Healthy dating

Complements of the season, enjoy this stories from some single ladies..

At last a guy has taken the time to write
down this all. Finally, the guys' side of the
story. We always hear "the rules" from the
female side. Now here are the rules from the
male side.
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
2. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are
never going to think of it that way.
3. Crying is blackmail.
4. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on
this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong
hints do not work! Obvious hints do not
work! Just say it!
5. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable
answers to almost every question.
6. Come to us with a problem only If you
want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
7. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem. See a doctor.
8. Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all
comments become null and void after 7 Days.
9. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera
guys..
10. If something we said can be interpret in
two ways and one of the ways makes you
sad or angry, we meant the other one.
11. You can either ask us to do something Or
tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you
already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
12. Whenever possible , Please say whatever
you have to say during commercials.
13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need
directions and neither do we.
14. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like
Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is
also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
15. If we ask what is wrong and you say
"nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not
worth the hassle.
16. If you ask a question you don't want an
answer to, Expect an answer you don't want
to hear.
17. Don't ask us what we're thinking about
unless you are prepared to discuss such
topics as football, cars, bikes or games
18. You have enough clothes.
19. You have too many shoes.
20. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I
have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did
you know men really don't mind that? It's
like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give
them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as
you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

Two years after my marriage, I received a package from someone who termed himself as “Special anonymous”.

It was a brand new iPhone and a diamond necklace. The worth of the items got me lost and sealed my lips.

I made to tell my husband, but each time I opened my mouth to talk, I found myself smiling instead.

My husband, Charles, was a great man and our two years of marriage was a bliss, until I figured out the little problem in our relationship.

Charles never deemed it fit to gift me something, even if he had the money to do so.

Whenever I go online and see different videos of men taking their ladies out and sending them things like flowers, I always get sad.

Charles was so uptight and plain.
Most times, when we conversed, it sounded so official that I usually wondered if I was talking to my Boss.

I wanted our marriage to be sweeter and less serious. I craved for a playmate, someone who would smack my a*s and run around while I chase him.

Charles was basically all about taking care of the home and it was annoying!

“How much do you need for this month’s expenses “I just transferred 200k”.
“The driver will take you to the mall”.
That was how plain and boring our marriage was.

Most times, I wished he would buy me a gift, look into my eyes and tell me how much he loves me.

But he never even stared at me for long. And so, when I started getting romantic gestures from an anonymous stranger, it wasn’t surprising that I felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach.

Another time, I got a bouquet and a small note that said, “I hope you get reminded of how beautiful and sweet you are”.

My heart raced and my excitement was out of this world. It didn’t take long before I started thinking of this anonymous stranger and how sweet life mightbe with him.

I came back from work one afternoon and met my husband with a small box in his hands.
He had a confused look on his face just as he stared at me.

“Who sent this?” He had asked and my heart dropped.

Telling my husband lies was never part of my plan when I decided to get married to him.

But then, receiving presents from the anonymous stranger made me the greatest liar in the world.

“My sister must have sent that. She promised me a present sometime last month”, I had lied and swiftly collected the box from him.

He didn’t look so convinced, but when he saw a bracelet, he wore a smile.

It was not out of place for sisters to gift themselves something of that nature, right?

That night, I was on the bed, with Charles laying beside me. We just finished making love but I still felt lost and empty.

He took everything like a duty, not like love…
In the middle of my solemnity, I picked up my phone and decided to go through my unread messages.

Just then, my eyes caught sight of a message and instantly, my heart raced.

“Do you love the bracelet? ”A small smile curved on my lips as I quickly typed “yes, thank you”.

“How did you get my number?” I asked.
Unfortunately, he was not online. That night was the longest night I had in a while. I kept checking my phone for a message from him, but it never came.

The next morning, Charles left for work after giving me a fast “duty like kiss”. Just a brief peck on my cheeks and that was all…
I sighed deeply and picked up my phone, patiently waiting for the anonymous stranger to reply my message.

About five minutes later, my phone beeped. Let’s say I got your number from a colleague of yours. I won’t tell you who and I won’t tell my name too”.

