Nichola Connected Life Coaching

This time I know I can be strong
But as I know who I am I’m probably wrong
Maybe this time I can go far
But thinking about where I’ve been
Ain’t helping me start - Michael Kiwanuka (cold little heart)

If you’ve been through difficult times, experienced suffering and many struggles it can be difficult to see a future that could be different from the past or even your present.

We can become closed off to new opportunities, new experiences and to new relationships in fear of history repeating.

But what if each day we have a choice to put a line under our past and create a new day, what if all it really takes is to just start.

It doesn’t even have to take us anywhere but in the end we end up somewhere different than before at least.

”People’s opinions are mainly designed to make them feel comfortable; truth, for most people is a secondary consideration.” Bertrand Russell

Sometimes I think about how hard it can be for us to see people for who they truly are.

Isn’t it funny how we can even make up our minds about them in a split second.

We have many years of developing our stories our beliefs that are all stored away in an easy access filing system which influence our opinions.

Sometimes we don’t even want to see the truth of the person out of fear.

Either way, if it’s an inflated good opinion or inflated bad opinion both keep us feeling comfortable & safe.

I use to see through rose tinted glasses but now I seek Truth, which can mean I don’t always like what I find but I can accept what I find, I accept the disappointment and the uncomfortableness.

But we know that’s not who they Truly are, it’s just their outward projection they want the world to see and believe and keeps them comfortable and safe.

Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing dads out there ❤️

When we find that Peace inside of us, it becomes easier to let go of attachment for things, people and outcomes.

I’m not saying you don’t get upset about things, of course you do.

But you have a light hold of what you think is reality.
You hold people lightly with Peace in your heart.

The right people will come to you like a moth to a flame in a beautifully joyous way.

Although the trick is not to grasp anything.

“When I run after what I think I want,
my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety;
if I sit in my own place of patience,
what I need flows to me, and without pain.
From this I understand that
what I want also wants me,
is looking for me and attracting me.
There is a great secret here
for anyone who can grasp it.”
Rumi

It is very important to go out alone,
to sit under a tree—
not with a book,
not with a companion,
but by yourself—
and observe the falling of a leaf,
hear the lapping of the water,
the fishermen’s song,
watch the flight of a bird,
and of your own thoughts
as they chase each
other across the space of your mind.

If you are able to be alone and watch these things,
then you will discover extraordinary riches
which no government can tax,
no human agency can corrupt,
and which can never be destroyed.

Jiddu Krishnamurti

Photo: by me 😊

Last week I was having a conversation with someone who was ready to start dating again.

We talked about some of the fears that were holding them back and also what sort of relationship would fit with their lifestyle they had created for themselves and of course interests and values.

As we talked and explored, the subject of being rejected came up as a big factor to not wanting to really put themselves “out there”. But then we explored some more and what actually came up was the fear of either not wanting the other person to feel rejected and then staying in a relationship for too long in fear of hurting them. I’m sure most of us can relate to that.

This all comes down to Self-Esteem.

If you don’t know what you want, don’t know that you deserve holding out to get that (not in a grandiose way).
Know what you like and dislike in intimate and friendship relationships.
Don’t know that you matter enough to have those things.
Then of course you’re going to struggle to say no thanks. And then probably come up with it’s not you it’s me… which is not actually true.

Anyway we looked at all the reasons he mattered, how far he had come, the self exploration he had done.. he was left feeling hopeful and confident!

I’m looking forward to watch this story unfold ❤️

What do you fear more…
Being the Rejected
OR
Being the Rejector?

Being in relationship with people takes Conscious Effort and a Conscious Choice.
It’s a learned skill.
It’s not easy to disagree without poisoning the relationship.
To recognise revealing vulnerability without being boundary-less.
Listening without a need to respond or know when it’s time for you to be listened to.

The real act of, say, building a friendship or creating a community involves performing a series of small, concrete social actions well: disagreeing without poisoning the relationship; revealing vulnerability at the appropriate pace; being a good listener; knowing how to end a conversation gracefully; knowing how to ask for and offer forgiveness; knowing how to let someone down without breaking their heart; knowing how to sit with someone who is suffering; knowing how to host a gathering where everyone feels embraced; knowing how to see things from another’s point of view. ~David Brooks

It really is!

Bon voyage! 🛤️🧭🗺️🚦

I was in conversation with someone about how magical it is to be a human Being and to be alive, despite everything we see happening around us, the pain and fear we can feel.

I feel comfort when I think back to all the people who have gone before us who have experienced the same things we experience… it’s almost as if this is the experience of Life as it’s meant to be?

We talked about the preciousness of each and every Human Being and how each and one of us is an endangered species, when I’m gone there will never be another me, exactly like me, when you’re gone there will never be another You.
Which makes You incredibly important in my eyes.
Then a feeling of gratitude swelled within us both.

