership skills that can help him balance work and family seamlessly? Who amongst both men would any lady with a sound mind long for?

The man, B, has a disposition that would prevent him from reaching the top by worldly standards. But he embodies the hypergamy women are after or NEED - one that ensures their emotional, financial and spiritual needs are met. They'd most likely LOOK UP TO such a man. These men might be average. Some poor even. Yet most reasonable women will stick with him irrespective of age, class or ethnicity.

Of course the success of a union isn't dependent on the man alone. Hence he must choose RIGHT. It is imperative that he separates hypergamy from materialism in a potential mate.

Materialism to me is simply compromising/sacrificing virtue for materialistic gain. When your actions are motivated primarily by material benefits.
Women may be awed, thrilled by the rich and famous as men are intrigued by the esthetically pleasing, but that's not what they THRIVE ON long term.

So gentlemen, embrace all the facets of hypergamy. Fret not. There'll always be high value women for you at any financial level you find yourself. Develop character and values as you hustle for a consistent paycheck. You'd most likely attract and be able to select the right partner for YOU!



Magnate

Bro, you already lost your masculine frame from day one because you came without a plan. You're gambling and expect her to take you seriously. Yes, you are broke, but what are your goals? What are you doing NOW, to achieve them? What have you achieved so far? When do you plan to marry? Who is the kind of lady you want to build a life with? Would your parents approve? Are you prepared to marry her if they don't? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What are your values? Do you live by them? What kind of lifestyle do you envisage? How many kids do you want? What's the kind of family planning you'd adopt? Can you sponsor your dream lifestyle? How REALISTIC are your plans? What tests should you conduct before saying "I do"? For those who wish to carry out "adulting", if she gets pregnant, are you prepared to handle such responsibility?

If you really want to be serious, you must have all this figured out before talking with a lady. Else you're simply letting your emotions and libido act in your stead. The result is a depressing escapade, full of petty squabbles. You'd feel disrespected even when you aren't.

You must know what you want first before entering in to a relationship. Else she'd be leading you. Trust me, it could start well when the emotions are at a high. At some point however, she'd be appalled by your ineptitude to take charge. Some might not say it to your face. But their actions will reveal their perception of you. You wouldn't exactly blame them.



Magnate

Don't be that person who always has to learn via painful experience. Use common sense. Listen to good advice. Finally, if you must, learn from other's experience.

Magnate

Planning and preventive measures are what separate the careless from the intentional.

Magnate

The only time when some men and women develope empathy is when they've got a kid.

Some women only then realise that they could use their own money to help a man handle a family responsibility - their child.

Some men now understand their wife is intricately tied to their lives as she battles pregnancy. For some men, they might begin to see pregnant women differently.

A man will snap if something were to happen to his pregnant wife. Some men, if it boils down to it, will choose to spare their wives and save their kid. At the very least, they'd let the wife decide.

You see, this is what family is all about. That oneness!

How sad when both husband and wife begin to reason that their partner isn't their relative. Only their kid is. So you view your wife no less than an incubator? Is your husband simply an ATM?



Magnate