Dmitry The Coach

“Ma’am/Sir: If you have to ask how much it is, I’m afraid you can’t afford it!”

How would you react if you heard this plain truth from a brutally honest salesperson?

Fortunately (or unfortunately), most of us don’t have to endure this sort of embarrassment: 99% of us don’t shop at luxury yacht dealerships. As for the 1% - they don’t have to inquire about the price unless they want to.

So, let me ask you a question to which the answer may seem obvious:

Why do we check prices? Are we afraid we can’t afford the object of our shopping desire? That we’ll go broke as soon as the credit card bill arrives? The truth is, we already know the price range of most items we routinely shop for, give or take a few bucks. Will minor price variations really make a difference? Chances are they won’t, and in a day or two, we won’t even remember how much we spent.

Soon after, the next impulse purchase will wipe out all the imaginary savings made on those tasteless tomatoes you bought on sale. And when half of them go bad and end up in the garbage because you bought too much, you’ll actually end up losing money instead of saving anything.

You never make impulse purchases? That would be even more worrisome because it could mean you are blocking the flow of money energy all the time, not only when you go bargain hunting.

Does pinching pennies get you anywhere? It creates the mindset of scarcity which in the grand scheme of things, blocks the flow of money energy. So you decide. Penny wise and pound foolish. That sums it up.

Not a penny pincher? You are still not off the hook. Your relationship with money may still be lacking harmony.

How do you handle opportunities to receive money? Do you always take full advantage of them welcoming a cash tsunami whenever it’s about to make a landfall in your bank account? Or do you run for the hills?

How often do you commit the following high crimes and misdemeanors against money: Hesitate whether you deserve it; Feel guilty about asking for and receiving it; Convince yourself that money doesn’t make people happy; Believe money is dirty; Tell yourself that you want to be fair and not overcharge your clients, customers or employers; Decide you know better than anyone else what’s “reasonable;” Feel awkward discussing money; Would rather do things for free or turn down opportunities than endure an uncomfortable money talk?

If anything on that list rings a bell, steel yourself for some dire news. Your test just came back positive. You are allergic to money. You are running away from it as if money were a swarm of angry killer bees. As soon as it catches up with you, you’ll go down from financial anaphylaxis.

And if you have a money allergy, you are in even more trouble than you could ever imagine:

If you think you are being nice and humble when you refuse to accept money or ask for enough, think again. Not only is this self-imposed lowballing detrimental to your own wellbeing, it also has the potential to hurt others around you.

Why? How? Watch the video!

Are you a risk taker? What does taking a risk mean to you?

The Risk and Reward Law is one of the most fundamental laws of nature. It says that risk and reward are directly proportional to one another. The higher the risk the higher the reward. And vice versa.

This law applies to every area of life and every scenario. Want to start a business? You’ve got to risk something (time, money and effort). You can crash and burn in a big way but if you don’t, the potential success can be huge. However, if the only risk you take is applying for an entry-level job nobody wants, the size of the “reward” is easy to predict.

Want to play it safe and always be in a helping or advising role but never risk facing the music as a leader? Then don’t grumble when someone else ends up basking in the glory and you stay in the shadows. Forever.

There are folks who are so risk-averse they constantly try to experience life vicariously, pulling the strings of others without ever stepping into the spotlight themselves. Perhaps they are being a light version of éminence grise. There are parents and relationship partners like that. And what is their ultimate fate?

To become bitter and dissatisfied when they realize how irrelevant they’ve become. Which is an inevitable outcome of life lived in the shadows and full of missed opportunities.

And speaking of missed opportunities, what scares you more: error of commission or error of omission?

Watch this video and decide for yourself!

I once had a teacher who never stopped wondering why her students always asked for a handout only to never use it. And those were adult students, by the way. Indeed, why would they do such a thing?

One possibility is that the students just wanted to feign interest in the subject so they didn’t get in trouble with the teacher. Another possibility, however, is that they genuinely wanted to learn at the moment but then something stopped them.

Something mysterious stops people, and not just from learning. Back in the days when I was helping others with copywriting, I noticed a peculiar phenomenon. For example, I could create an ad or website content, the business owners would say they liked it, and then… they would just sit on it and never use the material.

