Louise Lewis ICF Coach

The great conflict between authenticity and attachment

Authenticity is the desire to know and be yourself

But it gets muddied pretty early on by it’s arch rival, attachment - a survival need to connect, belong and be accepted

And even more joyful - the way we attach is pretty much determined from birth, depending on how your bonds were created with your primary care giver (usually your Mum)

Decades on - the need to be accepted often feels at odds with the desire to be your true self

Because you learned that your true self was too much, or not enough - or a heady mix of the two

So you moulded yourself to fit

Learnt that perfect was the goal

Hid the parts that you believed were less than

And went out of your way to keep others happy so you didn’t get thrown out of the tribe

It served you well - but you lost a part of yourself in the process

And now you look at yourself and you aren’t entirely sure who YOU are

What you want

Or how to do this crazy thing called life on YOUR terms

We ALL experience the tension between authenticity and attachment

And when you get to the point where you are done people pleasing and want to do things your way - there’s a gap to bridge back to you

Step one is reconnecting with YOUR voice and feeling empowered and capable to use it

Want to learn the HOW so you can embody the actual steps needed to make this a reality?

Join my FREE Find Your Voice workshop LIVE to

* remove the gap between who you are and who you think you should be
* feel confident and empowered to use YOUR voice
* grow YOUR capacity to be seen and heard, no matter the situation

The world needs ALL of you - sign up via the link in my bio and let’s make this happen

Working with trauma - where do I stand?

First off, let’s look at how we define trauma. I think of it as anything that was too much, too fast, too soon OR too little for too long (or both) - for a persons nervous system at a point in time.

Another way to think of it is anything that overwhelmed the system, is traumatic.

Under that definition fall things like having parents who did not comfort you when you were sad (at any point from birth up to adolescence), or who invalidated your feelings eg “stop making such a fuss”, or “school is meant to be hard”.

If you had parents who behaved in a way that meant you became the parent (all the time or sometimes) - traumatic.

Parents who only praised you when you achieved and otherwise ignored you. You guessed it - traumatic.

Occasional physical violence - absolutely terrifying to a child - traumatic.

Parents who were addicts, depressed or anxious or who got divorced.

You get the point.

And my point is most of us have experienced this type of trauma.

And we now live with the patterns we had to create in order to survive that.

Like people pleasing, and trying to be perfect and not being able to say no or switch off.

Planning and organising and controlling.

Living life on a knife edge.

Prone to occasional bouts of rage.

Codependent in relationships.

But also hyper independent.

The patterns we see all around us are usually a result of unresolved traumas we experienced when we were very little and the dysregulated nervous systems we inhabit as a result.

THIS is the stuff I can and will help you with.

And I will help you with it because I have trained to do so, have the lived experience and understand how to support you to resource yourself, your nervous system and undo those unhelpful patterns to get you back to full health.

This work is important - and doing it safety is absolutely key.

Your healing & the life you crave is possible.

Be choosy about who you let in to make it happen.

(Free class)

When you experience bullying at any point in your life - it erodes self trust because it makes you doubt and question yourself

You are terrified of being visible - staying small fitting in being the good girl 👧

You people please to avoid experiencing the pain of someone being mean to you for not being good enough

You over work to compensate

Say yes when you want to say no

And lose the ability to know who you are, what you want and what you stand for - because your main priority has been to protect yourself for TOO LONG

A huge part of recovery is to learn to trust yourself again

To know exactly how to spend your time to get what you want - without burnout, without sacrificing your values

In a way that allows you to build your self trust so you can start to follow what feels right for you - and that takes time

In the aftermath of bullying we have to recover, rebuild and rebirth in order to move past the damage that has been done

Come do it WITH me 💖

Join me for a FREE masterclass on Monday 15th July at 4pm U.K. time (11am Eastern) for a powerful conversation on the impact of bullying, why it’s so important you find your voice and feel able to use it PLUS the ever so essential HOW to go about it

Sign up for FREE using the link in my bio

We are half way through the year.

Notice if your brain is being sh*tty with you and trying to tell you that you haven’t been making progress.

You definitely have.

So with that in mind, I want to invite you to make a list of everything you have achieved so far this year.

It could be something like reacting differently to an email from your boss.

Saying no to a request to a get together you didn’t want to go to.

Avoiding an argument with a loved one.

Getting a promotion.

Leaving a job you didn’t love.

