Jon Imondi

The Fear of Saying No!

We often learnt that to be loved and a good girl or boy we had to as we were told and never protest.

This unfortunately meant that we never got to safely practice a healthy protest from an early age.

We never got to develop a healthy no.

As adults then a "NO!" from us means that we're not a nice person, not loveable, not wanted // fill in the blanks.

So, imagine what it would be like to say "No" to your friend's kind invite or to your Boss' demands.

What emotions and feelings would arise? What would that say about you as an adult if you could or would say 'No!'?

Big love,
Jon

The Darker Side of Developmental Trauma.

When our needs as a baby remain unmet it becomes too painful for us and we literally disconnect from life. Imagine the screams of that helpless individual never being soothed.

The early trauma leads to a constant and continuous sense of dread and foreboding. Leaving us feeling like we don’t fit in, a societal burden or simply should never have existed at all.

As adults, this early trauma leaves us with low levels of resiliency and become easily triggered and overwhelmed by the seemingly “insignificant” happenings

Perhaps It’s easy to see that this level of unresolved trauma could result in suicidal thoughts and fantasies becoming a common theme in ones thoughts and emotions.

Big love, Jon ❤️‍🩹

***deawareness

"Trauma is not what happens to you, it's what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.:

- Gabor Mate

How Does Developmental Trauma Show up For You (in everyday life) ...

Developmental trauma shows up for us often without us even realising it. It can be the reason we suffer as adults feeling stuck, trapped, anxious and a host of other things that simply aren't who we truly are.

Do you recognise any of these?

Big love, Jon ❤️‍🩹

What is Developmental Trauma? (very brief ...)

Developmental trauma happens when, during our early years, our emotional needs aren't consistently met or our environment feels unsafe.

This can shape the way we view the world and interact with others as adults. These adaptations, initially meant to protect us, can make it tough to navigate relationships and stunt our personal growth.

As adults we are literally seeing and relating to the world through broken or distorted "trauma goggles”.

Last night whilst brushing my teeth I saw a small spider in the sink.

I’m not a fan of spiders but equally cannot knowingly kill anything.

Hence why I spent the next 5 minutes, mouth still full of saliva and toothpaste trying to scoop Tim (the spider) out from the sink.

Each time I tried to scoop him up he fell back down the plug hole only to reappear moments later.

His resolve was so strong I was committed to saving him. Mouth now leaking toothpaste down my chin I finally scooped him out with toilet roll and he leapt onto the floor.

“F**k!” I thought immediately. “Now there’s a spider in my bathroom and I have no idea where the bu**er is!”

I hastily exited the bathroom and hopped into bed.

Moral of the story? Sometimes we follow what’s in our hearts and do things we don’t fully understand and that’s OK.

Trusting in ourselves and our hearts without “overthinking” is a beautiful and powerful thing ❤️‍🩹

Over the years I valued “intellect” over “connection” with myself and with others.

I ebbed and flowed between focusing on always being right and taking pride in being scientific and rational in my thinking.

Later I shifted in the direction of the more spiritual path. Believing that the world was unsafe and that true ‘living” (whatever that means) only existed elsewhere … in another realm.

It took me a long time to realise that these were adaptive strategies and that both can co-exist but not at the expense of my own connection to myself and others.

One of the ways in which developmental trauma shows up in our adult life is through a disconnection from ourselves and others.

We see the world through a broken, distorted lens when “feeling” becomes almost impossible.

It’s actually terrifying and dangerous to us and leads us to a very “heady” existence where we live in our intellect or we tune into our more spiritual nature seeking out other worldly experiences to further increase the disconnection for the self and from others.

Perhaps you recognise some of this in yourself?

Big love, Jon 🧡

❤️‍🩹 Strength in Vulnerability ❤️‍🩹

Have you ever noticed that there is so much strength and self compassion in being vulnerable?

Today, I felt overwhelmed with anxiety and sadness. I reached out to my partner, and just expressing those feelings brought unexpected tears and relief. It was a reminder of how powerful vulnerability can be.

It’s okay to not be okay, and it’s more than okay to talk about it. Sharing our shadows can sometimes be the first step to moving through them.

Have you experienced the healing power of vulnerability?

Big love, Jon ❤️‍🩹

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Running Through Life’s Challenges: Not as Fast as Gump but We’re Getting There 😅

The past 2 years have been challenging, to say the least, for me and those around me.

There have been stolen cars, cancer journeys, mums falling over, mums getting hit by a car, and everything else that life has to offer in its beautifully, bountiful way 😅.

But all of this has served to bring me clarity and help me really see what it is I want from life.

Hence this post. It’s a bit of a nothing post. I don’t really have any value to offer, advice, or support.

