Lyn Ray Coaching

ADHD & hormones – why women need to know this.

I’ve shared on LinkedIn previously about how I went to a meeting at our kids’ school about ADHD last year and so many things finally made sense. It was like a jigsaw was being pieced together in front of my eyes. I was 50 years old, and I had never once considered I may have ADHD, but I ticked so many of the boxes that the Educational Psychologist spoke about.

Since then, I have been learning more about ADHD. It is very poorly diagnosed in women and girls as we mask many of the challenges it brings often overcompensating with excessive planning, perfectionism and people pleasing. That is exhausting.

I suspect there are many successful women in the corporate world with undiagnosed ADHD. Many of the traits that ADHD brings, lend themselves well in that environment but there can be points in a woman’s life where the balls begin to fall, and hormones have a big part to play in that.

When oestrogen levels drop – at certain points in the month, after childbirth and in the peri/menopause – ADHD symptoms become worse. This is something I believe women need to know.

If you are struggling after having a baby (I know I did hugely) or things are becoming harder to manage in your 40s, it’s worth learning more about ADHD. It may explain the challenges you are experiencing.

To find out more about the impact of our hormones on ADHD https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPerPxb-RNs

Women, ADHD, and Hormones Webinar Welcome to our webinar on Women, ADHD, and Hormones with Prof. Dr. Sandra Kooij! You can ask us questions via the livestream chat on Facebook or YouTube, or ...

Life for most female business owners is busy. Often they are juggling the demands of running a business alongside raising kids and trying to make sure everyone is fed, has clean clothes and their house doesn't look like a bomb site.

How do I know this?

I know this because that's my life 😅!

Often though when we are going at 100 miles an hour, we end up running on autopilot and we don't take the time to think about what we actually want and why.

This session is a chance to get that time to step back and think about what YOU want in 2024. This is bigger than what you want from your business. It's about what you want from your life. This time is an investment in YOU.

Vicky Hunter and I are very excited to run this session. It's is going to raise our collective energy! We'd love you to join us.

Final call!

I'm running a session tomorrow morning Friday 8th December 9.30-10.30am to reflect on how 2023 has been for you. It will be an upbeat and energising session and there's a great bunch of people coming.

I am very excited to have friends and clients, old & new, in the room. Writing will be used in the session to aid reflection and there will be no pressure at all to share anything unless you want to. You would be very welcome to join us. Spaces are limited though.

It's a free session but if you would like to make a donation these are going to Rock Trust. A charity supporting teenagers who are homeless or facing homelessness in Scotland. Thank you to everyone who has donated so far. It's much appreciated.

If you would like to sign up, please follow the link below to Eventbrite to book a ticket:

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/reflecting-on-2023-lessons-from-this-year-tickets-753247191627?aff=oddtdtcreator

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Yesterday I had the pleasure of speaking at the Azets Tax Team Away Day in Stirling. I was the session after lunch, which as anyone who knows anything about circadian rhythms knows, is not an easy slot but I needn't have worried.

The topic for discussion was "Work Smarter, Not Harder" and this is a topic I feel passionately about. You just need to look at the physical and mental health statistics in the UK to recognise that something needs to change in the way that we work!

As anyone who worked with me in my chilled food days will vouch, I worked hard and I worked long hours. I was passionate, I was driven, I loved my job and I didn't want to let my team or my customers down. But it came at a cost.

Twice I ended unable to lift my head off my pillow for a fortnight because I felt so ill. The first time it happened was in early 2000 after a stressful Christmas (we were a major smoked salmon & deli supplier to M&S). It was only when it happened again for a third time in 2018 after a very difficult period in our business, that I finally realised what I was experiencing was burnout and that this was a pattern that I was simply repeating. At that point, I decided things were going to change once and for all.

I started reading a broad range of literature across neuroscience, behavioural science and positive psychology and began to make small changes in my life which had a big impact. This led me to retraining as a coach.

Yesterday we spoke about the impact of our beliefs, practical tools to build a growth mindset and confidence, the importance of our habits in the quality of the life that we lead, ways to work with our circadian rhythms to use our energy wisely and strategies to minimise distractions and the effect of these.

Everything I share is simple and practical. We are all busy - we don't need more to do - we just need to use our time and our energy to best effect.

A huge thank you to Gemma Monaghan and Frazer Nicol for inviting me to speak, and to the Azets Tax Team for actively participating in the session and being a warm and engaging audience.

