The Healing Within

Hi and I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend 🥰. Forgive me for not having posted on this page for quite sometime but as from Monday 6th December I will be posting everyday on my new page (link attached below). I'd love you to come and join me there.

https://www.facebook.com/stressandworryreliefcoaching/

The Stress Relief and Wellness Coaching Space Helping women over 40 to clear overwhelm and things that are weighing them down in life so that they have more energy, vitality and joy each day.

Good morning 🥰Where are you in the world and how are you doing?

These are strange times for all of us, but there is one thing I have noticed, how people have pulled together to help each other there is an enormous amount of love and care.

I would love for you to share anything positive that you have seen or heard about, anything positive that has happened to you.

Wow it’s been quite a year so far…

We’ve seen fires, floods, storms, earthquakes and now the world is facing Covid-19.

We are living in historic times faced with a global virus that is growing by the hour. Our feelings as nations, and what we are seeing are unprecedented in this time although, this isn’t the first time the world has faced a global threat and the truth is it won’t be the last.

BUT

Like every event in life, it will pass. Yes, it could take quite some time before life settles back down to the normal life we recognise, but it will blow over. When it does just know that we are going to be fine, definitely with some learnings to keep hold of.

In the meantime what do we do to keep stress and anxiety levels down?

This post relates closely to a post a wrote a while ago, ‘The Area of Influence and The Area of Concern (link to the post on my blog).

So, what does these two areas mean?

The area of Influence are the things in life that we have control over, we can take action and make changes.

Area of Influence = Our perception of a situation, our mindset, morals and ethics, what we choose to focus on, how we treat ourselves and others, take action on the advice given to keep us all safe.

The area of concern, are the things in life that we care about but have no control over.

Area of Concern = the virus itself, what other’s choose to focus on and their behaviour, what other’s think of you, the weather and time passing.

Have you heard the quote;

‘Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrows troubles, it takes away today’s peace.’ – Randy Armstrong

You do have a choice about how you decide to get through this time and by no means am I belittling the situation we are living through, I am not.

My heart truly goes out to all that are suffering through this time, and those who are putting themselves on the line to help others, they are just amazing.

Let’s decide to take the positive option and to come through this challenge as stronger, happier, more thoughtful, positive people. Don’t waste your time and energy getting embroiled in bitterness or negativity.

Take action when and where you can to help yourself and others, most importantly, stay safe.

If you feel stress or anxiety building, there are many posts here with many different techniques for keeping it at bay.

I’m always happy to talk to anyone if you are feeling stressed or anxious please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Stay safe, much love

Lynne

Tel: 07541-980-365
Email: [email protected]..uk

To all the wonderful people out there that look after children, it's one of the toughest jobs in the world, and one of the most rewarding. I hope wherever you are in the world you are safe, well and having a wonderful day xx

Stressed Out About Corona Virus?

Feels as though we are stuck in a nightmare, everyone is talking about it, media is in full swing and it’s causing high level stress and anxiety for many.

However, this isn’t the first scare the world has faced and it won’t be the last and we will get through this together.

Feeling stressed and anxious can suppress the immune system and may leave us vulnerable to many illnesses so the best thing we can do for ourselves and others is to focus on the positives and remain as calm, optimistic and as kind as we can.

Corona virus falls into our area of concern. What does this mean? It means that we are concerned about it, but we do not have any influence over it other than the steps we can take as individuals to take responsibility over the choices we make. The problem is this can leave us feeling helpless and frustrated…again this is not a useful place to be.

The very best we can do for ourselves and others is to look at what we can do and the positives we do know…

1. Huge numbers of people all around the globe have recovered from the virus.

2. It is the case that many of the people that have died have also had underlining health issues, some of them terminal even before the virus broke out.

3. Scientists are working hard to find a cure and know a good amount about the virus, in order to test for it.

4. The virus is not caught as easily as the media is portraying especially if we are taking the necessary precautions:

a) Washing hands thoroughly and often with soap and water and/or using a hand sanitiser although, soap and water are very effective.
b) Remember to cover your mouth if you cough and/or sneeze with a tissue and throw the tissue away immediately after use.
The above actions should be standard in any circumstances.

