Effortless Parenting

Snapchat: What a parent needs to know

What are your thoughts on primary school children and young teenagers having their own social media accounts?

Read my latest article where I share how I navigate my children's experience in the online world.

A parent has more influence than he or she may think, find out how by clicking here:

Snapchat: What a parent needs to know What are your thoughts on primary school children and young teenagers having their own social media accounts?If you have mixed feelings about giving your tween or young teen access - please keep reading and hear what I am learning about this topic. As a parent my biggest fear is for my child to be l...

My friend and mentor Deborah Owen Sohocki shared this beautiful post about how we are our brother's keeper.

In an internet safety talk I was reminded this week that even when a child bullies another, this boy or girl will always remain the loved son or daughter of a fellow parent.

When a WOLF loses the fight against another wolf and realizes that he has no chance of winning, the losing wolf peacefully offers his opponent his jugular, as if to say "I lost, let's finish it".
However, at that moment, the incredible happens: the winning wolf, inexplicably, paralyzes himself.
A millennial force prevents him from killing the one who has the humility to recognize defeat.
A primary mechanism, embedded in DNA or beyond, triggers in the winning wolf and reminds it that species is more important than the pleasure of eliminating its opponent.
What a wonderful instinctive watch!
No one would call the wolf that surrenders a coward, nor the one that paralyzes by mercy, miracle just happens.
No winner no winner.
The two wolves part ways and the wheel of life goes on.
If only humans would learn from wolves instead of continuing to kill each other out of pride and power thirst!
We find all the answers by observing the language of nature.
Like David Attenborough Fans for more.

Is true love just once in a lifetime? - was a song lyric I started my week with.

The answer for me is 🧡yes🧡.

What I mean by that is I see this whole life journey as a quest for finding love within.

Going through separation was hard.
Yet in my experience, every crisis brings at least one if not more new gifts with it.

The ability I believe I gained was to speak the truth from my heart and in return receive truth from the heart.

When I now need support, I go into nature:
💚 lean against a tree
💚 feel the ground I stand on
💚 or open up to the song of a bird.

What is your idea of love?

Send me a DM saying ’self-love’ and I will share a blog post where I explore this topic in more detail.

‘Don’t worry’ is such a well meaning phrase 🌿

If a child or teenager worry about:
🔸 what others think
🔸 what could happen or
🔸 what did happen
… it can be so hard know what the right thing is to say as a parent.

In my most recent parenting blog I shared what my bulimic teenage-self needed.

A well-intended therapist said the following to me when I was 18 and struggling:
“Wait until you are 28 years old: life will be so much easier.”

Unfortunately, I perceived it as if there was something wrong with me. In my reality: everyone around me knew the secret to get over it - just I felt inferior and powerless.

Send me a direct message privately with the word ‘blog’ and I will share what I believe a teenager in difficulty needs to hear.

Would you like to be able to read your child’s mind? 🧚🏻‍♂️

Maybe you already can.

This quote reminds me that we have tools available as parents to find out what a child believes.

We simply look at her or his movement: the action taken or decision made.

Once access to the belief is gained, redirection can be made.

She called out my self-centredness 🤦🏻‍♀️

What I shared with my 13-year-old daughter this week was so embarrassing, I had never told anyone before.

When I was a teenager, I had a crush on boy I went to school with who was older than me.

Finding friends at my new school was so difficult - I am only becoming aware of it now when observing it from a mother’s perspective.

Building trust and making friends is a skill that has been taking me decades to develop and grow.

What I realised this week was that I simply had no guidance.
There was external manipulation as to who I should be friends with - going back to my pre-school days.

When it came to choosing a friend, I mistakenly learned that there needs to be something in it for me rather than going by my feeling of being accepted for who I am.

The result was that I chose to befriend a little girl who had bigger, better and fancier toys than me.
For me her friendship meant an opportunity to play with them.

My stomach turns at the thought of it now.

Bringing this pattern out from the dark and sharing it with you now, means that it is no longer burdening me.

I would like to share one of my most painful friendship moments with you.

The teenage friend I made to get closer to the boy who lived in her apartment block, successfully helped me plan a date with him.

He was respectful and kind but had no interest in me.

Weeks later after being in touch less with my friend, I found myself in a group with her where she introduced me to her cousin.

The opening statement was delivered with a smile and a warning:
“This is annett, she will drop you if she has no more use for you."

Ouch, her truth really hurt.

Even though I was the one who betrayed my friend, I felt the shame and pain of it until a few days ago.

So what I have been learning in recent years about teaching skills to children and how to be a loving friend is that it starts with me.

