Redeemed Heart Recovery
Please join us and/or pass this on to anyone who may be interested in recovery from any addiction, obsession, compulsion, ruling heart desires, idolatry
Evangelical Pastor Rob Renfroe on a man's decision to be sexually pure: http://messages.thewoodlandsumc.org/20160223q.mp3
Join us for our next meeting Saturday at 8:30 am at Christ Chapel Soul Care, 2600 Montgomery Street, Fort Worth, TX
The Scarlet DNA? BreakPoint
What Needs to Change?
It’s been said that those who don’t learn from history are bound to repeat it. Those of us who believe this statement are more likely to see how this truth applies to the conflict in our lives. As important as it is to take responsibility for the fallout of past offenses, if we stop there, we miss a substantial and vital component of authentic confession.
While it is imperative to address every aspect of the conflict we are attempting to put behind us, it is just as crucial that we learn how to move forward in a more positive way. If we are unwilling to assess and correct the issues that lead to conflict, it increases the likelihood that a similar situation will surface in the future – with the same person or with someone else.
As we evaluate the mistakes of the past and anticipate how to build solid relationships in the future, it helps to look deep inside our hearts, and with God’s grace and guidance, ask ourselves this important question: How do I need to change? As we pause to ponder this question, we may benefit from leaning on a trusted friend who knows and cares enough about us to offer honest feedback. After taking into account their wisdom, and pausing long enough for the Spirit of God to reveal the places in our hearts that need to look more like His heart, we can begin to experience the kind of transformation that helps us move forward on the path of peace.
Final Thoughts…
For most of us, change isn’t easy. In fact, it can be downright hard! Yet, with our Father’s help, we can ask Him to help us to become more like Him as we travel The Path of a Peacemaker.
If you are working through a contentious situation, here are a few additional questions you may want to consider as you move toward confession and reconciliation: What do I need to specifically confess to a brother or sister about changes I am making in my life? How will these changes impact my present and future relationships – not only with this person, but with others?
-- Dale Pyne, CEO, Peacemaker Ministries - peacemaker.net
05/10/2015
The Desire to Be Desired
By: Ed Welch of Christian Counseling Education Foundation
At the heart of the romance novel is the thrill of being desired—irresistibly, intoxicatingly desired. And since that genre is the most frequently visited Internet category among women, there is a lot of “desiring to be desired” out there. A lot. Since men’s idolatries get most of the attention, this is a short meditation aimed at bringing fairness to this imbalance.
The Cycle
The desire to be desired fits nicely into the story of evolution. The female must attract males in order to contribute to the survival of the species. So, she needs to get out there and be desirable. Some animals use vocalizations, others use physical displays. Humans use both. And human mothers seem pleased to help. They are often quite invested in helping their female offspring become highly desirable.
This cycle, however, is a disaster for humans. It is de-evolution. The desire to be desired did not serve those mothers very well. If they allow themselves a moment to reflect, misery was always close by. Perhaps the reason they pass it on to their daughters is that they have no viable alternative.
And the p**n industry runs on the back of this desire. Women pose n**e because the thought of men desiring them is satisfying. It is horribly dehumanizing and shameful, but temporarily satisfying. Then other women have to compete with the women who pose n**e, which is impossible but one has to try. They are always wondering who their spouses or boyfriends are really desiring.
Some women get married. But what are they to do when their husbands no longer seem to desire them, or someone else desires them more than their husbands? Divorce and aging can make the desperation even worse. Ugh.
The Way Out
The only way out of this bo***ge is fairly well known: desire being desired less, and desire God more. To desire less is done through confession and repentance. What could you confess? Narcissism, self-worship, fear of aloneness, a conviction that God is not so good—when possible, reach for something that is ruthlessly accurate.
To desire God more? That is a hard but wonderful path that can make you feel alive and satisfied.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. (Ps. 73:25)
He fulfills the desire of those who fear him. (Ps. 145:19)
This is what we want to pass on to our children.
But the way out is not something we can easily find by ourselves. Just as men benefit when they talk to other men about their struggle with p**n, women will be helped when they talk with each other about their struggle with being desired. So as the church mobilizes against p**nography and for desiring God with men, it can also mobilize against the need to be desired and for desiring God with women. What we aim for is to be amazed that God desires us for himself.
Is it Major or Minor?
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I find myself “majoring in the minors.” Instead of staying focused on what’s important, I become distracted by insignificant things. If I’m not careful, my life starts to revolve around minutia, instead of what matters most.
When it comes to conflict resolution, we are confronted with the same problem. At times, our emotions get in the way of rightly discerning which disputes need to be addressed and which ones can be overlooked. A healthy response is possible when we learn to major in the majors, minor in the minors, and develop the discernment to know the difference. As we read the words of Solomon, he offers this counsel on the matter: “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense,” (Proverbs 19:11).
