Weaving Parachutes

We still have spaces on this wonderful course coming up this weekend. Please see the attached leaflet for details and book in via the online form

WHAT CAN RIP CURRENTS TEACH US ABOUT LIFE ?

As a keen surfer, rips are an inevitable part of time spent in the ocean. They are often welcome conveyor belts taking surfers back out into the line-up with minimal effort. However, for others these rip currents can be life threatening.

A rip is a strong, localized, and narrow current of water which moves directly away from the shore, cutting through the lines of breaking waves like a river running out to sea. Rips most frequently occur on beaches with breaking waves – the bigger the waves the stronger the rip!

People often get in to trouble as the natural tendency, especially for the less confident, is to find the calm area on the beach to swim and this is exactly where the rips tend to be found!

Once caught in a rip the experience can be terrifying as you are pulled away from the shoreline and out to sea, often at some speed. The immediate and automatic instinct is to try and to swim back to shore. Unfortunately, this is a futile and potentially lethal course of action as rips are stronger than the most powerful of swimmers and those that attempt this will rapidly become exhausted and need rescuing.

However, most rips tend to be very narrow and dissipate in strength just outside of the zone of the breaking waves. The swimmer can get out of quite easily by swimming at a right angle, across the current, parallel to the shore in either direction. Rip currents are usually not very wide, so getting out of one only takes a few strokes. Once out of the rip current, getting back to shore is also not difficult, since waves are breaking, and floating objects (including swimmers) will be pushed by the waves towards the shore.
An alternative, if caught in a strong rip, is to simply relax (either floating or treading water) and allow the current to carry you until it dissipates completely once it is beyond the line of breaking waves. Then it will be possible to signal for help, or swim back through the surf, doing so diagonally, away from the rip and towards the shore.
Rip currents have a lot of similarities to the stresses we face in our lives. When things are rough and turbulent, like the sea, there is a tendency to search for the calm area. However, often these can lure us into a false sense of security and very quickly we can be pulled in a direction we didn’t expect or desire, often quite rapidly!

How often in our lives have we behaved like a swimmer caught in a rip? When things aren’t going the way, we would like or wish we try and swim harder, push for longer, force things in the direction we want to go. As with the rip it isn’t always wise to keep pushing in the one direction, against the flow. This action often tires us, exhausts us, and can often bring about our demise!

A wiser response may be to pause temporarily and begin moving in a different direction, parallel to the stress, till we feel the force begin to dissipate and we find a way out and able to move forward once again.

Another possible choice may be to simply breathe, relax, save our energy, tread water and allow ourselves to move with the stress, knowing that eventually its energy will dissipate and we can then move forward once again in the direction we would like.

From a neurological perspective, when we are caught in the fight, flight or freeze response our thinking brain goes off line. We become tunnel visioned, like the proverbial rabbit caught in the headlights. We can’t think of creative or different solutions to problems we face, however hard we try. It’s only in spaces of calm, when we are not pushing at the challenge, that the way forward becomes clear.

We often perceive that this type of engagement may signify a lack of strength or a weakness a certain passivity - we must try harder, we must push harder – However, if we can bring to mind a rip current we may see that this approach may only make matters worse and move us away from the solution to the problem, whilst exhausting us as the same time! As we become more aware of our often automatic and habitual patterns of reactivity to stress, it may be that we decide to choose to do something different. A response that may ease the stress and dissipate it quicker without quite as much exhaustion and tiredness!

WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO ASK FOR HELP ?

Last Christmas I was given the most thoughtful of gifts - It was a book called "The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse" by Charlie Mackesy. A beautifully illustrated book with lots of valuable life lessons to be pondered.

One page has always stuck in my mind - it is the moment the boy asks the horse what the bravest thing he has ever said - the horse simply replies "Help".

Following on from my last post on the inequality between men and women and their engagement in mental health provisions this seems poignant.

Why is it that we find it so difficult to ask for help? Why is it that this is such a "brave" thing to ask for?

