Mosinto O Magara

There is this young woman that I have been admiring of late. She always gives me goosebumps any time I spot her.
She is not so tall nor short, she is medium. Her melanin skin portrays the beauty that God gave her.
Yesterday, I decided to tell her how she had stolen my heart.
I waited at the roadside, I was sure enough that she was going to pass there.
I waited and waited and waited, finally, she came.

"Eddy, is it well?" She asked as soon as she moved closer.

I never expected her to light up the conversation. I was prepared to ignite the conversation; not her. She ruined everything. The notes that I had cramed in my mind disappeared.
" Eeer, yes! No...I mean yes," I fumbled.

"Ok, ok, I see. What is it?" She raised her kneck high.

"I...I saw you on tiktok."

"On Tiktok? I don't have a tiktok account, I don't use Tiktok."

"Sure? Maybe I forgot."

"Ok, what's your point?" She hardened her voice.

"I...I just wanted to tell you that God loves you."

"I know, thank you." She pushed me aside, walked slowly while shaking her round figure.

I watched her in awe as she disappeared from my eyes. I cursed the day.

The reason why our relationship ended ugly is because of a silly argument.
You see? It is her who initiated the conversation.

"You know what, my love?" She said innocently.

"Yes, tell me, what is it?" I stretched my hands and hugged her as we cuddled.

"I can d!e for you."

My heartbeat increased the pace. I remembered the last person to d!e for me was Jesus Christ. I'm not even sure if he really d!ed because of me or it was because of the Pharisees and the likes of Mary Magdalene.

"Are you sure?"

"You don't believe me? I'm very serious." She insisted.

I'm a man of action. I don't take things for granted. I stood up, went to the kitchen and came back with a knife and handed it to her.

"What for?"

"Just k!ll yourself."

"Are you crazy?"

"You said that you can d!e for me..."

She stood immediately, dressed up and left. That's when she texted me saying that I was poor in bed.

"Where are you, my love?" A text message popped. I was just perusing on Facebook when the text appeared on top of my phone's screen, it was a new number.

"Who is this?" My mind tried to figure it out but I couldn't recall.

"Do you know the person you're texting?" I replied to the message.

"Yes, it's you, Edmond."

"I don't have your number, kindly remind me of your name."

"I'm Josephine from Mombasa. The lady you met last month while you were on vacation."

"Vacation! I have never been to Mombasa." I replied.

"Ok sawa basi, I just wanted to come and spend a night with you but since you don't want me? Let me block this number..."

I have tried to reach Josephine but simpati. Maybe she is a MAJINI from Mombasa. She is holding my Nyota... Kindly Josephine, sema neno moja na moyo wangu upone. In fact I'm ready to arrange myself so that I can have a vacation in Mombasa...waonaje? Tuende Diani au mishomoroni?

In a certain group someone asked this question, "Does God have a wife?"

I was eager, so I rushed into the comment section.

This reply caught my attention, "yes He has a wife. Me and you."

Then I was curious, I was nervous until I decided to rush to the toilet; in order to check if I have an opening instead of a gun.

I thank God because the apparatus are intact.

Am sure most of you are fornikating because of El Nino which is raining all over the world.

Anyway, it's not a bad idea, even some of you know well that "God helps those who help themselves." You can go ahead and fornikate in front of your church elders. Who knows? Maybe they are also having "good times" with their sheep. In fact, they will understand.
Even our Father in Heaven is just, He will wipe away your tears because He is responsible, He is the Father of rains. He wants His people to procreate; fill the world.
What am I saying? As you enjoy the eskoroboto, also remember that President Ruto no longer recognises "Linda Mama" Fund. He said that women must Linda themselves because they are the ones who "feel good."
The president summarized the Bible with a verse which says, " You can do all the things you want but remember there will be judgment."

Sisi tunasubiri Watoto February.

Do men need ladies to lean on?

I don't know if we need the ladies to lean on.

Maybe we need, and maybe we don't.

Mostly it's ladies who feel that they must have someone to lean on and after they have healed, they can move on as if nothing had happened.

But when a man needs a shoulder, if they offer that shoulder, they will preach the news to CNN in order for the whole world to see.

Ladies, do we need your shoulders to lean on? I don't know the answer but as for me? I will lean on the wall. The wall of Jericho or that of the Landlord.

Today as I woke up, I felt like I missed something, I mean someone.
Not someone of the same gander because I really hat£ staring at a man's ass. I just felt that I wanted the opposite s£x besides me. Someone whom I can release my fluids into without thinking twice.
Since I fear commitments, I needed to do something else, I just ran around the house twenty times while shouting, "Elloi Elloi Rama sapakitani."
You know what? The urge diminished, kumbe it was just a devil who was trying to measure my faith.

Bwana yesu asifiwe! Inua mkono ikiwa mahubiri yamekubadilisha.

Do you remember the other day when I narrated about a fresher who is joining ?

Now let's embark on our business.
After joining, you will not be thinking of renting a house outside the University Premises. Most of you will be staying at the hostels as you wait for your fate.

In the hostels, you will realize that your Parents or high school teachers who were so strict on you are no longer there to supervise what you are doing.

