OneLight Christian Counseling, PLLC

Teal Day is almost here! Celebrated on the second Friday of April, Teal Day encourages awareness of the importance of counseling and self-care for counselors as they enlighten their clients, colleagues and the greater public of the same. Join us by donning a teal t-shirt, ribbon or accessory and posting a picture on social media. Make sure you use and tag us!

https://counseling.org/cam

Radley is ready to get back into the office. I gotta say, I’ve never had a coworker who was more fun! (Or one who left more random piles of hair around the office!)

When we believe that we are powerless, we cease to dream. We are rarely without options and truly powerless, we may simply not like the options available. Often that feeling of powerlessness is actually our unwillingness to make the uncomfortable choice. Don't hand your personal power off to anyone. Don't let perceived powerlessness steal your dreams.

Setting boundaries and saying "no" can take work in the beginning, especially when it concerns family members. But the work is worth the true peace that results. If you can't say "no," then you can't actually say "yes." Handing your sense of personal power to another person will never create peace for you, it might give the other person peace but it is not a recipe for your peace.

Setting and maintaining appropriate boundaries is the first step towards walking in peace, especially during the holiday season. Toxic people are toxic, even when they are related to us. Toxic or dysfunctional situations don't become acceptable because they involve a relative. No one else is going to respect your peace if you don't value it enough to protect it yourself.

Everyone likes a good story, right? That's why we watch movies or read a good book, we are drawn to the story. So what's the story you are telling yourself in your head?
We all do it, even if we are unaware that its happening. For everything we experience, we create a story in our head to explain it and then we live out of that story and it doesn't really matter if it is actually based in truth.

For example, say I came into work yesterday and as I passed the very nice lady at the front desk I said "good morning!" But she didn't return my smile or the greeting. In fact, she looked pretty snarly. I walked into my office and sat down and thought "I wonder if she's mad at me. Why in the world would she be upset with me?!" Then being the overthinking champion that I am, I remember that the day before I took her food out of the microwave. "But she wasn't in there!" I tell myself. "There were others waiting to use it and she went off and left it there! What did she expect us to do?!" As the day goes on, I push my ire to the back of mind and go about my business, honestly, I'm not even really thinking about it anymore. But then I go to leave for the day and as I'm walking out the very nice lady at the front desk says "bye! have a good evening!" For reasons I can't even completely remember in the moment, I'm irritated by her words. I throw a half-hearted smile her way and keep walking leaving her to be the one who is now confused.
So what's my point? What I couldn't know is that the very nice lady at the front desk had been in an argument with her husband on the way to work that morning. She had come in frustrated, distracted and upset by it and had never even heard my good morning greeting.
None of that matter because I unknowingly created a narrative in my head that said she was upset with me for some petty reason, that she was being unreasonable and childish and then I lived out of that story in my head.
I realize this is a simplistic and maybe slightly extreme example (which did not actually happen as the lady at the front desk really is a very nice lady and I would actually just go and talk to her if something like this happened! lol) but we all do the exact same thing in our lives. We go through an experience like a break-up or a dispute with a loved one or we are laid-off at our job and we create a narrative in our head to explain it. We unknowingly create the narrative that it is all our fault, or that we are being targeted unjustly or that we really are as useless as someone once told us we were. We forget that sometimes, a snippy remark from someone actually doesn't say they think we are a horrible person, it actually says that they have a terrible headache and their kids are making them crazy.
The biggest problem is that when we base our life on a lie or when we begin to live out of a lie in some area of our life, it will always bring death to our heart or to our emotional health or to our soul. John 8:44 tells us who is the father of lies and it's the same one who is looking only to steal, kill, and destroy.
So the next time you find yourself reacting to a person or situation, stop and look behind the surface reactions and see if there is a sneaky little story based in a lie hiding back there where you never knew it was living. Then challenge it with the truth and kick it out!

Just remember - Lies=death, TRUTH= LIFE!

