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As if not

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ITS GOING DOWN TONIGHT YALL!

Husband and Wife agreed that whenever they want to have S*X, they will call it 'PHONE CALL' so that the children won't understand.

One day, Dad sends Son to tell Mum that he wants to make a 'PHONE CALL'. Mum replies: tel your Dad that the Network is busy today.

Dad replies: tell your Mum that d call is urgent, if Network is busy, then am going to a PUBLIC PHONE BOOTH.

Mum replies: tell him that if he dare goes to Public Phone Booth, I will OPEN a Business Center and all 'PHONE CALLS' will be FREE . ;)

DAILY FIVE

Five signs you are the side chick

5.HE SEEMS COMPLETELY DISCONNECTED WHEN YOU GET EMOTIONAL WITH HIM.
When women date, they anticipate the time in their relationships when they fall for the guy and can tell him how they feel. However, if you open up to your man and tell him how you feel repeatedly and he doesn’t reciprocate and/or tries to downplay the entire topic, this could be a sign that his heart lies elsewhere.

4. YOU’RE NEVER INVITED TO STAY THE NIGHT AFTER S*X.
As couples get more comfortable with each other, they tend to stay over at one another’s place after s*x. However, if he leaves your apartment in the middle of the night, or makes sure you never stay over at his place, this is a definite red flag. Also, keep in mind, if he has a family or “main chick”, staying until dawn will never be an option.

3.HE REFUSES TO SHOW AFFECTION IN PUBLIC
If you go to grab his hand and he pulls his away, or you never kiss or get too close when you’re out together, this could be a sign that you’re a side chick. This also gives him room to lie to his “main chick” about who you are if you two happen to be seen.

2. HE DODGES EVERY PHOTO OPPORTUNITY.
Everyone is on Facebook and Instagram posting their food, kids, women, and other significant parts of their lives. So if you notice that your guy is dodging selfies like bullets whenever you tilt your phone to take a picture, you may be a side chick.

1.YOU’RE NEVER INVITED TO FAMILY GATHERINGS.
If you have never met a guy’s parents or haven’t been to any events that include his friends, this is another side chick indicator.

DAILY FIVE

Five signs that you are living beyond your means.

5. Zero savings

One of the sure signs that you are living beyond your means is not having any money to save.

How much money do you have left over after paying rent, buying food etc?

Calculate what that is and see if you can afford to do this every month. If you cannot afford to save 5% of your salary then you are living beyond your means.

Savings are important because they help us prepare for the future. Whether it is an emergency fund that you can use for medical expenses or in case you lose your job, it is always good to have a little something stowed away.

4. You Don’t Have Any Money Left at the End of the Month

Forget the January blues, are you always broke at the end of the month and have to even borrow some money for transport?

If this is you then you are living beyond your means. No matter how little your salary is with proper planning it should last throughout the month.

If you want your salary to last the whole month, then you need to only spend money on the essentials. Pay rent, buy food, pay your water and electricity bill, set aside cash for transport etc. Instead of, spending it on expensive clothes and eating out.

3. You are in debt

The easiest way to tell if you are living beyond your means is to see how much debt you are in. How many people do you owe money to? Be it ‘mama mboga,’ your colleague or friend.

If you have to borrow money in order to do something like go out on the weekend or buy clothes or even pay rent, then you are living beyond your means.

Clearly, you cannot afford whatever it is you want to buy if you have to borrow money to buy it. So you need to cut down on such expenses and pay off all the debt you owe.

With debt, you cannot save money and saving is an important part of financial success.

2. Almost half your income is spent on rent

How much rent do you pay? What percentage of your salary is that? According to financial experts, your rent should not be more than a third of what you are earning. So for example, if you earn 30K then your rent should not exceed 10K.

Most people want to live in posh estates and as such end up spending over half their salary on rent. This means there is very little left over or none at all when you factor in the other expenses like water electricity and transport.

1. You never know where your money goes

Are you one of those people who always wonder where their money went? If you can never account for your money then you are living beyond your means because you have no budget in place.

Without a budget, it is difficult to control spending and as such you will never be able to save or use your money sparingly.

DAILY FIVE

Five warning signs you are dating a loser ?

5. He Tells You That He Loves You Far Too Quickly

A loser is usually very quick to tell you that he loves you. Often, within weeks of dating, he will be talking about your long-term future together. He may even discuss moving in, having kids or possibly propose marriage. Believe it or not, I actually had a potential suitor tell me that he loved me on our very first date together!
In truth, whatever he says means very little to him. He lives in a fantasy world where nothing is real to him. A loser has extremely superficial emotions and is capable of falling in and out of love on a whim.