There were two recent headlines and discussions that capture the essence of the challenges faced. One article was exploring the comments by Sir Steven Redgrave on the lack of success of the British rowing team. He was reported as saying that 'If we want a soft approach, we will have to expect softer results."

I understand the context within which this comment was made - However, it has wider ramifications and implications outside of professional sport, it gives a perception that the soft approach does not lead inevitably to success. In my eyes this is a social and cultural dogma. A stance that needs to be challenged and critiqued openly and without judgement.

The other headline was the report that English cricketer Ben Stokes was stepping down from topflight cricket citing his mental health as being the cause. A brave statement. However, the comments section made for interesting reading - there wasn't much outpouring of empathy or compassion! It was more of a series of remarks suggesting that as an elite athlete he was in a privileged position and if he can't stand the pressure then he should move on ! This is a distillation of the majority of comments.

Although sweeping generalisations cannot be made from these two headlines, it does highlight the deeply engrained belief that to show emotions, show vunerability or to ask for help is in some way a sign of failing and not a desirable move if 'success' is to be achieved.

As with the horse in Charles Mackesy's book - we need to change the mindset, the language we use and utilise around health and mental health. Asking for help is not only the bravest but the strongest thing any of us can do. Stepping toward, rather than an avoidance or ignoring of those challenges we all face in our lives whether they be physical or mental.

Please feel free to contact if you need help – if you are struggling with anxiety, depression, stress or just want to perform better. Always more than happy to discuss how I may be of help.

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MEN-tal Health?

Over recent years it has been encouraging to see a growth in both understanding and acceptance of mental health issues in society. With this increased awareness there has been a proliferation of services and courses aimed at supporting and boosting mental health.

However, this increased provision hasn’t necessarily translated to engagement - especially of men. The all-important next step, if theory is to blossom into change. As with learning to swim - we can be provided with all the knowledge and understanding about the process of swimming, but we eventually must step into the water to truly learn!

Why is there a lack of engagement?

I think the reasons are multiple and complex, but I suspect the causes distil down to lingering social and cultural stigma around the topic and the unpalatability of the language utilised.

There is most certainly a general unwillingness to show vulnerability. To sit in a group or to even enrol in courses about mental health is still viewed by a large percentage of men as something that is less than desirable or beneficial to their careers. Many men feel a pressure to be always strong. The incentive to engage tends to only occur once rock bottom has been reached. Until this point, a large percentage of men utilise maladaptive coping strategies – drink, drugs, or violent outbursts.

The hesitancy to openly discuss difficulty stretches far beyond the workplace and many men lack the network of supportive friends or the language to verbalise how they are feeling. Often, when they do manage to vocalise, they are met with a response that closes down the conversation or the expression of emotion.

One funny personal example of this was a conversation I had with two incredibly generous friends. During the period of my cancer treatment, they had provided a flat for myself and family close to the hospital where I was having treatment. An incredibly generous gift on its own. However, 2 months after I had completed treatment, I met up with them both to express my gratitude for their kindness. At this point they asked if I had thought of going on holiday with the family so we could all be together in a way that would be healing to all. I said that it was a great idea, however, I hadn’t worked for 7 months and couldn’t afford this. They interjected and said that I’d misunderstood, they wanted to pay for us! My immediate response was to cry …. a lot! I couldn’t believe their kindness and the positive impact it would have for my family. One of the friends became visibly agitated at my crying and lent forward, put his hand on my knee and said “there, there, don’t cry …. We do this for other people…….you’re nothing special.” We all burst out laughing and immediately I stopped crying. However, this act, although unconscious signifies the great discomfort many men have when confronted by another man in distress.

