So I Say 2 Myself Breathe Sis

I left off where my meds were adjusted once again. On these adjusted meds we will check in a few weeks if that helps with the extra beats and buzzing feeling I get from the device. The doctors kept talking about PVC’s in the heart and by now you all should know I love looking up EVERYTHING.

PVC’s in the heart is Premature ventricular contractions (PVCs) are extra heartbeats that begin in one of the heart's two lower pumping chambers (ventricles). These extra beats disrupt the regular heart rhythm, sometimes causing a sensation of a fluttering or a skipped beat in the chest. When I was first diagnosed my PVC readings was out of control and way over the amount of beats a normal working heart would give. So of course, we knew something wasn’t right but with taking my meds and regular checkups it got better. It wasn’t great but it was better and manageable, so now having this device I would have taught it would have been helping that as well, but unfortunately, I am still getting them and they are still too high even with the device.

To understand the cause of premature ventricular contractions (PVCs), it might help to learn more about how the heart typically beats.

The heart is made of four chambers — two upper chambers (atria) and two lower chambers (ventricles).
The heart's rhythm is controlled by a natural pacemaker (the sinus node) in the right upper chamber (atrium).
The sinus node sends electrical signals that typically start each heartbeat. These electrical signals move across the atria, causing the heart muscles to squeeze (contract) and pump blood into the ventricles. Next, the signals arrive at a cluster of cells called the atrioventricular (AV) node, where they slow down. This slight delay allows the ventricles to fill with blood. When the electrical signals reach the ventricles, the chambers contract and pump blood to the lungs or to the rest of the body.

In a typical heart, this heart signaling process usually goes smoothly, resulting in a resting heart rate of 60 to 100 beats a minute. (In my case my beats been over 400+ a minute which can cause my heart to beat too fast and just stop or calm down on its own with the medication).

Typical heartbeat
In a typical heart rhythm, a tiny cluster of cells at the sinus node sends out an electrical signal. The signal then travels through the atria to the atrioventricular (AV) node and into the ventricles, causing them to contract and pump blood.

Wed June 19th, I was up and down on the road again, with my in laws once again picking up last minute stuff for Baby Jay Baptism and I was doing a lot of walking…
(Yes, I know I should be resting, but that isn’t going to happen when I know there are things need to be done).
We went about our day and manage to get most of the stuff, but you know there are things we still forget so, another day for that. I reached home and felt pretty good, I didn’t get any buzzing feeling either that day.

Later that evening my whole body was swollen, my fingers, my feet and my toes, and my shoulder started to tense up badly. I started to realize maybe I did do too much, maybe I didn’t realize that, and /or maybe I did but needed to get the stuff done so I didn’t focus on it at the time. I took a shower later that night and took my medication and pain killers and went my backside to bed.

Woke up Thursday June 20th feeling good, pain off and on yes but I was good. The swelling also went down. 🙏🏽

I saw my doctor on Friday June 21st, and I had asked her about the pacing therapy I read about and she explained that the device was just doing its job based on how it is set. It reacts differently to certain situations and when the heart goes to low it shocks to remind the heart to do its job.
They checked my wound and it was healing good, no extra bleeding and no leaking around the wound. I had an allergic reaction to the glue yes, it literally looked like it was trying to eat through my dam skin. They cleaned it and recover it and I had to see them the following week. The device technician was there as well, she checked the device and the readings and told me everything was looking good and the machine was doing its job.

Saturday June 22nd was Baby Jay Baptism and everything went as planned and after church we celebrated with family and close friends our little blessing.
That evening I felt a few buzzing as well, but like I said before I didn’t feel sick or dizzy after so I continue what I was doing and enjoyed the rest of my night.
Now we were busy preparing for my little boss baby graduation…. (and before you all come at me, nope when it comes to my kids I don’t rest until everything is over).
Jeanija already reminded me that Sat June 22nd was her school outing and everybody mommy was there except hers. (Your kids, does notice EVERYTHING weather its intentional or not).

So for her graduation I was definitely making sure it was all and only about her ❤️

As many may already know I have 3 beautiful and outspoken girls….
Jeanija (My 3yrs old) asked me why my hand look big and why it covered, (Its swollen) I reminder her that my heart was sick (I don’t keep nothing from my kids, they know when am not well and when something is wrong, sometimes even before I do).

I told her remember mommy heart was sick, and it didn’t get any better so, the doctor had to cut mommy and put a small machine there by my shoulder to help my heart do better.
She said ohk, but you can’t drop me school. I said no not now because I can’t walk too much in the sun and I can’t drive right now until the machine knows exactly what it is doing.