Time to Reflect
There are certain “major” offenses that, if unaddressed, may become progressively worse. When someone is engaging in abusive or sinful behaviors that are impacting that person, you, or others, this is a substantive issue that is best confronted with wisdom, humility, and grace under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Other times, when a “minor” wound is inflicted and doesn’t threaten to permanently damage to the relationship, sometimes it is better to simply let it go. This isn’t the same as escaping from a problem or ignoring it; instead, it is a conscious decision to overlook the fault of a brother or sister and, through the empowerment of our Lord, completely surrender and release the situation to Him. When prompted by the Spirit of God to take this step, it is a courageous choice that can bring both joy and blessing.
As you experience conflict, I would encourage you to carefully assess each situation on its own merit and ask yourself these questions: What is the difference between a major and a minor offense – and which one am I dealing with right now? Should I address the infraction – or am I wise to overlook it?
Dale Pyne
CEO, Peacemaker Ministries
peacemaker.net
Peacemaker Ministries Free Seminar Sign Up Learn More Learn More Learn More Learn More Donate Reconciliation Services Learn More Path of a Peacemaker Learn More Impact Learn More Reconciliation Services Managing Conflict: Engaging God and Others Having perfect relationships in our home, at work or in our congregations is…
23/06/2015
"Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God." -- AA Big Book, p. 55
Dangerous Desires
As we’ve journeyed The Path of a Peacemaker, we’ve looked at some of the contributing factors and responses that have played a role in conflict – but what triggers the conflict itself?
While things like personality clashes, gross injustices and demonstrations of favoritism produce sparks that can be fanned into flame, the Apostle James reminds us that this kind of conflict has a universal starting point:
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? (James 4:1)
When dangerous desires such as jealousy, pride and selfishness are at war within us, it can trigger conflict with our fellow man. When tense moments arise, rather than counting the cost and holding our thoughts and actions long enough for them to be tempered by the Spirit of the Living God, our natural tendency is to react – speak first, think later.
As children of God, we know that the greatest opportunity to resolve our side of the contentious situation occurs when the desires of our hearts are brought into alignment with God’s desires. Since this doesn’t come naturally for us, it behooves us to approach the Father and pray as David did: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me,” (Psalm 51:10).
-- from peacemaker.net
Discussed this in our meeting this morning. Yes, we need to confess our sins of gluttony, intemperance and lust in our 5th Step. But what about prodigality, pernuriousness, pugnacity and prudery? Interesting article on Making a 5th Step by an Episcopal priest:http://stpetersashtabula.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/5th-Step-Booklet.pdf
The Father's Heart
Storyline – The Father of the Prodigal
When the prodigal son finally returned home, his father could have responded in a thousand different ways. He could have turned his son away, or at the very least, delegated his “problem child” to one of his hired servants, washing his hands of the pain and embarrassment caused by his wayward son. A torrent of harsh, reprimanding words could have been unleashed, or a more subtle form of anger expressed through passive-aggressive behavior were options that others in his shoes would have chosen.
Yet, this father was not motivated by a need for justice. He did not care about settling the score. Instead, his response was motivated out of a deep sense of compassion and longing to restore the relationship with his long-lost son:
“But while he [the prodigal son] was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20b)
The Father of the Prodigal’s Story & Your Story
If you feel that you have more in common with the prodigal son than with the father, rest assured. You are not alone. All of us have sinned and fallen short of God’s plan. Just like the father in this story, our Heavenly Father’s heart is filled with compassion for us. No matter what we’ve done, where we’ve been, or how much of what He’s given us that we’ve wasted, His primary goal is to restore relationship.
While it is not natural for us to demonstrate the kind of love displayed by the father in this story, as children of God and recipients of His abundant grace, Ephesians 5:1-2a offers this instruction: “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us...”
What does this mean for you and me? As followers of Christ, if we are to be ready, willing, and equipped to walk The Path of a Peacemaker, we need to humbly ask our Father to give us hearts like His – hearts that are marked by grace and motivated by compassion.
--peacemaker.net
Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our sins. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16a).
We live not only with ourselves, and not only with God, but also within our community, and for the 5th of the steps, we for the first time begin our healing as a part of this larger community.
By admitting to our comprehensive listing of moral failings, not only to ourselves and to God, but also to another person, we rejoin the community in the process of healing, and we demonstrate our commitment to God.
Too often our pride stands in the way! When out of humility we should express gladly our sins, so that Christ may help us overcome our failings. We are by nature weak and sinful, God knows this, and all he asks is that we show the humility to recognize it.
The 5th step requires that you shed your pride and admit to another person all of your failings, and this can be hard. Pray for the strength and courage to do it well, and when it's done, you will have truly demonstrated your commitment to God and man, and taken a great step towards real recovery.