Perhaps they just lied to me that they liked my work? But then, why didn’t they turn to alternatives? Get help somewhere else? They just did absolutely nothing. Clearly, something else was going on.

This inexplicable mental paralysis was one of the factors that made me interested in learning coaching. I came to the realization that someone has to be in the right state of mind to move forward. Without proper mindset, no amount of help can be of any use.

The same principle applies to learning. Many people state their intentions to learn something new: a foreign language, a musical instrument, or even a new profession. Many even make attempts to reach their goal. And yet, at some point, they give up. What’s going on?

I am not a teacher. The teaching profession is a world of its own with many methods, tools, and even tricks to pump heads full of knowledge. Often, however, even the most advanced teaching skills prove futile. Learners get stuck, frustrated and give up.

Things don’t have to be that way, though. And that’s what I focus on as a coach who helps people get unstuck and start moving toward whatever goals they have. Including learning goals.

I think it won’t be much of a spoiler to say that a major reason for not learning is lack of interest. And before you laugh that this is not exactly breaking news, I’ll add that lack of interest is often not obvious even to the person trying and failing to learn. Lack of interest can be hidden behind layers of social factors and inauthentic values. Even with coaching it may take some time to uncover the truth.

So watch this video and decide if you recognize yourself in the stories and examples I share. That may raise your awareness to a new level and help you gain a few insights.

How many times in the past have you shared something you had accomplished with a friend or a family member only to regret it soon after? Take a moment to think about that.

Was your excitement wrecked because that person decided that by simply sharing your accomplishment you were asking for critique?

Was that your true intention? Perhaps you just wanted to share good news and celebrate with others what you’ve done? Be honest with yourself now! Don’t hide behind a self-talk full of 🐂💩 about the virtues of “constructive criticism.”

Let’s take this a step further. How about someone approaching you even without any attempt on your part to ask for feedback? What motivates those self-anointed critics and connoisseurs?

Some parents and teachers are particularly guilty of that. Somehow they don’t seem to be able to snap out of this “Supreme Judge of the World” mode. Especially those who believe they must maintain balance between positive and negative points. So they won’t simply congratulate you on your accomplishment. They feel compelled to give you pointers.

But what happens when you do ask for feedback? Many critics then pull out all stops enjoying the opportunity to go on a power trip. They go overboard and cross enough boundaries to make you uncomfortable.

Does such an experience make you feel more powerful or just the opposite, disempowered?

How much do you like feeling disempowered?

If you enjoy a good lashing by your critics, invited or otherwise, then you are all set. However if you don’t, watch this video. I’ll share insights about the detrimental effect of most advice and the benefits of maintaining your own course despite all the detractors.

And here is the insight #1: Most of the advice of any kind from any source and in any area is useless at best. (And then it goes downhill from there). Watch the video to find out why!

Especially if you’ve had enough of all those “well-meaning” folks offering their unsolicited tips and opinions.

Do you happen to know anyone possessing a so-called BIG EGO? Someone who likes to brag, must win all the time, or always must be right? Or perhaps a know-it-all? Or those proud ones who need to draw attention to themselves and who get uneasy and upset when they feel overshadowed?

Think of someone you know who you think may be a poster child for Big Ego and describe that individual's typical behavior in the comments below!

Now, here is the truth:

"Big Ego" is a misnomer. The real reason behind someone putting a bloated "ego" on display is that the real ego is actually weak. When the ego is weak, its owner acts NEEDY.

The needy behavior comes out of the perception of lacking something (recognition, respect, money, love, success and everything in between).

The result? The need to be right, the need to win, the need to have more money than anyone else, the need to be admired, the need... The needy mindset that, along with the catabolic energy it brings along, can lead to all sorts of undesirable life experiences both inside and outside one's home.

Is there hope? Of course! There are ways to move past the weak ego and all those needy attitudes. Building a stronger ego inevitably brings about more life satisfaction, less stress and more success.

Like like attracts like, and those constantly existing in the mindset of lacking, live in the world of scarcity whereas those with the mindset of abundance, experience abundance everywhere they turn.