Letting yourself have a bath and take a rest when you were tired.

Setting up your first business.

Helping another person.

Taking care of yourself.

Improving your sleep.

Letting go of an old wound.

Forgiving yourself for something you had previously been beating yourself up about.

Moving out of a negative emotion more quickly than you would have previously.

Having a conversation with someone that felt uncomfortable.

Allowing yourself to feel an emotion you would have previously avoided.

Buying something for yourself for fun, because you wanted it - not because it was a necessary or justified purchase.

Making decisions from a place of knowing your inherent worthiness.

Asking for help when you needed it.

Taking actions without overly explaining or seeking to justify.

Any and all of the above are amazing achievements that add up to a life that feels better.

Stop discounting what you are achieving.

Get that list done and share it in the comments if it feels good to do so.

If the people you spend time with don’t make you feel wanted, loved, welcome, appreciated and accepted - maybe it’s not you and maybe it’s not them - but in some way or another they aren’t your people. And that’s ok.

I speak to lots of people who have a belief that they are too weird, they don’t fit in, don’t belong.

We all belong somewhere.

If you keep finding yourself in a place where you feel like a spare part - instead of beating up on yourself - consider whether you might be in the wrong room.

We all have our quirks, the stuff that makes us unique. Trying to hide that and mould ourselves into who we think we should be is a recipe for disaster.

Be weird, embrace your quirks - but also surround yourself with people who embrace them too.

Life is too short to be feeling guilt or shame for who you are - because who you are is perfect and marvellous l.

Go and find your room!

💕

Here’s some nonsense THEY want you to believe 👇🏻

📑 You need the stability of an employment contract to be safe and secure

👨‍👩‍👧 Family is everything

🍾🥂If you don’t drink, YOU are the one with the problem

🕰️ You have to work full time (at least) if you want to be successful and / or taken seriously

🛝Life is hard and fun and play is for children and weirdos only

Not only is it all BS (the second one of course depends on your family…) - but trying to conform stops you 👇🏻

🧠 having space to think for yourself

💐 tuning into what YOU want and need

💖 learning to truly LIVE and LOVE yourself from a place of FREEDOM and lightness

Here’s what to do instead 👇🏻

💡 Find the work that lights you up and plays to your strengths and DO THAT (whether it’s as an employee or as your own boss)

🏡 choose the relationship with your family that is HEALTHY and allows you to become your own person with your OWN hopes and dreams

🍺🍻Drink or don’t drink depending on what YOU want, not what is expected

⏳ How much time do you actually want to work? Start there and make it fit the life YOU want

🃏Never ever stop playing and having fun. Whatever your view on why we are here, how many lives we get, what happens when we die - right now THIS is what we have. Make the most of it

🛑 Stop doing what they want

Figure out what YOU want 🫵🏼

Get support to make it happen

And do it YOUR WAY

Your move ♟️

The people who can help you the most might be sitting right under your nose 👃🐽

There’s a narrative out there that you can (or should) ONLY get help from people who are more “advanced” than you

That it’s WRONG to work with your PEERS

🙅‍♀️🙅🏻🙅‍♂️

And in some ways it’s true, but in others it’s total nonsense

💩💩💩

Why 🤷🏻‍♀️

Often your peers are BEST PLACED to give you what you need RIGHT NOW

They are closer to where you are on your journey - they have a CURRENT understanding of the REALITY your struggles

And because you’ve already spent time together, you’ve had sufficient exposure to them to get an ACCURATE understanding of what they are actually about - which gives you a WAY BETTER idea of whether you’d like them to support you than you would get otherwise (we’ve all get sucked into fancy marketing and promises that never deliver)

🫂🫂🫂

Plus - because they already know lots about you, THEY will have a good idea of where they can help YOU

And you peers may have been to places you cannot even contemplate and therefore have a lot to offer if you are OPEN to it 👀👀👀

For example…

I am INCREDIBLE at creating safe spaces where people can learn to love and accept all of themselves, be who they are and deeply believe that they are worthy of doing this crazy thing called life THEIR WAY - and then help them use that SELF TRUST to create extraordinary success on their terms

AND…

I can’t facilitate breathwork sessions. I’m not trained in Ayervedic principles. I’m WAY TOO repressed to go near very sexual topics in my teaching - THAT stuff I need support with if I want to go there

And I know EXCEPTIONAL peers I can tap up for that if and when I choose to

My advice?