Most lessons will be ending at 4 pm, this will create more time for you to loiter. You will be walking from the campus to Guba as you chew the hardest sugarcane in the world which you will be harvesting alongside the road.

Around one mile, there you are; in Guba. A place where a bodaboda rider charged you ksh.100 in order to take you to the campus. You will cu.rse the rider for taking such amount. As you pray quietly, asking the God of Moses to touch your parents' heart in order to send you "something."

Suddenly, someone tabs your shoulders, you turn and find out that it's that Bodaboda guy who charged you ksh 100.

"Nikupeleke Leo? I will charge you 30 Bob instead of a 100, now that you have become my customer."

His statement will initiate your t£mper but since you will have no authority to lay hands on him, you will just say, "I'm fine sir, thank you."

Around 6:30 pm, you will starts trekking back. 7:30 pm you will be at the University Premises. At the premises, there are comrades in groups, discussing different issues but mostly it's about s£x.

Another group will be inside Garang' Hall, watching The English Premier league of course. Some will be kisSing their partners as they watch. No one will be confronting them.

Poor you, you don't have a girlfriend. What will you do? Will you be there watching as the others kiss or you will be watching the Television? Am sure you will not be comfortable. Now, it's either you go to bed or endure the forn!cation around you.

You will choose to go to bed. You make ten steps to the hostel. As you open your cube, believe it or not! Your friend Thomas. The humblest guy in the whole University, the chairman of Christian union; is on top of Jane.

Dear Comrades,
As you are going to join different universities I would like to inform you that life in the campus has got a different taste.
It's like a v!rgin lady who is enjoying the act as well as feeling some pain at the same time.

As for now, let me trickle down about Great Lakes University which is located at Kisumu suburbs. The moment you alleviate your belongings from the matatu, you will find the Bodaboda guys waiting for you at the stage, opposite the gate of Kisumu Boys.

Since you are clueless, yaani Kuku wa kienyeji ambaye amefungwa kamba mguu, it will not take time for them to notice you. They will move closer, seduce you with sweet words which will initiate the discourse.

"Wewe iko enda wapi kaka?"

"I'm going to Great lakes University?"

"Great lakes? That's so far my friend. It will take another three hours for us to arrive there."

Since maybe you have travelled from Kisii, definitely you will calculate that the distance is almost the "same." Who doesn't know in these streets that it takes three hours from Kisii to Kisumu?

"Can I board a matatu? Kuna matatu zinaenda huko?" After asking such a question, they will look at you, sympathize like your president and tell you, " Huku ni msituni, hakuna magari yanafika huko."

Believe me, you will start popping out your eyes like a chameleon. Before figuring out what to do? They will "offer" to give you assistance. "Just give me five hundred and I will drop you there?"

"Five hundred?"

"Yes, kwani wewe ulikuwa na ngapi?"

"I have only three hundred?"

"Three hundred with that laggage? Just give me four hundred. I have decided to help you as a brother.

After giving them four hundred, the journey commence. Instead of them using Mamboleo Road, they will use Kondele kibos road.
They will take you three rounds at Kondele in order to buy time. Then they will accelerate to Kibos sugar factory, back to Kibos prisons, then finally to Guba.
After Guba now they will end up dropping you at the ....

Hold the haha react for 5secs. It looks like it's eating your finger. 😂😂

Honestly, Arsenal have been playing an entertaining game. They deserved the best only that they lost unexpectedly.
I loved their charismatic character, the passes, the possession and also the wave that awakens their fans.
Maybe, it wasn't their day! Only that luck failed to knock at their door.

Congratulations Arsenal.

What will you be comfortable listening to between "Nyogaya" of Odongo Swagg and "Nataka nikuingize" of Embarambamba while you are with your parents or kids?
Someone said that we should embrace Gusii Songs. That we have neglected to support our local artists.

If you KNEEL before God, you can STAND before any Man.

Have a blessed day.

"No matter how sick a man is, his manhood must acknowledge the arrival of a beautiful lady."- luo Proverb

Good night ☺️

A responsible Father should support his kids when they face challenges. He must show affectionate and encourage them that things will be well.
Dancing in my mind is the idea that the kid will not only feel loved, but also it will create trust and leadership as well.
A father should not be too harsh to his kids, he should guide them, show them the way to follow as well as teach them how to solve the problems they are facing.
That's how our Father in Heaven works in our lives. He gives us hope when we are at the crossroads.
He instills hope in our hearts until we see light at the end of the tunnel.
That's how a leader should be.

The best revenge a man can ever do sometimes is not fighting back. Moving away slowly and silently surpasses all.
Live your life, ignore all the negativity that you faced, start afresh by working on yourself.
Also, train your mind that betrayal is always within your close relatives and friends.

The only reason why Manchester United fans are not supporting Arsenal is because they will not have peace if Arsenal will be crowned the champions of the EPL.

Imagine how the streets will turn me.ssy as all sorts of insults will be directed to Manchester fans. After all, they want Arsenal to win because if Manchester City bags the trophy again, they will break Alex Ferguson's record.
But they are in denial.