Instead of fearing that my child could get caught up in bullying, I can share:

🟢 The many mistakes I made

🟢 How I like to be treated by my friend

🟢 What is important for me in a friend

🟢 How I listen to my gut feeling when meeting new people

🟢 What I expect from a friend.

Attending a cyberbullying presentation opened my eyes last month.
With a major part of friendship communication being online, it seem so much harder growing up now:

🟠 All mistakes are now recorded

🟠 Often the predominant non-verbal aspect of communication is hidden

🟠 And the unknown of AI: requiring the skill of discernment - I am only coming to grasp with now.

In closing, I am hopeful for this coming year and look forward to sharing what I am finding out with fellow parents.

We are all asked to dig deeper.
Becoming aware of that which lies hidden from the past - will free ourselves for our and our children's future.

🌱 The other’s parenting style 🌱

Almost all my clients have shared that at one stage or another they wish that:
their partner was more aligned with their own parenting style.

When I see the emotions that this can bring up, I remind parents that a child would never choose one parent over the other.

It is almost as if a mum or dad had to choose a favourite child.

When we are calm and not reactive we 🧡 always favour love 🧡 .

🧡 They will love me, if I am perfect 🧡

What my strong-willed child is teaching me on how not to impose a parent's will onto a boy or girl.

Click the link below and read my latest parenting blog:
Find insights on educating a child about consent and allowing them to say ’No’

https://www.effortlessparenting.ie/post/they-will-love-me-if-i-am-perfect?fbclid=IwAR2paVbnRzmNU9imJs3jHcm3I2BDb9yCn-9kiOT0zdVgPSrHwV5l4hxEPW8

What if a child refuses to go to school?

This is such a busy time of year and naturally children avoid stressful situations.

Often a child cannot pinpoint to what is bothering them and a parent may hear:

🟠 I don’t want to go.
🟠 I don’t like it.
🟠 I don’t like the other children.
🟠 The teacher is mean.

When a parent is able to find out what lies behind the statement, only then a solution can be found together.

It often helps to wait for a calmer moment and becoming curious about what is going on for the child.

🌱 This is for all parents who would like to enjoy a calm Christmas this year. 🌱

About the Event:

🟠 Date: Tuesday 5th December 2023

🟠 Time: 8.30pm - 10pm (GMT)

🟠 Cost: € 22 per household

🟠 Where: Zoom

🟠 Event will not be recorded.
(To allow a safe and confidential space for you to speak openly)

🟠 You are encouraged to turn your camera on.

🔗Click registration link and join today:
https://www.effortlessparenting.ie/event-info/introduction-to-effortless-parenting/form

If you would like to experience a Christmas miracle 🪄, book a place at my upcoming event:

Introduction to ‘effortless parenting’

💫 Date: Tuesday 5th December 2023

🌱 Time: 8.30pm - 10pm (GMT)

💫 Cost: € 22 per household

🌱 Where: Zoom

✍🏼 Click the first link in bio or send me a DM to receive registration link

My deepest, darkest parenting secret

What I am about to share is not easy.
My stomach hurts a little at the thought of you knowing this and I need some deep breaths.

When I was in my early 20’s I never wanted to have children.
I was afraid they would turn out to be as screwed up as I was back then.

It took a medical diagnosis of an auto-immune disease at the age of 29 to change my perspective.

After hearing my GP say:
“If you would like children: start now before prescription medication may KILL YOUR FERTILITY."

Suddenly, my opinion changed and I now wanted what possibly I could never have.

The good news was that my fertility allowed my first pregnancy to start the day after my honeymoon.

I gave birth to my daughter and 3 years later our son joined us.

Life seemed to worked out despite all odds.

So I had 2 beautiful, healthy and lively children and I was STILL NOT HAPPY.

If anything, it all seemed to get a lot worse.

Being with my children, I felt extremely challenged.
One Monday morning, I caught myself skipping into my demanding corporate full-time job just to have a break.

I CHOSE to be at work and to WALK AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN.
The thought of being a full-time mother petrified me.

One drive to work, the radio host revealed that according to research:
by the time a child is 18, parents have spent the equivalent of the cost of an average house.

I laughed it off and told myself: “I can’t afford not to work”.

Around that same time my daughter started school.

Loving excel spreadsheets, I calculated the cost of private childcare we spent on both our children over those pre-school years:

⚡️⚡️ € 97,000 ⚡️⚡️

At the time I needed to be able to buy stuff to distract myself from the pain inside.

When you have money, you spend it on exactly that what you think makes you happy and for me it almost never did.

What I have been learning since leaving a steady-paid job was that the things I wanted, I never truly needed.

2 years ago, I finally had the courage to address the root cause of my life-long underlying anxiety and depression and at long last I was FREED and fully opted into life WITH my children.
It changed everything.