I read the message and chuckled calmly.
I had quite a number of colleagues at office and I was certain that one of them was stupid enough to give a stranger my contact, even if they knew I was married.

“I will send you something today. I want you to know that it is from a heart that cherish you”, he said and went offline.

Later that afternoon, I got a package at my workplace. It was a bag from Gucci. I almost screamed out of my lungs because I knew the worth.

“I got the package. I love it”, I said in the text and after a while, he dropped a heart emoji. I returned home later and met my husband in the living room.

His eyes went to the package in my hands.
“Your sister again?” He asked and I gulped down hard, I got this one myself.

I ordered it and it got delivered today”, I said with a bright smile.
“But you only shop for things at month ends”, he said.

I gulped again and wore a bigger smile.
“I couldn’t wait to get this one”, I replied and he nodded.

My conversation with Mr. special anonymous started becoming more frequent and slowly, I found myself drifting away from Charles.

I will be in the living room, with my phone in my hands, waiting for a text from him.

And no, he never called me and I was just fine with the texts.

Most times I chatted with special anonymous, I would observe Charles glaring at me from the dining.

He knew something was taking my attention but didn’t have the nerve to ask. And so, life went on.

I loved everything about this anonymous stranger, even if I’ve never seen him.

He always told me how beautiful I looked and how he watched me from a distance.

“When are we going to see?” I always asked, but he would laugh and say, “at the right time”.
My chats with him became the best thing that happened to me in a while.

It made me so happy that I was
Beginning to think of how I would file a divorce with Charles when I finally see this anonymous stranger.

I didn’t care about what he might look like, because from the type of gifts he sent, and how sweet he was in the chats, it was clear that he knew what a woman wanted.

One day, my friend suggested tracking the location of the number and even if I didn’t see the need to, I decided to have fun with it.

She called a guy who helped out with the job.
“No 5, Greenland avenue”, the guy had said, looking into the computer.

I knew I had just heard incorrectly. “Yes. That is my house.
How do you know it’s where I live?” I had asked the guy whose lips parted in shock.

“That’s where…the…person lives?” I stuttered in shock while he nodded in affirmation.

I got back home that evening, with my heart beating out of my chest.
I didn’t believe what that guy said and so, I went through Charles phone.
There was no proof of that there. Something directed me to his bag that was on top of the wardrobe.
Immediately I searched through it, I found a phone.
From all what I saw inside the phone,
It was clear that “special anonymous” was Charles.

I froze, trembled and couldn’t think…
I didn’t even get a wind of that! How? Why?
All these were questions in my head, but it didn’t stop the fact that I lied to him about the packages that came from him.

There on the spot, I recalled a time when we first met. He had told me that he found it hard to express love to someone he loved…

It became clear now, he decided to become anonymous to give me what I wanted…
I cried my eyes out because it dawned on me that I betrayed my husband.

He haven’t said a word to me since then, neither have I too…

We still live as we always did, but I’m certain that when the matter comes to the surface, I would lose him…

END.

Hi Guys, hope life has been wonderful to you all? Good news coming as we now share human interest stories on our page as well as regular tips on how to maintain a healthy relationship.

I left my husband for a younger guy... Now he's dumped me and my ex has moved on'

Dear Coleen

I’m a 39-year-old woman with two young children – and a year ago I left my husband to get together with a younger guy I fell madly in love with.

He’s 29 and I honestly felt he was the one I’d been looking for my entire life.

Not only is he very handsome, but he’s sensitive and sweet and was great with my kids, and very accepting that I had a responsibility to them.

But over the past few weeks, he’s gone cold and made a lot of excuses about why he can’t see me. I felt like a nag because I was always chasing him on the phone, trying to arrange to meet. I suppose I should have picked up on the vibes sooner because last week he ended it.

To say I’m devastated is an understatement, not only because I love him and miss him, but because I walked out on my marriage, which I don’t think can ever be repaired.

I know I hurt my husband badly and he’s been trying to move on with his life.

Needless to say, everyone feels sorry for my husband and I know I won’t get any sympathy for being dumped.

My now ex-boyfriend said he didn’t want to hurt me, but realised we were in different places in our lives and he just wants to be single, so he can figure out what he wants.