Even if it’s just for the slightest moment, could you be grateful for Being You 💖 even with the fear?

There will be no one like us when we are gone, but then there is no one like anyone else, ever. When people die, they cannot be replaced. They leave holes that cannot be filled, for it is the fate—the genetic and neural fate—of every human being to be a unique individual, to find his own path, to live his own life, to die his own death. I cannot pretend I am without fear. But my predominant feeling is one of gratitude. ~Oliver Sacks

If you are not aware of Masaru Emoto’s work on the study of how words have an effect on the crystals water form when words are spoken to it, positive and negative.. it’s well worth a search on YouTube!

But I just find this so powerful and so beautiful.

If the human body is 60% water by weight and the brain and heart is 73% water.. then surely feeling grateful and love has a positive effect on both.

When your inner world is love and gratitude then your outer world is Peace. 🕊️

The water crystal created from the word “peace” is shaped like two crystals of “love and gratitude” stacked on top of each other. It means that the world will be at peace when love and gratitude are in harmony. If you do not have the feeling of peace in your heart, then remember first to love, to be grateful.

Gratitude, or saying thank you, invites love and allows you to create love. When these two things come together, your heart will be at peace. First, the individual will be at peace. Next, your family will be at peace. This peace will then spread to the community, the nation, and the entire planet. You yourself must be at peace. To achieve this, you should continue to overlap love and gratitude.

By Masaru Emoto

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Absolutely! Seek Good Company.

Although I would just add that this is the aim whatever your age.

We can get so caught up in wanting answers, and for what reason do we desperately want the answers anyway?
Maybe there are some things you’ll just never know why it happened.
Reflect on your part in it, then simply Learn & Let Go.

How often do you send each other a little Text to say you Love them and Appreciate them?

A lot of the time we can fear Change, we can want it so badly, but struggle with the uncertainty and the unknown of what Change might bring.
So we stay with the comfortable uncomfortable.
But it comes to a point where we have to choose, where the uncertainty and the unknown becomes more appealing than life as it is.
Then you have entered into the Dance, now you have plunged into Living.
Let’s Dance Together ❤️

But one day she asked what was best for herself, instead of trying to please everyone else..

Each and every one of us are precious endangered species. There will only EVER Be one of You!

Knowing how precious you are.. only allow good voices into your mind. Allowing people to have their opinions without bending and shaping to fit with them.

Stop just for a moment and Just Be.

Know Your Self.

She sat at the back and they said she was shy,
She led from the front and they hated her pride,
They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,
They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,
When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,
So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,
They told her they'd listen, then covered their ears,
And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,
And she listened to all of it thinking she should,
Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,
But one day she asked what was best for herself,
Instead of trying to please everyone else,
So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,
She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,
She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,
And she told them what she'd been told time after time,
She told them she felt she was never enough,
She was either too little or far far too much,
Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,
Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,
Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs,
And she stopped...and she heard what the trees said to her,
And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,
For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.

~Becky Hemsley❤

Truth for the sake of Truth.

Questioning Truth leads us to Reality.

What lies do we tell ourselves?

It can be difficult to love someone or people Truly.
But True Love is accepting the reality as it is and letting them Be who they’re are in this ever changing cycle.
True Love is wanting that person to be happy with or without you.
True Love for yourself is holding them lightly and letting them go.
Because you are both Free.

To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be. The people they're too exhausted to be any longer. The people they grew out of, the people they never ended up growing into. We so badly want the people we love to get their spark back when it burns out, to become speedily found when they are lost.
But it is not our job to hold anyone accountable to the people they used to be. It is our job to travel with them between each version and to honor what emerges along the way. Sometimes it will be an even more luminescent flame. Sometimes it will be a flicker that temporarily floods the room with a perfect and necessary darkness. ~Heidi Priebe

(Book [ad]: This Is Me Letting You Go https://amzn.to/4bD2pJj)

(Art: Painting by Kayoon Anderson)

Letting go is the key to Freedom.

Freedom from the need to be right.

Freedom from needing someone to understand my side of things.

Freedom to walk away. (I did this for the first time last year. It dawned on me I don’t even have to tolerate their spat, normally I would go into Fawning. I just walked away feeling soooo Free).

Freedom to not know.

Freedom to be You.

Freedom to just BE.

In my experience it’s the next best feeling to Love.

It’s important to keep seeking it.

Because if we are not Free is it even possible to truly Love?

If you've been through a divorce or separation, you wouldn't be alone if you felt worry that you'll never meet anyone again or find someone that will love you for you.

Maybe you're in your 40's or 50's or even older and feeling time is not on your side and your youthful looks that once attracted previous partners are slowly fading.

Maybe you believe the untrue stories you're telling yourself that you're broken and unlovable. Hello my old friend - I know this one only too well!

If you ARE feeling like this, please do read this beautiful quote by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and know that Beautiful people don't just happen...

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.

These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.

Beautiful people do not just happen.

