B-ashara Mtaani

Your favorite president has provided jobs for you.
Ata k**a hakuna kuchagua kazi.
Hizi apana

If this can't make you feel angry at our leadership. I don't know what else can

I usually wake up and scroll on insta for a good 1 hour or more if I’m sleep deprived. The few months i have started working on this by limiting my instagram usage to 30 mins a day using ios features and so on which brought my weekly average from 6hrs of screen time to 4. But now i wake up and find myself aimlessly scrolling random apps on my phone for maybe 30 mins till i realize what im doing. What do you guys do as soon as you wake up and how would i be able to get out of bed. The place i live in is also very cold rn and so its hard for me to simply jump out of bed cuz of how comfy it is

Edit: Thank you for all the replies. I think I could integrate a lot of these into my routine. I'll start with these first and update this thread on how it goes and what helps.

jump out of bed

morning stretches

replace doom scrolling with reading

get a physical alarm clock

We are together

It's a great Saturday.
What are your plans for the day?

Wueeh 😂😂😂

This is what happens when you ignore the already red flags

My husband (26m) and I (24f) have been married for 6 months, together for 3 years. When we met, it was seemingly as though the stars had aligned and everything was perfect. My family loved him and his family loved me and we built a great network of friends around us.

Where we’re from, it’s common for adults (men and women) to continue living with their parents until they get married, so that’s what we were both doing. At the time, he was working a decent job for his age and skill level, while I was doing some freelance work and trying to build a business because where we live, I’m not legally allowed to work as foreign woman despite being highly overqualified.

Anyway fast forward to 3 months before the wedding, I got distracted trying to plan everything (his family wanted a big wedding) and we spent a lot of time looking for a place and furnishing it (we split everything in half but legally, he’s required to pay rent although once I was making enough I fully intended on splitting 50/50)

It was stressful but we eventually got through, however my plans to launch my business got pushed back and I had to postpone taking on any new clients until after we’re settled. Once we started living together, the problems began.

He almost never helped out with household chores or anything, so I would end up spending hours each day doing so. He also expected dinner to be ready by the time he got home, but didn’t like it when I worked after he’s back, so I almost never had time to focus on my work. And despite making it abundantly clear that I had no intention of ever becoming a “housewife” — it seemed like I unintentionally found myself in the role.

The issue is that he expected me to do all the “homemaker” duties without fulfilling any of his “breadwinner” responsibilities. He would constantly bring up that he pays the rent and pays the bills. He would always blindside me by getting groceries without me so he can pick and choose what he deems necessary without taking into account that I have to deal with cooking and using what he bought for the house.

He would argue with me for HOURS whenever I’d ask him for money to pay my phone bill or get a cup of coffee when out with friends (mind you I never asked him to take me shopping for instance and he never has) yet he was perfectly fine splurging on himself every month as soon as his paycheck came in.

When I suggested a grocery budget of around $200 PER MONTH, he told me it was too much and asked me to cut it down, so for a while all we ate was chicken, tuna, and eggs for dinner. Eventually, he told he’s been dealing with some debt due to all the wedding expenses 6 months prior, but 2 days later went on to buy himself a new luxury watch.

He also doesn’t support me emotionally, mentally, or professionally, and constantly minimises what I do despite the fact he knows well I’m on a road to success. I have brought up my concerns in every way possible and tried to find every solution for our problems, but he never seemed to care or listen.

A few weeks ago we had a big fight and I blew up everything by telling my family, who were shocked by everything I told them and think divorce now is better than once kids are involved.

Since the fight, he said he’d been working on himself and towards fixing our issues, and said that it’s only been 6 months and that I should give our marriage a chance. I’m not sure I have any more chances left to give.

So, AITA for blowing up the marriage only 6 months after saying our vows?

