Lighter Me

I’ve pressed pause on as much as I can over the last couple of months as I navigate and incorporate life changes. It’s a privilege to be able to do so. It’s not one that can last forever though if I’m to build a new future. But never underestimate the power of rest. It can be really hard to learn to truly do though!

LET YOURSELF REST
If you’re exhausted, rest.
If you don’t feel like starting a new project, don’t.
If you don’t feel the urge to make something new,
just rest in the beauty of the old, the familiar, the known.
If you don’t feel like talking, stay silent.
If you’re fed up with the news, turn it off.
If you want to postpone something until tomorrow, do it.
If you want to do nothing, let yourself do nothing today.
Feel the fullness of the emptiness, the vastness of the silence, the sheer life in your unproductive moments.
Time does not always need to be filled.
You are enough, simply in your being.
- Jeff Foster
Art by Blenda Tyvoll.

Yea, yes, yes. A thousand times yes. Sometimes with developmental trauma we’ve never ‘known’ ourselves fully. It can feel a bit intimidating- not knowing ‘who’ we are. But with support it can also feel really freeing! ❤️

Day 21 mood.😂
(luteal phase/inner autumn; PMS may pop up)

I’m looking for a couple of people interested in trying tapping/EFT therapy. In particular if you have any mild to moderate phobias you would like to dampen down their impact on you. These would be free sessions in return for your feedback on the experience and for me to compile (confidential) notes on. These would be delivered online. Please send me a pm if you are interested or would like more info. 🙂

Menstrual Cycle Awareness.
Knowing your cycle, means getting to know your patterns of energy and moods.

Day 10 - heading towards higher energy, ovulation, more sociable. This is your inner season of summer :) For some - like me today - it brings some speed wobbles!

A friend sent me this quote today, it aligns with the essence of our Nurturing Mumma Gatherings. Time for us. Carving out the time feels hard but in my opinion, vital. I am getting better at it!

Will you join us this Sunday? 2pm
Click on event info tagged in this post.

I remember seeing this image a few months after our second child was born and thinking ‘oh good I’m not silly for feeling this way’. I had kept telling myself that ‘others had it worse’ and I just needed to move on.
I remember years later going to a counsellor and feeling bad I was taking up a precious spot in our overloaded mental health care system. I practically apologised for being there 🙄
I was super lucky to find a rare gem that works somatically (shifting the held memories/trauma in the body). Some super simple exercises with compassionate and skilled presence shifted so much. A weight lifted that I never understood its true weight until it had gone.
This week has been Perinatal Mental Health Awareness Week. Which I only found out about 2 days ago! So this is my personal post to help those that need to be seen, be seen. I think there is a lot more support out there now. Thank goodness. Don’t try talk yourself out of feelings, or compare yourself to anyone else's journey. # # #

Amazing study on EFT. Looove this modality.
Reach out if your interested or want to give it a try!

Beautiful poem for mums who have gone through some darker times. I could relate a lot to this one. My version was undiagnosed ptsd from birth trauma. For others it might be postnatal depression…

You looked across the ocean with a creeping sense of dread
And others watched with no clue of the tempest in your head
Then as the waves washed over you, they knocked you to the sand
And all the people looking on just couldn’t understand

Why you couldn’t get back up, why you could fight no more
And why you let the tide take hold and wash you to the shore
They thought you didn’t care enough, that you had given in
But what they didn’t realise was you’d given everything

See, you’d become a lighthouse standing strong upon the rocks
To save the ships from finding themselves broken, stranded, lost
You watched over the ships at sea each moment of each day
‘Til you became quite terrified and nervous of the waves

You brightly lit the way but the sea consumed your shine
And then you stood in darkness in the shadows left behind
You called across the ocean so the ships knew you were there
But your voice became a whisper and was swallowed by the air

Your days became exhausting, you were vulnerable and scared
So when the stormy weather came you had no strength to spare
You surrendered to the darkness and you crumbled and you fell,
Your light had ceased its shining and you couldn’t cry for help

But in amongst the ships there were some lifeboats that deployed
‘Cause though your light was out they knew it hadn’t been destroyed
They picked up all your pieces and together you rebuilt
And you learned to free yourself from feeling failure and guilt

And now you watch the ocean from its surf down to its floor
Even braver, more resilient and stronger than before
And though it’s not plain sailing every minute of each day,
You’re now no longer terrified and anxious of the waves

And even when it’s stormy now, you know you’ll make it through
Just as long as you are sure to save
A little light for you

******

Becky Hemsley 2022

It's the beginning of Maternal Mental Health Awareness week so I thought I'd share this poem that I wrote for someone as a request for postnatal depression - in case it helps shed some light for anyone else ✨

It's part of my second collection.

Part of my self nourishment is paying attention to the seasons, now is the time where we start moving towards winter. Through the link there are some lovely journal prompts and thoughts for this time of the year. The author is a friend in South Africa, it’s nice to have info in sync with the Southern Hemisphere!

Welcoming Winter - http://eepurl.com/ipO_4s

I wish I had access to this when my babies were young!

❤️ There are a few spaces available for term 2
🧡 Mon 10.00 Pre mobile babies
💛 Mon 11.15 Mobile babies and toddlers
💚 Baby Yoga classes start on Monday 1st May at Square Edge in Palmy
💙 Please DM or email me to book your space: [email protected]
💜 $150 for eight weeks.
❤️ Birthlight Baby Yoga is a lovely combination of baby and adult yoga moves, woven together with songs and lots of fun.
🧡 I am a Birthlight certified Baby Yoga teacher. The long term impact of this rewarding and important work is what we call, “expanding spirals of joy” for women, babies and new families worldwide.
💛 My baby yoga classes nurture the well-being of women, babies and new parents.

