The New School for Kind Leaders

I’ve had this sticky note stuck to the corner of a cabinet in my office for the past two years. When people see it, they often ask “What is kindness the answer to?” And I always have the same reply: “Everything!”

Today, on social media, I’ve seen so many posts giving kind shout outs and thanks to people helping others!
- Helping them get through tough professional and personal times…
- Helping them with work they don’t know how to complete or don’t have time to finish…
- Helping them by sharing new ideas and ways of thinking and doing…

You see, no matter what the situation, and what the circumstance (yours or the other person’s), no matter who you are, what your job title is, where you live, and what your own religious or political beliefs are, if you aren’t sure what to do, or how to proceed, starting with kindness is always the answer!

It will create positive outcomes for the person receiving the kindness and it will have a positive effect on you and everyone around you as well!

No matter what the question is, Kindness is the answer!

Want more cooperation and collaboration in your organization and on your team?

Then it’s time to “reframe”! (And Monday is a perfect time to do that isn’t it?)

Often, concepts and words are so ingrained in our thinking that they are “unconscious”. We aren’t even aware of how they affect our actions, words and thoughts anymore!

Today, here are a couple of things that you can make a deliberate choice to do to “reframe” for cooperation and collaboration!

1. Reframe from thinking about “internal customers” first…and “end customers second”! I actually order the phrase “Business Parthers” for the people we get work from…and pass work along to! Why? Because it’s impossible to satisfy the needs of customers and create products and services without working together with other individuals, teams and departments! When we come together as “partners in business” we can put aside competing agendas to cooperate and collaborate together to serve the purchaser of those goods and services: the customer!

2. Instead of using terms like “stakeholder” to describe people who have an interest or say in how a product or service is created, use the term “Business Partner” instead! That way, instead of starting out with a “picture in your mind” of people planting their stakes in the ground and defending their turf, you are starting out with a “picture” of people who are partnering together to satisfy someone outside themselves: the customer!

Reframing takes time and practice! So the best time to start! Today! Right now!!

Competition isn’t the only way to “win”! Cooperation and collaboration create positive results and a better, kinder work environment!

As I always say, “How we get there is as important as where we are going!”

Are you feeling frustrated today? If you are, here’s my suggestion: Take Action!

Because antidote to frustration is just that: ACTION!

It doesn’t have to be a big action…one small step forward is fine! Because you don’t have to accept what is frustrating you…you can change it! And change means action!

If you are frustrated with your job…take action and start looking for a new one! That one action could be looking on a job site and setting up an alert to send you updates!

Frustrated with the way your boss or coworkers are treating you? Take up your courage and speak to them about the situation. Explain how you feel and what you want to change.

Frustrated with how something in the world is? Write a letter of complaint! Protest peacefully. Figure out how to create a non-profit.

Taking action, however small, will reduce your frustration and get you started on a positive path to wherever you want to go.

I don’t know who said it originally, but it’s true: You aren’t a tree and you can move!

That’s it for my Friday Reflection today.

What action will you be taking?

I’m not a “winner”!

And that is okay with me! Because winning isn’t everything…and too much focus on “winning” can cause a lot of unkindness to others and self!

Watching the Olympics gave me a lot to think and reflect on. One series of commercials had statements in it like “You’re not a winner until you’ve won again. And again. Nothing is enough.” And “Because if you don’t want to win, congrats…you’ve already lost.”

But as I said, “Winning isn’t everything.” Because unlike “winning or losing”, life isn’t binary. If you try something and don’t succeed, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost…or that you are a “loser”. If the way you feel comfortable reaching your goals is through cooperation and collaboration and working together feels best for you, and goes with your purpose in life, (as it does for me), do it your way. And when you don’t succeed, the first or the tenth time, if you want to give up, give up! It doesn’t mean that you are a “loser”. It means you’ve tried enough. If you want to keep going…then that is your choice too! You’ll get there when you get there! Not being a “winner” doesn’t make you a loser.

You don’t need to play by the ”winning and losing” rules. You can “opt out of the game” entirely and live your life according to your own rules. You can be kind to others and kind to yourself. You can cooperate and collaborate instead of competing.

And you don’t have to be the “G.O.A.T” (Greatest of all time) to make the contribution you are supposed to make in this world and in your life!

As the commercial said…”Winning isn’t for everyone”…and it’s certainly not for me!

Two quick reminders to leaders today:
1. People do what you do…and say what you say.
2. Those who work for you give the literal “time of their lives” to make you and your organization successful.

Please remember to ask them politely for the things you would like them to do. And then thank them when they are done.