Another problem I see is in the language utilised in titles and the courses is not helpful. Mindfulness, emotional intelligence, self-care, compassion, acceptance, and commitment therapy etc. Although the tide is turning, for many men these words are seen as fluffy, deemed a little more feminine and fit somewhere in the realms of hippy mumbo jumbo! This is captured by the last 49 covers of Mindful magazine. 32 of the covers have a woman on the front, 4 have pictures of flowers and the remainder have men on their covers - 6 of which are sitting cross legged! The perception is that these are courses are engaged with, mainly by women or alternatively when things have hit rock bottom – not before!

I have run many corporate courses where there have been comments about the ‘soft skills’ that are being taught and their importance. I always laugh at this point and question why they are termed ‘soft skills’? In my eyes, they are the ‘hardest’ skills! Once again, the perception of soft may subconsciously add to the lack of engagement by men.

We need to find different and relevant ways of presenting this potentially life changing information. Finding different and applicable language - engaging participants where they are at in the things that are most important to them.

One way may be to utilise the medium of sport to stimulate interest - if we tell any golfer or sportsperson that it will improve their handicap or performance, they tend to be curious! Subsequently, the initial engagement aimed at boosting sports performance may well have benefits elsewhere in their lives. Surely, awareness and regulation of emotions has got to be of benefit on and off the course? A symbiotic approach is thus initiated.

I have been working with a colleague, Sarah Silverton, on courses with a more palatable and wider potential audience reach. No mention of mindfulness or anything too fluffy! The intention is to create engagement in techniques before problems arrive, weaving a proverbial parachute. This approaches would sit beside and enhance existing provisions.

To discuss how this approach may be of benefit to you personally or within your organisation , please do not hesitate to contact.

FEAR AND THE IMMUNE SYSTEM.

Over the past 20 years there has been a growing interest in the relationship between stress and the immune system and the physiology underlying this connection.

From a personal perspective I have experienced this first hand. In 2015, I fractured both of my heels. This created a great deal of stress, severe pain, three months off work and a deep sense of helplessness.

Almost a year to the day after this injury I was diagnosed with throat cancer. I am certain that the two where connected - the chronic stress of the previous year had played its part in creating a compromise of my immune system.

In the following six months of treatment there was little I had control over - I felt a little like a cork bobbing on a turbulent sea. The only thing I felt I had some modicum of control over was the way I related to both my diagnosis and treatment. I figured that if I could maintain some degree of regulation over my stress levels it would be of benefit to my treatment and it's efficacy. I was fortunate to have knowledge, skills and support that aided this.

There's so much in our life that we have little or any authority over. At the present time this has taken on a whole other dimension with COVID-19. It is unsurprising that individual and collective stress levels have gone through the roof.

However, if we can develop a greater understanding of how stress manifests in our bodies and mind and our resultant automatic and habitual reactions - then we nurture the possibility of change. Lessening the grip and the effect of chronic stress on the rest of our body and boosting the function of our immune systems.

The intention of Weaving Parachutes is to help individuals and groups find relevant ways to engage and practice techniques which reduce stress, boost resilience and improve performance. Ideally, weaving the parachute before we need it !

To find out more please contact.

WITHOUT THE S**T THE FLOWERS WOULDN’T GROW.

This has been the mantra I have adopted over the past few years, and I must say it has given me a certain degree of comfort.

6 years ago, I fractured both of my heels and had to have surgery on 1 of them. One year later (almost to the day) I was diagnosed with Stage 4 tonsillar cancer, had 2 surgeries, 6 weeks of radiotherapy and 4 rounds of chemotherapy.

Obviously, I would have preferred not to have had any of these experiences but as time has passed, I am able to see that there have been many positives that have arisen from such difficult and challenging times.

As humans none of us will escape loss, illness and hardship it is simply part and parcel of life. However, it is only at these junctures between comfort and discomfort that change occurs. We get an opportunity to see our lives from a slightly different perspective with our new acquired knowledge and experience.

We are living through turbulent times due to the recent pandemic and all have been affected in different ways and to varying degrees . We are collectively struggling, whether it be directly due to the virus itself, reduction or loss of income, mental health challenges inflamed by fear, anxiety and social isolation or due to the indirect health issues arising from maladaptive coping strategies of excessive food and alcohol consumption. We are all trying to find some degree of normality and stability. This can be exhausting and incredibly stressful.

