Tanya Dantus

Been such utterly heart-wrenching 💔 ❤️‍🩹 & terrifying days.

I am logging off to go try to have a “normal” day where I “just” go to Acting Class & be a “part” of the world.

Sadly, there is so much more awareness of just how much more anti-semitism / hate there is in the world than I thought.

There’s a sense of hypervigilance activated in my nervous system (I wind up exhausted at the end or even in the middle of the day), jumpy… fearful…not to speak of the threats to do a global Jihad on Jews!! What in the heck?! Are we serious? And why don’t people speak out?? Do you have Jewish friends? Do you get how scary that is??

Not to speak of the HUGE GRIEF to think of my ancestors who crossed oceans & went to strange new lands— just to escape persecution & save their lives… so I could live— and then this. I feel their support & I am determined to live & fully self-expressed.

Like with racism, like with sexism, both of which I have spoken up for and taken a stand, anti-semitism is sadly real. And - I never thought in my lifetime, after hearing the horrors of the Holocaust & actually living in Germany & seeing the general atmosphere of apology the Germans tend to hold (in general) towards this stance… could I have imagined that outside of very small terrorist groups, would there be such a large-scale showing of clear Jew hate. Flat out excusing mass murder & r**e of women & children— just because they’re Jewish. And not more people speaking up. Think of all the Jews in your life & what they contribute to you & your community & what life would be like without them.

Heart-breaking.

And my friend list has grown a tiny bit smaller. No, I am not gonna spend more emotional bandwidth on labor to educate you on how inappropriate some of your remarks are. They’ve shown me enough.

If you don’t like Jews, I’m not the therapist or coach for you & I’m fine with you unfollowing me.

Still one of my favorite quotes ever. And the meme that follows it (that came way later)…

So many people come to my office thinking they’re messed up in some way … and, without justifying any behavior, I will say that the fact that they’re showing up to do the work already shows so much.

SO MANY PEOPLE in therapy play the role in their family and are actually doing so much of the family healing in there!!

So… be kind - give yourself grace (especially if you’re in or have been in long-term effective therapy and/or doing the work ie shadow work in some way!) lol

One day, hopefully, you will pass on your message of light, hope, wisdom & transformation. People who have *gone through it* really have a way of sharing their light and passing it on generously like no other I’ve seen…
🙃

It’s a privilege to work with each of my clients … let’s do it. As an IG therapist says in the trenches with you!

The reiterative topic this week has been Boundaries, specifically with family members or loved ones who hold differing political points of view or similar…

I’m sure we can all relate— and with the holidays kicking off next month in the USA & upcoming months globally, this topic comes up for people.

This comes up for me, too, for sure & there are many nuances to the topic: situations where we CAN speak up, stand up for ourselves & others & practice using our voice.

There ARE times, also, where this graphic comes in handy. A previous therapist of mine, Dr. Harold Brown, introduced me to this idea: that at the center of these concentric circles is me, and I get to decide where all other people in my life go. Their position, closer or further away from me, largely depends on their actions & behaviors; ultimately, I get to choose how close/ far away I want them. Sometimes this also means mentally/emotionally. I did this for myself graphically (I cut out concentric hearts on a thin foamie paper & then did little cut-outs with each of the people in my life so that my subconscious self could really get that.. it’s mobile. I have a lot more agency & say than what I think I do at times!).

Let me know if you try this!! (Comments below) 🥳

Celebrate good times (& not so good times), c’mon!! 🥳💕💕🌟

In a culture that has not historically celebrated women & their work, let’s be cycle-breakers & celebrate ourselves & the women in our lives!!

Comment below with your “brag” or tag another woman you’d like to celebrate & honor her!!

Woohoo! We are celebrating with you!!! 💛🩷🩵❤️💚🧡💙🥳🎶

Soo excited to get cozy & join in our second Deep Circle of our Fall 5-week Series.

We will be deep diving into the Seasons & their Archetypes. We do a combo of journaling, sharing, mixed in with a bit of ritual and movement/ somatic tools. And- the sisterhood and cozyiness of a safe women’s group 🕯️🍂☕️

Wherever you may be, wishing you get some time for self-reflection and cozyiness with the Universe 🙏🏽

Happy Fall Equinox!!!

