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Do you have the time to listen to me whine.
About nothing and everything all at once?

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As I was talking about some of the toxic negativity on Instagram the other day, a flood of messages came in on the topic of toxic positivity that can also flood this platform. ⠀⠀⠀
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I’ve heard these messages many times. I’ve read books that promote these messages in the disguise of “self help.”⠀⠀⠀
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As a therapist I cringe. I know these comments most often don’t come from a bad place. We want to help others feel better and may feel uncomfortable with their negative feelings. We may feel uncomfortable with our own feelings as well. So to stop the uncomfortable feelings adding in the silver lining or other phrases like the ones above can help us feel like we are coping. ⠀
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When we hear “just hustle harder” we promote a culture that doesn’t know how to rest and feels shame for burnout. ⠀⠀⠀
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When we promote “no excuses” we leave out the fact that there are real underlying concerns that need to be addressed. ⠀⠀⠀
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And finally, when we promote “good vibes only” we forget that as humans we will always have a range of emotions, and each one of them is worthy of exploring and noting. ⠀⠀⠀
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When we don’t allow our primary emotions (happy, sad, angry, fear) we can start to have secondary emotions (angry about being sad, fearful of anger). I could talk about this all day, but the key point is that it’s important we let ourselves feel our feelings. This is how we can heal.⠀⠀
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Finally, it’s ok if every hard situation doesn’t have a silver lining. ⠀⠀⠀
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We don’t always have to find the positive spin on everything. Trauma does not need a silver lining and trying to add one to someone’s trauma can be very invalidating of the real experiences they’ve been through.⠀⠀
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Instead we can say: ⠀⠀⠀
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I hear you.⠀⠀⠀
I see you.⠀⠀⠀
I’m here for you.⠀⠀⠀
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I love that we can have these conversations. They relate to parenthood because when we can allow ourselves to feel our feelings, our kids will experience the ability to do this themselves as well. ❤️⠀⠀⠀
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We hear you.⠀⠀
We see you, in whatever you are going through right now.⠀⠀
We are here for you.⠀⠀
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What are your thoughts on this! Would love to hear below!

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