TOBEX

Before getting into a relationship or marriage, your partner or spouse will most likely ask about your relationship history or marital history (if remarrying) to better understand what has been happening before they showed up. You are asked questions about your past for jobs and positions in various walks of life to ascertain your suitability for the role.

Whether you lie or tell the truth is up to you; however, you will be judged by whatever you’ve put on the record.

Suppose someone has shown despicable behaviour or character in the past, ultimately leading to them losing something or someone good; it is in your best interest to walk with caution before giving such person(s) access into your life.

If you refuse to pay attention and decide to open up yourself, they will deal with you and show you why they never had anything meaningful going on for them in the first place. The Port Harcourt-based OPM pastor has learnt this lesson the hard way, and I learnt it the hard way two years ago – you cannot help someone who is not patient enough to learn, build and grow.

Speed Darlington, the renowned American comedian, said something in his recent interview in Lagos. He said everyone had access to him in the past as he tried to reply to everyone and be in everybody’s face. This caused a lot of personal insults for him outside social media. While I have no opinion on the money he purportedly charges, the takeaway from this comment is that if you wish to use people who trend online to shine and give them access to you without paying attention to their history, you will most likely get burnt.

Do not reward bad behaviour in the name of charity because it is a two-edged sword. Two boys were sacked for gross misconduct at work and had zero remorse, which would’ve mitigated their punishment. It is the same thing that happens when you loan money to a friend, and they refuse to pay it back, stating you have more than enough, so why ask for a repayment? They become entitled to your goodwill and will punish you if you stop providing.

Know your place in people’s lives and who you use to trend. It is always important to leave people where you found them until they decide to move and seek you out with a clear plan to support them.

Till we get to the Promised Land, I shall be waiting for when you will pass me a glass of water and thank God for the gift of grace for the race.