'When I first met Tanya I was a broken woman with no hope and very little happiness in my life. Through her genuine belief in me and encouragement I was able to finally believe in myself and see a light at the end of the tunnel. Tanya's methods in her life coaching services are like none I have ever experienced. She encouraged me to be honest and true to myself and in only 7 months my life has changed 100%. She has helped me realize my worth, discover who I want to be and helped me start that journey. I never believed I could be as happy and content as I am now. I can see that Tanya genuinely cares about me and my happiness and goes above and beyond to ensure that I feel supported by her. My journey is an ongoing one and thanks to Tanya I have been able to take huge steps towards becoming who I have always dreamed of being. I feel so grateful for having her beside me as I continue this amazing journey.” -Abby

JOIN US Live and In-Person this cozy fall…
More details via PM

Creative process

I timidly begin dabbing the paint on my canvas. Will this brush do? Maybe I should change brushes?

I keep going….

A couple of hours in, engines are revved, bodies oiled and ready… there’s a rhythm to my creative process…

No! That didn’t happen! But what did is I kept going and suddenly blobs of paint splatter in my hair and my fingers, when I look down, are paint-ridden… as I walk, as I move, in my day-to-day interactions… all of a sudden it’s like the paint I had tried so hard to keep inside, to not have it “make a mess” outside, not to get “too dirty” or “unruly”…. It hasn’t changed, it’s just gotten all over/ what’s changed is I am comfortable - relaxed- surrendered- okay with it now getting all over…

It’s like a foam party… all that “stuff” is now just “out” here… ALL over, for all to see.

No more hiding.

Image 1: Drawn with pastels by me circa 2015
Image 2: Pastelitos baked by me for Solly’s school class / his bday 2022

Goodness!!
I AM so squirmy-wormy,
So squiggly-whirly!

If I do not catch myself, who will??

Like a good game of whack-a-mole, she surely tires me out!
Where could She be hiding now…

Okay, you guys… I/She managed to do it again! In the middle of a (specifically the ), she did what? Of course, she started a whole new prolific social media platform with zero subscribers on it…!!

So won’t you be a doll & just help me catch Her this time again?! Please?!@?! Pretty please? With a cherry on top??

Find Her, Perfectly Imperfect on Substack. Link in Bio.
2nd pic 📸: She’s !

I did a little thing...

I'd been considering a Substack... and so my attendance of the play "The Untitled Unauthorized Hunter S. Thompson Musical" today at La Jolla Playhouse was the perfect excuse to kick it off...

Join me on my journey at: "Perfectly Imperfect... Take a Look at Yourself: My Life Takeaways from 'The Untitled Unauthorized Hunter S. Thompson Musical' at the La Jolla Playhouse."

Link in comments! Is it a little "Gonzo"?? 😅

It can be so easy to wait and wait, postpone one more day, week, year, and not do / share/ask for/ (i.e. ask for a raise, bring up certain topic with our spouse, buy that xyz thing, go on x trip) … all of the above. Why?

I’ve already lived so long NOT talking about it, not having it. It's like you're used to it... like you've grown complacent. In a way, it's like having convinced yourself that you're "okay" without xyz thing.

Kinda like with me and posting on social media. For a while, I had thought I was okay with all the 1-1 therapy clients I had. I thought I was okay with it. I missed the coaching business and being able to cultivate a community, write and create content and share my ideas with the world. But... I had kinda grown complacent with my busy schedule and "with the way things were". I had come to accept it as if it were something I just couldn't do anything about... and one day it would change.

But it kept nagging on me. It bugged me--I missed posting in this way. Sharing and being of service, cultivating & fostering a global community. Posting more vulnerably…

I also made up all kinds of ideas about... maybe I'm not READY to do this anymore: "I need to get this/my life in order, better scheduled, etc. etc" before I can actually do it.

Finally, I realized... I was hiding!! I was hiding! I had grown complacent, resigned myself to not posting and doing it, as if it were some firm reality I had to accept, when it was really something I had power over... I just had to really look at what was holding me back in the eyes.

What was holding me back was NOT just a busy life or schedule-- it was that it COULD be easy (”comfortable” to stay in my little “safe” / comfort zone). Why would I expose myself to discomfort? To shaming? to judgment?