How do I get through this and do you think I should talk to my husband about it? I don’t know if he still loves me.
As much as it hurts, you have to let your ex-boyfriend go to figure out what he wants, and accept it probably isn’t you.

The odds were stacked against this relationship from the start, but you don’t want to look at the odds when you’re madly in love (and lust).

This relationship was obviously very exciting, but you’ve had to learn a hard lesson: that the grass isn’t always greener.

I get a lot of letters from readers who are thinking about leaving their partner for someone they’re having an affair with – and I always advise them to imagine the situation you’re in now, having blown up a marriage and broken up a family, only for the new relationship to fizzle out.

However, you made a choice that felt right for you at the time, so don’t beat yourself up or go down the road of “I left my husband for you”.

You believed it would work, but it hasn’t.

Also, your marriage can’t have been in a good place or you wouldn’t have left to be with this guy. I’m not sure if repairing your marriage is achievable or if your husband would welcome it, but you’d have a lot of stuff to work through.

I’m afraid there’s no magic pill to take away the hurt, but don’t sit around waiting for your ex to come to his senses – you need a new plan for going forward, so focus on that.

Some people asked if it's right for a married man or woman to ask your ex for money? The answer is No but if you must ask as a matter of life and death, then you must ensure that your wife or husband is totally aware and accepts for you to do so.
Little mistakes can brake up marriage or bring about distrust, don't risk your family for cheap gains especially if such need is not relevant. Sometimes we might get tempted with gifts from an ex lover but it takes someone who understands or have respect for their marriage to turn down such gift. Be wise or you might learn the hard way.

10 Powerful Tips for Building a Deep, Lasting Love.

1. Keep developing yourself.
I used to be keen on improving my partner. Then I decided to try and develop myself. That helped.

The more I cultivated the skills of living in the present moment and calming myself when distressed, the more our connection flourished. The more reliable and conscientious I grew, the more romantic our connection became.

Nobody’s perfect, but we can all grow steadily beyond our unhelpful habits. If your partner sees you trying to learn and grow, it encourages them to do the same. It also infuses your relationship with hope, whatever the problems and challenges.

Seeing yourself as a work in progress makes you more confident about acknowledging mistakes and apologizing. Apologies carry healing power.

None of us is set in stone. Scientific research shows that what we choose to do regularly can change even our brains. Developing yourself may be one of the best ways of nurturing romance.

2. Cultivate compassionate love.
It may be tempting to snap at your partner when you feel annoyed. However, you can communicate your feelings without being rude.

Compassionate love is the opposite of impatience, rudeness, and anger. You’ll enjoy more intimacy and get more worthwhile stuff done if you recognize that your partner has a mind, desires, and struggles of their own. Even if they can meet a request, they might take longer than you’d like.

When I’m on the verge of erupting, I like to visualize a bridge over troubled water. That helps me to be more patient.

Every relationship is like a perpetually young sapling that requires constant protection. Treating your relationship as sacred can boost your motivation to grow in patience and kindness.

3. Be responsive.
Being generally supportive is helpful. However, the most powerful form of support is providing what your partner requires in a particular situation.

For example, when my partner was panicking while racing to meet a deadline for a Master’s thesis, I tried to assemble scattered manuscript pages and was generally helpful and encouraging. Those little, responsive acts brought us closer together.

It’s an attitude of “What do you need from me in order to flourish?” That nurtures romance.

Likewise, ask for what you need. That’s better than expressing irritation. Your partner deserves a chance to try, even if they can’t always meet your requests.

4. Learn to tolerate unpleasant feelings.
Practice observing your own unpleasant feelings, whenever they occur, without letting them throw you off balance. Try focusing on your breath, instead of your unhelpful thoughts, until you feel calmer.

Unpleasant feelings are often produced by chemicals, which come and go. If you learn to recognize and tolerate the temporary chemical spurts, you’ll keep your balance better. Once you’re calmer, you can more easily look beyond your immediate, unhelpful thoughts.

It also helps to remember that our partners aren’t wholly responsible for our unpleasant feelings. It might seem like their actions are the sole cause, but sometimes their actions merely trigger some greater pain from our past.

