True Midwifery

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Why Midwives Need to Stand Together: Supporting Each Other Through Adverse Outcomes

Midwifery is an ancient, sacred practice rooted in trust, compassion, and courage. We dedicate our lives to helping women bring their babies into the world safely and peacefully. But, as any midwife knows, birth is unpredictable, no matter how skilled, prepared, and careful we are. And in those rare, heart-wrenching cases where things don’t go as hoped, it’s crucial that we support one another instead of pointing fingers or adding fuel to the fire of judgment.

It’s a difficult truth: sometimes, the unexpected happens, and it’s no one’s fault. Yet, when an adverse outcome occurs in a home birth setting, there’s an immediate temptation for others in the midwifery community to rush to judgment. Sometimes, this urge to critique or distance ourselves from a midwife involved in an adverse event stems from fear. We tell ourselves that we would never let that happen, that we would have done things differently, maybe even assuming that by critiquing someone else, we’re somehow safeguarding our own reputation.

But here’s what we too often forget in those moments of fear and discomfort: that midwife has suffered a loss. She has gone through a traumatic experience and is grieving in her own way, while carrying the weight of her role in a difficult outcome. She needs support, not judgment. And when we judge and criticize her, we’re not just hurting her – we’re harming our entire community, breaking the unity that makes midwifery such a powerful practice.

It’s also essential to remember that every mother grieves differently. In the wake of a tragic outcome, parents are naturally devastated, sometimes blaming themselves, sometimes others. They are in unimaginable pain, and their expressions of that pain can be raw and complex. When they’re speaking from that place, it’s not fair for us to take their words as a factual account of what happened in the birthing room. Yet, many midwives hear only a single side and let it fuel assumptions, jumping to conclusions without understanding the full story.

Instead of rushing to judge, we should remind ourselves of these important truths:

Empathy Above All: We know what it’s like to be in that birthing room, to make decisions in real-time, and to carry the sacred responsibility of another’s birth journey. When an outcome is not as expected, it’s not time to play detective or blame; it’s a time for compassion. Our compassion is not only for the mother and family involved but also for our colleague, who is grieving and struggling to make sense of it, too.

The Reality of Birth: Birth is powerful, beautiful, and sometimes unpredictable. There are risks no matter where or how a birth happens, and every birth worker understands that reality. To pretend that we’re immune to these risks or that only “careless” midwives encounter them is not only false but also arrogant and damaging to the entire community. Every midwife will experience difficult births in her career; solidarity is what strengthens us to keep going and to learn from each experience.

Self-Reflection Over Projection: When we feel the urge to critique a midwife involved in a loss, we should pause and ask ourselves why we feel that need. Sometimes, it’s our own vulnerability speaking, a fear of facing the same experience one day. Recognizing that and dealing with it internally can prevent us from projecting that fear onto others and helps us stay grounded in empathy.

Support and Collaboration: Instead of isolating or shaming a midwife in the wake of a loss, let’s offer her a lifeline. Whether it’s a message, a call, or simply the absence of judgment, let’s show her that she’s not alone. If there’s anything to be learned, we can learn it together, without public blame or finger-pointing. Supporting each other in these moments builds a stronger, more resilient midwifery community, one that’s based on trust and shared experience.

The Power of Silence: Sometimes, the most supportive thing we can do is to stay quiet, not rushing to speak on a situation we know little about. A respectful silence honors both the grieving family and the grieving midwife, giving space for healing rather than feeding gossip or judgment.

Let’s commit to standing by one another, especially in the hardest times. Every midwife who has experienced an adverse outcome has carried that burden – many have endured the weight of that trauma alone, without the community they expected to lean on. But it doesn’t have to be that way. By lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down, we honor the essence of midwifery: compassion, community, and care.

In those moments when judgment feels easy, let’s choose kindness instead. The midwifery community is only as strong as the support we give each other.

"What Laura says about Joy says a lot about Laura and little about Joy"
Be kind
Always

👋 Meet Irene Garzon – Midwife Trainer!

Irene Garzon, a 45-year-old midwife and mother of three free-birthed daughters, has been a midwife since 2002. She’s since transitioned from the UK to the Caribbean, embracing a more independent practice. Irene’s journey has led her to connect with shamans and ancient wisdom keepers, enriching her practice with deep-rooted knowledge.

At Artemis Academy, Irene offers unique insights into breech birth, VBAC/HBAC, and the placenta. She also explores native and alternative practices such as homeopathy, aromatherapy, acupressure, and more.

Discover Irene’s expertise and join us at Artemis Academy!

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