home of lost souls

hello hehe may page pala ako

what happened in 2023 will stay in 2023. i refuse to bring the burdens of that year into 2024. 2024 is gonna be my year. it's going to be mine.

this year has been one of the most challenging and painful for me, but it has also been incredibly worth it. it's like a rollercoaster ride that i don't want to be on again. i can say that this year really tested how tight i hold onto my life because it really is full of ups and downs, and i came to the point where i was willing to give up everything. but despite the challenges i faced this year, i'm still here, standing with joy written on my face. i'm proud to say that i survived this year despite the challenges i faced. and mostly, i am beyond happy to say that each time that goes by this year, i learn how to stand on my own and be more gentle and kind to myself. i'm ending this year with joy in my heart, and i can't wait to carry that joy and positivity into the new year!

few hours left, and 2023 will soon come to an end. i just want to congratulate you for making it this far! you survived all the challenges you faced this year, and the fact that you didn't give up in the face of difficulty makes me beyond proud of you. let's start the new year together with a fresh perspective and hopeful outlook. some of us may not be feeling good right now - but i just want you to know that everything will eventually be okay. maybe not right now, but soon i'm sure it will be. i hope that 2024 will bring you all the love and kindness that you deserve. remember, you're not alone in this journey and you have people who love and support you. please take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and keep moving forward with hope and confidence. you're strong and you can make it to the other side. i'm so proud of you and i wish you all the best. let's make 2024 our year!

ADVANCE HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
🍰🩷🫰🏻

sometimes there was this moment when i sat down and some moments in my life came flashing back in my mind, as i look back to those moments i realize how far i've come. there was a few more weeks before my sixteen years come to an end and i still can't believe that i'm already turning seventeen next year when in fact i thought the world would end when i was ten. sometimes my mind absolutely can't believe that i'm still here standing. it's just that i'm fascinated by the fact that the world doesn't really end no matter how many times i thought it would.

i will succeed, not immediately, but definitely

i watch you lose your grip on me through my hands. you walk out the door without looking back. i count each step you take away from me. it only takes five steps for you to walk out of my life. each step marks the end of what we had and each step brings me that much closer to losing you altogether. those five steps feel so long, and with each step, i feel myself slip further and further away from you – it turned my whole world upside down. you walked out of my life in just a few short steps. it only took so little with you, yet you took everything that mattered to me.

your independence will never be able to hide the fact that you're still a little kid, longing for you parents' love and attention. you're still that little girl who is yearning for their affection and approval. your independence might be able to mask that a little, but deep down, you'll always be that little girl who wishes that she could feel loved and cared for by her parents.

i don't play hard to get. i am hard to get. you'll have to work and put that work in to earn me and my affection. i know my worth. it's not my problem if you can't handle me. your loss, not mine. i won't settle for less, so your choice is clear: either worship me or leave.

collecting "⭐" until 2023 ends.

i never once thought that i'm not utterly fine, not until i lost you. for once, i'm not fine, and i don't think that i will ever be fine again. losing you has caused me so much pain, but for some reason, i'm afraid to lose that feeling. i'm afraid of losing the pain. i don't want to lose it because somehow it keeps you close to me. every ache, every sorrow, is intertwined with memories of you, and i don't know how to let it go. i don't want to know how to let it go because learning how to let it go means losing you completely once more.

i know i should move on, but how can i when that means letting go of you? this pain is a constant reminder of our time together, of the laughter and tears we shared. i don't want to forget these moments; they're the memories that keep you close to me even though you're not here.

i know losing this pain is a part of the healing process, but it's also a process of losing you completely. every time i feel this pain, there's a piece of you that's still alive and with me. if holding the pain is the only way i can keep you close to me, i'd gladly take it. even though it feels like being stabbed by a knife repeatedly, i'm willing to endure it, just to keep you close to me. there's not a more painful feeling than not feeling your presence anymore. my life will has lost its color and it will never come back.

the art of grief | mei

on new year's eve,
when the clock strikes midnight,
it'll mark another year
of you being gone.

when you've spent your entire life pleasing the people around you and forgotten about yourself, it's like you lose a part of who you really are. by prioritizing everyone else's needs and wants over your own, you forgot to pay attention to what makes you happy and satisfied. your thoughts and values are often dominated by the opinions of people who only want what's best for themselves, not what's best for you. when you finally decide to take care of yourself and pursue your own happiness, it feels like you're discovering yourself all over again. their expectations become yours and you start putting your own needs aside to help others. it's like the saying goes, "You can't fill someone else's cup if yours is empty.” it's okay to give, but don't give too much that there will be nothing left for yourself. it's not a crime put yourself first. it's okay to say no and to set boundaries. you deserve to prioritize yourself and to treat yourself well.

me in my math and P. E class

things to keep private:
EVERYTHING

oh to be written

omg happy 19k!! 🍰⭐

hello po, u can ask me random questions

hello po! can you please suggest some k-drama po yong vibe is countryside?

it's funny, the way that loneliness can take many shapes and forms. i never noticed just how lonely i truly was until i had someone by my side. in the absence of other people, i had become used to my own company, and it began to feel complete. i had so long been used to solitude that i'd forgotten the warmth of companionship. after all this time with just myself, no one had reminded me just how it feels. i had never thought i'd need someone else.

