Collins Elesiro

You just can't change them

In order to have a healthy relationship, a couple needs to learn how to communicate effectively. If someone uses these three words with their partner, they're slowly killing their relationship...

Here are 3 reasons why the words fine, good, and OK are so damaging to your relationship:

1. There’s no room for the conversation to grow

Communication is one of the most important elements in your relationship, and by being so general with your statements, you are cutting the conversation short before it can begin. If you are "fine" with not talking at all, go ahead and take this approach. If you’re interested in having more profound conversations, your answers should leave room for growth.

2. You’re not really "fine"

Being so general creates room for doubt. Are you really "fine?" Is everything really "good?" There must be something interesting that’s happening with your day. Stop saying such general things, and start talking about the real stuff. If you don’t share yourself, your partner can’t attempt to understand what’s going on with you.

3. You’re creating bad communication habits

If there’s no room for the conversation to grow (and you create doubt with your generality), you're closing yourself off to your partner. Without even realizing it, you just dismissed their interest in you, and you're training them to not ask. These general phrases are slowly picking away at your relationship, but you can make a difference in how you communicate. General questions are met with general answers. If you are more specific in the way you communicate, you'll get more specific, buildable answers.

Don’t ask, "How was your day?" Instead ask, "How was your meeting with the new client?" And if you’re still getting a general answer, ask a follow-up question like, "Were they on board with the plan?” It's time you start being more specific — and honest — with your answers, too. Stop generalizing your life. Share your day fully — the good and the bad — with your partner. Share your thoughts and feelings about something you're going through. Building relationships and communication skills is all about the details. You must be more aware of what and how you say things or one day, you’ll find that you and your partner aren't communicating at all.

A Serendipitous Encounter

On a brisk autumn afternoon, Lily decided to visit the quaint bookshop at the corner of Maple Street. The shop, with its creaky wooden floors and the scent of aged paper, was her favorite escape from the bustling city. As she wandered through the aisles, her fingers lightly brushing the spines of countless books, she felt a sense of calm wash over her.

At the same time, across town, Jake was having a particularly stressful day at work. He decided to take an early break and clear his mind. Without a specific destination in mind, he found himself strolling aimlessly until he reached the same bookshop. Drawn by its old-world charm, he stepped inside, hoping to find a distraction.

Lily had just pulled out a worn copy of “Pride and Prejudice” when she turned, not noticing Jake right behind her. They collided, and the book tumbled to the floor. Embarrassed, Lily bent down to pick it up, and Jake did the same. Their hands touched, and they both looked up, locking eyes for the first time.

“Sorry about that,” Jake said, his voice warm and apologetic. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“It’s okay,” Lily replied, a shy smile spreading across her face. “I guess we both had our minds elsewhere.”

They stood up, and Jake noticed the book in Lily’s hand. “Jane Austen, huh? One of my favorites,” he said, trying to make conversation.

“Mine too,” Lily said, her eyes sparkling. “It’s like escaping to another world.”

From that moment, they began talking about their favorite books and authors, discovering a shared passion for literature. Time seemed to stand still as they moved from one topic to another, laughing and exchanging stories. What started as a chance encounter turned into a deep connection.

As the shop owner announced closing time, Jake hesitated but finally gathered the courage to ask, “Would you like to grab a coffee sometime? I’d love to continue our conversation.”

Lily, feeling a flutter in her chest, nodded. “I’d like that a lot.”

They exchanged numbers and set a date for the following weekend. That simple coffee date turned into many more, each one deepening their bond. They explored the city together, attended literary events, and even wrote short stories for each other.

Years later, on another crisp autumn day, Jake took Lily back to the bookshop. With a nervous but excited heart, he led her to the very spot where they first met. There, hidden among the books, was a small box. Jake got down on one knee and opened it, revealing a beautiful ring.

“Lily, from the moment we met, my life has been filled with joy and adventure. Will you marry me?”

With tears in her eyes and a heart full of love, Lily said, “Yes, a thousand times yes.”

Their love story, which began with a serendipitous encounter in a bookshop, continued to unfold beautifully, filled with shared dreams and endless adventures.

What's your take on this? Comment section please 👇

A Love That Blossomed in Lagos

Amina had just moved to Lagos from Kano to start her new job at a tech startup. The bustling city was a stark contrast to her hometown, and she often felt overwhelmed by the constant noise and activity. To find some peace, she began visiting a small art café in Ikoyi after work. The café, known for its vibrant murals and cozy atmosphere, quickly became her sanctuary.