But in the end, I’ve already spent so long hiding, shaming…. being quiet, complacent, keeping quiet to keep you comfortable, that at this point, what do I have to lose?

Same with you— you COULD go on not asking for that raise, not bringing up that subject with your spouse/ partner, prioritizing yourself…(that thing that during the day you tell yourself you’re “OK” with it, but at night you wake up at night & know… deep down… we all have this ONE life… and we’re going to die, why not live it FULL out..??).

There comes a moment when we just can’t keep quiet, hidden, any longer. Anais Nin quote comes to mind: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

When we want to grow and expand, be people who evolve, there comes that point… we just can’t remain constricted any longer. we have to let go of these treasures, these secrets we have polished over and over again with the cloths of loneliness and shame and hiding…. we have to lay them at the altar of our lives, our world… allow them to be exposed, risking everything AND…yet knowing we risk nothing, as our true love and validation, we have learned, comes from within. We stop waiting for it to stop feeling challenging, as Simone Seol said.

If we are lucky enough, our leaves will unfurl and our oak will emerge from our acorn… we will run the risk of being our SELVES.

What kind of world do I want to create for my own child… and my inner child… how do I want to Reparent her (like I teach my clients)? To be ashamed & hide? Or to be fully myself and expressed?

I'm interested in knowing: what kinds of things have you been putting off doing for yourself? & how long r u gonna let it go on?

Part #2, continued from previous post 😊 …

I know there are lots & lots of nuances I can add to this, but I’m drinking a coffee before heading to the airport & wanted to share these with you… ✨🌺 Part I (IG won’t let me fit them all on one post!) lol… enjoy!

Photo Dump of my first few days in Costa Rica..
1- welcome to tourist-y :)
2-
3- walks in one of my fave places in so far, :) with awesome hosts Noehlia & Jay
4- my first 🦥❤️
5- view from (did thermal baths there)
6 & 7 - 🩷 got rained and soaked on my way out but luckily got to swim there before!!
8- my fave place
9- planting a baby tree there 👆🏽that I named (
10- & so many other & spotted at … so fun!!
Not pictured: having a well-deserved rest from roles… as my son is visiting his stepdad in Europe, I decided to take a break too, and come check out one on my list of possible awesome places to live and know.. loving Costa Rica & the vibes, rediscovering my self, the adventurer in me who just trusts things will work out (& they have and they do… more on that in photo dump 2).

Can you believe this guy turned 11 years old?!?

15 days later, but please join me in celebrating my dear Solomon in his 11 years around the son— oops, I mean sun. 🌞

So much to say about Solly (one of the many nicknames we have for him), but, this year has been extra profound. He’s growing up and it’s apparent. Some grief mixed in about this, and also deeply beautiful wisdom and lessons coming through… we’ve known one another quite a while now. We’ve been through ups & downs. I learn about educating a child. I learn about my own self. What it takes to cultivate “seed” (lol) through maturation, all the many stages. I enjoy it so and find great beauty in being a part of his daily life.

We celebrated all week: his actual bday at Disneyland, a sleepover, a bowling party… lots of fun. Last pic there for reference. I believe it was his 3rd bday. :) so much love & gratitude for grandpa Zeyde, and for all of the community that makes this possible and magical!! ❤️🌟🥳🙏🏽

lol

So excited to be sharing for Elpha ‘s community today on such an important topic!!

Yes- even super successful woman I’ve spoken to and worked with can have difficulty with speaking their truth, owning their “no”, self-advocating, asking for a raise, and more, in the work place. Often times we can be seeking validation, without even realizing it.

Check out the full article on Elpha to read exclusive insights on what might be beneath that and tips for how to get at the root and step into more confidence!!

The Power of No: Steps to Reclaim Your Authentic Self & Power The Power of No: Steps to Reclaim Your Authentic Self & Power

“Our personal well-being is intimately tied and connected to our environmental wellbeing.” -Stephen Aizenstat

Joh Muir.. so many people have said it. But I gotta say it myself! When we are connected to our core, our nature, we recognize that our well-being is intimately tied to the care and wellbeing of our mother, the Earth.

So many ways to say, look at it.:: spending time in nature, recycling, caring for animals, what we eat and put in our bodies, composting, growing food.