Where we Love is Home - Home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.

Do you find yourself at a crossroads in your relationship?

Here's two questions...

If it were fixable would you stay?
If it could work out would you want it?

It takes Two to say Yes One to say No.

Have you separated or been Divorced but have been single for some time, maybe even years?

Maybe the thought of getting into a new relationship fills you with so much fear?

I love this by Khalil Gibran
He writes this on Fear..

It is said that before entering the sea
a river trembles with fear.

She looks back at the path she has traveled,
from the peaks of the mountains,
the long winding road crossing forests and villages.

And in front of her,
she sees an ocean so vast,
that to entre
there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.

But there is no other way.
The river can not go back.

I have been single by choice now for many years. I really felt I needed the time to reconnect with me, discover what I want and what I don't want. Be able to enjoy my own company, to feel independent.

But getting to this place has been far from easy!
I can look back at the path I have traveled, the mountains I've had to climb, the long lonely walks where my body felt weary I wanted to give up, but all the time I was fighting for me, because I knew deep down I mattered.
I can look back at those moments with so much love and tenderness, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, I feel this is the way IT needed to be for me, why, I don't don't yet.

But at some point after years of being alone, there comes a time where you sense it's no longer time to walk this path alone. But you fear losing yourself, that Self that you've worked so hard to find, what if not being alone means You disappear forever?

What if you tremble just at the point before you are embraced into their arms knowing you're going to be swept away into the vastness of their love.

But deep down you know there is no other way, you can't go back, you can only let go and surrender yourself to the depths of Love. Because the river, after all, is much stronger being part of the sea.

Can you relate to this feeling?

Love
Nichola xx

Last week we celebrated 460 years of Shakespeare, one of my favourite quotes is…

When I saw you I fell in love
And you smiled because you knew.

The old romantic in me just melts when I read that… it's so simple.

But I’ve been thinking on the words Fell in Love, and also the saying Falling in love.

But as I was thinking the words High Flying Love and Relationships came to me.

What would High Flying Love or Relationships look like vs Falling In Love?

Falling suggests something losing control, lost away in the chemistry, losing a part of you as you become entwined and enmeshed together, no longer seeing where you end and the other begins “the other half”.

But if you were in High Flying Love you come together from a higher level of consciousness, you’re consciously creating love and a relationship that’s more enriching and withstanding life’s shakable moments.

It’s knowing each other's wants and needs and choosing to do our best to nurture those out of love rather than a burden. In High Flying Love we can also know where we are unable to nurture the wants and needs of the other but consciously communicate that with compassion for the person and ourselves.

You get to design the relationship rather than getting swept away in the fuzziness of it all and winging something you think is working, because after all when something is falling it has to hit the ground at some point.

What do you think to the idea of Flying vs Falling?

This is from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran who describes it so beautifully.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of your souls be alone,
Even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

I'm trying to do a bit of research and need your help.

Have you or someone you know been through or is going through a divorce or separation?
Could you possibly take just 3 minutes to answer some questions about your experience?
It's completely anonymous and you will NOT be added to any mailing list.
Please share this survey with anyone you know who has gone through this experience.
Thank you so much
Nichola xx
[https://us10.list-manage.com/survey?u=f479c6f89937fab12b8173597&id=8f31ccbdc7&attribution=false](https://us10.list-manage.com/survey?u=f479c6f89937fab12b8173597&id=8f31ccbdc7&attribution=false)

Some exciting updates for you 🔥🔥🔥

I hope that your new year has been a positive start for you so far.

I thought I would write to you and share some exciting news about what I've been up to recently, I've been so busy!

I am so excited to celebrate with you that I certified as a Hypnotherapist 🥳🥳🥳🥳

As a Life Coach I've always been fascinated by how some people make changes effortlessly and some people, with all their best efforts, struggle or are unable to reach the goals they want to achieve, I've always felt there is more to it than just sheer willpower.

I have always been interested in the theory of the mind having the ability to heal the body or assisting the healing process alongside medicine, and have read about hypnosis and the unconscious mind for many years so it was a very natural move for me.

I can see it is a wonderful tool to help people with many struggles they are experiencing, from healing after a divorce, healing emotional wounds, stress, anxiety, rumination, habits self-love, emotional eating, procrastination and so much more!!

I am offering you all a wonderful opportunity to join me ONLINE for a FREE group hypnosis. (FYI no need to speak and no one will be singled out).

On Sunday 12th February at 7:00pm-8:15pm UK time.

The subject will be weight loss as it's still pretty fresh for most of us from New Year's, but with an emphasis on making choices that make us feel more excited and fun rather than feeling repressed by an outdated idea around weight loss.

If you are interested in the FREE Hypnosis group then please message me.

If you prefer not to be in a group, then I do offer one on one sessions.

I do hope you will join me I look forward to seeing you.

Lots of love
Nichola xx