Using the word “please” when you ask someone to do something at work won’t make you seem “weak”…and people won’t be less likely to do something when they are asked politely! They will feel respected and cared for and more likely to do the thing! Saying “thank you” lets people know that you appreciate them and their efforts. Just because you “pay” people for their work doesn’t mean you don’t need to say “thank you”! Your kind thanks let people know you are grateful for them.

As a leader, people do what you do and say what you say. So, when you model saying “please and thank you” to your team members, they will say “please and thank you” to their family members and others who they interact with in the community.

As I always say, “Leaders’ words travel fast and far and carry a lot of weight.”

Please make sure yours are kind!

Thank you!

When I was growing up, people didn’t talk a lot about topics like politics or religion in public. How people felt about those things were considered people’s “private” beliefs.

With the creation of social media and other ways to share more broadly, I’ve noticed that when people hear about or see that people’s beliefs are different than theirs, they may respond to that person unkindly.

I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted from so much unkindness. From unkind words being used against groups and individuals. From unkind actions being taken by people to bully, intimidate and harrass those who have different beliefs.

Today, please remember that you don’t have to have the same beliefs as someone to treat them kindly. You don’t have to love…or even like…someone to not speak about them in harmful or demeaning and derogatory ways.

Before you speak, please think: Will the words I am about to say be hurtful to someone or a group of people. If they will please keep them to yourself.

Before you act, please consider if your actions are going to cause physical or mental harm to a person or group. If they are, don’t take those actions.

Pay close attention to your thoughts. If they are hateful and unkind, and leading you to the possibility of speaking and acting unkindly, change them. You are in control of your own thoughts.

There is no need to have unkindness of any sort. To have any kind of political or religious violence. Beliefs are beliefs, and there is room for all beliefs.

I’m actively working towards creating 50 States…and a world of Kindness. I’m starting with me…and my house. Please join me.

Time to “Level Up” your Dental Practice Management!

As a Dental Practice Manager, you play a critical role in ensuring that team members follow all office processes and standards so that patients receive the best possible care. To do that, you need to hone your skills in both people and process management.

This practical 10-week long online training program is designed for Dental Practice Managers (Administrative and Clinical) who want to improve their skills in real time! By the end of the training you will know how to successfully:

1. Onboard and train new team members so that they can do their work to your office standards
2. Retrain and coach current team members who need to develop clinical and / or customer service skills
3. Deal with difficult people and situations in which Human Resources (HR) intervention is needed
4. Create standard processes and a management system so that patients are satisfied, the office runs smoothly and team members are engaged and successful
5. Move from reactive daily fire-fighting to proactive planning and 'still waters'

This instructor-led training program is perfect for clinical, administrative and front office managers and leads and practice owners and dentists too!

Here is the link to see full list of training topics and to register: https://bit.ly/4cnPKdL

Reach out directly with questions!

Please share with everyone you know in the dental community!

“All you’ve got is time”!

Here’s my PSA from this weekend!
Time is precious. Your time is precious. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day, month, quarter, year… Once time has passed, you will never get it back!

So…choose to spend your time doing the things that truly give you joy! That matter to you! That make you happy and fulfilled! Even if others don’t care amount those things and don’t think they are important!

And…don’t waste your time worrying about what others think…or on negative thoughts. When you find yourself stewing or focused on the negative, snap yourself out of it and force yourself to think about the things that give you joy, the people who love you and you love! If you’re doing work you don’t like, move on!

Because…

It is your time, and you can choose exactly what to do with it!

I had a wonderful weekend teaching my daughter to sew through video chat!

Best use of my time ever!

If you don't think that the words "kind" and "leadership" go together, or that "kindness" is a "business word", please read my latest article. You'll learn the top 4 myths about why they don't go together, why they need to, and what you can do to normalize Kind Leadership as a term and leadership style.
https://wix.to/xBIfvjG

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Are you a manager in a dental office? Do you know one? Do you go to the dentist regularly?

If any of these refers to you, please pay close attention to this post!

As a Lean Services coach and consultant for many dental practices, I noticed that there is a lack of specific Dental Practice Manager training for Front Office, Back Office, Clinical and Administrative Managers (and those who aspire to be)!

So…I created this 10-week, program specifically for dental practices! The program combines theory and practice and teaches participants specific strategies and tools to manage people and process to eliminate and prevent:
- Firefighting
- Friction and discord between co-workers
- Team members not “doing what they are supposed to, when they are supposed to”
- Office standards not being followed
- Patient complaints
- Scheduling problems

This is not a program to teach managers about dental insurance or collections. It’s about how to manage people and processes on a daily basis so the practice runs smoothly! It’s been super-successful with the practices I’ve done it with, so I decided to create a public cohort!