I'm looking to grow the speaking part of my business in 2024, so if anyone is looking for a speaker or a facilitator at a Team Away Day or at any similar event, please get in touch.

I also work with clients who are experiencing burnout. This is not something that a couple of weeks off work solves. We need to understand the beliefs that are underpinning our behaviour and build better beliefs, habits and working practices that stop it happening again.

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Anyone else have that Monday morning feeling this morning?

Normally I'm pretty fortunate. I do a job I love, but irrespective we all have these days - especially when it's dark and cold outside - when it feels hard to drag our butt out of bed. I've got a few things to do today that I've been procrastinating about but that just need done, and there was a sense of dread. So whilst every inch of my being wanted to snooze the alarm, I forced myself out of bed.

What did I do next? Yoga. Why? When we are feeling stuck, we need to shift our energy, and movement is a great way to do that. How you choose to move is up to you - dance, get outside and walk, run, star jumps - the choice is yours, but just move! I promise it helps overcome procrastination.

Here's a link to Yoga Joy by Adriene that I use when I need a boost of positive energy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8uHMMmWMHQ&t=929s

Any other tips you can share that you use to give you a boost when motivation is low, or when you are procrastinating?

Yoga Joy | 20-Minute Full Body Vinyasa Flow Get ready to embody the essence of joy for your physical, mental, and emotional well-being with this uplifting and strengthening vinyasa flow.Honor your self...

Today is World Mental Health Day. According to Scottish Government Statistics 1 in 4 adults in Scotland are affected by mental health problems in a year. Figures are not dissimilar across the rest of the UK. For women in full time employment they are twice as likely as their male colleagues to suffer a common mental health conditions (Mental Health Foundation). These are very worrying statistics.

Mental health problems impact all areas of our lives - our relationships, our work, our health, our social life. No one is immune from mental health challenges.

Recently I did my Mental Health First Aid Training with the honest and funny Pete White. One of the things that Pete advocates is that, when we are feeling good, that we write a list of things we could do to help us feel better on days when we are finding things tough. On those days, it can be hard to know what will help us feel better.

Anyone going to join me in taking 5 minutes today to make that list?

I couldn't say it better than Adam Grant. This is "the book the world needs."

It may be the most important and thought provoking book I have ever listened to and those are not words I say lightly. I've read a lot of great books.

Back in the mid 90s, I remember walking into the office and being told we were getting email installed on our computers.

From that day onwards life sped up. Constant demands. A need for instant replies. And that has never waned. We live in a culture where being busy is worn as a badge of honour. We thrive on the dopamine hit. This was further fuelled by the arrival of social media and the increased distractions that brought.

But not everything can be important. Not everything can be urgent. Are we confusing being busy with being productive? Have we lost our ability to focus on what is most important to us as individuals, families, companies, organisations and countries?

The book raises key questions about how we live as individuals, about how we raise our kids, about how we educate and about how we lead and work. At times it casts an uncomfortable light but for anyone who is interested in making a positive impact in any of these areas, I'd urge you to read it.

I battled with imposter syndrome throughout my career in the food industry and it is something many of my clients experience. Here is a link to a Linkedin article I've written about how to overcome it.

https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7080083894842093568?updateEntityUrn=urn%3Ali%3Afs_feedUpdate%3A%28V2%2Curn%3Ali%3Aactivity%3A7080083894842093568%29

This is a game changer. It reduces anxiety and builds your confidence, enjoyment and success.



Photo: Jiropong Manustrong

Burnout is a state of extreme exhaustion. I have experience it 3 times. It's a dark place. After the third time, I realised things for me needed to change - not just for my sake but for the sake of the people I love. That was the start of a journey that ultimately led me into coaching.

The 12 stages of burnout model developed by psychologists Herbert Freudenberger & Gail North is a good tool to help assess your behaviour and the severity of the situation.

Simply having some time off work to recover without getting to the root of the problem is like sticking a plaster on a gapping wound that clearly needs stitches! To stop the pattern repeating you need to get to the root of what is causing the behaviour. The thoughts and beliefs that are behind the drive and behaviours that ultimately results in burnout. This is something that can be hard to do on your own. With this awareness, I then support you to build new, more empowering beliefs that result in positive behaviours which prevent burnout happening again.

If you are struggling with burnout please get in touch.

Regularly the subject of comparing ourselves to others comes up in sessions with clients. This comparison rarely does anything positive for our confidence or self-esteem.

I was coming back from a client session when I spotted this message in the window of Mardy Bum Active Club. I love it and wanted to share it. So here's to living life in our own lane, at our own pace and to winning our own race.