Is your life perfect right now? Worry-free at least? No?

Don't worry. Just be happy! Happiness is a choice after all. And stop complaining about anything. You have a good job, a roof over your head and food on the table. Others have it much worse!

Also, don't sweat the small stuff. Life is too short. You'll be fine. Because failure is not an option. Just look at the great times your Facebook friends are having! You can make them turn green with envy, too!

Seriously,

Have you ever felt out of place because your state of mind seemed out of sync with everyone else's around you? Perhaps something unpleasant had just happened or you were having one of those days when nothing seems to be going right. Or maybe you were simply tired and not in a good mood. And yet, everyone else appeared super positive and upbeat.

Have you ever felt the pressure to conform and also act happy and positive although that had nothing to do with how you felt inside? Have you ever been told "Fake it till you make it?" To smile even when you didn’t feel like smiling? Advised that a rote recitation of all sorts of "positive" affirmations would turn things around like magic?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you are not alone. Countless others have had the same experience whether they want to admit it or not. Somehow we are taught the value of staying positive 24 x 7 x 365. No matter what.

So, I have news for you:

You've been exposed to TOXIC POSITIVITY, and it can be quite destructive. Toxic positivity is not only disempowering. It can make you physically and mentally ill! Yes, toxic positivity can damage your physical health.

The path of fake positivity is unsustainable. When the illusory version of reality created by toxic positivity inevitably crashes down, it can lead to depression and other psychological and even psychiatric conditions.

Ultimately it's a life crisis waiting to happen: when you encounter a major challenge you won't be able to simply paint it over with a silly yellow smiley and keep moving. Because fake positivity creates a childish worldview not equipped to handle a big crisis.

So what's the alternative?

Watch this video to find out! Spoiler alert: Even the terms "positive" and "negative" are unnecessary.

As we grow up, we are told by family, school, authority figures, opinion makers and society at large to follow certain paths in life. We are taught what we should find desirable. Go to school, find a job, get married, have kids, buy a house in the suburbs... The list can go on.

Many of us are told to pick a career that will guarantee income and job security instead of finding our true calling.

Or, to get married because that's the next thing to do. Not because you are ready and have met the right person.

In return, we are promised that if we do everything as told, we'll live successful happy, and satisfying lives, become respected members of society, achieve respect, wealth, prestige and social status... whatever. What matters is that someone else's values are forced down our throats before we have the the ability to make conscious choices.

If you kept your part of that deal, and followed all those rules, how did things work out for you? Exactly as promised? Any disappointments? Divorces? A great job spinning the hamster wheel? Or perhaps even a midlife crisis?

What if something didn't work out? Who will answer for all the untruths? Where are those who imposed their rules and values upon us? They may be long gone by now. Or they may still be around brainwashing the next batch of impressionable minds... Regardless,

Now it falls on you to figure out what values truly work for you, and what should be let go because it doesn't serve you well.

In this talk, let's take a deeper look into replacing someone else's beliefs and values with your own that you freely choose.

And if you are interested in topics like this and more insights into personal growth, add your name to Dmitry The Coach's mailing list to stay up-to-date of live events and other important announcements: https://mailchi.mp/dmitrythecoach/subscribe

Doctors do many great things helping others. Unfortunately many are not living happy and fulfilling lives themselves. And when it comes to coaching, doctors are often not great candidates. Why can it be so difficult to help them? Come to this online event to find out. Even if you are not a doctor, and here's why:

Could you have the same traits and habits that hold doctors back from being happy and fulfilled? As humans, we are all made from the same ingredients, so chances are you'll find some insights that, upon self-reflection, you'll be able to apply to your own life.

And if you are interested in topics like this and more insights into personal growth, add your name to my mailing list to stay up-to-date of live events and other important announcements: https://mailchi.mp/dmitrythecoach/subscribe

Coaches, mentors, friends and shrinks - they are all out to help you but what's the difference? Before you decide whether you are coachable, how about narrowing down what coaching is in the first place? Come join this FREE online event to find out if coaching is right for you and you are right for coaching. Get your personal COACHABILITY SCORE in the end to help you answer that question.

Why I started this coaching company. 🤔🧐