5. In the vast majority of cases the symptoms are mild.

6. Young healthy people are the least vulnerable to the virus.

7. I would strongly advise, after seeing the affects of all the media and 24/7 conversations, on my children, for the sake of our children to remain as calm as possible.

They can become extremely stressed and frightened during difficult times and seeing their parents panic will cause even more fear. Children may not want or know how to explain how they are feeling, but their fear can manifest in many different behaviours for example: anxiety and being more clingy, anger and challenging behaviour, agitated and not able to focus, perhaps even bed wetting.

We need to give them lots of love, listen to their worries and most of all understand they will watch what we do and how we behave before they listen to any words we say. Keeping a stable routine, staying as calm as you can, will reassure them and allow them to relax. We are also teaching them how to deal with difficult situations that they may face in their future.

8. I would definitely say it’s sensible to have a little extra food set aside, but panic buying does not help anyone, especially people who cannot afford to buy in bulk or are physically unable to shop on this scale. It’s really not necessary and moreover it’s stopping people getting the necessities that they need. I’ve seen many posts saying, ‘Each one for himself’ but is this really the way to live? Personally, I would say not. Community and looking after each other is so important in terms of our happiness and it’s a wonderful feeling to care for others, so spare a thought for people in your community who may need help right now, it will also have a positive impact on you.

9. Practicing mindfulness (being in the now) rather than worrying what could happen in the future is very beneficial for quieting the mind and calming down stress as is being grateful for what we do have.

Don’t forget there are also lots of great things happening in the world around you, don’t allow all the negative events to overwhelm you so much that you miss them…pay attention to the positives in life and be grateful for them.

So, although we do need to be responsible and careful, staying calm and helping others to stay calm will make a world of difference.

I am always happy to talk to people about how life can feel better, please feel free to get in touch.

Have a wonderful day.

Lynne

Tel: 07541-980-365
Email: [email protected]

I'm stressed out and I don't want to feel like this.

Your stomach is churning, brain fog has set in, the overwhelming feeling is closing in on you and you just don’t know what to do. Everything just feels too much!

Stress can feel totally overwhelming…as though we are at its mercy. The feeling that we are weak and powerless means we don’t think we can change how we feel…but have we ever taken a closer look to see if we can?

I for one, never did I just kept running the same pattern;

Something I would feel to be stressful would happen, my stomach would drop, and butterflies would take flight (not always a good feeling), I would feel confused and overwhelmed and either lose my temper or retreat.

Here’s the thing, We Do have the power to change how we ‘do’ stress!

Learned behaviour…very often as children we are not taught how to deal with stress, we are perhaps told to ‘stop’ or ‘stop being naughty’ or to ‘calm down’…how the heck does that help?

As a kid it maybe the smaller things that stress us out and for the adults around, it may seem silly…but this is not the case to the child. Even if they stop the external behaviour even slightly, the negative feelings will still be going on inside. If we were taught as children how to deal with stress it would make the world of difference to our emotional intelligence and health. I’m writing this post from an adult perspective and to help adults, but if you do have children you can use what you learn with your children to change their lives.

What’s Stress?

Stress is very simply the feeling that we do not have the resources in the moment that we need to cope with a situation, event or demands put upon us. Stress begins with a thought which induces a series of chemical reactions in the body and before we know it, it has spiralled into a tornado of negative energy.

What’s a Stressor?

Many of us feel overwhelmed at times perhaps by family, relationships, money, financial responsibilities, lack of health, work, lack of time, a current situation, or a concoction of many things, and the list could go on and is unique for everyone.

What exactly goes on when we are stressed?

Time for some introspection –

It’s time to consciously notice how we ‘do’ stress and not just let it play out.

Why?

To make the changes we want, we need to change the state we are in, this applies to any problem in life.