This weekend I got to attend “Hawkwatch” with my son! A free program in Ramona, CA that educates us about native birds (and beyond) in California. Got to see beautiful hawks, falcons, owls, and snakes. All the birds are rescued… fyi.

In pic: Rose the Red tailed Hawk

What a great event, !



What a great feeling coming home after a day of community, cooking, exchanging, engaging, talking about seed sovereignty & why it matters, meeting awesome people engaged… cooking a delicious vegan curry soup with flatbread with the community, and breaking bread together.

Community Roots Farm is open for volunteers every Sunday 11am-2pm. Hope to see you out there soon!

Also, Tu B’Shvat Festival at on the 5th— see you there!!



P.S. we got home & planted our Maracuya & Pitaya shoots & started some tomato seeds as well as ‘s butterfly pea :) 🤞🏽

FREE EVENT: TOMORROW via Zoom
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Join us in community to honor the changing of the seasons & the return of the light . . ...while also honoring and holding darkness and the mystery and possibility it affords us.

Do you feel that, in spite of it being the Winter & the "Slow Time" of the year....

You're on Go, Go, Go, mode or don't know how to switch it all the way off?
Even though you're supposed to feel so happy and like it's "the most wonderful time of the year", you feel unsatisfied? And you may not really know why?
You're seeking and seeking (outside of yourself) for the answer, the "one pill" and "cure all" and yet you still feel unsatisfied with all you have?
You know you "should" be happy and grateful but you're just not?
You're tired and cranky and just want someone to take care of you?
I get it! I know as a working (single) mom how much we can have on our plates, and it can be difficult to turn "Go" mode off... and like we want someone to care for us-- but whom do we ask?
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Let's co-regulate together... Join our (FREE) Wednesday Winter Solstice Gathering to: ​

-Replenish yourself through a Gathering in Sisterhood, Ritual, Movement, Journaling & Sharing

-Gently let go of the 2022 within a community, safely and with love

-Set yourself up for a nourishing 2023 -- without the pressures of "resolutions" etc-- rather, gentle stretching, visioning, expressive arts, & sharing

-Strengthen bonds within yourself and a community

-Honor the Winter Solstice, aligning with the greater Universe & Nature we belong to-- allowing its rhythms and wisdom to soothe us...

Really hope to see you there!!

Winter Solstice Celebration: Reflection & Ritual Please join me in this unique event, honoring & celebrating Winter Solstice (the Return of Light) & to reflect on 2022 & vision into 2023!

A celebration! A joyous opportunity to come journal, reflect, stretch, move and SHARE--

what are we learning from 2022, letting go?

What are we calling in for 2023?

Join me and the women who say YES to this event, for a FREE ritual, reflection, and celebration on Winter Solstice (Dec 21st)!

See you there!!

Winter Solstice Celebration: Reflection & Ritual Please join me in this unique event, honoring & celebrating Winter Solstice (the Return of Light) & to reflect on 2022 & vision into 2023!

Had a fabulous night out with this friend (this picture isn’t from tonight, though, but Halloween 😊). The “conclusion” from this evening’s chat about a lot, but mostly dating is: “Clarity is Kindness.” And that speaking our truth in relationships takes PRACTICE!!!

Let’s life life well & together. Kombucha cheers! 🌸💕💫

Spent the last Sunday at a live group case consultation with whom Gabor Maté calls “the leading trauma psychologist”, Peter Levine.

4 cases were presented. Peter worked with each of the people on stage for close to an hour. Watched by close to 200 people.

What courage those 4 have! To go into trauma healing with so many watching. My respects. Wow.

And— it was a lot. My first case consultation. Integrating.

And- wow. It deepened my respect for all of us practitioners who sat there on a Sunday, diving into listening to 4 people’s trauma history. The equivalent of medical training— like watching a surgery— but for trauma therapists. Lots of professional takeaways.

And… just so much.

Know who your practitioners are. Not just everybody can take you the depth you wanna go. If you’re a deep diver, make sure who you’re going with is able to go there with you.

We get so afraid to trust ourselves.

This is NOT our essential self. Our essential self KNOWS if you’re tired or scared or lazy or resistant.

All about practices that support us in recognizing our truth, our true needs, even when that means diverging from the .