Your best bet when looking for support is to ignore the shiny objects and fake promises, leave your ego at the door, follow where life is nudging you and see where it takes you

👀

If someone in your world has something that you want - maybe go see how they can help you get it 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Your Move ♟️

Put together but falling apart?

When what you PRESENT to the world is beautifully put together

✅ Curated

✅ Phenomenal

✅ A true example of success

But what you experience inside is falling apart

😩 Anxiety

😫 Exhaustion

😫 Burnout

😫 Insomnia

Where the hell do you even go to try and get yourself square?

Whilst ALSO maintaining the status quo at work, at home, with friends? Because YOU don’t have time to fall apart 🤷🏻‍♀️

When a life that’s been controlling and managed and orderly and “perfect” stops working for you

When the coping strategies that served you for decades start to fail

AND you still have a huge job with massive responsibilities to maintain

A family

Your own sanity (ideally!)

And no one to turn to who is going to “get it”

It can feel incredibly lonely

Please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE

So many have walked the path before you - they just don’t talk about it

The struggles you are experiencing have been overcome before and will be overcome again

By you

By reaching out to someone who can support you confidentially without judgement

Who knows how you feel because they’ve been there

And who can help get you where you want to be WITHOUT so much personal sacrifice

Even the greatest leaders need a support team - none of us are meant to figure out this crazy thing called life alone

Your move ♟️

You could try and fix your burnout on your own

Read the books, the blogs, go to some webinars

Try and squeeze it into your already packed schedule

Or you could work with an expert that’s been there, knows how to help and will help you dig into everything that got you here so you don’t stay here AND don’t return here again in the future

It sucks to feel burnt out and like you can’t give your best to anything - especially when work and life demand a LOT from you

And it’s sucks even more to try and figure your way out of it alone

Let yourself get the support you need (something you are going to have to get used to doing if you want the burnout to be a thing of the past) so you can get back to thriving** as quickly and efficiently as possible

You absolutely do not need to keep feeling this way - no matter what you circumstances are

**please note that thriving does not mean doing everything you are doing now and feeling ok about it. It’s time to do things differently - and you won’t have to sacrifice your success or yourself in the process

Ready to make 2023 your best summer yet WITHOUT all of the sacrifice and compromise?

Join me for 1/2 a day on Wednesday 21st June to get super clear on your priorities for the summer

I'm going to show you HOW to make your goals a reality in the most efficient and productive way possible, on YOUR terms and in a way that feels good for you

You will leave the event feeling energised, refreshed and with a plan to make 2023 your most successful summer yet

The event is all online so there is no wasted time travelling

There will be no unpleasant distractions from strangers

And it's only half a day to map out your perfect summer plan instead of a weekend long event

Ready to do summer your way and feel AMAZING while you do?

Come to next week's event and let me give you EVERYTHING you need to make it happen

The event is £400pp with the option to bring a friend for half price

Want to know more or are ready to sign up? Drop me a message and let me take care of the rest

Why “feel the fear and do it anyway” doesn’t work when you want to be more visible 👀 (and what to do instead)

When you feel scared your body does amazing stuff to protect you 👮‍♀️

The most creative and productive parts of your brain switch off 🧠

You feel stuck and unable to say what you want in a clear way

AND

Forcing yourself to show up when it doesn’t feel safe will create excess stress in your body - and not the good kind!

So even if you CAN show up, you won’t be doing it at your best and so won’t make the impression you want

BUT you don’t want to live your life under a rock and being visible is kind of essential for your work🪨 so here’s how you CAN show up without being sabotaged by your fears

✅ Work WITH your body, not against it

✅ Untangle being visible with the physical response of feeling scared

✅ Use tools to regulate your nervous system and help you feel safe to be SEEN

✅ Identify the parts that want to protect you (there’s ALWAYS a good reason for our fears) and support them to step aside and let you SHINE ✨

When your body FEELS safe, it won’t get that fear response and showing up will be a breeze 🙋🏻‍♀️

It’s time to feel excited about sharing your message and gifts with the world - THATS when the magic happens 🪄

How to align your life - simple step by step guide

When what you do MATCHES your natural strengths and who you are (really), things get a whole lot easier

When what you do and who you have around you CONFLICTS with who you are and / or one of your core values - resilience, energy & wellbeing dips and everything feels like more of an uphill battle

Step 1 is getting clear on YOUR strengths & values

Step 2 is doing MORE of things that align with them

Step 3 is doing LESS of things that don’t (this includes spending time with people too…)

For a helping hand with step 1, I like the High5 and values in action tests (find them free on Google). Steps 2 & 3 will follow from there.