One evening, while enjoying her favorite hibiscus tea and sketching in her notebook, she noticed a man across the room deeply engrossed in a book. He had an air of calm about him that intrigued her. She glanced at the title and saw it was a collection of Wole Soyinka’s poems, one of her favorite authors.

Mustapha, an architect with a passion for Nigerian literature, often visited the café to unwind after a long day. He couldn't help but notice Amina's artistic focus and the delicate lines of her sketches. Gathering his courage, he approached her table.

"Excuse me," he said softly, "I couldn't help but notice your drawing. It's beautiful. Do you mind if I join you?"

Amina looked up, a bit surprised but pleased by his compliment. "Sure, I'd love some company," she replied with a smile.

They quickly discovered they had much in common: a love for the arts, a deep appreciation for Nigerian culture, and a shared sense of adventure. As they sipped their drinks and talked late into the evening, the connection between them grew stronger.

Over the next few weeks, their friendship blossomed into something deeper. Mustapha took Amina to explore hidden gems in Lagos, from the vibrant markets of Balogun to the serene beaches of Tarkwa Bay. They attended art exhibitions, poetry readings, and even a traditional wedding together, immersing themselves in the rich tapestry of Nigerian life.

One special evening, under the twinkling lights of the café's courtyard, Mustapha reached into his bag and pulled out a small, wrapped gift. "I got this for you," he said, handing it to Amina with a shy smile.

Inside the package was a beautifully crafted leather journal, its cover adorned with intricate designs. "I thought you might like to fill this with your sketches and thoughts," he said.

Amina's eyes sparkled with gratitude. "Thank you, Mustapha. This means so much to me."

As the months passed, their love only deepened. They supported each other's dreams and navigated the challenges of city life together. Mustapha's architectural projects began to feature more of Amina's artistic touches, and Amina found inspiration in Mustapha's designs for her own work.

One evening, while watching the sunset over the Lagos Lagoon, Mustapha turned to Amina and said, "Amina, you’ve brought so much joy and color into my life. Will you continue this journey with me, as my partner, my love, my wife?"

With tears of happiness, Amina nodded and whispered, "Yes, Mustapha. I will."

Their love story, rooted in the heart of Lagos, continued to flourish, filled with creativity, passion, and an unbreakable bond. Together, they built a life that was as vibrant and beautiful as the city they called home.

Monday Tip!

# relationshipgoals

I want a girlfriend not adopt an Orphan.

If I wanted to adopt, I’d have gone to the orphanage not your Dm.

Class dismissed…

®️UNTAMED

Nothing to see here, just a regular wife who knows how to play her husband’s secret games.

If you can cheat on your wife without her ever finding out, she can also cheat without you ever finding out.

Gives you something to think about right? 😶

Class dismissed…

®️UNTAMED

Share your thoughts with us.

Know when to walk away!

Nobody wants to hear it but,

If you truly want to be faithful, You will have to cut off from a lot of people and activities.

Major social activities will be with your partner in hand, Your close friends and family members.

All this - I love my partner but I’m catching feelings for a toaster - wouldn’t have been possible if you had respected your relationship enough and stayed off.

You cannot be in a promising relationship and still encourage admirers. You must manually stop yourself from drawing too close.

Because there are admirers out there, all the want is your attention, the moment you give it to them, they will break through your defenses.

So stop gambling. Cut off. You know what these men/women want from you stop pretending and do the needful.

No more visiting random guys or inviting girls over for what exactly? No more besties with the opposite gender.

Being faithful requires your full attention in body and mind.

You cannot live all freely and seductive with people you are not dating and still claim to be faithful. Are you okay?

The first stage of cheating is mental, s*x is only a manifestation of what has already happened in your head.

If you truly want to be faithful,

You must be rude to some, a snub others and boring to many because you know what comes next and you are not interested.

®️UNTAMED

A relationship is the coming together of two individuals, with all their strengths and weaknesses to complement one another. That is, in times when one partner is weak, another comes in strong for him/her. Today we will look at some of the signs of a healthy relationship that means your relationship is on the right track.

