A girl named Grace

“I loved her, and sometimes she loved me.”

I was looking at some pictures,
of me when I was younger.
It scared me what I saw,
and really makes me wonder.
I had a smile filled with joy,
and eyes filled with dreams.
--When did something change inside?
When did I tear at the seams?
My smile is now pained,
my dreams are filled with darkness.
To myself I am a danger,
but to everyone else I am harmless.
I used to fight to recover,
but I'm not wasting anymore breath.
--It's funny how much can change
When you hate yourself to death.

Turns out it was mostly a lie.
But, at least for a short while, it was a beautiful one. One day, her heart will stop mentioning you. Believe me, it only hurts if you care.🥀

When things get quiet, that's what scares the most.

if you're laying in bed wrapped up in sheets of miserable thought, go to sleep...
if thumbing through old messages only causes you're heart to ache and long for something unattainable, erase them...
if you're clinging onto someone that doesn't treat you like you're worth the world, let them go...
You are not a flower with a single petal, there's much more to you than just sadness. And if getting hurt becomes a routine for you, then pain is not painful at all.🥀

At the end of the day, you can either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's holding you together. 🥀

Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. And sometimes it's better to keep silent than to tell others what you feel. Because it hurts badly when you come to know that THEY CAN HEAR YOU BUT THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND. 🥀

...be your own reason to smile.♡

Nobody knows it's empty, the smile that I wear.
The real one is left behind in the past because I left you there. They won't even see my tears.
When they think I am laughing, I wish you were here. They think that I am strong and it won't kill me, but I wonder if they are wrong. They think I am all set free, but I feel like I am bound with chains, trapped in the mystery. They think I can do it on my own, but they don't know I am crying when I am alone. How do I get out of this? How many times can a heart crack before it shatters? How do I stop this misery?I want to pull my aching heart and tear it piece by piece so I no longer love you. I want to lose my memory so I no longer think of you. I want to go so far so I no longer have to see you. I want to cry, but I no longer have any more tears to fall down from my eyes. I want to sleep, but my dreams haunt me with you in them. I can't seem to find a way out. What do I do? Tell me.🥀

I wish I could remember that first day, first hour, first moment of your meeting me. Before you came things were just what they were: the road precisely a road, the horizon fixed,the limit of what could be seen, a glass of wine was no more than a glass of wine. I never knew about happiness; I couldn’t really believe in love,
until I finally met you.I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair. Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets. And I'm jealous of the morning sun that gets to be the first to see you or the coffee cup who gets to kiss your sleepy lips awake. Never have I missed someone so, my arms long to hold you tight. I thank God for you, for you my dreams came true, I am so lucky to have you. And all I can ever ask of you is to stay. Please don't leave me even if I ask you to leave. Just stay. 🥀

Please tell me something and do not lie. Is something fading between you and I? As I was leaving, she hugged and kissed me then told me she loved me. I wasn't really sure how to reply, my mouth responded with an " I love you too". All the time in my mind I know that wasn't true. Is this a growing trend to abuse? That I was deceived by her eyes of blue. And the truth that she doesn't love me anymore is a kind of pain that I can't endure. Sometimes the truth makes everything seems like a lie. And now I'm all alone in this room where she used to lie. And when she told me she'd never lie to me. But then, SHE LIED.🥀

I thought I will never fall but suddenly platonic becomes romantic all of a sudden too.And it sucks when I can’t do anything about it though I try.
I feel like such a traitor when finally you'll figure out the nature of my feelings for you.It sits very uncomfortable with me as well, knowing I have feelings that you will never return.All you see me as is a friend because you are still in love with the memory of your first love, sadly. The truth is that you were nice and that is why I fell, but you were that way to everyone too.Everytime you speak about her, just a word will let me die inside. I am slowly breaking in the inside, that is the truth of it and I guess that is why it hurts a lot. I can’t even seem to focus on the things that I should be, stop breaking my heart, dear friend. I chose to leave now as my feelings are still light better than if I let them deepen even more.🥀

