Iyah Kin

Yun minsan ka na nga lang mag open up sa taong sa tingin mo ay maiintindihan ka... Sasabihan ka pa na ang OA mo. 🥺

There are moments where I feel like I dont belong. Ako lagi ang panghuli.. being left out... outdated.

Minsan mahuhuli ko nlng, magkasama silang kumakain without me. Kapag may mga outing or gala ang group, ako ung uninvited. Yun bang prepared at nakaplano na sila, ako lng ung walang alam. Tapos on the spot na lng akong ini invite... Parang I wasn't supposedly invited kinda feeling. Dine decline ko nlng to save myself. Ako pa ang nagmukhang rude.

Ibang time, nagpatahi sila ng matching clothes.. dinadaan ko nlng sa joke kung bat di ako na inform. Pero masakit tlga un kasi di ako naalala.

Maraming beses un nangyari. But i still try to reach out.

How to be a good friend?

I always struggle being around with people. Akala ko im doing great. Turns out, they're just being nice. I dunno kung friend ba turing sakin or ayaw lang nila maging rude.

Ok. Maybe im a boring friend.

Napaisip ako. When I see people, they all have that one special friend na they treat above all others. And when I look back at myself... I have none. Hnd naman ako nagrereklamo. Na-realize ko lang. Maybe im wrong, perooo this is whats in here ♥️. And here 🧠.

Baka kasi wala akong maibigay.

If your boring... Walang magkaka interest sayo. There's nothing to like. Or baka meron, pero panandalian lang.

As harsh as it may sound, people won't come to you if you have nothing to give and kung walang interesting about sayo. Im not just talking about material stuff. Hindi lang naman un ung kayang ibigay ng tao. Pwedeng feelings, reactions, opinions at ano pa... Most commonly, ung magpapasaya saten. Like telling jokes, stories sa buhay nila or buhay ng ibang tao, facts and others. Pwede rin, negative emotions. All of that which makes life interesting.

In my case... i dont tell jokes, I dont make people laugh, i don't do things na namention ko sa taas.. i have no humor. Seryosong tao ako. But Pleaser ako in a different way.

Ako ung tipo ng tao na tahimik lang. Tatawa pag may nagpapatawa. Makikinig lang, or kung magsalita man... Few words lang.. or comments.

Giver ako. If need ng moral support, im here.

I make people like me pag nalaman nilang may alam ako sa isang bagay. And when they're done. Wala na. Some people stay for a little while. Pero nagsasawa rin siguro kasi im not interesting enough. I can't make them stay kasi kulang ako sa kanila. Or baka di ako pasok sa vibe check nila.

After they're done with me, alis na sila. Babalik kapag may kailangan. Masama pakinggan kapag sinabi kong lumalapit lng sila kapag may kailangan.

Pero na-realize ko, ung realidad, I should be thankful. Kasi lumalapit pa sila a few times parin kahit YUN lang ung kaya kong ibigay. Maswerte na ako kasi some are still approaching me kahit eto lng maibigay ko.

Who am I para magreklamo or magtampo. Lugi sila sakin. Hindi tama na pag isipan ko sila ng ganon.

Napaisip ako, sinong tao ang hnd gusto ung magbibigay ng thrill sa buhay natin? Im not that person. Kaya i think hnd valid ang feelings ko.

Ugh. Hindi ko kayang bigyan ng clear explanation.

Maybe I need to explore more. Pakiramdam ko im always left behind. Kaya siguro i dont have that special friend kasi I can't give them enough reason to make them feel special kahit pa im giving almost everything. Even my comfort zone. Kaya at times pagod na din ako mag put ng extra effort. I am always not enough.

Or maybe... If hnd ako boring. Maybe im unlikable.

Or both.
...
Note para sa mga perfectionist. Sowwy sa mga typos. Im writing to improve what needs to be improved. Thank u for understanding.

Mali pala ung ibibigay mo ang best mo sa umpisa kung hindi ka sigurado na consistent ang efforts mo.

Yung nagti-triple effort ka sa trabaho. Tapos naalala mong hindi pang triple ang sahod mo.

Nagrereklamo ka pa kung bkt 2nd option ka nlng palagi. Samantalang ako, wala man lang sa options. Magpasalamat ka nlng.

Ang tapang tapang sa chat. Pero pagkaharap, walang binatbat 🤣

Ugh. When I finally had a chance to show off, this random guy walked by and distracted me so badly that I wrecked the fun night 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧

—don't promise if not sure right.

As expected... Its better to be alone.

Why am I so sensitive? 😫

Bakit kasi umaasa pa ako? Alam ko namang ibabagsak ako sa huli, hnd na ako natuto.

I wish someone would make me feel special

I always choose the wrong people to love.

I always love

Maling desisyon ang mag open up ako sa maling tao.

Although I detest people, my heart is too delicate. If only I had the power to convert this heart into stone.

This is a vow I've made to myself. I will never treat them the same way again. They're unworthy of it.

I dislike people!

What to do with this page? 😫🤧 dunno how to spice things upppp

"Dami mo pang ma-experience. Masyado ka pang bata."

Its why I want to escape reality. Habang tumatanda ako, mas lalong nagiging komplikado. Naiyak tuloy ko. Sana bata nlng ulit ako. Im not ready for adulthood.

Nakaka disappoint tlga yung mga taong puro pangako. Kahit isa, walang natupad.

...and no one's noticing my presence. I guess I was never part of their lives.

Yung masaya ang lahat. Pero ako, nalulungkot. At walang nakakalaam.

Siguro nga hindi ko kailangan ang mahalin ako. Ang gusto ko ay maiintindihan ako, ang maramdaman na appreciated ako, at ang importance ko. Kahit maiparamdam lang saakin yung worth ko.

I want to be in someone else's story. 🥺