Do you struggle with perfectionism?
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If so, you’re going to want to consider enrolling in Right HerStory. (Schedule a free call with me here to talk about the program and whether it's a good fit for you! Link in comments.)​

*What is Perfectionism?*

Perfectionism is subscribing to the idea of getting or arriving “there one day.” So, any effort at all gets categorized into dualistic-thinking: “Good” or “Not Good Enough.”

There’s no middle ground: any kind of effort, unless it’s perfect, is shot down.

Your Inner Judge or Inner Critic plays a huge role in that.

You’re constantly procrastinating, deciding that it’s not time yet to start working on something or putting your effort into it because it’s not the right time or you’re not quite ready or prepared or at the level of expertise required for it. You’re not good enough yet to offer this…

And, whenever you do make an effort, your Inner Critic goes crazy if it’s not exactly on mark or giving you the results you wanted.
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Because, let’s be honest...

Any creative effort where there is growth involved is going to be messy, non-linear, and there’s going to be a learning curve, in which so-called “mistakes” or experiences are going to inform you.

Which means you need to be resilient enough to take that feedback and transform the work or the piece – and then keep going and not let it stop you because you’re not quite “perfect” enough.

Perfectionism is very ego-driven. It’s a mental block that keeps us from living our lives and being as creatively and otherwise fulfilled, living out our potential.
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I bet you have a lot of ideas and notice where you do get stuck.
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In Right HerStory we address the resistances that come up, because you’re held in a container, and we talk about these and how they come up in other areas of your life. So, you’re learning about your self.

But it’s not just that. You are not just accumulating interesting insights and then doing the same thing over and over again...

You’re actually seeing this about yourself and making a new choice, in a group, alongside other like-minded women, getting accountability and support – from me, the community, and guest experts.

​Message me to request all the details and the link to sign up, or schedule a 1-1 complimentary call with me via link in comments to explore what Right Herstory could open up for you!

One woman I spoke to the other day about joining Right HerStory said she feels like she does NOT have anything to say.

“My story isn’t so exciting or interesting. I wouldn’t even have a story to share or perform if I joined the program.”
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​Can you relate to that?

Do you stay quiet as you think “I have nothing new/ different to share.” Someone else says it better.

It’s important to learn to differentiate the voice of our THOUGHTS from the voice of OUR SELVES.

Because, often, these sorts of critical thoughts are coming from what we could call the Inner Critic—a sum total of all of the judgments (verbal and modeled non-verbally) we have witnessed and internalized growing up.
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So...

That strict teacher who tore up your writing because it wasn’t “academic” enough?
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That father who grew up with parents who were SO strict with him that he can’t even accept himself without being PERFECT (and, since this is impossible)—he doesn’t—and can’t really accept you... or anyone?
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That dance teacher who found your dance “quaint & original” but not quite fit enough to be in the company and discouraged you from pursuing dancing as a career?
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Well—all of these, or any version thereof end up conglomerating into one BIG Inner Critic Voice.

And, as long as you IDENTIFY with this voice and don’t distinguish YOUR SELF, your witness, from this critic, you can stay stuck in a loop where you start something... and then stop... and then start again... and then stop again.

Or you don’t even start—because you are accepting the Inner Critic’s voice as truth, without interrupting or questioning it.
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This happens more frequently the more that you have made this a pattern. Because you easily identify with this voice & it can take more effort to dis-identify from it.
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Knowing intellectually that you do this is one thing.

But REAL TRANSFORMATION takes PRACTICE, COMMITMENT, and TAKING ACTION consistent with your commitment. ​
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That’s why joining a program like Right HerStory – a container that provides you with ACCOUNTABILITY and practice, and an outcome, like performing on the stage, with a cohort – is LIFE-CHANGING.
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If you are sensing that it is TIME FOR A CHANGE…
If you’re sick & tired of leaving your PLANS for the future—or giving up totally on them...
If you're done giving your power away to your Inner Critic and letting it stop you from taking action on your dreams...
​..I encourage you to enroll in Right HerStory.

It may be the last time I offer it online.

Say “Yes” to you, to your Highest Self, rather than give your power away (again) to the Inner Critic!
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​Schedule a call with me using the link in the comments below to explore joining the cohort starting September 2022.​

Let’s see what your shining light has to offer the world! ☺