1. Communication
2. There's a strong presence of trust
3. Both partners respect each other
4. In a healthy relationship, there is understanding
5. ⁠There is intimacy
6. ⁠Gestures of love
7. ⁠there is motivation
8. ⁠Your partner is your happy place
9. ⁠Boundaries are respected
10. ⁠Fluidity of roles
11. ⁠Kindness
12. ⁠Apologies are normal in a healthy relationship
13. ⁠Joint decision making
14. ⁠The magic word

I am also certain that your relationship will become stronger than ever as there will be this interdependence between you and your partner if you both deliberately employ these things. A relationship should never be one-sided. Never!

You are blessed if you get the same energy and love you give out.

By managing your finances wisely you can build a solid foundation for your business and if you need help feel free to talk to us.

Dear Men,

You're more than the money in your pocket.

Wealth is by no means a measure of manliness. If it were so, Musk, Gates, Bezos, and Buffet would rank as the manlinest of men but we seldom make such associations.

A man is measured by his character and how he carries himself. Not by money, not by jewelry, not by flashy cars, nor fancy clothes.

You are absolutely deserving of love even if you don't have money.

Brokeness is temporary as long as you're making moves to change your situation.

Hold your head up high, even if your pocket is empty.

You're more valuable than a piece of paper.

Keep this in mind again. If I am in a romantic relationship with an undergraduate, I would 100% take care of the financial cost of keeping the relationship going. I will not expect her to contribute any money in whatsoever manner at all.

I do not expect my undergraduate girlfriend, who survives on stipends and monthly allowance from her family, also to use that money and fund a relationship. Not at all. Let her use it to buy books, food, and other essential things she needs in school while I take care of other financial matters to oil our relationship.

This approach would be different if I am dating an unemployed lady. My first task would be to help her find a job or source of income in areas she can be productive.

I will not expect her to suggest ways or places to chill and chop life. That would be an anathema! I expect her to work with me to sort out her pressing life issues and get her something to do before we can make other plans to chop life and spend money.

Lastly, if I was dating a lady who is fully employed or engaged in activities that bring income to her, I fully expect a certain level of financial commitment to our romantic relationship. I will state this clearly and tell her that for this relationship to work, we need to be committed in all ramifications, financially being one of them.

Do not date someone not earning and expect them not to burden you with their financial needs. In fact, as you're courting someone who isn't earning, you should understand they have needs that need to be met financially. Knowing this will help you figure out if you can handle their demands and how to approach such people with your romantic proposal.

In all you do, ensure whoever you're dealing with is on the same page with you to avoid, "But did I ask you to sacrifice anything or make those expenditures for me?"

Till we get to the Promised Land, I shall be waiting for when you will pass me a glass of water and thank God for the gift of grace for the race.

You can tell how much someone loves you by how they treat you when they are angry with you.

Take note.

Tell us what your goals are and with our coaching trust, you will achieve them all.

When I got married in 2021, at 24, I didn't have up to 5k in my account. I wasn't a graduate, I was working as a receptionist with 12k salary, feeding and transport not included.

My husband knew all these.

During our courtship I would always cry and tell him that I'm ashamed of myself and my inability to support him financially as we prepared for wedding.

I saw myself as a liability.

I was also ashamed of what people would say about him marrying a 100 Level student.

He would always tell me to forget about what people will say, and that he's seeing my future and the great potentials in me.

In Igbo, he would say, 'I ga-enwe ego(You will have money)', whenever I complained about lack of money.

This is 2024, three years down the line, I'm in my 400 level, earning my millions happily as an online influencer and women development coach. I can now contribute financially in my own little way.

I am happy with myself.

Oga is proud of me.

Why am I saying this?

There's no special law in this marriage thing.

Some say you must wait until you have lots of money as a lady, or you must be a graduate before you marry.

I think to an extent, they're right, but it may not work for everyone that way.

May God help us make the right decisions.

PS: I had skills then, but I hadn't discovered my place of wealth.

©️ Immanuela Nwaigwe
Women development coach
I made this post last year, thought I should share again.
📷 Internet

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Happy new week to You'll watch your business soar to new heights this week with our coaching

Go & Marry!😅

Please, read and drop an advice for her 🙏

I met this guy 2 years ago.

We were dating and everything was going well and the kind of love he showed me I loved him more.

So he told me he was going to marry me and he wanted me to get pregnant for him.

So along the line I got admission into the university

And our relationship grew stronger.