Even though I currently am not able to full-fill most of my children’s material wishes, I have never felt more connected and loved by them.

When I see the life I lived before - I witness the stripping away of so much noise.
Letting go and surrendering is a process that can feel unbearable at times.

And yet becoming aware of darkness and suffering, I can appreciate and accept them as the other side of the same coin to effortlessness, ease and strength.

Feeling out of control, not good enough, frustrated or hurt are becoming powerful allies on my parenting journey.
I now know how to move and navigate through the full spectrum of emotions and can find daily meaning in all of it.

Let me know what your thoughts are when it comes to the emotional 🎢 of parenting.

Where is the manual that comes with a child?

In my biggest discovery yet, I reveal where to find the handbook.

To read my latest parenting blog, send me a direct message to receive the link.

Simply type “manual” into the DM

Sign up to my newsletter : http://eepurl.com/gB5Rrn ✍🏼.

You will receive 3 tips that I have found worked to bring me back to centre, over the years.

My definition of parenting success is not to have shiny, happy people around every day when I wake up.

My definition of successful parenting is for my child to know: he or she counts even when some days are hard to start.

By signing up you can find out more about how you deserve a calmer home 🌱, click here:
http://eepurl.com/gB5Rrn

I would have been considered a neurodivergent child …

My whole life I hated my hands.
I found this picture of my 5-year-old self this morning where I am hiding my hand so nobody can see it.

What I want to share with you briefly today was hidden in my unconscious mind, until a couple of days ago.

In a healing session earlier this week, I remembered receiving constant criticism for needing to fidget with my hands.

As a very young girl I formed the belief that my inability to sit still meant that I was not lovable.

What we decide in the early years can form life-long beliefs based on which we take action and make decisions from.

In my world, I started judging others by their hands and often put them on a pedestal if they could:

🟠 colour within the lines

🟠 not make mistakes when writing

🟠 multitask

🟠 enjoy their hands and be creative or

🟠 even carry dishes without dropping and breaking them.

If a child does not fit within the box, he or she will soon over- or under-compensate.

We live in an age where so many of my clients share that the child received a diagnosis and asks their parent:
“What is wrong with me?”

I see these children as extra-ordinarily courageous and that they are here to help us change "how it was always done before".

What had you believe you don’t belong just because there was something different about you?

When a child is raised: its primary goal is to know that they are loved no matter what.

What I offer my parent client is a sneak peek into their child’s belief system that is forming from day 1.
According to the dictionary a sneak peek is an opportunity to see or experience something before it is officially presented or released to the public.

This is of course not possible when it comes to parenting a child.

What I mean is that research has shown that what a child experiences in the early years (when it comes to relationship role models) with their mother and father, determines how they view men and women in the future.

I have always been very sensitive and could feel my fellow humans’ pain.
From about the age I was in this picture, I started fainting when I was simply in the presence of others' suffering.
It could be something like as a fellow student injuring themself during P.E.

While neurotypical character traits may consider sensitivity as weakness, over the last few years it has become my super-power.

Wanting to help ease the distress of possibly one of the hardest journeys we embark on, I no longer need to faint as I found my calling in brining a guiding light to this path we walk on called PARENTING.

Would you like to know how I can help you turn within?

Read my latest blog post by clicking here:
https://www.effortlessparenting.ie/post/at-my-wit-s-end

What are you at war with right now?

When I heard this week’s news of an another fight breaking out, I asked myself straight away:
Where am I still trying to be right and prove that the other is wrong?

It has been a really hard week and finding peace within, turned out to be a real challenge for me as a parent.

Every so often I end up in a complete power struggle with 1 of my children.
I get so stuck in with my teeth that I freeze like a deer caught in the headlights.

Do you ever believe that life would be so much easier if the other just did what you said?

In my temporary mistaken strife for power over my child this week, I lost my ability to problem solve.

Feeling powerless, angry, threatened and provoked are patterns from when I was a child myself that come up here and there.

Luckily, I have been able to remember the tools and skills available to me and after days of analysing, I found my solution this morning.

When 2 parties are in a fight, there is a mistaken belief on both sides that we only count and belong when we win against the other.

Thanks to the Adlerian parenting approach I practise:
I now know that both sides already lost if the belief is held ‘conflict resolution is to have power over the other’.

What I rediscovered was that I can only have faith in my child to do the right thing - when I become aware of my own agenda and fear.

My child learning this skill in question (which had left me defeated) is a task that training is already complete on.
When I took ownership that my mother duties were full-filled, I suddenly saw that I had stepped into overprotection.

Raising a child with freedom and responsibility is in my opinion how we bring peace to this world - one home at a time.

Who was your favourite teacher?

Leave me this 👩🏻‍🏫 below if you are thinking of one.