- - - - - -

Edit to clarify a few points:

- Yes, I LEGALLY can’t work where I live, I can’t say where but that’s the situation as it is

- I live here because I was born and raised here, moved to the us for university for 4 years (worked and paid my own bills), then moved back after graduating

- Yes, I applied for jobs all over the world and considered all my options — it’s easy to judge someone’s decisions when you have a western passport but I don’t

- Yes, we discussed all these things before marriage, and we were supposedly on the same page but you don’t know until you live with someone

- No, we can’t live together before marriage, that’s just how our culture is although I wish that weren’t the case

- No, I’m no leech and would never expect someone to pay for my lifestyle (if a decent dinner is called lifestyle), if it were up to me I’d have postponed the wedding a year till my business hits the ground running but our culture looks down upon long relationships without marriage

- He didn’t pay the wedding expenses himself and I confirmed a million times if he’s capable which he said he was

- I brought up postponing the wedding multiple times and he refused

- We paid half of EVERYTHING leading up to the wedding (groom & family pays for the wedding, bride & family pays for the engagement and legal ceremony - we made sure they cost the same)

- I didn’t want a big wedding, his family did and I did everything I can to keep costs as low as possible without getting help

- My company is in the creative industry, I have a decent enough following that I’m soon going to monetise, I built a team of some of the smartest people I know, I registered in my home country and operate online/overseas so nothing illegal is taking place, we’re about to sign our first client at 6 figures

- I didn’t complain about chores and did my homemaker duties in silence because I knew I wasn’t contributing financially, but after he mentioned his debt, I doubled down on my working hours (10-12 active working, not scrolling) so I can move things along to pay off his debt

- To those saying chores don’t take hours, good for you for being efficient, but given my lack of financial contribution, I wasn’t going to allow someone to say “she’s keeping him in an unclean home” so yes, it took me hours

- As many have pointed out, there’s a lot of cultural aspects in the situation that I simply can’t get into without making this the longest AITAH post ever

I can’t reply to everyone but THANK YOU for all the kind words and support you guys have been giving me, I can’t express enough how truly shocked I am by the massive support from online strangers I’m receiving. Your advice and support means a lot more than you know.

Gonna keep you guys updated lol

P.S. This isn’t rage bait, I wish it was

Do you believe in second chances?

You've been in a relationship with someone for almost a year,

Then after sometimes they decided to end things with you even when they're the one at fault.

You agree with their decision, then few days later they hit you up for a second chance.

What's your take?

If Money Wasn't an Issue, What Would You Do?

I've been thinking about how money affects our choices. If money wasn't an issue, what would you do with your life?

Would you travel, start a new career, focus on a hobby, or something else?

I'd love to hear from you guys ☺️

Do you think it's luck or hardworking?

Yesternight, whíle on phone call with my elder brother, we talked about his friend who they've grown together, schooled together and at some point tried some online jobs together.

I saw him on X flexing with a brand new Subaru outback. (Don't know if that's the right name).

So when I told him that Jared ís a hardworking man he said he's just lucky.
Everyone puts in the work and give there best. He even mentioned watu wa mjengo. He said, if hardworking pays they should be paid for their HARD WORK.

Do you think some people are just lucky, or hardwork really pays?

Choice have consequences
Red🚩🚩🚩 in everything
stories

29M My finances have been fu**ed up cause I made one bad decision after another , she 28F came into my life at a time I didn't expect to be with someone. Stupidly I put in effort to comfort her and impress her , she was also coming from a bad financial situation. She moved in with me a month to meeting me cause her place was locked due to rent arrears . As time went by she was a lazy spoilt roommate who barely did anything to help out in the house hold. So I pushed for her to get a job which she did , hoping that she would be helpful but the bills piled up and they were my sole responsibility cause I felt it was the manly thing to do. She left for the UK pregnant and I picked up android classes, am not the smartest cookie neither the most disciplined so my learning period is a bit long 6 months in am still yet to launch my first app. When she was in UK I told her how shiety she had acted and she said that I would see a big difference upon her return, I asked her to save up some money so that when she returns she can help out with the bills and the baby preparation. Upon her return she gave hopes of how she was going to contribute in the house but honestly it feels as she is always looking at me to give what little is left in my pocket , when you ask she says she is keeping it for the baby I waited for her to initiate the baby shopping cause as I had asked , I was expecting she would contribute more to that to my shock she helped me find a buyer for my last remaining assets and she turned to look at that money for expenses. Am I expecting to much when I ask her to help out , or am I supposed to spend everything I have for the sake of a relationship that feels as if am the only one doing anything financially?
Am 29M , she is 28F

AITA stories

I’ve been married for 15 years with my wife and our son is 18yo. I think I was a good father to him, always present, always supporting him, I was the first he talked to when he had a bullying problem, a math problem, when he needed romantic advice. He is straight but likes crossdressing and doing makeup, and I was the first one to support him on that too, while his mom was trying to make him more “masculine”.