Life Coach Edinburgh | Lyn Ray Coaching Do you feel stressed, frustrated or unfulfilled? Lyn Ray offers life coaching in Edinburgh or online. Take positive action towards the life you want.

This week is International Coaching Week. As a coach, I am passionate about the value coaching brings but rather than me spout forth about it, I thought it would be better to share some of the benefits clients have found.

“The sessions really helped me to iron out some priorities, strengthen my self-confidence and value myself and the skills I bring to the table.”

“I have managed to carve out a totally new career, I have such an improved level of confidence, mental/emotional health and happiness which others have noticed.”

“You were able to help me see how I could work on my dreams and the steps I could take whilst at the same time really looking at some of my behaviours and what it is that might be helping to keep me back or even stuck.’

“I am so much more comfortable in my own skin. I am able to make mindful, considered decisions. It’s like a fog has been lifted and I can hold my head high again.”

“When I was at cross-roads in my life and all I had was uncertainty. The sessions helped me to identify where I was now, appreciate where I’d been and how to imagine and realise the future I wanted.”

“Very clear, thought provoking and insightful. I’m not much of a talker but your questions bring out the answers.”

“We have worked with Lyn to coach our senior people through a range of different career challenges. Our people speak highly of the work Lyn does with them, supporting them to see different perspectives and to employ practical and positive strategies for improving wellbeing and performance. As a business we have also seen a clear return on our investment in Lyn and our people. I would recommend Lyn to any business looking to introduce coaching strategies to their day-to-day work.” Osler

And my all-time favourite feedback - “it’s a game changer!”

If you are feeling anxious, frustrated or unfulfilled – coaching may be worth considering. If you are swithering, I’d ask you to consider what is feeling the way you do now costing you – mentally, physically, emotionally & financially?

If you are interested in finding out more, I offer a free, no-obligation introductory call. To book please go to https://www.lynray.co.uk/contact

The impact of people pleasing is a topic that often comes up in sessions with clients.

I was delighted to write an article on this topic for MADE Magazine (Mums and Dads Edinburgh). Thank you to Louise Wilson for this opportunity. To read the article online please go to https:// www.mademagazine.co.uk.

What impact is people pleasing having on you? Where would you rather be investing your time, energy and money?

For the last ten years as a family, we have been on a journey. With hindsight, I now realise it started way before that.

The piecing together of the jigsaw began when our son was in P5, we were called into the school and told that they thought Owen was autistic. Sometimes his behaviour was challenging. We were advised to take him to our doctor which we did but having spoken to Owen the doctor advised she did not believe he was autistic. In P7, his school report advised his oral work was considerably better than his written work. That for us was obviously a concern, so we took him privately to be assessed and were told Owen was both dyslexic and dysgraphic.

With our daughter, at 18 months I knew her speech as not as her brother’s had been. She had had repeated ear infections as a baby. At 2 ½ she had grommets fitted and had speech therapy until she was 6. I knew from her first day in P1 she too was dyslexic. Lois did not enjoy school at all, and we went through periods where she really did not want to go. For any parent who has experienced this, having to peel your child off your leg and practically having to force them to go to school is upsetting and stressful.

Over the last year or so my son has said to me a few times, Mum I think there’s more to this than dyslexia & dysgraphia. Recently, the Support for Learning Parents Group at our kids’ school organised an evening about AHDH. As the educational psychologist, spoke a lot resonated. Not just relating to both the kids, but also to my husband and I. So much finally made sense of challenges, we had experienced as a family, and as individuals. I recognise now there is “co-morbidity” (much of the language around neurodiversity make me mad!) between dyslexia, dysgraphia, ADHD, ASD, anxiety, depression and OCD.

I read “ADHD 2.0” by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey, and more and more began to make sense when I reflected on the challenges I’d experienced within my own life – an insatiable drive, a constant need to experience new things, a mind that never stops, anxiety, workaholism, burnout and two points in my life where I was very close to a breakdown.

Ironically though it was this, that ultimately brought me to coaching as I saw the positive benefits making changes in my own life had brought.

I am 50 years old. There are times when it has felt like I have been tortured by my own brain. I do not want my kids to go through their life as I have, nor do I want other people to experience a similar struggle when with the right strategies and in the right environment, neurodiverse people can thrive and use their considerable energy, passion and creative thinking abilities to make a massive positive impact on our society.