Merry Christmas everyone! i hope you're all having fun together with your family and friends. i'd also like to thank everyone who helped me decorate my Christmas tree and sent me messages. those messages felt like a warm hug in winter, and it's so heart-warming to be appreciated and loved. this is my first time celebrating my Christmas Eve here on my page, and there's nothing more that i wish for in the coming new year besides a peaceful mind. let's make more fun memories together next year! 🎀🩷

happy holidays, everyone. 🍰⭐

one step at a time, baby steps are still a step in the right direction.

grief is weird. a month before my grandma passed away, she gave me four pajamas; they're a bit small for me. my mom was asking me to just give them to my sister because i couldn't use them anyway because as a tall girl it looked weird to wear short pajamas, but i couldn't stand to just give them to them. even if i can't wear it, i'm still going to keep it. i remember crying after my mom took those pajamas to the laundry because i can't longer smell my grandma's perfume on them.

there's a painful reality that happens when you understand someone, but they don't understand you. it's like you're talking to a wall, and nothing you say even registers. it's like your words are falling on deaf ears. nothing that reaching that person on an emotional or intellectual level. they just don't get it. but that doesn't mean you aren't worthy or valuable. it just reflects a mismatch in communication styles or different levels of openness and understanding. this is why a clear communication is crucial to avoid misunderstanding and ensure both parties feel valued and understood in the conversation.

silent treatment is not a healthy way to solve a misunderstanding. grow up learn how to communicate what you truly feel. let's work together to talk it out and understand each other's perspective in order to resolve the issue at hand. let's work toward a resolution that satisfies both of us.

Christmas is drawing near, but it feels like just a normal day, doesn't it? i realized that as we get older, we often find ourselves losing that sense of wonder and excitement associated with Christmas. it's like the excitement has gone, and the holiday feels like any other day.
maybe it's a sign of adulting, or maybe we just feel really tired of everything. either way, it's hard to figure out what's taking the joy away from this special day. maybe we've just lost interest in everything. as time goes by we're slowly losing that childlike feeling of joy and wonder in Christmas Eve. whatever the reason for these changes, let's not forget to cherish and appreciate the holidays anyway!

you were the best part of my life.

hindi talaga ako magaling pag dating sa sining, hindi ako magaling mag pinta o gumuhit man lang pero mahilig ako sa mga ito. pakiramdam ko nawawala lahat ng mabigat na nararamdaman ko sa tuwing pinagmamasdan ako ang mga ito.

hindi ko rin alam pero noong simula ng makilala kita, hindi ko na malayan unti-unti na pala akong gumawa ng sarili kong obra. unti-unti akong natutung gumuhit at mag pinta, ang gaan pala sa pakiramdam pag ikaw na mismo ang gumawa.

isa akong paint brush at ikaw naman ang pang kulay o kung tawagin nila ay acrylic paint. pag pinagsama tayong dalawa tiyak na magagawa ng baong buhay – isang makabago at natatanging obra sino man ang makakita ay tiyak na mahuhumaling sa angkin nitong ganda.

ikaw mahal, natatangi ka sa lahat. isa kang sining hindi ako magsasawang pagmasdan at habang buhay kung mahalin. ang madilim kong buhay ay binigyan mong kulay.

alam ko na magiging miserable pa rin ang buhay ko next year

omg legal age na tayo! happy 18k my home!! 🍰🩷

behind every hopeless romantic is a wounded child who was never given the love and attention they deserved and has been seeking it from someone else ever since. they yearn for the one who can fill the void their parents left behind and desperately hope to find the love and acceptance they were deprived of growing up. but perhaps the answer isn't to find someone else to give them what they need, but to find that love and acceptance inside themselves. because behind every hopeless romantic is a 7-year-old child who just wants to feel loved.

early christmas gift, happy 17k to us!! i love y'all and thank you sm!! 🥹🩷

TRAIN STATION - a one shot au
[ special chapter ]

me after a minor inconvenience

“why would someone write an entire book for someone who doesn't even like them? no one does that. i mean, that's insane!"

well I WOULD

you've become just a memory,
and i can't stand it.

grief hits you at the most unexpected moment. i was sitting in silence, watching the sunrise, when a cold breeze suddenly touched my skin. it's cold, but not so cold that i could freeze to death. there was this weird feeling that i felt in my bones. some of my memories with you came rushing through my mind; it's like i've been stabbed by a knife or something. it's quiet; you can't hear any sound, not even the sound of a singing bird. there's nothing but silence, but i miss you a little too louder. my ears were searching for your voice to be heard once more. my eyes looked everywhere—every side, every corner of the surrounding world—just to see you once more. my lungs were searching for you like the air that i breathe. you've been gone for a long time, but the truth is that each moment that goes by, i can't see you around. it feels like i'm losing you all over again. it's a constant cycle that plays on repeat.

TRAIN STATION – a one shot au

waaah! hello guys! can you please help me decorate my tree? (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)
🍰: https://decomytree.com/home?hashedId=zuJEXAp-ykj1

hi, kumusta ka?