We cannot change a problem in the state it was caused in and if we constantly just allow a program to run, i.e. this happens and it totally stresses me out, we will never change it.

Is stress coming from the fact that life is going downhill, perhaps you are not getting what you want externally? Or is there something totally different playing out here…is stress coming from what’s going on in your own mind?

I get it, it feels as though stress is coming from the outside…

‘My boss is stressing me out’

‘My kids are stressing me out’

‘My partner is stressing me out’

‘I haven’t got enough money and it’s stressing me out’

All of the above statements look as though the stressor is coming from an external source.

So how do we avoid stress if it’s coming from external sources? The answer is, we are never going to stop the external sources doing whatever it is they are doing and we are never going to be able to avoid all stressful situations, that’s just life.

The problem is, when we allow external sources to, ‘stress us out’ we’re giving away our power, leaving us helpless and stuck in the turmoil of stress. By not taking responsibility or even realising we have a choice to change ‘stressful situations’ are going to continue to affect us mentally and physically and that’s why so many people feel overwhelmed, stressed and helpless with things that go on in their lives. The blame game will never solve anything…in fact it just makes everything feel so much more frustrating because we cannot control others, in reality we only have control over ourselves.

Here’s a scenario of one situation exactly the same in both cases but being experienced by two people;

Person One

Person one arrives at work, to be immediately confronted by their demanding boss, telling them that they are responsible for taking the meeting with a top client tomorrow and they need to prepare for this. Stress hits them and they feel totally overwhelmed with images and thoughts of everything going totally wrong . They spend the rest of the day snapping at their colleagues, decide to skip lunch in order to start preparation, leave work late, arrive home totally stressed out, have an argument with their partner and not sleep a wink because of the rushing thoughts and the ‘fight or flight’ natural reaction that has kicked in. The next day they look and feel like a total wreck…what’s going to happen in the meeting?

Now let’s take another look…

Person Two

Person two arrives at work, to be immediately confronted by their demanding boss, telling them they are responsible for taking the meeting with their top client tomorrow. Initially the person is worried, but they step back, take some deep breaths, look at the resources they have in order to deal with this, take time out at lunch, give themselves a break to eat and rest which will enable them to think more clearly, arrive home on time, have a peaceful night as they calm their mind down, wake up bright and early fully prepared to take the meeting…

What’s the difference?

Here’s the difference…what is happening in their heads. It’s the way they are thinking. Of course this is an example of two different people their emotional intelligence will be different as will their life experiences and how they handle situations, but if we have acted like person one up until now, we can rewire to act like person two from hereon in.

How can I change how I react to stress?

Let’s take past events…what situations in the past had stress levels soaring to ‘next level’?

Perhaps a driving test, first date, job interview (especially if you really wanted the job),

For a moment, put yourself back into the situation, so you’re just leading the examiner to your car (I lead mine to someone else’s car…how stressed out was I 😊, but that’s a whole other story). Jeezzz all I could think was, ‘I’m going to mess up’, ‘I’m going to fail,’ ‘He’s going to be the meanest examiner ever.’

Or

You’ve spent hours getting ready, now your waiting for your date to arrive, what happens in your mind? ‘He’s not going to turn up.’ ‘If he does turn up, do I look alright,’ ‘What am I even going to say?’ Oh boy your head is spinning, palms are sweaty and heart racing…stress has risen to next level.

But if I put myself back in any of those positions I laugh and realise that in each stressful situation, I was running catastrophic thoughts of everything that could go wrong and I was the one totally stressing me out!

The stress was coming from my thoughts…period!

I could have chosen to run awesome thoughts such as, everything would go well on my test and I would pass and even if I didn’t, would it be the end of the world? No, I could just take it again and the chances are if my stress levels are down, I’m going to drive better anyway.

We all have limiting beliefs that come into play when we feel stressed, but by using past experiences when we felt totally stressed out but we came through, and now look back and laugh we can knock our limiting beliefs out of the park!