Give it a try & see what happens ♥️

[FREE] Class on attachment styles and your nervous system

This is a FREE LIVE event this Wednesday (1pm U.K. time)

You are going to learn about the different attachment styles in relationships

How they arise

How they relate to your nervous system state

AND

How to support your style to become more secure

Plus there will be time for coaching and YOUR questions

Want your invite to join me live?

Type attachment styles in the comments and I will send you the link

Already coming? Give me your fave relationship GIF below!

(Class will be recorded and a replay sent out to those who register IN ADVANCE)

The source of our information is so important - we have to be able to HEAR and RECEIVE what we are being told for it to be of value

Great example is magnesium L-threonate

If you have worked with me or been to any of my classes chances are I’ve mentioned it as a good think to take (subject to the usual health disclaimers)

So how many times do we think I’ve mentioned it to Mr Lewis 🤷🏻‍♀️

Came back from retreat today and it turns out some guy on Joe Rogan’s podcast is talking about it for sleep benefits - and now guess who want to take it!

Sometimes we cannot hear things from those who are too close to us

We need an independent expert to validate the suggestions (or just not a spouse or partner 🤣)

Something to keep in mind

(Now go order some of this! Whatever brand you can find is fine - just make sure it’s the L-threonate variety)

[How to work with me]

I adore working with people 1:1

It’s a totally personalised process that is tailored to the person infront of me

You can expect to feel seen, heard and held with whatever YOU choose to bring

As you are guided to walk YOUR path to creating the life you want

My passion is helping you to create deep inner shifts to open up the space for you to be WHO you are and to live a life that FEELS extraordinary on YOUR terms

When we work together we restore, rewire AND create the space for rebirth

My approach combines mindset, nutrition & cellular health, nervous system healing and parts work (internal family systems) to help you truly transform and be your best self - inside and out

If you’d like to explore how I can support you - drop me a message

You are always giving to others

And now it’s time to give to yourself

To say “I need some help” (and take it!)

To rest

To take the time you need to recover

And simply be

Because when you give to yourself

You give a clear message to YOU that you deserve it

That you are worthy of rest and time just for you

That you get to be valuable WITHOUT permanently “earning” it

What can you GIVE to yourself today?

(Go on - it’s ok - permission granted)

IMPORTANT REMINDER 🚨🛑

It’s Mother’s Day in the US

AND

It’s ok if that makes you sad

Or angry

Or delighted

Or excited

It’s ok if you see you Mom and it’s ok if you decide you don’t want to

You are allowed to be sad if you wish your Mom was still here but isn’t

Or if your relationship is strained and that leaves a gaping hole in your heart

It’s ok to feel desperate to be held by your Mom, even though she can’t give you what you need

It’s ok if this day isn’t like the greetings cards for you

Ask yourself “what do I need?” And see if you can gift yourself some of that

For those of you with amazing Moms, enjoy

And for those of you without - remember you get to find good mothers in those around you and yourself ♥️

Sending you love whatever

It’s ok if this day is hard - you can still choose to be gentle with YOU

Fear of success ?!? 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you grew up learning that doing TOO well was bad (maybe it made a parent jealous and / or you got told it would harm your siblings)

Then as an adult it’s very natural that you may keep yourself small in order to protect yourself and those you love

Even if it doesn’t make a lot of logical sense

Sick of holding yourself back?

Do this:

✅ Notice what happens (thoughts AND feelings) when you imagine yourself as hugely successful and visible 👀

✅ Work with those responses to make sense of them at a cognitive level AND resolve them at a physical level

✅ Create safety in your body so your nervous system STOPS shutting you down to protect you

And then marvel at the different responses that become available and how possible it now seems to show up, shine bright and receive more of what you desire ✨🌟⭐️

If you have a big beautiful dream, it’s because you are capable of achieving it. Keep going ♥️

Looking at the patterns your picked up in childhood does NOT mean blaming your parents or damaging your relationship with them NOW 🤷🏻‍♀️

You look back to understand, make sense of and process what is there - SO THAT you can resolve the patterns that are stopping you from having the extraordinary life you crave today 🧩