As the light begins to intensify, so does my misery, and I wonder how it is possible to hurt so much when nothing is wrong. It still hurts that you’re doing completely okay, without me. I wish I could give you my pain just for one moment so you can understand how much you hurt me. I know my heart will never be the same but I’m telling myself I'll be okay.🥀

She is soothing music, but an unwritten script. A silent movie, but visually, cinematic elegance. Infatuated lyrics thirst to compose onto tones of her curves. Her tongue is a sensual dance, a serenade of sensitive sensations. Her lips a path to pristine passion, her eyes a gateway to heaven. But she is grandeur of purity, a distinction of innocence. Fate must learn patience, in the pursuit of desire.🥀

🥀

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain the old pain. Squeeze everything until the only thing left is the person that was there before all the hurt. Because sometimes people may come into your life just to teach you how to let go.🥀

After you left, even though I can't see your smile I'll always remember your everything. The day you gave me scars deeper than love, I realize it now that I've been regretting it. 🥀

I swear she tried,she tried to dry her tears, she tried to stop it from flowing to her cheeks, she tried to stop her tears from wetting the pages she writes on, she tried to write happy stories and to think happy thoughts and to anticipate a happy future that may or may not await her. Yet she still couldn't help but cry each night. Can you hear her sobbing at night when the world is asleep and at peace? She writes the saddest stories, but even the saddest of the saddest stories couldn't compare to how her heart is breaking right now, in real life.

And I swear she tried to rewrite this story, her story, but her tears had alreadly smudged her words, clouded her vision, ruined her hope. 🥀

Think I'm inlove again❤

Whenever I'm around you,
I feel like life's complete.
I don't know what to say,
But you make my heart beat.

I'm scared to say hello,
But it hurts to say good-bye.
I've been hurt before,
Now I feel like love is just a lie.

I'm falling really hard,
There's no stopping me this time.
I think you're there to catch me,
To finally let me shine.

I lose my voice,
When you're nearby.
I'm scared to mess things up
I'm scared you'll say good-bye.

I'm sorry if I'm wrong,
When it comes to liking you.
Just let me know,
I don't want to be hurt by you.

What if I'll never forget you? What if, when I meet someone new, I can never fall for them because they aren't you.🤎

They say feelings are normal. But you stay in my mind like an unwanted guest. Until now your name is a tragically beautiful taste in my tongue. For I gave you every inch of myself. I offered you my universe, as you softly traced your fingers across the stars. You are a scar on my heart that I am proud of. And it was something the ocean cried for. Despite that the universe was against us, I still gave you everything even if you never loved me back. 🥀

I still remember everything and it kills me every time I do. And my mind is trying to get you out of my head but my heart is holding onto every single word that you ever said. It is painful to stay stuck in somewhere I don't really belong. But maybe I'm not just meant to live a happy life. Maybe pain is all I'll ever know. You left me when I believed that you would stay. You left my side when I needed you the most. But I know I'll be okay and that eventually everything will work out. I know that what meant for me will happen,I know. But I just want to thank you. Thank you for catching my falling petals before they touch the floor; who paint my lips with smile when it feels like loneliness is calling; who affix my roots during thunderstorms and tsunamis; who shower me with bad jokes and make me grow happy. Thank you. And now I'm just glad you finally found someone else that can make you happier than I could.🥀

Long after I have given up, this heart of mine still searches for you without permission. Your name will be forever be engraved in my heart because your name carries so many irreplaceable things with it. The pain is in my head and I broke my own heart loving you. And everytime I miss you I'm gonna remember how much you don't. I will never regret you, or say I'd never met you, because once upon a time, you were exactly what I needed.

Poem 1: Afar From Forgetting

For the moment I thought I could forget you. I thought I could still the nervousness in my heart. I thought the past could no longer hurt me – nor haunt me.

I was wrong!

Because no matter how distant, is as much a part of me as life itself.

And you are part of that life. You are so much a part of me — of my dreams, my youth ,my ambitions and my hopes – that in all I do I can’t help remembering you. Because I already wrote your name in my heart, and forever it will stay.

A girl named Grace updated their phone number.