The Daily Pooper

Urinal cakes the looooooong way

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Victoria Gastro Pub - Columbia, MD
- no occupancy indicator
Split occupancy multi-person bathrooms, with brass plaques marking the way. A fogged window makes the M defined. A beacon of hope in the distance. There are two stalls in the well lit bathroom, one of which is handi-accessable and has a changing table. There is nice decour on the walls opposite the sink station. Simple slide bolt secures the stalls, no occupancy indicator here. The knee-to-tp is pretty decent, with some narrow government spec TP. The construction is new enough to support better. The sink area is cool. The sinks have great pressure and temperature but have a hint of knuckle f**k to them. Like hint of lime chips. Okay, but actually, hint of like chips are overwhelmingly lime. That's hint of lime the way flipping a car is a fender bender. Hand towels were out of stock.

Overall 6/10 would p**p again. In order to get a perfect score they will have to upgrade the TP, correct the sink spacing, restock the hand towels, and add an occupancy indicating deadbolt. As always, please DM me with any proof of mitigation of these issues to earn a perfect score!

Victoria Gastro Pub. Good people! Above average p**ping experience!

**per **pfree

Dimitri's Restaurant & Carry Out - Baltimore, MD
- no occupancy indicator
The first door you open leads you to a hall with a camera and two split occupancy bathrooms. The second door leads you into a poorly lit bathroom. One push button lock and one bolt lock which may or may not secure the door. The bathroom is in need of cleaning, and the TP needs to be restocked into the holder. The holder uses some torx bit that I didn't feel like trying to pick to reload it. The knee-to-tp was ok if the holder had been loaded. The TP was from Greece circa early 2010s. Not great, but it will get the job done. How is the greek economy now? Anyone know? Everything about this bathroom is functional and nothing more. The wrist-to-spout on the sink sucks, as does the temperature, but the pressure is great. The soap is a thick foaming soap in a very aged automatic Cintas dispenser. It's actually pretty good. It has some heft to it, as strange as that sounds. Doesn't feel like that soap that is less viscous than water somehow, you know? The matching 80s looking Cintas paper towel holder also worked great and had some nice hand towels.

Overall, 4/10 would use again but wouldn't be excited about it. In order to earn a perfect score, they will need to fix the lighting, clean the bathroom, add some decour, add an occupancy deadbolt, improve the TP (the plumbing should take it), and do something about the sink area. As always please DM me with any proof of mitigation of these issues to earn a perfect score!

Dimitri's Restaurant & Carry Out. Good people! Below average bathroom.

**per **pfree

La Cuchara - Baltimore, MD
La Cuchara Baltimore
There are 5 bathrooms. Every single one has an occupancy indicator. Of course, I only looked in the middle one. Interestingly, none of the bathrooms are labeled. I just assumed they would be in one of the back corners of the building, and I was right, but its strange for them to not be labeled. The bathroom is exactly how large a bathroom is in your mind when you think of a bathroom. Sink on the right and throne on the left. The bathroom is well lit and quite clean. Dark colored walls usually beg for more light, but these just ask for a painting or two. The knee-to-tp isn't great, but the TP itself is not bad. Thin but quilted two ply. Not quite government, maybe government contractor. The toilet took a while to flush. You have to hold the handle the whole time. That's more commitment than I got from my ex. Ska music was popular for less time than I held the handle down. Jokes aside, I like Ska what happened to it? Plenty of spare rolls available for anyone tall enough to ride that ride. The wrist-to-spout on the sink was ok, with good pressure but unreliable temperature. The towel holder was mounted such that you couldn't stand exactly in front of the sink, at least if you're tall and broad shouldered. The hand towels themselves were really nice. Shop towel level but better executed.

Overall 7/10 would p**p again. In order to attain a perfect score, they will need to add some decour, adjust the knee-to-tp, fix the flush of the toilet, ensure the water can remain hot, adjust the placement of the towel holder, and lastly add some signs for the bathrooms. Many small things that do not greatly detract from the overall score. As always, please DM me with any proof of mitigation of these issues to earn a perfect score!

La Cuchara. Good people! Above average bathroom. Quality p**ping for the whole neighborhood.

**per **pfree

Dutch Courage - Baltimore, MD

Two unisex bathrooms marked by WC (water closet), both with occupancy indicating deadbolts! The bathroom is well lit, with some really quality decour. At first the floor looks dirty but then you realize that it's just the old tile. It looks good, though. The knee-to-tp is perfect, although the TP is government spec, which is likely the best the buildings plumbing can handle. So they get a pass for that. I corrected the extremely incorrect mullet mounted rolls. Extra rolls and cleaning supplies are available in the cabinet across the room from the toilet. The toilet has a really nice feature I've been hoping to see develop. A spot for you to grab when you lift the lid, which is on a different plane than the bottom of the toilet seat. Toilet seat bottoms are often concave, allowing anything that splashes to collect under the seat. Then, when you lift it, you run the risk of touching it. Gross. The sink area is well laid out. Cintas functional soap on the right, and really quality paper towels on the left. The wrist-to-spout is good, and the sink looks like it will splash, but it doesn't. The pressure is good, but the temperature is unreliable. Seems to fluctuate between almost warm and cold. I couldn't get a stable temperature and I'm very sad about that.