4. He Blows Hot and Cold

He loves me, he loves me not. From calling and texting you daily, you may suddenly not hear from a loser for days or weeks on end. Just as you begin re-building your life, out of nowhere, he pops up. He behaves as if nothing has happened and expects to pick up the relationship, exactly where you left off.

3. His Actions Don’t Match His Words

A loser has a tendency to say one thing but do the complete opposite. He is a liar. Nonetheless, he will never admit that he was lying, even if he is caught red-handed.
As time goes on, the loser will begin to cancel dates or possibly, not not show up at all. He will make endless promises that he has no intention of keeping. He will say that he loves you but then treats you like something on the bottom of his shoe. He may even become physically abusive. At this point, you need to walk away, regardless of any tearful apologies that he may make.

2. He is self obsessed

A loser is self-obsessed and only cares about himself and his image. He is unable to walk past a mirror without checking himself out. He also likes to talk about himself and rarely lets you speak, unless it is to shower him with praise. He expresses very little interest in your life, family, friends, work or your activities and interests. Your role is to make him feel good about himself and not to bore him with the minutia of your life.

1. Your feelings don't matter

A loser will openly criticise and embarrass you in public. He will do his very best to make you feel worthless, so that he can feel superior to you. This makes you easier to control.
As you begin to have feelings of self-doubt, you will eventually reach a point where you feel worthless. This is exactly where a loser wants you to be. He does not want you to succeed at anything, as that would make you better than him. He is secretly setting you up to fail at everything you do

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Five reasons why good girls easily fall for bad boys

5. They are aggressive

Women want someone who they are confident would knock another man’s teeth out if he looks at her the wrong way. They crave men who are willing to be rough and rowdy to show they care.

4. They are protective

Dominance and assertiveness are traits that many women find attractive.Men who call the shots inside and outside of the bedroom exude a sense of power, which makes women feel comfortable in being feminine.

3. They act confident

Bad boys act confident, and confidence is an attractive trait.

There is a lot of societal pressure to be a good guy, but there is also a lot of pressure on men to be bad boys because many men recognize that women don’t want a good guy.

2. They make you feel everything

Good guys are comfortable, consistent and tameable. Bad boys are wild, crazy and unpredictable. Good guys make you feel contented, but bad boys make you feel everything, even if you don’t want to.

1. You want to be the girl that changes him.

Good girls want the bad boy to change for them. You want to be their salvation, and better than every other girl who has tried to change that boy before you

Good morning

Five most annoying words/phrases used in a conversation

5. “Yeah right”

When someone is telling you about something they feel or think you should know about and a whole of a sudden you go "Yeah right". It is a rude indication that you don't care about what they are saying.

4. “Eeewww”

This is commonly used by women especially when they see or hear something disgusting. You think it's cool because you heard Kim Kardashian used it but just stop already, because it's annoying

3. "Awwww”

again, women are the culprits here. The guy tells you that you are smart but you choose to sound like a cat, awwww. What about you just reply with the basics like "you are welcome"

2. “Whatever”

This is the ultimate definition of arrogance. You are just a "mukowu" who doesn't care about other people's feelings.

1. “LOL”

Literally means ‘Lots Of Laugh’ or ‘Laughing out Loud’. A lot of people have learnt how to laugh without actually laughing using this word which is extremely annoying.

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Five ways to know your man is a fraud

5.He is always bragging about his cars, businesses that you have never seen. He will even tell you he owns a certain building only for you to ask and find out it belongs to someone else.

4. He owns more than 3 phones with atleast 5 lines. Anyone with more than 3 phones is a thief.

He is always taking phone calls in secret, especially if he is involved in a fishy deal.

3. When he lands on some money, the whole town will know, he goes around town calling himself names like uncle money

2. Forget pastors. Anyone who wears a coat below the knee is a thief

1. If you ever catch anyone talking on phone and the phone suddenly rings while it's on his ear, there is the thief

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Welcome - Western Uganda's Biggest radio. Welcome We’re Crooze FM. 91.2 Crooze Fm is western Uganda’s biggest Radio station. We are the only and most hip, urban and English speaking radio station in western Uganda. 91.2 Crooze Fm is the home of the freshest hits that you and yours will instantly fall in love with. Our Programs. The backgrou...