However, recently I discovered that he is not actually my child. My MIL said he had to tell me something important, so I went to meet her and told me that my child is actually my wife’s high school boyfriend baby. She gave birth at 20 but apparently she was cheating on me with her old boyfriend. My MIL said my wife told her the truth after he was born because she had suspected that the baby didn’t exactly look like me and MIL confronted her about it, but the baby was already born and nothing could be done.

I was mad and asked her why is she telling me this right not? She told me it’s because she saw my son hanging out with his biodad at a park and believes that he is back in their lives.

I decided not to shoot the messenger and went out to confront my wife and son about this, after a long argument they told the truth. The biodad was back and wanted to meet his real son.

A lot of s**t happened and I’m divorcing, and also cutting my wife’s son out of my will, because, I never had a real son and all this time I was putting all my energy and effort raising another man’s child. I’m also consulting if is possible to sue the biodad for all the money I’ve spent raising his bio son thought out the years.

My wife is obviously mad at me, but my (step?) son is just devastated, I can see him depressed, not talking to me, and constantly apologizing. My plan was to divorce and cut contact with them right after that, but now I’m wondering if I’m going too far by punishing him too.

Edit: Everybody is asking this: The kid knew about his biodad for about 4 months before I discovered it. And yes, we did a DNA test, he insisted a lot of it and after it came back negative is when I think his depression really hit. Y'all right, maybe it is useless to sue the biodad, but I'll ask a lawyer anyway.

Edit 2: Many people are comparing my situation to being a step dad or an adoption. There is a difference, I thought for over 18 years that he was my real son. I 100% believe that adoptive parents are real parents and their adopted children are their real children, but they willingly went into the adoption process, they know their family is not blood family. I was tricked into my situation. If I had known my wife after the baby was born I wouldn't have cared because I knew it was somebody else's son, but I thought this was my real son and just now I find out that he isn't. Anyway, I need to talk to him when he feels like it.

Joining a Sacco is very easy . Why do they make the process of termination so hard . Not mentioning your savings will most likely never be rel eased

Choosing the best jewelry for yourself can be hassle.M's Beauty we make the work easier for you

Did you know that most saccos delay the membership termination process?

What is your sacco experience?

Business is not for the faint hearted.... we try everyday 😊I have tried several businesses nikachapwa character development proper, there's this time I had a Mali Mali shop, the first month I sold pegs za fifty Bob, I tried rearranging it, tried even calling customers wakipita but wapi, for the three months that I was there I only sold two basins, one jug plus the pegs, i closed it and took my stock homes as i recovered from the pressure, my daughter would play karongo rongo with my stock and i didn't even have the energy of telling her no😔😔😔, outside my shop someone had a smokies trolley, let me tell you maina 🤣, siku ya kwanza she sold about five and two eggs, nilimsaidia kukula hizo smokie, wacha tu , we used to laugh together and encourage each other, she gave up before me though , biashara noikugurukie maa woiiii

Have you tried keeping geese in your farm.
Do you know they help keep your compound safe?

Today was market day and let me tell you...
The bananas were sold out...

Saturday evening
The temperatures were very high.
We have to check our bananas.

Opening the bag it's very warm. (Finya kidogo Zitoe k**a zinafinyika kwa umbali)
We don't want them to ripen in the bag. Remove the and put them on a flat surface| floor (layer the surface with the dry banana leaves.
This will give your bananas time to develop color and ripen slowly.

We pre to ripen our bananas by ourselves as it fetches a greater price for you.
What we use to ripen:

a large plastic black bag
Dry banana leaves
Organic avocado or passion fruits

Layer your dry banana leaves put some bananas chop your avocado or place it whole amongst the bananas don't place too much bananas cover with a layer of dry banana leaves.
Repeat the process until all your bananas are finished.

Close your black plastic black Air tight to ensure all the heat is trapped in.

Let your bananas rest for a day or two

Our bananas were harvested on Thursday and we're safely kept at our store.
I really hate snails. Snails & bananas haziachani.

Used a knife to remove them from the stalk and also give them an opportunity to drain the sticky liquid.

When was the last time you had a ripe banana?
The nice evenly ripened ones
This week we are going to ripen our few bananas with you courtesy of Wangai Denis
Please follow our page for more updates.

can I send a post please?

