HotKarl604

For all you beer drinkers out there, today is 2/24 henceforth known as 2 Two-Four Day. So grab a couple cases of beer, a couple buddies, and give’r like Terry Cahill at a backyard BBQ

Cheese is just a loaf of milk 🤔

Last night I went past a cemetery. 3 girls came up to me, they were scared to walk past alone. I agreed to let them walk with me. I said “I understand… I used to be freaked out too when I was alive”. Never seen anyone run that fast before 😂

Well, I do hate coleslaw 🤷‍♂️

Me: Bumps a picture frame putting my shoes on
Also Me: Apologizes to picture frame (in whisper voice while shrugging my shoulders)

Why is tamales pronounced tamales but females is pronounced females instead of females

So… my invite got lost in the mail or what? 😂

Today I learned there is a Morehead, Kentucky, and now I want to move there

Me sorting anything alphabetically (singing the alphabet song in my head)

Accurate af 😂

I never think about Reusable bags until I’m walking out the grocery like a juggler on America’s Got Talent

I don’t always carry all the groceries in one arm, but when I do my keys are always in the other pocket

Well that’s a relief 😅

I’m proud to announce that I’ve just released my own fragrance… Nobody in the car seemed to like it 💨

Took my wife to Subway so I could satisfy her with a footlong for Valentine’s Day 😂

Welcome to adulthood… Where you’re always tired except when it is time to go to bed 🤷‍♂️

Overheard a kid today tell his buddy he had to go to a dentist appointment to get his wisdom teeth taken out.. to which his buddy replied “why, gotta make room for more dicks?” and wow, insults have come a really long way since I was a kid 😳

😂

This opening act for the Usher concert is bu!!sh!t

My wife: I need a stud finder (tool)
Me: Hunny, you are a stud finder 😎

Hey, sorry it took me 6 days to reply to your text, I myself, am understaffed at the moment

Funny how hotels will charge you $250 for smoking in your room but you can literally j**z on anything you want and there’s no charge 🤷‍♂️

Why is it called diarrhea and not p**p soup?

Another one 😂

I’m sorry, but you can’t always be receiving a higher number of calls.
That’s not how averages work.

When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think it's strange how many people take knives on a date. 😳

Nobody:
Children: this thing makes an annoying noise, I better do it over and over until someone notices