By changing your thinking around a perceived stressful situation, you can change how you feel about it and how your body physically reacts to and keep stress levels down which is far healthier!

Give Yourself Space!

Whatever the situation is, whether it’s work, kids, etc, the way in which stress plays out doesn’t change so the same approach will work for any situation.

We hear or experience something we feel is stressful, thoughts start filling up our mind then naturally physical symptoms will follow.

We’re all human (I hope 😊), and in the exact moment when something we perceive to be stressful happens, the best thing to do is step back for a moment. Give yourself space and time don’t just follow the same pattern we’ve always followed and allow those stressful thoughts to start whizzing through your mind.

Give yourself space, if you’re a busy mum and the kids are driving you a bit mad step aside for a moment. (I have six, two left home, 4 teenagers at home now so I get it). If they are older and can stay by themselves, go out, even if it’s a few minutes walk, outside in the garden, go meet a friend for a coffee, even outside the front door and breathe! If they are smaller perhaps take them to the park, take them for a walk, or just stand outside for a moment by yourself. I remember when mine were little, I would go just outside the backdoor, breathe, bounce sometimes letting all the stress go 😊. The important thing is, to give yourself space and time to breathe!

The same applies if it’s a situation at work, distance yourself from it, go for a brief walk, step outside for a moment…give yourself space and time to breathe.

Remember, you cannot solve a problem in the state it was created, by giving yourself space and time to breathe, you will stop overwhelm and be able to think of what resources you do have to handle any given situation and stress won’t take over, you will be in charge!

From little challenges to larger ones, we are never going to be able to avoid or manage all stressors, they are part of life…but we can change and control how we respond to them, don’t give away your power!

Change is Possible!

I am always happy to speak to people about how life can feel better. Please feel free to get in touch.

Warm wishes

Lynne

Tel: 07541-980-365
Email: [email protected]

Good morning everyone. I’m playing catch up and wanted to post this for you yesterday because I absolutely love this idea it's a great way to live, reduce stress and anxiety and make a positive impact on yourself and others... take a closer look... www.actionforhappiness.org/mindful-march

Mindful March Calendar Let's be more mindful and live in the present *

I used to think I couldn't do anything about feeling stressed...I was wrong!

You'll be amazed just how many people feel; 'if just one more person complains, moans or asks me to do anything…I'm going to scream', and then ignore how they feel.

We’ve all been there right?

But do we pay attention to the physical symptoms when we feel stressed, or even realise how damaging they can be both mentally and physically?

I know I didn't, I just ploughed through the stressful situation, lost my temper or went into hiding but eventually chronic stress fuelled severe anxiety, depression and ultimately because I didn't take any steps to reach for help, I believe chronic stress was a huge factor in the diagnosis of fibromyalgia.

Learning to recognise and understand how we ‘do stress’ is extremely valuable because it puts us in a position of being able to address and literally change how we feel and avoid any damage to the body.

We all have our own model of the world, which means we view life from our perspective based on our beliefs, values and experiences. What is a challenge for one person may be totally overwhelming and stressful for another and here are some of the physical symptoms that may be felt especially if the stress become chronic:

Tired throughout the day / lethargic
Persistent headaches
Brain fog
Knotted or churning tummy
Laying awake at night despite being exhausted
Aching muscles, perhaps back, shoulders or neck
Indigestion and digestive issues
Irritable and snappy

The most important thing to remember and take action on if we are experiencing chronic stress, is to get help before it turns into something more serious for example; deteriorating health, depression or anxiety.

The great news is there are many strategies we can use to stop stress in its tracks. When stress begins, notice the feelings and the physical signs that arise
1. Where is the stress coming from?

Is the stressor in your circle of influence (this is the area of your life that you do have control over)? If so, look at the action you can take.

Or

Is it in your circle of concern (this is the area of your life that you care about but do not have any control over) in which case, do what you can (perhaps give charity or time whatever action you can) then learning to let go is a great release of stress.