I have been seeing an older man for a while now. he is 22 years older than me. the age has never bothered me but it did bother him at first, he's now ok about it and we're both used to comments made. however, a guy showed me some attention, my partner wasn't best pleased and said I could go off with him If I wanted, he didn't care. he did say he was just jealous and didn't mean it. Through the week we don't talk much as I am busy with my children and he works nights. I've got used to him being pretty quiet in the week. He has never been married and doesn't have any children. He has no issue with me having children, and he knows they come first. He said last night when we was out with my male friend that we me and my friend would make a good couple. me and the friend have been friends for 17 years, nothing is ever going to happen.

He always says the next day he was just jealous. I've never known anyone jealous to say that.... he acts like he doesn't care if I left him for someone else . He sends out mixed feelings. Sometimes he can't wait to see me then he makes comments like that.

I said to him that he was being silly and it's just a no. today I'm wondering why he made the comment....I don't think he's jealous, I'm thinking is he not that bothered about me and wanting me to leave or is it an insecure feeling.

He says I worry too much about little things. I have so fallen for this man but I genuinely worry if I'm wasting my time.

When I do ask him these questions he doesn't go deep in conversation and becomes uncomfortable. just to add, my children don't know about him, they have met him in social situations, be they are non the wise of him being my partner.

Is this normal behaviour for man of 55 with a younger girlfriend? I worry I'm the one being an idiot or is it him?

So, I left a relationship of 10 years back in December 2021. We have 4 kids together; he was a narcissistic, abusive alcoholic.

I ended up forming a relationship an old friend of his in May of 2022. Now, this guy is just amazing. He treats me sooooo well, treats my kids well. He wasn’t pushy about meeting them, and we let the kids decide when they wanted to meet him about 6 months into the relationship.

He’s mature, hard working, a typical man of the house type guy. Gets off work, comes to visit, throw trash, cut the grass, all that. Doesn’t spend the night but when the kids leave for my ex’s weekends with them, he takes me out for the weekend. Our s*x life is amazing, our communication is amazing. We can sit and have adult conversations with no issues, no impatience. He’s constantly touching me whether it’s rubbing my hair, my back, holding my hand. Opens doors, serves me dinner. Of course we have things we disagree on, but have never had it turn into arguments or raising voices.

The only thing I wonder is; he’s never told me he loves me. He’s expressed to me before that he’s not good with talking emotional stuff like that. And I’ve told him that I do love him, although I never shove it in his face or pressure him into telling me anything. I send him a message even now and then when I know he’s asleep, and in the morning he’ll tell me how much reading those messages makes him feel good and feel seen.

When we’re together, it’s nothing but laughs and we can both just relax in each other’s presence. I see it in him and I feel it in myself. He lets down his toughness and tells me he never imagined having a relationship like ours.

It’s been 2 years together and I just wanted to see what y’all thought.
I’d marry this man in a heartbeat, he makes me feel so safe and happy and everything in between.

My husband and I was separated and now trying to work on our marriage.
I recently found out he slept with a crack head pr******te without protection.

I brought it to his attention, he is ashamed and apologetic. But I just feel awkward even being s*xual with him. He has gotten a full check up. But I still view him differently and not attracted to him anymore

To be clear:
We have been married for 12 years. He went to jail a year after we married for 4 years

He found out I cheated on him while he was in jail

Fast forward to 2023 he still holds a grudge. Mind you we have had two kids in this time, 2017 and 2018 I had a boy and girl

He went back to jail 3 weeks. I went through his phone and saw the video of him having s*x, no condom

They were clearly high.

Advice as far as how to get over that nasty feeling. Like eww he did that
Advice on how to move on. He don’t want a divorce. I do and I don’t. I want to keep the family together.
The kids love and adore him. But I don’t want to live unhappy. I don’t think I can ever have s*x with him again. So that will lead into a s*x less marriage
I can’t even look at him in his face... I talk to him but not directly looking at him

I've been with my wife for 14 years, married for 7. We have a 4-year-old child. My wife separated from me because of the stress of: my family being too smothering, her feeling alone/ unappreciated, my medical issues (just had a transplant after 2 years of dialysis, and just unhappiness. I've acknowledged & vowed to make changes & even if it doesn't work out, I just want the chance to make her happy again. She's hoping to divorce. Well in the last month, it came to light that she cheated about 5 years ago, & my child may not be mine (most likely isn't). I still love my wife and my child, they are everything to me. So what do I do? Give them both up? Fight for both? Just take care of my child & live a lie (someone else's child will be the only thing keeping me in contact with the woman I love)?