I just wanted to post… something. As a commitment to me that this is what I want to do.

My plan is to share my experience with my own mental health struggles. How I’ve worked through them and hopefully how I can help others.

This is the start (again) of that journey and hopefully, I’ll have a few people join me. Kind of like Forrest Gump…

Big love, Jon.

P.S. If you’re interested in following my cancer journey then I’d love for you to join me here

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Hashtags:

🤗 MASSIVELY Proud Moment (FOR ME) 🤗

In 2013 I discovered Meditation and Mindfulness and it really made a massive change in my life.

In 2017 I started to teach this to others.

In 2017 (a good year) I went on my first retreat run by the wonderful Gaia Pollini (author and co-author of the f**k it books)

In 2018 I began a 3 year training with John and Gaia into the wonderful and painful world of developmental trauma (with a view to heal my own and others)

In 2021 I began my journey into the world of NARM (Neuro-Affective Relational Model) to become a NARM Informed Professional.

Yesterday I got my certificate. I’m now a recognised NARM Informed Professional.

I’m surprisingly not very good and recognising my own achievements and (as my work is all about vilnetability, shame and authenticity) I do feel some shame about sharing it here.

But hey I AM PROUD OF ME 😅❤️🤗

Be proud of you today and remember we never know where our luves will lead us. Just trust in YOU and sonetimes we can end up somewhere beautiful.

🧡 Shame, Struggle and Vulnerability 🧡

When we're struggling in life it can feel painfully overwhelming. We can feel like we have nobody or nowhere to turn too.
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The truth is that it's our own shame and our fear of vulnerability that often keeps us trapped. It keeps us stuck where we are physically and emotionally unable to move through it.
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This fear and shame tells us that if we open up, if we show the world who we truly are or talk about what's really going on for us then we'll be rejected. "They'll see me for who I really am."
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So what's the antidote to this? Well we need safety. We need to feel safe enough to open up to someone and for them to see us and hear us without judgement, advice or sympathy.
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100% transparent empathy (if that's a thing) without then need from the other person to try and 'fix' anything.
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🧡 Healthy Anger 🧡

Anger is an emotion the same as any other. The problem is that when we start to feel it our shame kicks in and suppresses it.

Anger is healthy. It’s our way of setting boundaries and telling the world what is OK for us and what isn’t.

What happens to you when anger comes up?

Follow for more 👉

Big love, Jon ❤️

💀 🧡 The Death of Creativity and YOU 🧡 💀
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I had to take a little road trip with work today. I actually love driving. Always gives me chance to listen to music, sing my head off or scream at middle lane hoggers as I overtake with my meanest “learn to drive” face on 😅
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But probably most importantly my more creative ponderings are born when I’m burning some rubber.
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Today was no different. Inspired by a Ted Talk I watched a while back I got to thinking about how creativity is literally taught out of us from an early age. This is not some crazy conspiracy theory I have, there’s much truth in it. Think about it.
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We’re raised the same way, taught the same stuff and constantly being told to be like little Timmy or Jane down the road. “They’re so good and never misbehave”. We go for interviews to take jobs that we don’t really give 2 sh*ts about and the list goes on.
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I’ll leave you to ponder this and ask a question that my favourite philosopher posed:
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“What would you like to do if money were no object”? - Alan Watts
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Follow for more 👉
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Big love, Jon ❤️

🧡Child Consciousness Vs Adult Consciousness 🧡
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Early trauma or early failings in your environment (developmental trauma) force you to physically disconnect from yourself, your identity. Subconsciously you develop shame-based survival strategies to provide protection of the attachment to your parents/caregivers.
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This becomes our child consciousness.
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For you to resolve this you must start to become curious about who you truly are. The authentic you without seeing through the distorted lens of your shame-based survival strategies. Only then will you discover true connection to yourself, to others and feel like you are home.
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Follow for more 👉
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Big love, Jon ❤️
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🤓We all view ourselves though a “lens”. But what if from an early age that lens became distorted? 🤓

What if the lens you use to see your identity is cloudy, out of focus or even broken?

Then what does that mean for who you really are? What does that mean for your identity? What does it mean for your relationship with yourself?

Perhaps, just perhaps you’re not the person that you thought you were or should be.

Maybe, just maybe through the “true” lens of your life you’re not broken and that you are already in fact the person that you always dreamed of becoming.