He never told me he wanted to travel outside the country.

I found out 3 days after he got to the country.

I asked him and he told me it was an emergency flight so I didn't get angry.

So he kept disturbing me to go for a pregnancy test

I told him I wasn't pregnant so I had to carry out the test.

I found out I was 2 weeks pregnant.

I told him about it.

He was happy then again I was scared of my parents.

I didn't want to be a mother now but he kept encouraging me to keep the baby that he was old enough to take responsibility.

So I didn't tell my parents about the pregnancy because he asked me not to speak of it to anyone.

My mom found out when I was already 5 months gone.

His uncles came and met my dad and made their intentions known but they didn't pay my bride price.

My boyfriend's dad is a bishop so I respected him and he was good to me.

But this guy always accused me of cheating on him when I was pregnant.

He always accuses me of meeting different men and chatting with some of them on Facebook.

He already has my Facebook password to the extent he sent spies to watch over me.

It continued this way until I gave birth to his daughter.

His Insecurity increased and he kept accusing me of cheating.

Every time I cry and defend myself because I know I've done nothing but be good to him.

So one day, I posted about one of our sug presidents on his birthday.

My boyfriend got angry and told me I was sleeping with the guy. I tried to explain to him who the guy was and I had nothing to do with him.

He flamed up and went on his status and posted a white lady.

I called his dad on the phone.

The man told me that his son told him to stay off the issue of his having his wife (me).

I kept begging my boyfriend to unblock me but he was just strong hearted.

He told me that he will leave me alone and focus on his child.

I kept asking him what exactly I did he didn't say.

But my mind told me that he must have found someone else there and he was looking for something he would hold on to and use it against me.

I kept begging and begging and begging.

To the extent he told me that it will get to a point where he would leave me and his daughter when she grows up she will look for her father.

I called his dad and told him what his son said.

The man told me I should let him be and I should solve my problems myself so that I'm matured.

I called his dad for close to 10 times he didn't answer me

All my mind was telling me is his dad is aware of what he is doing.

Maybe he has seen someone who he wants to get married to or someone he is benefiting from.

As I speak to you now he's not talking to us and he made me stop schooling because he didn't want guys to talk to me in school.

My life is damaged because of him.

What should I do?

My single ladies, just wait until you bag a very good and decent man, with the right combination of passwords to your heart, you’d realize that the “hate” you had for men was just an absence of the right amount of “good loving”. 😋

Your mind go dey.😁

❤️

You can date a boy, but be sure he has become a man before you accept to marry him.

If he tells his mother every single thing, he may make a good boyfriend but can never be a good husband.

At a point in your life, your parents look up to you to do things well and right without involving them.

Getting them involved every now and then could ask well mean you are not yet with a mind of your own.

It may not be an issue to your parents, but it will surely be an issue to your partner, there are things that shouldn't go outside the couple.

Deep minds only.

Good Evening!

© Cyprian Nwako

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Start your day with a grateful heart!

Before you get into a relationship with anyone, Yiu should understand whether your values and goals align.

I'm not talking about career; that's a different ball game. So, how can you do this?

Here are some questions and exercises that can help couples address differences in values and goals:

*Values Clarification Exercise:*

1. Write down your top 5 core values (e.g., honesty, family, creativity, financial security, personal growth).
2. Share your lists with each other.
3. Discuss any differences or similarities.
4. Identify areas where your values align and potential areas of conflict.

*Goal-Setting Exercise:*

1. Write down your short-term (1-2 years) and long-term (5-10 years) goals.
2. Share your goals with each other.
3. Identify areas of alignment and potential areas of conflict.
4. Discuss how you can support each other in achieving your goals.

*Compromise and Problem-Solving Exercise:*

1. Identify a specific area where your values or goals differ.
2. Brainstorm potential compromises and solutions together.
3. Evaluate the pros and cons of each option.
4. Choose a solution that works for both parties.

*Open-Ended Questions:*

1. What are your non-negotiables in our relationship?
2. How do you envision our future together?
3. What are your priorities in life, and how do they align with mine?
4. How can we support each other in achieving our individual goals?
5. What are our shared values, and how can we honor them in our relationship?

Remember, the goal is to understand each other's perspectives and find common ground, not to change each other's values or goals. By exploring these questions and exercises, you can work together to navigate differences and strengthen your relationship.

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