Oftentimes adult relationships with parents are vastly IMPROVED by doing this work because everyone benefits from the healthier dynamics that result 👨‍👩‍👦

But mostly this work is about you, not them and it’s important to remember that. You are a whole and separate individual with your own big work to do in the world - it’s ok to address this stuff so you can unlock the life you want 🔑

You aren’t letting anyone down - unless you don’t do the healing work you WANT to, because then you let yourself down and that’s not cool

Inspired by one of my lovely clients to lie on the grass ♥️

Perfectionism and people pleasing are simply symptoms of an unmet desire to feel loved and approved of ♥️

The truth is you are SO loved and approved of already, but the people that should have told you weren’t able to 🤐

So there is a gap

Learn to love and approve of YOURSELF and watch those symptoms VANISH 👻

THIS is the solution to ALL of it

Learning to trust yourself has ripple effects WAY beyond how you feel day to day 🌊

When you know who you are, what you want and have the confidence to make it happen, you become unstoppable 💃🏻 🕺

The HOW of achieving that is not what you might expect and it’s pretty simple once you learn how to get out of your own way 👩‍🎓

THIS is the work that creates more money, a happier life and truly fulfilling work. On YOUR terms. 🥳 🎉

Every. Single. Time

Woken up with a mind like an energiser bunny? 🐇🔋

It’s great sign you are ready to take ACTION

AND also an indicator you will benefit from getting your system into a more neutral state so you can take that action from a place that’s going to get the RESULTS you want

WHY? Because that busy mind is a sign of stress - and stress isn’t bad, but it can stop your brain doing it’s best work

Want to know how to shift your state? Try this 👇🏻

Push against a wall for 20 seconds and allow yourself to make any noises that feel good (a sigh or a grunt are great here but go with what YOUR body wants). This will help to DISCHARGE some of that unhelpful energy

Write down the stuff that STILL seems urgent ✍️

Pick ONE thing off the list and do it right away ✅

Notice how you feel. If there is still that energised bunny energy, have another push

There is no “bad” way to feel - AND there’s ways to maximise where you are at so you can get what YOU want in a way that feels GOOD

KEEP GOING. You are doing great ♥️

You’ve done some incredible work to make sense of your childhood

And have a really good understanding of how it shaped you and contributed to some of your behaviour (the people pleasing, perfection and inability to switch off…)

But whilst the understanding is great, it’s also annoying because the behaviours won’t go away!

Please know you aren’t doing anything wrong

The understanding is a very important piece in the puzzle

But it’s just a piece

When your phone rings and the caller is someone who makes you feel 🤯, what happens?

Your chest tightens, heart rate increases and you feel hot right! 🥵

Now you may understand WHY you have that reaction, but simply knowing it doesn’t really help 🤦🏻‍♀️

You are now ready for the NEXT piece of the puzzle 🧩 …

Resolving the pattern at the root and in your body 🧘🏼‍♂️

It’s simple, gentle and effective - and is THE thing that actually allows the patterns to change

Please stop beating yourself up that you haven’t changed as much as you want. You’ve read the recipe book. Now it’s time to USE the ingredients. That’s how we bake a cake 🎂

There are three key phases to creating an extraordinary life on your terms

They are all important

And you can’t skip any of them (as much as you would like to!)

1. Recover - getting you back to a strong baseline mentally, physically and emotionally

2. Rewire - creating awareness of patterns, unwinding the unhelpful ones and developing more healthy ways of being

3. Rebirth - with the strong foundation your have built, you are ready to embrace all of who you are and what you are here to do. Decisions are easy to make and a life on your terms is available

If you are still at step 1, that’s perfect, it’s not a race.

The steps WILL all happen in time - keep going, keep getting the support you need along the way and watch it all unfold exactly as it should ♥️

When I worked in law I used to save emails about wellbeing related topics to come back to

I knew I needed to do something, but didn’t have time

I never did read those emails

I got totally burnt out

Was signed off work for 6 months

And honestly it took years to fully recover

Don’t do what I did

You are important

Your health is important

And however busy you think you are, you probably want to find the time to do some of the stuff that’s been sitting on the “things to do for myself” list for far too long

Don’t do what I did

It was a great catalyst to a forced life change that I’m delighted with NOW

But at the time it was ruddy awful

If you listen to your body when it whispers, you won’t have to hear it scream

Are you listening?

Sydney says hi

She’s very glad mummy doesn’t have to work in an office any more