Please share this much needed training program with all the dentists and dental practitioners in your network!

Here’s the link to register and learn more: https://bit.ly/4cnPKdL

And of course please reach out with any questions you have!

It’s 4th of July here in the USA! Many of you may not know this, but I’m an immigrant. I came to the USA 32 years ago. Today, a short PSA:

“Kindness Unites Us”!

Super simple to think about on the surface. Super hard to put into practice.

It means being kind to people who are different than you. Who come from different places, different backgrounds, different cultures and different beliefs.

It means making space in your neighborhood and in your heart and including everyone.

It means not acting, speaking and thinking unkindly about people who practice a different religion than you do. Who have different ideas about gender and s*x identities. Who have immigrated from different countries. Whose skin color is not the same as yours.

It’s about remembering that “United we stand…divided we fall”… and that kindness is about making sure that there is “Liberty and justice for all”.

And understanding that kindness - your kindness - is what turns those aspirations into a reality.

Kindness unites us.

“Maybe my standards for patient care are too high and that is why my team members don’t/can’t follow them…” If you are the owner of a dental practice (or any other service business) and you feel frustrated that your team members aren’t working to those standards, please don’t lower your standards…or give up on helping your team work to them!

I have many clients who are dental practitioners and dental practice owners and I help them, and their managers, use specific strategies to focus on and manage critical clinical and administrative processes so that their team members can reach those standards! Patients deserve the best care, and to be treated with kindness and respect, according to your values as a practice owner!

Recently, I was a guest on the FFS Dentist Podcast where I shared insights and practical tips on How to Build, Maintain and Sustain Your Dream Team in your dental practice! (Here’s the link: https://apple.co/4cHhbiF).

I’m also going to facilitating a public cohort of my 10 week Dental Management Training Course starting on August 26, 2024. Perfect for Administrative, Front Office and Clinical Managers…and for those who aspire to be! If you are interested in sending your team members, or joining yourself, just message me for more info!

And please remember, your customers appreciate and deserve your high standards…and it’s unkind not to help your team members work towards and achieve those standards!

Thanks Sonny Spera and Nicole Vane for a great podcast discussion!

A number of years ago, I worked with an organization in which a senior leader refused to update a huddle board on their own. They had their secretary do it, not because it was hard to lead and scribe at the same time, but because writing on a board was “beneath their pay grade”.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I was in a two day training on The Goellner Way at Hennig Inc. Senior Executives and leaders from France and Germany had traveled to the USA for the training. On the second day, for some reason, the cleaning crew hadn’t emptied the trash overnight and at lunch, on the second day, there was no place to put our garbage. So, without blinking an eye (or stopping conversation on TGW), Noah Goellner, the President of Hennig USA, emptied the two garbage pails, took the two large bags of trash downstairs, and put new garbage bags into the trash cans.

One of the values of Hennig, and TGW, is that “leaders lead from front”. And that no leader should expect anyone to do anything they aren’t willing to do themselves.

As a leader, it’s important to remember that people are watching your every move, at all times. And they will “do what you do, say what you say and think how you think”. If you want people to be accountable, take responsibility and serve others, that is what you need to model yourself. Every day, in every way. Even when it means taking out the trash!

How are you modeling kind leadership today?

As I always say, "Clarity is Kind!" If you aren't clear about the specific behaviors that show your organization's values, how will employees know how to act? Read our latest blog post for more! https://wix.to/ta8jFg1

Values: Words on a Wall? Or Specific Behaviors to Turn Values into Action! So often, an organization's values are just "words on a wall". That's because leaders haven't defined the specific behaviors that turn those values into action. I have a quick challenge for you today. Here's Part 1: Take a look at your organization's values and then ask the next three people you mee...

Are you waiting for things…or people…in your organization to change?

Are you frustrated because you seem to keep having the same conversations over and over again with the same people and they keep acting in the same ways…ways you don’t want them to act?

If that’s the case, then it’s time for you to break the cycle and DO things differently!

Although it may seem too basic to have to say, if you keep doing the same things and getting the same results, whatever you are doing isn’t working!

So, time to try something different! And who needs to do things differently? You do! Why? Because:

1. If you are the leader, it’s your responsibility to create and maintain the culture you want in your organization!
2. Others will see that you are “doing things differently” and they will be encouraged to follow your example and lead!
3. You will experience how hard it can be to calm your triggers, modify your behavior and choose different actions! That way you will practice empathy and compassion for others as they work to change theirs!