Having a fight with her will not solve the problem, if she cheats just move on slowly without a word.
From that moment you should know that she isn't your caliber, she will cheat on you again and again because she knows that you are weak. You will forgive her any time she cheats on you.
my friend, moving on doesn't mean that you're weak, just move on.

"Harder! Harder!" So you want to k!ll that 60 year old poor man? Just because he said that he loves you because you're young doesn't mean that you must take him to heaven. Let him be! Let him enjoy his two seconds with no pressure.
TUMEELEWANA?

MUBABA wako akikuchosha usimwambie maneno ya kumchoma Moyo anaweza faint. Kula pilipili kisha umrambe macho uone k**a atatoa Sauti.

Jizee likikohoa saana wakati wa maongezi Kwa simu jijazie tu kuwa liko karibu kutoka Duniani. Anza kutafuta jizee lingine mapema kabla yakufike.
Ikiwa litataka mechi siku hiyo, fanyia mambo yenu msituni ili likifa uliondokee mapema bila kujulikana. ( Si mnajua PNP sijui bnb lazima muache details?)
Halafu, wakati mnafanya mambo yenu msituni, usivue nguo zote, toa tu Ch*pi mfanye Ile style ya mbuzi kagoma.
Just in case unashika tu ch*pi yako mkononi na unatoka k**a Kipchoge.
TOA SADAKA BASI.

Sometimes I wonder about this lady called Regina, she can mute for almost 7 months or a year without communicating.
Since her character is at my fingertips, I never bother. Of course I do mind because our love lost a long time ago.
It was not until yesterday when a text popped; it read, " Edmond, I have realized that I still love you. I still need you back my love. I hope if we can amend our past and start afresh, what do you suggest?"
After a few minutes of contemplation I replied, " You want us back? No problem sweetheart. If you want to rekindle our relationship kindly do the following:
Write an apology letter to me.

Explain why you left.

State the consequences that you have encountered including the body counts.

Expound the benefits you could get from me after we rekindle this relationship.

Finally, cc the letter to your father, your mother, my family and our local chief."

After my message was delivered, she called and started insulting me. She blocked me.

Recently, we have been into silly arguments with my wife. You see? My wife fumes over small mistakes that can be solved without much arguments.
For example, on Sunday, when she was perusing on my phone, a strange number called. She decided to hand over the phone to me.
Before I could pick up the call, the caller aborte.d.

"You see? Your side chick is calling."

"Beb, it's the wrong number?"

"Wrong number? Wrong number at this hour of the night?" She raised a voice.

"Ok, let me call back then." I took my phone and called back, the number was unreachable.

"Now you have told her to switch off the phone." She was about to wail.

"How? Please, can we stop this petty...?"

"You call me petty? So I'm stup!d, am I?"

"Have not said so, but I think it's time we solve things amicably." I responded.

After three hours of conversation, we agreed that it was good for us to solve things amicably before we retire to bed. We wrote an agreement on a piece of paper and signed it.

Yesterday, there was another issue, and since we had agreed to solve the issue before retiring to bed, we have not slept, we are still solving the issue before we retire to bed. This is the second day that I'm not going to sleep.

Nilikosea wapi jamani?

If you think that Manchester United is a useless team, remember that there is another team which has been dominating the table without lifting any trophy rather than their hands when taking corners.

Arsenal players will be lifting their hands when taking a corner instead of lifting a trophy 🏆.

Wataambia nini watu?
Ajabu ya ngamia kucheka nundu ya ng'ombe! Amekiona cha mtema kuni leo.
Amepigwa na Aston villa akapigika. Ndovu amelala, ndovu hana nguvu, ndovu si ndovu teaana!

Whealth does not create happiness in life; only the inner peace of a person does. Litigate what surrounds you and choose that which gives you happiness.

Nikujuze tu kimwana, hata hukuwa mcheshi ulivyokuwa unadhani. Nilikuwa naangua kicheko tu sababu ya kuufanya Moyo wako ufurahi.
Sikucheka eti sababu maneno yako yalikuwa yanachekesha. Nilicheka sababu nilitaka kutunza penzi letu.
Pili, hukuwa mrembo kushinda wote ulimwenguni. Hukufika hata nusu ya yule Mmarekani anayeitwa Rihanna.
Unajua nini? Nilipokuona kwa umbali nilikupenda, ukafika karibu nikakuchukia sababu muonekano wako ulikuwa mbali na ukaribu wako.
Kilichonikera ni wakati uliosha uso, rangi yako ikabadilika ghafla, uso wako uliokuwa laini ukasanya mikunyanzi ghafla.
Umri wako ukapanda kwa kasi, ukawa mama wa miaka themanini.
NAKUCHUKIA.

I'm just contemplating, wtf Satan was a brother to God. Maybe Satan was the last born and because the last born are always proud, Satan decided not to heed His elder brother ( God.)
He decided that enough was enough, he wanted to have his share. He wanted to take everything from God because according to his argument,last born are the "inheritors."
Since God never wanted to destroy his Younger brother, he decided to chase him to the lower side of what they owned ( Earth.)

Wtf!