She touched my bandage and said am sorry mama your heart hurting its ok.

She ask Teesh (her older sister) to walk her. (the school is right in the back of the house.) She went about her business and by god you think she felt sorry for me to long 😂🤣😂 of course not, before she left we still had a lil back and forth because she has a lil stank attitude🤣🤦🏾‍♀️

Up to this date I don’t know why I always find myself arguing with a 3 year old every day 😫😫😫😫😫….
I realize kids observe everything and know when certain things change around them.
I choose what I share with my girls and what I don’t share with them my eldest would end up reading it when she edit my videos.
She doesn’t ask much questions but I know she takes it all in and over think a lot. But am happy with the relationship I been building with her, so any questions she can come and ask and visa versa…
Time to time I do still have to remind her off and on that I am not YOUR LIL FRIENDS WITH YOU!! Besides that, she’s a good child and am very proud of her.

A lot ask about my mental state……Mentally am good, am not great, am not sad or depressed but I am good.
It is a lot to take in and deal with but I am managing in my own way🙏🏽
Physically is another story because I really don’t know what is going on inside my body most of the times, and now with this device is so much more to learn all over again.

10:55am Tue June 18 felt heavy pain in the middle of my chest while sitting by the table.
I think it could of have come from how I was sitting down to long behind the laptop because when I raise up and stretch it hurt real bad and when o try to breathe. When I touch it like press on it a little bit it hurt as well...
Then at 12:45pm received 1 shock I was walking around in the Party shop looking for some stuff because Baby Jay Baptism was happening that weekend.
Later the afternoon I felt another shock at 2:13pm I was just sitting down with the in laws on the porch.

It’s pretty scary because I don’t know what the shocks mean as yet or when I will get them. There’re no warning signs at all. Some of them you do feel and some you don’t.

We left off not knowing what the shocks meant, so I did some reading so here’s a few things to know if you/anyone get a therapy shock. (Including Myself)

If you get a Therapy Shock is mainly because you were having a rapid heart rhythm and when that happens you have to stay calm and move to where you can lie down or sit comfortably.
Have someone stay with you until you feel better. If you receive more than one therapy shock or if you remain unconscious for more than 1 minute, have a companion or whoever you are around call 911 for an ambulance.

This is St. Maarten you all just drop me by the dam ER, please and thanks.

If you remain unconscious and have no pulse, someone or anyone trained in CPR should begin CPR immediately. And when your heart starts back again they should stop.

Side Note: Anyone touching you during a therapy shock might feel your muscles contract slightly; they also might see you jump with a sudden start. A therapy shock will not harm a person touching you.
Also, if you do not feel well after a shock, have someone call your doctor and take you to the ER.

A few questions to remember after you receive a shock:
What were you doing right before you get the shock?
What symptoms did you notice before the shock?
How did you feel right after the shock?
How are you feeling right now?

That is what I read in my book, but like I said earlier because I didn’t feel none of the symptoms, I didn’t go ER and continued what I was doing at the time.
I continued reading and it further explained the different type of therapies that the device provides; you heart device can provide several types of therapies.
Because your heart device is constantly monitoring the rhythms of your heart, it can detect irregular rhythms and automatically deliver the most appropriate type of therapy when needed.

After jumping from pages to pages I think I found what I experience that morning. ……..

Therapy for a slow heart rhythm is called Bradycardia, it is a heart condition where the heart beats too slowly to provide enough blood for the body’s needs. Your heart device provided pacing therapy to treat a slow heart rhythm.
Pacing therapy is if your hearts rhythm becomes too slow, your heart device delivers a steady pattern of small electrical pulses to your heart to encourage a regular heartbeat.
This is called pacing your heart. The pacing therapy provided by your heart device ensures that your heart maintains a heart rhythm that supports your body needs.
After reading that I was more at ease with what I experienced and went to sleep.

Sadly, I woke up at 3am with pain and couldn’t go back sleep. 6:15am Woke up leelee (my 9 yr old) for school and while my in-laws helped me with my little busy body Nija (3 yrs) and then I got her dressed and ready for school, my eldest daughter (18) came to assist me where I couldn’t and helped me with Baby Jay.

Daddy D was asleep because he takes over at night with Baby Jay and the kids when they reach home from school and on top of that he got the flu, and that morning his body wasn’t having it at all.
I didn’t wake him and I know I will get curse when he read this knowing what all I was doing instead of resting.

I have a lot of hands on deck at home🙏🏽 and they worse than hawk eyes when they ready so I know going home they won’t allow me to do ANYTHING!
I feel we all knew the heart was bad/weak but actually having this device really made everything a bit more real in everyone’s eyes.