Calming yourself when you’re distressed is one of the best gifts you can bring to your romance.

5. Adjust your expectations.
I was once approached, out of the blue, with an amazing job offer in another country. However, it was a bad time to uproot the kids. After we discussed the pros and cons, I declined the offer.

Life can throw up many areas of disagreement: handling finances, philosophy of life, cherished values, major one-off decisions, household chores, leisure, careers, friends, and more. The more flexible each partner can be, the better the chances of agreement.

Forging a consensus is more helpful than holding grudges. It’s also okay to agree to disagree on less-than-crucial points, if that helps you get on with the rest of life.

6. Focus on what makes you feel lucky.
Don’t seize every opportunity to criticize or blame your partner, lest you drive them to extreme defensiveness. Share how a particular intolerable problem makes you feel and what behavior you hope for instead. But ask without becoming too shrill or raising the temperature unnecessarily.

If you find yourself feeling frequently annoyed by little things, it may be a sign that you need to address underlying issues in your relationship. The sooner you discuss this, the better.

Treat your partner’s mistakes as you would treat the errors of a good tennis player who’s just played a bad shot. Don’t rush to damn the whole person. Be quick to apologize for your own errors and even quicker to forgive an apologizing partner.

In our relationship, we now tend to overlook shortcomings that might be apparent to others. We focus more on what makes us feel lucky about having the other. For example, I love how adventurous my partner is, how resilient, encouraging, optimistic, and forgiving. Express appreciation at every opportunity.

A forgiving and appreciative mindset helps nurture romance.

7. Look after your health.
Our minds and bodies are closely intertwined. Our bodies help us express romantic love. You deserve as healthy a version of yourself as possible, as does your partner.

Eating nourishing meals instead of grazing on sugary or packaged snacks, taking frequent stand-up breaks during prolonged sitting, and exercising regularly can all help transform your health. When you’re good to your body and brain, your well-being becomes a gift to your relationship.

Of course, age eventually erodes health. Romance can, and often does, survive the challenges of ill health. But a few simple practices can keep you healthier for longer.

8. Reassure yourself.
Reassure yourself so that you become more secure in yourself. This helps to foster mutual respect. Reassure yourself with kindness and forgiveness for mistakes.

Becoming secure in yourself also helps you to see your partner with new eyes, with less critical glasses, as appreciative outsiders might see them. When you learn to soothe yourself, you’ll probably like yourself despite life’s unavoidable ups and downs. Then the electricity of romance will more easily flow between you.

The kinder and more forgiving you are toward yourself, the more readily love and positivity will overflow into your relationship.

9. Feed each other intellectually.
Exchange ideas, discuss and debate interesting things, do an occasional joint project, share stuff that makes you laugh. Give your partner the heartwarming gift of your undivided attention from time to time.

There are times when we’re talking and gazing attentively into each other’s eyes when I become acutely aware of how lucky I am. It’s like souls touching.

10. Make time to play together, often.
Date nights needn’t be major productions. Just a little time together, temporarily shielded from troubles and challenges, can help. We have pleasant, relaxing mealtimes several times a week.

Here again, the ability to calm yourself is invaluable. Then you can show up as a playful individual, fully present in the moment, eager to express affection and passion.

When we were newly married students, we used our meager savings for a trip to Brazil. The adventure created priceless memories. We still love to travel together or to go hiking nearby.

Shared adventures bring surprises and excitement, helping to boost romance. You don’t have to go to Brazil. You can set aside a little time throughout the year to explore nature and activities near you.

—

Your relationship might be far from a fairy tale. That’s normal. We’re all just human beings, trying to make life sparkle despite all our flaws and shortcomings.

Think of your relationship as a boat on the sea of life. Storms will happen; winds will blow where they will. Do your bit to learn and grow, treat yourself with kindness, ask for what you need, be responsive, be playful, forgive, make repairs whenever necessary, and stay hopeful.

The tips here have helped us nurture a thriving romance, through thick and thin, for thirty years.

Lasting romance is one of life’s most fulfilling experiences. It’s possible, and it’s totally worth reaching for.

Patience, is a tough one, for our world is in a hurry. But each moment is so precious, it can teach us so many things about ourselves.