Knowing how you 'do' stress'

Visualising stress is a very effective way to change the feeling of stress.

Stress could be coming from a thought or a real event(s)

It's time to step back and become aware of how you do stress.

Go to a quiet place where you won't be disturbed (if you're a busy mum wait until the kids have gone to bed)

Now, close your eyes gently and slowly and become aware of where in the body the feeling of stress is? Is it in your chest, head or tummy?

Is the feeling moving? It could be moving upwards or downwards or spinning or pulsating?

Once aware of the movement, change the direction of the movement. If it's moving upwards make it move downwards. If it's spinning clockwise turn it anticlockwise. If it is pulsating, make it slow down and stop so it is still.

Is there a colour to the stress? If it does have a colour, change the colour to your favourite colour.

I know at first it sounds a little weird that we actually experience stress in this way but we do and making these small changes is often enough to entirely change how we feel stress. If you finish this exercise and still feel a little stress, go through the same exercise but at the end imagine the coloured movement leaving the body.

3. Stressful thoughts.

How often are we dragged into negative thoughts? Thoughts based on fear or worry are often repetitive and become gradually more stressful especially if we try to push them away. This can become a vicious circle, thoughts fuel stress and stress fuels thoughts.

How do we break this circle?

Thoughts are not real, they cannot hurt us. They are formed of ideas, opinions and our perception of a situation. The feelings that are brought up from the thought can hurt and cause damage so we need to get to the core of the problem...the thought.

Imagine a garden that is left unattended, it goes wild, the same applies to our minds.

Firstly, find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed.

Now close your eyes and intentionally bring the thought to mind that is causing you stress. Don't be worried or try to push away the thought, just let it come.

Once It's clear in your mind, intentionally make it go away again by thinking of something you love, makes you laugh or you enjoy.

Have you noticed something?

Who is in control of the thought?

You are, you can consciously choose whether to think the thought or not, you can make it come and go at will.

By fearing a thought and trying to push it away it has power and will cause stress. When you intentionally bring it up and make it go away without fearing it, you are back in control and it no longer has any power.

4. Ask yourself these questions.

How much stress is there in my life? Are there areas in my life that need attention? Writing this out can help make it clear if there are areas you can tweak and change to make less stressful or give up entirely.

Do I see a pattern in the stress?
i.e. does it happen at the weekends, is it Sunday night, is it around a particular person? Knowing where and if there is a pattern puts us in control of making change. Either changing a job, or taking action on what area of the job feels stressful or spending less or no time with a person that is causing us stress.

So there we are, less stress...healthier mind & body.

Change is Possible

There are many simple, fast and effective techniques we can arm ourselves with to deal with stress, we just need to take the steps to find them.

I am always happy to speak to people about how they can make life better, please feel free to get in touch.

Warm Wishes

Lynne

Tel: 07541-980-365
Email: [email protected]

Sadly, this is something that is all too common. Don't feel you have to figure it out, or you are on your own because you are not.

I’ve had quite a few messages and texts asking how much my sessions cost. I would just like to explain here why I don’t answer that question immediately.

Before I take on any client, I offer a 30 minute free initial consultation, this is so important as it is a ‘Getting to Know You’ call. There are times when I cannot take a person on as a client as I feel they need help from a different therapist or coach and in this case I may be able to refer them. I do not book immediate payable sessions as I don’t want to start the session and realise that I can’t help, you will have wasted your time and money.

Asking how much a session costs without asking any other details or without having the 30 minute free consultation is a little like going into a shop and asking how much something costs before you have decided what you want to buy.

Booking the 30 minute initial consultation does not commit you to any further sessions so I encourage anyone who would like to find out more about the sessions and to see if I can help, to book the session. You can book the initial consultation by phone, email or on this page.

Warm wishes

Lynne

Tel: 07541-980-365
Email: [email protected]

Life felt terrible for so many years, I had no idea anxiety was running the show...