However, one small positive emerging from this period is a change in the way certain services are provided - whether it be education resources, exercise classes or mental health provisions.

3 days after we went in to that first lockdown my wife shifted all of her Pilate’s sessions online. I would never have dreamed that this was even possible or desirable prior to COVID. However, the ease and accessibility of this medium have ensured that this is a change that will stay and grow over the coming years.

In a similar way I have been amazed how many of my clients have fully embraced the use of this virtual medium. My assumption was that this would not replace a face-to-face meeting and for many this is true. However, for a growing number of clients this feels like a more comfortable and safer way to explore difficulties and challenges within their lives. Being in our own environment can give a sense of stability from which we can then gently traverse those things that we find most difficult. It may be that this is a creative and therapeutic utilisation of the virtual medium and is one small flower to grow from the fertiliser of COVID-19 !

My approach utilises the experience I have gained through my 25+ years as a chiropractor, the knowledge from a psychology degree infused with the 15 years as a teacher of mindfulness-based approaches - working with individuals exploring and developing techniques and knowledge aimed at helping with anxiety, depression, stress, pain or peak performance.

If you would like to book a session or to discuss how I may be able to help please message, e mail or call.

07450 980822
[email protected]
www.weavingparachutes.com

Why is it that our incentive to engage with exercises or practices that will help us is strongest when things are already going wrong?

In my years as a chiropractor the topic of exercises would come up most frequently in the midst of a bout of acute back pain. I would explain the human tendency to only do the exercises when things were bad ! The desired goal is to try and reverse this - when things are good engage with the exercises most, reducing the likelihood of a bout of pain and shortening it's intensity and length. Prevention is better than cure.

We understand this and grasp this from a physical perspective - hence personal trainers, gym memberships e.t.c... Why is it that we do not employ the same logic to our mental health ? Why do we only engage with practices and techniques that will help us when we are already struggling?

This is the intention of Weaving Parachutes - Introducing individuals to knowledge and techniques that help in the short term with STRESS, CHRONIC PAIN, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION but also help in the longer term. Weaving a parachute in the times when life is good, to help us when things becomes more challenging.

Chris has 25+ years working with people struggling with both the physical and mental aspects of health and performance. Now, as a health and performance psychologist, he works online to provide bespoke 1-1 support for individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression and chronic pain - as well as providing techniques and knowledge for those who simply want to perform better and with more ease in their professional or sporting life.

To book a session with Chris or to discuss further, please contact:

[email protected]
www.weavingparachutes.com
07450 980822

So, this year - We have sold our house in Guernsey, found new homes for our cats and dog, stopped working as a chiropractor and moved to the UK with no job and not too sure of where we were going to be living or what I was going to be doing !

As human beings we tend to become very uncomfortable around change and uncertainty - in a period of history where there is more change and uncertainty than ever before it may appear difficult to understand why we would make an active choice to add to this !

TRUST - I have always had an innate trust that if I were just brave enough to step toward difficulties and challenge that something positive would arrive.

Without the s**t the flowers wouldn’t grow !

When I was diagnosed with throat cancer in 2016, I was very fortunate to have a depth of knowledge and long time personal practice and experience of mindfulness based approaches. Unbeknown to myself these skills would act like a proverbial parachute – the practice I had put in during the good times helped support me in the tough times.

With this in mind - I am proud to announce the launch of my new business WEAVING PARACHUTES. This new business aims to support individuals and organisations to discover and nurture techniques that will help them live better now, as well as preparing for those inevitable times when life gets a little harder.

I am passionate about finding unique and bespoke ways to engage and stimulate interest in techniques that boost mental strength and resilience as well as enhancing health and performance.

Contact me to find out how I may be able to help or to find out a little more.