There a lot I can’t do right now at least 2-3 months maybe longer depends, but when we reach to that bridge I will burn that. I don’t like bridges so I don’t cross them I burn the asses.
I been through way too much these past years with my health where so much is questionable, but I refuse to leave that stop me from anything.

Monday June 17th, I am home…. 🙌🏾🙏🏽
I was discharged the Saturday afternoon (I told you all by will or by force I was going home).

Monday morning at 2:33am I felt my first set of shocks. That s**t was scary as f$&k I think I got about 7/8 shocks and I was hell of confuse and this is something I have to get used to.

Apparently, my heart dropped past the amount that is set on the device. Now later that night the amount of lil buzzes had me questioning if that was normal and my fast ass went to Dr. google….
WHO TF SEND ME😱Google basically said if I get more than 2 shocks I should go do the ER…. I am guessing it shouldn’t be doing that, Now I was in bed and starting to lose my s**t and didn’t want to tell Denzel nothing just yet.
At that time I was talking to Vanessa and I was explaining her what I was reading which made her nervous and started asking me all kind of questions.
She then contacted her brother who is a nurse and he told her yes yes I need to go ER , why I still home and I was telling her but am fine maybe it’s nothing the device just doing what it supposed to do….
Listen I got off the bed to go eat dam corn flakes and Vanessa on the other line cursing me🤣😂🤣 (yes I laugh at everything a lil to much now)

Now don’t get me wrong if am not in pain or don’t feel nothing is wrong I really have taught myself not to jump up and worry or panic to fast, and since I wasn’t feeling none of the symptoms that I saw I really just leave it as is and continue eating my cornflakes.

To get Vanessa off my ass I decided to come off of dam google and get my book the doctor give me and look up what was going on.
It explained that I should ask my doctor what to do if I receive a therapy shock. (Something I didn’t know I needed to do honestly) I also didn’t know there are different reasons when you will receive a shock.

My next visit I will be asking Dr. about these shockx.

I was then hooked up to 2 different heart machines and 2 other machines to check my pressure. I was awake for the whole procedure and listen to me I FELT every pulling, tugging, cutting, and stitching. I also felt when they were putting in the leads and the lil camera. The skin was numb yes, and I did get local anesthesia. I received about 8-9 injections from what I counted and them things aint do SH*TTTTTT…. It wasn’t painful like I couldn’t do it, but it was painful AS F**K…. I am not even going to sugar coat itself because all I keep repeating to myself is that THIS IS NOT FOR THE WEAK…

Denzel would have never been able to watch this at all, so I was happy he couldn’t come in.
The procedure started around 8:45am and should have take about a 1hr to a 1hr and a half but it felt like hours and I came off the table 12:45ish. I know Denzel was outside losing his s**t because he was timing it. Even though I was awake and they were still doing observation I had no way to tell him I was OK!

At a point in time they were talking Dutch and was saying they couldn’t find this or that and “dit is niet goed”. They also end up putting on these big ass patches 2 on my chest and one on my foot, those patches was hooked up to the machine that would shock your heart in case it stopped. They said my heart had dropped below 50… I think it was 46/48 and it actually shouldn’t drop under 55. All I started to do was pray even harder.
My nose was covered for me to get more oxygen and my face was covered so I couldn’t see what they were doing but them tears started to fall and I look up and told god only you know my tears😭😭
“My Kids” that’s all and I am leaving this in your hands now. I closed my eyes and after a while one of the nurses whispered in my ear, Ms. Richardson we are finish and closing up🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

If I could have scream I would have scream, but I had no sound no words, I just said Thank you Jesus. The only person I wanted to call at that time was my dad.

I do believe he was there because I don’t know how I would have been able to handle all that mentally. After it was all done, I was then transferred to another room for more observation and for them to set the device properly. The device technician set my device that once my heart reaches under 55 it would give a shock to help it pump better or remind it to pump. She also set it that if I am doing anything that requires more of my energy it will help my heart pump more oxygen to my body. The following morning, she checked it again and realize I had extra beats in my sleep and the machine kicked in and that was good so it was doing it’s job.

Once all was good, I would have been able to go home. I can never say I ever got treated bad or forgotten whenever I was admitted but believe me when I say I AM TIRED OF THE HOSPITAL SEEING ME IN GENERAL…. So, whatever I needed to do to go home I was going to do it by will or by force.

Hi guys, so we left off where plans got messed up and unfortunately it was too late for me to go overseas. The messed-up part is that I had already prepared myself for this procedure. I prayed on it and was mentally ready for it.
Now to hear all the bulls**t on more bulls**t really pi**ed me off because it takes A LOT out of me when I start to feel uneasy.