At out last Mummas Gathering we talked about self care vs self kindness. Self care tends to be larger one off events like a spa day or a candle lit bubble bath, and we can’t rely on them to help us feel whole for very long in the mothering role.

Here’s another term for self kindness: ‘Glimmers’. It’s a lovely phrase… and accessible on a daily basis- if we keep our senses looking out for them! And hooold the feelings of them when they happen. 🙂

Such a lovely Gathering today. Definitely topped up my cup! I fogot to take a pic of the set up (mainly because there was an alarm activation upone arrival that got me heart a pumping!) but imagine this cloth with a candle and some flower and autumn leaves, and some cups of tea. 🙂

Mumma Gatherings. Join us for community, a little creativity and chocolate 😉.
Sunday, 23rd, 2pm. Sliding scale. $10-20
Waldegrave Street, Palmy North
Message to book.

Inner summer. Post ovulation. Heading towards the discernment of inner autumn.

Prepping for Mummas Gathering. Couldn’t find the right reading I wanted… so writing my own. It’s not going to win any awards. But it’ll convey the message I want.

Very much looking forward to connecting with other woman in circle again.

Really looking forward to Sunday! Will you join us? This is not a coffee and chat meet. This is drop your load and be seen and heard in all the joys and struggles of motherhood.
There will be chocolate 😉

For our activity this gathering we will be doing a lil gentle art activity to help us when we need to sooth our systems. Join us 🙂

Inner Summer… not sure of the day, never am when in summer mode. Relaxing fully into ‘play’ and creativity. It’s the easiest inner season for me to engage and play with the kids.

My nervous system feels ‘safe’ again to do these activities without always being on alert mode (moving past the toddler stage is helpful too!!).

I couldn’t access ‘relax’ mode for such the longest time. Part of that is simply parenting, part of it was residual trauma from my boys births. It feels good to be moving past that now.

So good.

…

The things we use to sooth babies, we can use to sooth ourselves.
-Humming/singing
-Rocking/Swaying/dancing

When I try to meditate, I hum on the outbreath, it helps so much. (Science bit: it stimulates the vagus nerve, which helps regulates the nervous system)

When I am in overwhelm I sing. I simply sing '1, 2, 3....1, 2, 3... 1..2..3 to the tune of 'Om pa pa' (from Oliver Musical). Repetition and distraction calms the brain.

I've found myself swaying without a baby in my arms before. It's all good. It works!

Dancing lightens everyone's mood. Worth a try with younger kids.

The next time you are soothing a child remember to reflect some of that soothing back onto yourself...your child then gets a double whammy as they feel your nervous system relaxing too. 🥰

Where is the village to help raise our children..? Very hard to find these days. And what about the village to help us raise ourselves in this new role..?
Even harder to find.

Come and gather, come and find support and understanding. Simple exercises are offered for Nervous system support.

This is not the place to find parenting advice but a place to support you in trusting in yourself and your own parenting path.

All stages of mothering welcome.

We meet monthly.
Sunday 23rd April. 2-4pm.
Waldegrave Street. Palmerston North
PM to book a space.

This Sunday...will you join us?
Drop your load, find your village. Lean in. x

Let’s create a support network!!

More info:

https://www.taragunn.co.nz/mumma-gatherings.html

This poem is the essence of gathering; truthfully answering the question 'How are you?'

Mumma Gatherings, 2nd April, Palmerston North.
https://events.humanitix.com/nurturing-mumma-gathering

Today I said “I’m fine”, not once
But five times altogether
When people asked “how are you?”
Then made small talk of the weather

And so I hid behind my mask
The one I’d worn a while
I set in place my bravest face
And dressed it with a smile

And that was how the day went
All “I’m fine” and talk of rain
Until somebody asked me how I was
Then asked again

They asked if I was truly fine
And I said I was not
And they said they were sorry
That they couldn’t do a lot

But then they sat beside me
Whilst I spoke the truth at last
They listened and they held me
As the tears slipped through my mask

And where before, I’d felt I should
Maintain this brave façade,
I realised there was much to gain
By letting down my guard

See, though my load was still the same
It now was not as heavy
‘Cause sitting and offloading it
Had helped a bit already

Today they asked “how are you?”
And I told them I was fine
‘Til someone saw behind the mask
And asked me one more time

And though they may have felt
That there was little they could do
They’ll never know how much it meant
To tell someone the truth

*******

I promised someone I’d share this again soon.
So here it is ❤️

“I’m fine” is from my second book:
https://a.co/d/hz7kmJs

Very excited to start a monthly gathering for mums here in Palmerston North. Here is a space to set down your responsibilities and give your nervous system the much needed break it deserves!

We have use of a cosy lounge room at Te Whare o Ngā Wāhine Palmerston North Women's Centre.

Sunday 2nd April.

For more info and to book (sliding scale $10, $15 or $20)
https://events.humanitix.com/nurturing-mumma-gathering

Or go to https://www.taragunn.co.nz/mumma-gatherings.html

I lived in this space for far longer than I should have. Hyper vigilance was my norm when my children were small. Now after I’ve ‘come back down to earth’ I realise how bad it was. I feel like I’ve lost a few years. I would love to have my children small again and to be able to slow down and appreciate them more (it’s always going to be tough but it didn’t have to be that tough.) I never expected to grieve for those harder younger years. Part of me was missing. I’ve learnt ways to regulate my nervous system… and if I begin to feel that hyper vigilance creep in again, I know how to work with it and not let it snow ball.

It feels good to feel like me again.

If this speaks to you… keep following. I want to create a village to support each other as we navigate this new terrain of motherhood.

For the record it’s likely I had undiagnosed ptsd from traumatic births and other family events. But motherhood without any traumatic event is still an adjustment and a half and can frazzle the nervous system. We can help ourselves out (and of course get help when needed).