I experienced constant rushing, negative thoughts that would plague my day and keep me awake for hours at night despite being exhausted. Every morning when I woke, I felt a heavy, overwhelming sense of fear for no reason. I suffered with palpitations, breathlessness and nausea. I double guessed myself all the time and these symptoms took a nose dive into more debilitating symptoms. Even when I did know I was suffering with severe anxiety, I didn't accept any help.

Why?

People might think I'm crazy, attention seeking, I should just get over it, speaking to anyone felt awkward to say the least. Each time a thought came to mind about getting help, those negative thoughts would send it running. So, I continued to suffer. I lost over 10 years of my life to severe anxiety, and my negative beliefs fuelled anxiety into panic attacks and agoraphobia.

If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have waited another second to reach out for help because change is possible and it is easier than we think.

In my experience, the process of recovery is similar to a jigsaw puzzle. When the pieces are all mixed up, some of them turned over you just can't see the bigger picture, but when you take piece by piece and sort through them it becomes easier to put the picture together. Seeing the bigger picture of what you do want life to be like definitely helps to pull you out of anxiety. But to begin with here are my...

Top 3 Tips To Take Back Control From Anxiety.

1. A thought kicks anxiety into action, followed by a physical reaction, known as, 'Fight or Flight'. The thought then grows in negativity, which increases physical symptoms. We talk to ourselves about how terrible the thought is and the negatively grows this is known as, 'catastrophising'. As the fear of the thought grows so do the physical symptoms adding even more anxiety. This is how we 'do' anxiety.

Very often we end up seeing the doctor or even attending A&E because of the physical symptoms that we experience, fearing that something terrible is happening to our health. When you have seen the doctor and been given the all clear on your physical health, we know that the symptoms we are experiencing are, 'Fight or Flight' and we can take action before we arrive to this level.

What would happen if the first thought was interrupted before it had a chance to grow? Focus on your thinking. When a negative thought comes to mind, interrupt it! Don't get dragged into the catastrophic movie. Replace it with a thought that is more resourceful. By repeatedly doing this, it helps us to realise that we are in control of our thoughts and not visa-versa. A thought has no control because we can change it!

2. Breathing techniques – When anxiety grows, breathing becomes rapid and shallow. Because we are consumed by the negative thought, we may not even realise the change in our breathing. Rapid breathing and overwhelm from the catastrophic thought can fuel a panic attack so it's time for change!

Divert attention.

Inhale the air slowly and deeply through the nose, so that the chest and tummy rise, hold for a moment.

Focus slightly more on the out-breath allowing the air to leave the body slowly and as it does feel, notice how the muscles relax. Repeat this process a few times and allow yourself to relax.

3. The Power of Now

Mindfulness is a strategy that may take a little practice as does any skill and it can be a fantastic way to alleviate anxiety in the moment.

Anxiety grows from a thought of a future event, potential loss, potential danger, potential failure. All of the thoughts are focused in the future.

By focusing our thoughts on the present moment, mindfulness counteracts anxiety and worrying. It allows us to become aware of the present moment, rather than reacting to a future based thought.

Focus on breathing, how your chest slowly rises and falls with each breath inhaled and exhaled. Feel the air as it enters and leaves your body.

Can you hear birds singing or the leaves rustling in the breeze?

Are there any other noises?

If thoughts enter your mind, just let them pass.

How does your body feel is it tense or beginning to relax? If you are still feeling a little tense, purposely tense the muscles a little more, then purposely let them relax.

How does your body feel differently now?

These are just three (there are many more) powerful ways to stop anxiety in its tracks. The more they are practiced the more they will become habitual so remember to use them often.

My life experience now drives my passion to help others not only recover from anxiety but to see the bigger picture and what they do want in their life.

Please don't suffer in silence as I did. Make today the day to reach out for the help you need in order to live the life you want.

I am always happy to speak to people about how they can make life better, so please feel free to call or email me. You can also book a free 30 minute consultation with me here.

Change is possible!

Warm wishes

Lynne

Tel: 07541-980-365

Email: [email protected]