So, next time you feel frustrated that you are stuck in a cycle where things aren’t changing, do something differently to change them!

And, if you aren’t sure what to try to change, just drop me a line or give me a call! I’m happy to help you figure it out!

Change starts with you!

Unpopular Opinion Alert!

“Kindness isn’t like an oxygen mask…and, you can’t “learn” how to be kind to yourself without practicing being kind to others first!”

Probably the most common question I get is “How can I learn to be kinder to myself?” I always give the same response: “The way to learn how to be kinder to yourself is to practice kindness to others.” When I say that, I’m often met with frowns and furrowed brows and the statement “but it’s like they say on the plane…you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others!”

But it isn’t.

That’s because kindness isn’t like an oxygen mask. It’s not a thing. Kindness is a skill and response of empathy and compassion that needs to be learned through practice. On others. Here’s how it works:

Let’s say you feel like you are unkind to yourself and judge yourself too harshly. The way to learn how to judge yourself less harshly is to notice when you are judging someone else harshly. When you notice it, put yourself in their shoes (practice empathy) and think about why you shouldn’t judge them so harshly. Then practice compassion, and change your thoughts to a less harsh judgment. Then go one step further and encourage…not criticize…them!

Once you have practiced that cycle on others, you can apply what you have learned to yourself!

The more you practice kindness to others, the less angry, stressed and judgmental you will feel! And the better you will feel about yourself…as a leader and as a person!

So, if you need to be kinder to yourself, lead the way and deliberately looks for ways to practice kindness to others!

Too much unkindness in your workplace?!

Unsure what can be done about it - and what you can do about it?

Then please join our May Kindness Activator at Work Training on Thursday, May 30th at noon ET, 11 am CT, 10 am MT, 9 am PT!

It’s free, online, one hour, and totally practical!

You’ll get a Kindness Activator kit to use and share, and a certificate to show that you are a certified Kindness Activitor!

Questions? Please reach out!
If you’d like a dedicated session for your organization or team, please let me know!

Hundreds trained and activating kindness in their workplaces! And you can too!

Here’s the link to register: https://bit.ly/4d89iDM

“All leaders lead from the front. Whether they think they do or not.”

I went out to eat with a team a little while ago. The leader held the door for everyone to enter the restaurant, and then they entered last.

Even though they were physically the last person to enter the building, they were still leading from the front. Because every single team member saw what the leader did. And how the leader acted and treated others.

When you lead, the people who are following you are paying close attention to everything you choose to do (and what you choose not to), everything you say (or choose not to say) and how you say it. You are the example and role model. Out front in their minds even when you think you are “leading from behind”.

Please remember this because people will learn how to be kind (or not) from your actions and words. Then their actions and words will influence others. And theirs others.

Kindly remember, you are always leading from the front so your kindness matters.

Many years ago when I started posting about lean process improvement, people asked me why I didn’t use the names of companies or people that I had negative process experiences with. My answer “Because I’m conscious that my words carry a lot of weight and I don’t want to create hurt and harm.”

Today, a reminder that the words and phrases you choose to use (and yes, your words are your choice and reflections of you), can welcome and include, and create trust and community…or they can exclude and divide and create fear, harm and hurt.

When choosing your words, and whether to say them or not (because you can choose not to say them), here are some things to consider:

1. How will what I say be perceived by the receiver of those words. If someone hearing your words would feel hurt, harmed or discriminated against, reconsider saying them.
2. You don’t have to like or agree with another person or groups perspective to refrain from speaking unkindly about them. You can disagree by stating your views from your perspective and experience without talking negatively about someone else. And you can speak out about your views without using words or phrases that are hateful.
3. Hate speech is different than free speech. And hate is in the perception of the receiver…not the person speaking. While you may think you have “the right” to say whatever you want, all rights come with equal responsibilities, including the responsibility to prevent harm to others.

Please remember, your words and your actions are your choice. Please choose them kindly, no matter how strongly you feel or what your beliefs are.

It’s my birthday!! I’m 62 today…and I’ve been reflecting a lot about learning lately! I’m certainly getting older…and working on getting wiser!