Maybe 🤔 🧡

🧡 Gentle Reminder For a Monday Morning 🧡

❤️‍🩹 Childhood Trauma and Developmental Trauma ❤️‍🩹
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This is the work I do and this is something that may affect you without you ever really knowing it.
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Developmental trauma is something that I’d never even heard of several years ago. But when I dod everything in my adult world started to “make sense”.
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When I began to work through the early environmental failings in my own childhood I started to view myself and my world completely differently.
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I started to see that the adult behaviours I hated the most and felt the most shame around in adulthood were actually the result of adaptations I’d created from a VERY early age.
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Then and only then was I able to work through and reconnect to who I truly am.
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Who I always was.
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Who you truly are.
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Once I’d worked through my “stuff” I was then ready to apply everything I’ve learned and experienced to help others heal theirs ❤️‍🩹
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Big love, Jon 🧡

❤️‍🩹 Useful “Tips” for NOT Managing Anxiety ❤️‍🩹

I’m starting to get annoyed, yep ANNOYED! By all the stuff out there around “managing” anxiety!

Errr, HELL No!

Anxiety is your body screaming at you that something needs to be looked at, explored and to be curious about.

Anxiety is a product of you suppressing the TRUE YOU!

The Real You! The beautiful you! The quiet you! The cheeky you! The naughty you.

So look at these tips and start to become friends with your anxiety if you can.

Don’t manage it or it will manage you.

Let me know if you agree below?

Follow for more 👉

Big love, Jon 🧡

❤️‍🩹 When you wake up feeling anxious ❤️‍🩹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Who’s with me here?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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You wake up feeling anxious about the day ahead and all you want to do is pull the duvet over your head and hope it all goes away 😅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Big love, Jon⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Follow for more 👉 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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❤️‍🩹 What is your anxiety REALLY trying to tell you ❤️‍🩹
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Do you see your anxiety as a problem? Something that can often be crippling and something that you try to avoid and run away from at all costs?
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Truth is that our anxiety is a warning sign. It’s a signal screaming for us to pay attention to what truly needs to be expressed.
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❤️‍🩹 Anxiety is NOT an emotion. It's a warning sign informing you that something NEEDS to be expressed.
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❤️‍🩹 Something you're suppressing. Something that really needs to be felt that may be too scary or too painful.
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❤️‍🩹 You'll often dismiss anxiety as something that you can do nothing about or as a feeling that's 'always been there'.
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❤️‍🩹 The truth is that your anxiety was the outcome of something that you weren't allowed to express as a child.
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❤️‍🩹 Perhaps it was your aliveness, your playfulness, your loudness, your uniqness, your mischieviousness Insert your own ...
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❤️‍🩹 What would it be like to be curious about your anxiety? Be open to it and not run from it?
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❤️‍🩹 Does this help you see your anxiety in a new way?
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Let me know in the comments below 👇
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Follow for more 👍
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Big love, Jon 🧡

❤️‍🩹 The Thing We Want Most is the Thing We Most Fear ❤️‍🩹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Now obviously I’m definitely not talking about material things here. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Let’s be honest.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I’d love a bright green Lamborghini 🚘 (no lambo emoji’s)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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But I don’t fear it. Well, unless I go too fast into a big, fat lamp post 😳⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Here I’m talking about what you REALLY want. What you REALLY need for you. Your deepest, wonderfulest (it’s a word) desires …⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Here are a few examples:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✅ You want to be loved.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
❌ You’re terrified of being hurt. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✅ You want to find your voice.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
❌ You fear being judged. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✅ You want to be your beautiful, weird self. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
❌ The fear that people won’t like you is crippling.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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And here sits the hard, truth. Our greatest fears are born from what we didn’t get as children. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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But it’s not true. It’s not who YOU are. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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You are YOU in all your beauty 🧡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Follow for more 👉 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Big love, Jon 🧡

❤️‍🩹 A Useful Reminder ❤️‍🩹
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When trying to fight and resist the things you most “hate” about yourself.
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Save this as a useful reminder.
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Big love as always Jon 🧡
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🐶 Not sure I need to say anymore to this pic 🐶

❤️‍🩹 What are you cutting off? ❤️‍🩹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“When we resist the parts of ourselves we actively dislike or even hate we're cutting off from the very thing that once kept us safe.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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If you’re reading this then you may have never considered this before. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When we’re young and our needs are unmet (more on this in future posts) then we develop adaptive strategies in order to “disconnect” from those needs and ourselves. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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We start to tell ourselves that it can’t be our environment, our parents our worlds that are broken. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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The conclusion that we come to … it MUST be us. It must be us that is “wrong” so we adapt. We change the lens of our view and see ourselves as unloveable or unworthy.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This very thing that we develop as a survival strategy when we’re young becomes the very thing that stops us truly living as adults. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When we look on that part of us from the point of view of what that small child HAD to do to survive it somehow changes exactly what it was. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Follow for more (Instagram) 👉 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Big love, Jon 🧡