Over the next few months, I intend to share some of my journey and ours as a family, in the hope that it helps other people realise they are not alone.

We have neurodiverse brains for a reason. The world needs them.

For anyone working in the corporate world, strategy meetings are commonplace, but how much time do you spend focussing on your own life in this way?

Life is busy. I get it. But if we don't know where we are heading, how will we get there.

Often we are so busy meeting other people's expectations of us, that we can have little time to think about what we want, let alone starting to take action to get there. This can cause anxiety and frustration to build. Yet when we are clear on what we want and why, it helps us to make conscious choices of where we invest our time, energy and money. This leads to greater happiness, success and fulfilment.

I am running a “Time for YOU, to Focus on YOU” Workshop on Friday 28th April 2023 10-12 noon at McLarens on the Corner, Morningside Road, Edinburgh EH10 4DD.

I will be asking questions and facilitating exercises to give you time and space to think about what’s important to you in all areas of your life, to reflect on what’s working for you and what’s not, to think about your strengths, skills and experience that make you unique and to come up with some simple actions to move you in the direction you want.

The cost of the workshop is £35. To find out more about the workshop or to book, please see the attached link.

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/time-for-you-to-focus-on-you-your-wants-needs-dreams-tickets-594741436647

Time for YOU, to focus on YOU - your wants, needs & dreams. Time for YOU to focus on YOU - your wants, needs & dreams!

Meet the latest addition to the family - Naomi.

She is the sweetest girl and going to be useful too - she’s already herding the spaniels 😂 which is handy as one is deaf!

From when we are tiny babies, we get all sorts of messages from our parents, family and wider society about how we need to behave to be loved and accepted. For some of us, the message we got was that to receive love and praise, or to avoid criticism or punishment, we should do what is expected of us. In childhood that can have been a successful strategy for us but in adulthood it can be more problematic.

In adulthood we can be trying to please a lot of people - our partner, kids, parents, siblings, friends, our boss, colleagues, clients. Our to-do-list can feel never-ending, and the fact is it's impossible to please everyone. This can lead to us feeling exhausted, frustrated and resentful.

So how is people pleasing impacting you? Recognising the impact is critical if you want to change the situation. Take 5 minutes with a blank bit of paper and write it down.

How's it making you feel?
How's it impacting you physically?
How's it affecting how you spend your time and money?
How's it impacting your relationships?
How's it impacting your career?

This is 5 minutes well spent as can show the broad ramifications of this learned behaviour. If we recognise it, we can change it.

Often when people come to work with me they are anxious, frustrated or unfulfilled. It's my job to help them get to the root of what is causing these feelings. Typically there are a number of factors at play, but people pleasing is a common one and the impact of this can be huge (more about that later in the week).

So how do you know if you are a people pleaser? Do you prioritise other peoples wants and needs above your own? Do you spend little time on your own self-care? Do you have little time to spend on the things that are important to you? If the answer to these is yes, this is generally a good indicator that you are a people pleaser.

However, we can go one better, the author Gretchen Rubin has developed a brilliant quick quiz that will tell you
https://gretchenrubin.com/quiz/the-four-tendencies-quiz/. The quiz looks at how we respond to internal and external expectations, and the impact of this on our lives and on achieving what we want is considerable. Gretchen refers to people pleasers as obligers.

If any of this resonates, I'd urge you to take the test. And if you are feeling brave, comment with your result.

Awareness is key, if we want to change the way we feel, our behaviour and what we achieve.

Tomorrow, I'll be talking about where people pleasing comes from.

This is a picture of my Mum & I in Cornwall in June 2018.

My husband & I had been through a stressful couple of years with our business. I decided it was time for Mum & I to take a trip to Cornwall. We spent a lazy few days wandering around Padstow, eating great food and having the odd glass of wine. It was precious to get some time just the two of us and to be able to have proper conversations, which rarely happens in the busyness of family life! It was the break I badly needed.

Growing up my Mum was always there for my brother and I. We were her top priority and that was never in question. But she was also a nurse – a District Nurse, a Geriatric Nurse, an AIDS Sitter Nurse (in the late 1980s when the world was terrified of AIDS) and laterally a Marie Curie Nurse. This speaks for who she is as a person – she is loving, caring and dedicated to her family and her patients. Someone once said the thing they love about me most is that I really “give a sh*t”. I got this from my Mum.

As women we are shaped by our Mother and Grandmothers, and I am proud to have been shaped by mine. I hope I can be the positive role model for my daughter that they have been to me.