The Chosen Mother

the world today doesn't like mystery.

we much prefer taking everything into our own hands. i mean of course we do! we have the tools to know ALL the ins & outs of our pregnancy down to baby's s*x, position, amniotic fluid levels, where our placenta is located... even what their faces look like!! 🤯

but listen, sister -
our womb was INTENTIONALLY created to be in seclusion. what a profound realization when you ponder the tests, ultrasounds & other interventions you choose to take part in throughout your pregnancy journey.

my challenge to you:
instead of taking things into your own hands, simply delight in the MIRACLE inside of you. 🌸 take care of your body. eat well, move, chat with the women in your life...

THIS is what makes for positive mother/baby outcomes. (not the medical system that seeks to destroy all mystery).

be well friends 🤍

I stayed roaring through the hospital halls. they were almost running with me to get me to a room. I was watching the floor underneath me & the quick footsteps of the woman pushing my wheelchair.

we made it to a room (which we realize now is the same one Ava was born in!) & I started pushing. not because I was told but because I knew it was time… and perfect timing might I add! I was a little nervous as my first baby was almost 10 lbs. and I had no clue how big this one would be.

because I was hesitant, I “pushed” for 30 minutes. I focused on breathing my baby out with each contraction to give him a gentle welcome. I was upright, in a deep squatting position & angled slightly on my side. nursing staff was so supportive & I was so impressed.

Blaise Matthew was born within 3 hours, at 42 weeks, with no intervention, in a hospital. I had prayed for a “quick and easy” labor since day 1 (sounds crazy, right?) but God can perform miracles, and boy was this birth a miracle.

my placenta came 10 minutes later & now I’m a boy Mama 🥰

as soon as I got in the car, waves picked up even more. this was an intensity I did not remember from my first birth. during one of my short pauses between surges, I put in my earphones and played “I surrender” by hillsong. I immediately relaxed. this softened me more, and my next surge was met with a roar.

the innate sounds I began to make told me I was close… and I was 10 minutes in to a 30 minute ride to the hospital.

15 minutes in my waters broke in a big, meconium stained flood (bless my dad for cleaning this later on). I immediately felt pushy. with my first birth, my water broke right before Ava arrived, so my first thought was “this baby is coming in the car”.

my mom was in the back seat & immediately called 911 to let them know what was happening. they encouraged her to get me to the hospital & keep coming.

we were greeted at the ER door by 20 hospital staff. I didn’t even realize until after when my mom showed me a video she took of it all 😅 I was so lost in my mind & kept my earphones playing music so I stayed in the zone.

that’s me in the wheelchair - hands and knees facing backwards & TOTALLY against their ~policy~ as I was frequently reminded…

from 5:15-6am i continued to get myself together for the hospital, being stopped in my tracks along the way due to incredibly strong surges. nothing i couldn’t handle. I was still praying “thank you, give me more”… leaning into each one knowing this was happening perfectly.

I spent time on the toilet during this time. this was my moment of silence, gratitude, further opening & grounding myself before what I knew was going to be a pretty uncomfy car ride.

6am I got in the front seat of the car. Ava was now awake & in the arms of my brother. the two of them stood in the driveway & it was the moment I was dreading - saying goodbye to Ava for the last time before I brought home another baby.

by the grace of God, contractions had me already spaced out in labor land. I couldn’t focus so much on saying goodbye, but I will never forget her squeezing me and saying “ok mama” reminding me I’m okay. the wisdom of a 2 year old when her mama is in labor…

the morning of 42 weeks i woke up at 4:30am to one intense contraction. I knew from my first labor that I wanted to rest in early labor, so as excited as I was, I closed my eyes again to sleep some more.

4:40am my eyes shot open again. another intense wave came rolling in. I knew this was real, and began to pray “thank you, give me more” instead of fearing the intensity I was feeling so early on.

contractions came on stronger and closer together over the next 40 minutes. I had to vocalize through them instead of just breathe now. I stood next to my bed & got through a few more… Ava stirring from my sounds. I was coping well, but things were happening FAST.

given my current living situation, the hospital was my planned birth location. the speed of this all told me I had to leave immediately. I started to wake my family & gather my things.

back on instagram after a long hiatus consisting of the mystical ~approaching birth shift~ and the postpartum cocoon. happy to be back to share this story on his 1 month birthday 💙

i was 41+6 with no signs of labor. Ava came at 40+5 and as a FIRM believer that a “due date” is a big old guess, even I was starting to get ancy thinking about when this baby was going to come.

on the day of 41+6 i did all the things… i finally caved. i had been living life as usual thus far, because babies come when you both are ready. but i thought “what the heck let me just try”… chiropractic adjustment, acupuncture, walked a few miles, ate my spicy soup for dinner, chilled on the yoga ball, even pumped for that extra oxytocin…. and nothing.

one of my favs 🫶

if you happen to need a friend to share your birth story with, PLEASE let it be me 😇

it’s baby month!

definitely feeling the shift… that beautiful inward reflection of the woman i currently am + how it’s going to be uprooted + transformed so soon.

this brings on many emotions: excitement, overwhelm, optimism, confusion, joy, wonder, and so much more.

motherhood is a constant cycle of finding your rhythm, then adjusting to a new one once you’ve finally gotten comfortable with your status quo.

it begins that first day you figure out you’re pregnant. and it’s supposed to be this way.

we’re meant to walk this walk + experience intense emotional shifts + spiritual awakenings. pregnancy is where it only just begins… birth is the portal… motherhood is where we bloom 🌸

-

will be a bit more quiet on here as i continue turning inward these next couple weeks 🫶🏼

what can i say... mama bear tendencies shine bright as baby gets closer 🐻

keeping baby close is natural, intuitive, comfortable, and biologically necessary!

don't be afraid to speak up 🤍

news flash! you don't need 6 dates a day for a smooth labor 😊

many who don't eat dates at all have short labors + many who eat dates all the time have long labors!

are you eating out of obligation? fear? do you even like them?

most importantly: will you be thinking about DATES in your labor when it takes a bit longer than expected!? (i mean really, how nuts)

TRUST YOUR BODY MAMA. that's all you need to do.