-- John Lee, Editor, Choose Help - Christian Recovery
25/04/2015
Read and discussed in our meeting this morning.
While we're on the subject of self-centeredness, what does the Bible have to say about it? Here's one discussion:
"Self-centeredness is defined as “immoderate concern with one’s own interests and well-being; self-love or egotism.” The Bible tells us “people who are self-centered aren’t able to please God” (Romans 8:8, CEB). Self-centeredness is a sin because it leads to being devoted to self-gratification and overlooking other people’s needs (Romans 2:8; James 3:16). Self-centeredness and self-love are totally antithetical to the teachings of Scripture (1 Corinthians 13:4–7).
"Looking out for our own interests is natural. In fact, Jesus uses our innate self-interest as a basis for gauging our love for others: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). In other words, in the same way that you (naturally) love yourself, learn to love others. Our universe should be others-centric, not self-centric. As Paul puts it, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3–4). This command leaves no room for self-centeredness.
“When we were self-centered, the sinful passions aroused through the law were at work in all the parts of our body, so that we bore fruit for death” (Romans 7:5, CEB). The NIV translates “self-centered” as “in the realm of the flesh.” By being self-centered or yielding to our sinful, fleshly natures, we are bearing fruit that results in death. It is ironic that putting oneself first leads to a destruction of oneself (see Luke 17:33).
"Being focused on oneself usurps the biblical commands to love and care for our neighbors (John 13:34–35), to not pass judgment on others (Romans 14:13), to bear others’ burdens (Galatians 6:2), and to be kind and forgiving (Ephesians 4:32). Being self-centered is directly opposed to the clear command, “No one should seek their own good, but the good of others” (1 Corinthians 10:24). There are many other similar commands calling for selfless sacrifice and service to others (Romans 12:10; Ephesians 5:21; Galatians 5:26). Every act of self-love is rebellion against the authority of God. Self-centeredness is rooted in one’s fleshly desire to please self more than God. In essence, it is the act of supplanting God’s authority with one’s own ego.
"Jesus strikes at the very heart of the sin of self-centeredness with this unequivocal declaration: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). To deny oneself means letting go the material things used to gratify self. To deny oneself is to let go of selfish desires and earthly security and focus instead on the interests of God (Matthew 6:33). The mindset of “he with the most toys wins!” is seen for the fallacy it is. Denying oneself turns us from self-centeredness to God-centeredness. Self is no longer in charge; God is. Christ rules our hearts.
"We all have a tendency toward self-centeredness. But, though we are still in the flesh, believers in Christ have God’s Spirit residing within (1 John 4:13). The question is, which will we allow to have control of our lives—the flesh or the Spirit (Romans 13:14; 1 Peter 2:11; 1 John 2:15-16)?"
-- From gotquestions.org
Read and discussed this at our meeting tonight:
"Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
"So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
"This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom."
-- Page 62 of AA Big Book
Amazing Grace
“We believe that we are all saved the same way, by the undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus.” Acts 15:11
"When you realize that you can't ultimately forgive in your own strength - that only God can give you the desire and ability to truly forgive other's sins - then you will find the strength you need to give others the amazing gift of forgiveness and experience reconciled relationships." Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson
21/03/2015
"Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. . . . And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
"This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom."
AA Big Book, Page 62
09/03/2015
The heart of the problem is our heart, not our circumstances.
06/03/2015
Good churches and recovery groups are like the Cheers theme song "where everybody knows your name." Click below to hear Eric Metaxas talk about Josh Hamilton, relapse and grace.
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/entry/13/26986?spMailingID=10819958&spUserID=NjMzMzg4Njg2NTES1&spJobID=500419239&spReportId=NTAwNDE5MjM5S0
A Safe Place for Sinners BreakPoint
02/03/2015
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up . . . ."
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Christ-like in Waco, Texas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCdqwowpr4Q
The Gainesville Tornadoes thank their unexpected fans At a Gainesville, Texas, juvenile correction facility for felony offenders, one of the few perks, for very good behavior, is a chance to leave the prison a f...
27/02/2015
Steps 4 and 5
Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift; Matthew 5:23-24)
"Even though we know that total perfection is unobtainable, there are some who have come to expect it in marriage. And while I Corinthians 13 reminds us that "love never fails," we tend to overlook one very important fact: sometimes people do. This is why the Apostle Paul admonishes us to have the kind of love that reveals patience, kindness, selflessness and forgiveness."
-- Peacemaker Ministries
Good stuff on the value of our past experience and failures in walking with others from Pastor Rob Renfroe at The Woodlands United Methodist Church, particularly beginning at 21:40.
http://messages.thewoodlandsumc.org/20150203q.mp3