I wish I can say I does exaggerate, but half of the time am not showing how am feeling physically, mainly because I don’t want anyone around me to panic when I know I have learned to control certain things. But believe me when I say ONLY GOD KNOWS!

For some weeks now I was getting these off and on shocking feeling in my heart self. Literally like a sharp buzz and then stopped. It don’t last long but I would get it at least 2x a day. No warning No nothing! Just a spark ⚡️ and then nothing.
There’s a difference when I feel it in my chest and when I feel it in my heart.
I told my doctor about it but nothing alarming showing up on the readings.
So, question being what can it be????

June 4th around 11:30pm out of the blue my heart started to beat so freaking fast I had to get off the bed and walk around the house a bit until it eases up. I don’t know what cause it because I was already sleeping. (This is something that happens often). It’s scary because it does feel like my heart gone stop on me. I end up doing some research and
The shocking feeling, I been feeling is called a cardiogenic shock.
Cardiogenic shock is a serious condition that happens when your heart can’t supply enough oxygen-rich blood to your body to meet its needs. It can be fatal when a lack of oxygen causes your organs to fail.

Friday June 7th, finally got the call I been waiting on. I do believe everything happens when it supposed to happen and also happens for a reason.
Remember I would have had to leave to get the ICD machine, but for whatever reason they were so much miscommunication back and forth that time wasn’t on my side anymore.
In short the call I received basically explained that its best I do the ICD right here in St. Maarten before traveling anywhere because of how weak the heart really is.

Sunday June 9th, around 9pm I fell a asleep and woke up around 11.32pm with my heart beating out my chest, it was beating so fast I was feeling it in my neck.
Then I started to feel the gassy feeling in my chest, and that just had me burping straight. I got up and end up making some green tea. Plain hot water or a hot cup of tea helps with that gassy feeling. It continued for a while and I went back to sleep. Found out the following day it can be trapped gas or air bubbles in my chest.

Trapped gas can feel like a stabbing pain in your chest or abdomen. The pain can be sharp enough to send you to the emergency room, thinking it's a heart attack, appendicitis, or gallbladder. Producing and passing gas is a typical part of your digestion.

A condition called pneumomediastinum may lead to the symptom of a bubbling sensation in the chest, although this is an uncommon cause. This condition is caused by trapped air in the middle of the chest under the breastbone and between the lungs that results from injury or air leakage.

How to get rid of air bubbles….
Lie on your stomach, then curl your knees in toward your chest, stretching your arms forward as far as they will go, and then arch your back. Repeat while keeping your head level with your throat. Lie down and quickly get up, repeating as necessary.

Monday May 27, 2024, I received a call from SZV stating that they received an email with a referral letter for me to travel.
It was approved and next step is an email that will be sent to me right away. While on the phone I received the email and I was assisted on the phone what will happen and what I needed to send right away. (Which I did while we were on the phone)

My anxiety was through the roof, my heart was beating so fast, I had to go sit on the floor because sitting on the chair was uncomfortable.
I started to get a cold sweat out of this world because I guess reality started kicking in, and the weather was ridiculous with the heat.
I could have literally feel the heat on my chest with I breathe.
I know I have to do this, but getting that call made things ohhhhhhh so real😩

I don’t understand some of my feelings at times, am not scared to undergo surgery and am not afraid of dying. But as soon I think on my kids my anxiety acts up. Which puts my mindset all over the place.
Dr. Bird once told me that I my outlook on everything is very inspiring for someone my age. I don’t ask much questions and whatever am told I just smile and say ok.
Sometimes that can be a good thing and a bad thing, because sometimes not everything that the doctor is saying is right at that time. Sometimes you just got to go with your instincts.

In my case Dr. Bird been on my case from day one and never stirred me wrong so I trust her process. She says she don’t know if that’s a good thing or a scary thing, whatever I am doing I must keep it up.
She also said that I am the first young person that she been dealing with that have to put in an ICD. Most of her other patients are elderly and most of them will just wait out the outcome because there already at that age.

As most of you all may know I would have been leaving this week to do the ICD procedure unfortunately that’s not happening this week again…….🙄
For whatever reason my file was sent to SZV a week before and for whatever reason only Monday gone they got in contact with me.
Then it was one whole mix up on another end on dates and which doctor and who doctor and what doctor on vacation and won’t be back till mid June……🤦🏾‍♀️

The only thing I don’t understand is how can you tell me the importance of something and yet still we playing with times, dates, plans ect……