🤍

little sibling is coming soon & to be totally transparent - it's been a LOT of work to mentally prepare for another kiddo.

the guilt is so real. so valid. worries of feeling divided or the expanding capacity for more than one.

how could my heart possibly love another as much as i love this little girl of mine?

what will it be like giving her that last big squeeze knowing the next time i squeeze her she won't be the only one?

there is a shift happening. reminding myself: worry is not from God.

just another thought from my long list of things we don't talk about enough 🙃

what advice would you give to a Mama expecting her second when her first is her whole world? 🫶

the best way (in my opinion) to nutritionally nourish pregnancy is through diet 🍎

but since i'm a supplement nerd + am always looking for extras to support pregnancy, let's talk about NAC!

N-Acetyl L-Cysteine can reduce gestational diabetes-related disease indicators when taken!

there was a super cool study done on mice that showed NAC can improve glucose intolerance, inflammation, and oxidative stress! all of which we want to steer clear of in pregnancy.

taking NAC as a dietary supplement when there has been history of gestational diabetes previously, or concern of it in a current pregnancy, could be helpful for you 😊

*disclaimer: not medical advice*

🤍

reminder for postpartum visitors:

bring your own bottle of water, come announced + with a full belly, and only hold baby if Mama offers or asks you to 🤍

what else would you add?

one of my doula babies & his SWEET mama

last July, we welcomed baby W & it has been an honor to witness Jess's journey in motherhood so far 🤍

& fun fact... this July my "guess date" is the same as hers was ☺️

strong mothers = strong communities 🤍

we do not give enough credit to those special people who see us through the tough days of pregnancy, or overwhelming moments in postpartum.

those who respect boundaries, make us feel loved, ENCOURAGE our motherhood.

you are the pillar of strength we can lean on & use to be strong mothers. you change the world. 🌎🫶

fun fact: there are anecdotal correlations between breech babies & pregnancies where mama feels high levels of stress, anxiety & tension... 🤯

emotions can cause a tight pelvic floor - therefore not allowing baby OPTIMAL space in the womb.

is this true ALL the time? of course not!

but the emotional component of pregnancy is CRUCIAL to talk about 🧠

there is so much we don't talk about! 🤯

what do you wish you would have known?

saint catherine of siena, pray for us!

a beautiful reminder through labor - we must endure to reach the greatest ending of all time. 🤍

through nursing our babies, we give that child our name, our history, our life's song.

if you are a pregnant or new mama, i encourage you to connect deeper with experienced mamas who have walked this journey, maybe several times.

talk to your mothers, grandmothers & aunts. learn from generations how to replenish yourself, nourish your body, know when to rest, & support yourself when it feels tough.

breastmilk is so much more than just "food".

a breastfed baby will grow to be strong as her mother is strong 💪

around here we "hold the mother" until she asks us to hold baby 🌸

let's hold space for the maiden to mother transformation & ask to hear our friends' birth stories.

lean into that sisterhood ladies 🫶

Skin-to-skin ✨

The divine design for temperature regulation after birth and throughout the fourth trimester. Skin to skin contact also regulates baby’s:

〰️newborn reflexes
〰️cortisol levels
〰️breathing
〰️heart rate
〰️digestion

Prioritizing this contact immediately upon birth, especially cesareans, will also help Mama:

〰️release oxytocin
〰️produce breast milk
〰️prevent hemorrhage

Soak in that golden hour with your babe ✨

what others would you add?

water birth is cOnTrOvErSiAl

not because it is dangerous

but because your provider does not know how to manage it

(good thing it doesn't need managing 😉)

a glimpse into the reality of postpartum:

a mini human on or near your b**b 24/7 🥛

no pants for baby, of course 🧸

no shirt for mama, of course 🙃

pondering the next time you get to shower 🛀

a dream i have:

a society that recognizes that knowledge of 'the human body' is NOT a replacement for a woman's knowledge of her OWN body.

🤍✨☁️

nitrous oxide 🫧

(aka laughing gas!) - a pharmacological form of pain management for labor.

some of my Mamas who have used nitrous say it worked more as a distraction or tool to focus on her breath, rather than direct pain relief.

nitrous oxide is self-administered, meaning Mama has control over her use.

it takes some time to get used to timing it just right... Mama will want to start breathing in before a contraction begins!

if interested in using nitrous yourself, check with your provider if this is an option!

you already know how, Mama.

when i attend a birth, i am in awe of it's design, every time. 🤍

it is so clearly from our Creator, and truly an act of worship.

you go to the ends of the earth for your baby, sacrificing body, soul & spirit. ✨

you deny any sense of self & take up your cross.

the purest form of surrender.

is there anything sweeter 🥰

let's talk about the cascade of interventions... do you ever think of how it carries on POST birth?

take IV fluids for example... this medical intervention pumps fluid into your body & your baby for hours... many women leave swollen & severely inflamed, and SO DOES BABY! 💧💧💧

so many babies are born with up to a pound of extra fluid from this common intervention, but then what are we told to do next? go to the pediatrician within 24-48 hours!

there, they do a weight check... this OFTEN leads to fear-mongering because "baby has lost too much weight". no kidding!

as a result, many women find themselves discouraged in breastfeeding & ultimately their ability to mother.

how WRONG 😡😡 remember: your intuition over everything, Mama.