Overall 9/10 would absolutely p**p again. I so badly want to give this bathroom a 10. In order to get a perfect score the hot water must be hot. That's it. This is a contender for the Hall of Fame. As always, please DM me with any proof of mitigation of these issues to earn a perfect score!

Dutch Courage. Great people! Outstanding bathroom! Family friendly experience!

**per **pfree

The Daily Pooper might have to become the weekly p**per.

Also we have reached 100 followers on Instagram so I will start working on the t-shirts.

Shirley's Family Diner - Catonsville, MD
Shirley's Family Diner
- no occupancy indicator
Men sign marks the bathroom, which you'd be able to tell if I hadn't sneezed while taking the picture. A very sketchy on-k**b turn lock "secures" the bathroom from unreasonable search and seizure. The bathroom is well lit and adequately clean. It sports a middle school bathroom tile scheme with one of the strangest TP holders I've ever seen. It is by a brand called vandalstop which tells you everything you need to know. To me, this says after the third TP holster that got ripped out of the wall, the owner said, "Fine. Break this one, you loser." and I appreciates that about them. I do find it funny, though, that the holder was not locked. The knee-to-tp is not applicable as the holder is mounted so far away. The TP itself is Venezuelan single ply, hall of infamy worthy. The toilet seat is not designed for men. I find this odd due to the Men sign on the door. Ladies I'd you've ever wondered what that cutout in the front of the seat is for. It's for male anatomy. Nobody wants that to touch the seat. The sink area is tight, as the paper towel holder is mounted, where my shoulder would go if I'm standing perpendicular to the spout of the sink. So you kinda gotta stand to one side and turn a couple of degrees. The wrist-to-spout is ok, and the pressure is acceptable. The temperature, however, is insane. You could cook a chicken with the hot water coming from that thing. Very much so appreciated. Allow me to burn myself, for through pain we grow. There was an air freshener above the hand towel roll. The soap looks like cum.

Overall 5/10 would use if I had to. In order to attain a perfect score, an occupancy deadbolt should be added alongside fixing the existing jank k**b situation, the TP requires an upgrade, the hand towel position needs to be better, the seat needs to be replaced, and I strongly recommend a less sus soap. As always please DM me with any proof of mitigation of these issues to earn a perfect score!

Shirley's Family Diner. Good people! Average bathroom. The Fort Knox of TP holders!

**per **pfree

Honey Bee Diner - Glen Burnie, MD
Honey Bee Diner
- no occupancy indicator
Worker Bees Men sign marks the well lit, split occupancy bathroom. I like the tile combinations chosen for this. It helps make the bathroom look cleaner than it is. There appears to be various fluids on pretty much every surface. Whether they are dried cleaning fluids or... other fluids... I'll leave a mystery for my sanity. The knee-to-tp is great, but the TP is Soviet spec. The TP is also difficult to retrieve as the center bushing which holds the tp to the holder is missing so unless you manually rotate the roll, the TP just rips. The sink area mirror has been inscribed with the runes of the wise ones. The wrist-to-spout is good, as is the pressure and sensor range. However, the temperature is lacking. The soap is functional, and hand towels are available. The overall vibe is that of a highschool bathroom. Not that there is anything wrong with that. This is one of the few 24/7 establishments left, so I understand why everything is the way that it is.

Overall 6/10 would p**p again. In order to attain a perfect score, the everything should be cleaned, the sink temperature should be fixed, and an occupancy deadbolt should be added to the stall. As always please DM me with any proof of mitigation of these issues to earn a perfect score!

Honey Bee Diner. Good people! Slightly above average bathroom. Family friendly p**ping experience!

**per **pfree

Honey Bee Diner - Glen Burnie, MD
Honey Bee Diner
- no occupancy indicator
Worker Bees Men sign marks the well lit, split occupancy bathroom. I like the tile combinations chosen for this. It helps make the bathroom look cleaner than it is. There appears to be various fluids on pretty much every surface. Whether they are dried cleaning fluids or... other fluids... I'll leave a mystery for my sanity. The knee-to-tp is great, but the TP is Soviet spec. The TP is also difficult to retrieve as the center bushing which holds the tp to the holder is missing so unless you manually rotate the roll, the TP just rips. The sink area mirror has been inscribed with the runes of the wise ones. The wrist-to-spout is good, as is the pressure and sensor range. However, the temperature is lacking. The soap is functional, and hand towels are available. The overall vibe is that of a highschool bathroom. Not that there is anything wrong with that. This is one of the few 24/7 establishments left, so I understand why everything is the way that it is.