How often do we beat ourselves up because we don’t function as our little ducky friends do? Come to find out, you’re a cat! You’re not a duck! Sure, you could swim if you had to but certainly not as gracefully as a duck.

Maybe God wants you to understand that He has made you cat and that is a wonderful thing so stop trying to walk around quacking. All you’ll get is frustration, maybe a funny look or two, and feathers in your mouth.

In relationships do you ever find yourself assuming you know what your spouse/friend/child wants? Do you discover that sometimes when you just know that they really really want to go to an event, a specific restaurant, or outing of some kind that they only went because they thought YOU really wanted to go?

This happens in so many different situations or anytime decisions need to be made. It can be difficult to determine just how strongly the other person feels about something. This lack of clear communication can cause conflict, misunderstanding, and hurt feelings.

One easy way to improve communication in these situations is to ask the other person to “scale it” for you. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being “if I don’t do/have this then I may die,” have them put a number on how they are feeling. Then you can scale it for them. This will allow you to easily see how close or far away you are from each other in making a choice of whatever options are being looked at.

This can be used for something as simple as how you choose to spend an afternoon together or something as intense as deciding where to live or if you want to add another child to your family. The principle is the same regardless of the specific issue. It’s all about clear communication.

Clear communication is essential to a healthy, thriving relationship. Assumption or choosing to not let your needs/desires known can breed discontentment and eventually resentment. These are poisonous to a relationship whether it’s romantic, friendship, or business.

So, 1-10, how helpful does the idea of scaling it sound to you?? 😉

Establishing a pattern of caring for yourself, mentally, physically, and spiritually is a wonderful way to ensure you get the most out of your life. Back to school is a great time to slide therapy into your schedule. As your student is spending time growing and learning, so can you!

Reach out today and let me help you graduate into everything you are capable of being!

Starting therapy can be a scary prospect, there is all of that being open and sharing thoughts, feelings, and beliefs stuff! It can be intimidating! But wouldn't it be worth doing the work to uncover the person you were created to be and build the life you have always wanted?
The things worth having are the things worth working for and that journey is made a little easier with someone walking that road with you.
Reach out and get started down that path, I can help you find the map, chart your course and navigate through the undiscovered parts of your own heart.

Mark 12:31 tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves. If you're not loving yourself well, can you love your neighbor well???
If you're not loving yourself well, why not?
It is easy to let the pain from life's experiences block the truth about who we are at our core. The peace that can be found is worth the work required to heal.

Learn to respond and not simply react

OneLight Christian Counseling, PLLC updated their business hours.

Feelings are neither good nor bad, they just are....

http://spokenforsbigadventure.blogspot.com/2018/08/slippery-kitties-and-lost-sleep.html

Slippery Kitties and Lost Sleep Feelings have power, we all know that but where does that power come from? We recently had an issue with out cats. I was car...

A friend shared this and I really liked the lesson! *original poster (Kate Scott 2020)*:

RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.

When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn’t get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by.
I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn’t have much to ‘bring’ to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.
“What are you struggling with?” he asked.
I gestured around me and said “I dunno man. Life.”
Not satisfied with my answer, he said “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you?”
I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to say it.
I wanted to have something more substantial.
Something more profound.
But I didn’t.
So I told him, “Honestly? The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN’T do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand and scrub the dishes.”
I felt like an idiot even saying it.
What kind of grown ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I’m whining to my therapist about dishes?
But my therapist nodded in understanding and then said:

“RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.”

I began to tell him that you’re not supposed to, but he stopped me.
“Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist, so stop giving yourself rules.”
It blew my mind in a way that I don’t think I can properly express.
That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times.
I felt like I had conquered a dragon.
The next day, I took a shower lying down.
A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them wherever the f**k they fit.
There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again.
Now that I’m in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry.

But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson:

THERE ARE NO RULES.
RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE!!!

Celebrate every step!