So today, I’ve decided to post those reflections…and what I’ve learned about learning in my 62 years! I look forward to your thoughts and hearing about what you’ve learned about learning too! So here goes:

6 + 2 Things I’ve Learned (and Continue to Learn) in 62 Years

1. You have a whole lifetime to learn. And many things (like kindness, patience and how to be yourself) take that whole lifetime.
2. Learning isn’t about reading and theory. That gives you information. There is really only one way to learn. And that is TO DO!
3. Most people give up when turning information and theory into real learning gets hard. Usually that’s just before the real learning happens.
4. The hardest part of learning is often just before a successful breakthrough happens. It’s like pushing a boulder up a hill. The closer you get to the top, the more tired you are and the heavier the “push back” of gravity you feel.
5. Like my mother always said, “Learning is one step forwards...two steps back”. Whoever drew progress as a straight line from bottom left to top right did us all a disservice.
6. “Holding someone’s hand” or needing someone to “hold your hand” isn’t a sign of weakness or “something you shouldn’t have to do”. It’s helpful and kind and what most people need so that they can learn by doing!

Plus 2:

1. It’s okay to be uncomfortable while you are learning. It’s also okay to say you are uncomfortable and ask for help!
2. Learning = uncomfortable. When people are happy and comfortable...they aren’t learning!

A special thanks to everyone who has helped me learn over the years! And a final reflection for today! You are never too old to learn and grow! Never!

Something to remember today!

Kindness doesn’t “come from” love! In fact, you don’t need to love - or even like - someone to be kind to them!

In fact, people are often unkind to those they would say they love the most: their family members, partner or spouse, children…

Kindness is about acting in ways that create a positive effect or outcome for someone else. At work, at home and in the community. You can smile and say hello to someone you don’t like, you can help a team member with a piece of work they are struggling with…even if you don’t agree with some points of view they hold. You can respond with a kind word to someone who is being unkind…and you can also choose not to engage at all!

As I always say, “Kindness is a practice that takes practice”! And “Kindness leads to more kindness”!

Today, please remember, you can be kind to everyone! All it takes is practice!

Last Friday, I had the wonderful opportunity to be interviewed about how to have a kind conversation, in which both people leave the conversation feeling great, by Nicky McCrudden!

I loved the conversation so much I asked Nicky to send me a copy so I could share it with you!

Please take a moment to watch to learn:
1. The difference between a debate and a conversation and why that is important for kindness!
2. What the connection between empathy, compassion and kindness is!
3. Why your own happiness relies on kindness to others!

And a whole lot more!

You can also download our free guide on How to Have a Kind Conversation and share with others right from the recording link: https://bit.ly/3VYDU4I

Thanks again, Nicky for such a great, and kind, conversation!

Time to sign up for Kindness Activator for Work Training! Our April 2024 session is on Monday, April 22nd! Totally free! Totally kind! Can't wait to see you there!
https://wix.to/g8BI7Ht

How do you know people are “learning”? They show signs of being “uncomfortable”!

When people already feel that they know something and how to do it, they feel comfortable: relaxed, cheerful, confident! As a leader, you can see it in their body language and actions, and hear it in their voice!

You can also “see and hear”, when they are uncomfortable. They may hold back, be tenuous, express anxiety, worry or fear. They may procrastinate or argue about why they need to do something.

As a leader, you might not want people to be uncomfortable. After all, it doesn’t seem kind or nice to make people uncomfortable…

But in order to really learn, people need to feel uncomfortable. They need to do things they haven’t done before. Think in ways that stretch them! Have new and different experiences!

Feeling uncomfortable while learning is normal. As a leader, you can help by explaining that to people. You can share examples from your own journey. You can stand by and be with people while they are uncomfortable. You can encourage and praise their efforts!

That is kind! And it will help people understand and get used to feeling uncomfortable while learning as a normal part of the process!

“Why don’t people just do what they are supposed to? I shouldn’t have to babysit them…or hold their hand…”

How often have you heard this phrase? How often have you said it yourself?

And how often, in your own work, have you “known what you are supposed to do”, and haven’t been able to accomplish it because:
- You didn’t know how to do part of the job (even though you were supposed to…)
- You didn’t have a tool or resource you needed to complete the job (even though you were supposed to…)
- You were interrupted and asked to do different work by your leader, or a different leader (even though you were supposed to do the other work…)

Most people come to work with the best intentions. They want to do their work, to the best of their ability, so they can be successful and contribute to their team and organization’s success. And they are frustrated when they can’t.

They are even more frustrated when they don’t receive help from their leaders so they can do what they are supposed to do!

As a leader, if you find yourself asking “why isn’t that person doing what they are supposed to?” please get up off your chair, get out of your office and go see what is stopping the person from doing their work!

See for yourself if they need more training, different tools, or help for any reason. Then help them! Sit by and “hold their hand” figuratively if they need your support!

That way they won’t be frustrated…and neither will you!