Overall 6/10 would p**p again. In order to attain a perfect score, the everything should be cleaned, the sink temperature should be fixed, and an occupancy deadbolt should be added to the stall. As always please DM me with any proof of mitigation of these issues to earn a perfect score!

Honey Bee Diner. Good people! Slightly above average bathroom. Family friendly p**ping experience!

**per **pfree

Doozy's Diner - Catonsville, MD

- no occupancy indicator
Restrooms sign marks one of two handi-accessible Unisex bathrooms. Of the two present, only one has a changing table. Sadly, at the time of this review, the changing table bathroom was occupied. A simple on-k**b lock secures the colorful doors. This tastefully laid out bathroom is well lit with some light decour. I'm pretty sure I own both the table and the wicker laundry basket featured in this unit, so maybe I'm biased. The knee-to-tp is good, with a sturdy government issue two-ply. This step of TP, also featured in my review of the State Forest, is what I imagine the IRS offices use when not wiping their asses with the little guys. I love the amount of spare rolls kept here, too. Surely, hell will have frozen over, pigs don the clouds, and Doozy's will still have TP. That's effort. Hand sanitizer and Febreze™ are available on the table. I did not test the wall mounted soap, however the Softsoap fresh breeze is more than adequate. The wrist-to-spout is good, and the pressure and temperature are perfect. Doozy's said no to coddling the public and preventing the water from being too hot. You're an adult. If you want hot, you get hot! Paper towels are available per the Geneva Convention.

Overall 8/10 would p**p again. In order to earn a perfect score, an occupancy indicating deadbolt should be added to the door and maybe a plant on the table or another painting. Not absolutely necessary, but it would be a nice touch. An upgrade of TP is suggested if plumbing permits. Although they'd have to dispose of their arsenal, and it wouldn't make sense. As always, please DM me with any proof of mitigation of these issues to earn a perfect score!

Doozy's Diner. Good people! Almost Hall of Fame bathroom! Family friendly p**ping experience!

**per **pfree

Locust Post Brewery - Little Orleans, MD

- no occupancy indicator
A metal sculptures mark the split occupancy bathrooms. Walking into the clean, well lit area, you're greeted with some outstanding wall decour. The whole theme of the bathroom matches the aesthetic of the establishment perfectly. One stall constructed from reclaimed materials stands tall in the center of the room. A simple barrel bolt protects from intruders. The knee-to-tp is good, as is the TP. At first, it appears thin, but it's actually just the quilted pattern and is quite good. The sink area is one of the coolest I've ever seen. I had the chance to speak to the owners (really awesome people), and I was told they had the sink custom made by a friend who was a glass blower. She formed it at her house, and it's great. No splashing at all, and it's beautiful. I had to get a close-up and play with the exposure to get the depth of color out of it, but the picture still doesn't do it justice. The wrist-to-spout is excellent, however, the temperature was lacking. Pressure was good. Paper towels are available.

Overall 8/10 would visit just for the decour. Bumped from a 7 because of how fantastic it is. In order to earn a perfect score, an occupancy indicating deadbolt should be added to the stall door and the temperature of the faucet fixed. From how resourceful and creative the owners are, I bet they could fabricate a really cool vintage looking occupancy deadbolt. As always, please DM me with any proof of mitigation of these issues to earn a perfect score!

Locust Post Brewery. Really good people! Great bathroom. Almost to the hall of fame!

**per **pfree

Bonds Landing - Oldtown, MD
Green Ridge State Forest
- no occupancy indicator
This is my first review of a bathroom that isn't a food/drink serving establishment. I think it's nice to branch out and try new things. Please note that this bathroom will have a different scale than food serving establishments. Split occupancy bathrooms marked by Restroom signs. These bathrooms use only sunlight for illumination, so if you're p**ping at zero dark thirty, bring a flashlight! The heavy door is secured against bears via push button lock. It is non-occupancy, indicating sadly. The bathroom is as clean as nature will allow. Of course, spiders and mice will work their way in. Especially if people leave food trash in the bathroom. The walls sadly lack decoration, but I understand why. I spoke with a park worker (ranger?) who said they recently had their bathrooms trashed, so they were operating on one bathroom until they could be sufficiently cleaned. It's sad that in such a nice area preserved for those of us who like to explore, we have to worry about things like this. Ample amounts of toilet paper are supplied, as the staff are spread very thin. They can only make their rounds so often. The knee-to-tp is pretty good, with the TP itself being some pretty stiff two ply. It may not be Soviet thin, but definitely government related with how stiff it is. They cannot have running water for a sink for obvious reasons, and they cannot have hand sanitizer to prevent attracting bears and such.

Please note thats not a p**p on the floor/toilet but a metal bracket holding it down.

Overall 6/10 would p**p again. In order to get a perfect score, which is damn hard for a remote bathroom, they will need to add an occupancy indicating deadbolt, add some wall decoration, and add a solar system for night visitors. As always, please DM me with any proof of mitigation of these issues to earn a perfect score!

**per **pfree