Adopt.E

It’s moments like these that I am so grateful for….. moment I never thought I would have and wondered what they would be like.

The amount of joy these two bring me is so much more than I could have ever imagine.

Each and every niece and nephew I have is so unique and special to me. My heart is so filled with joy when I think of all 10 of them 🥰

I met some new family members today!!!

What always amazes me is the constant influx of emotions throughout the interactions and how quickly each emotion arrives and abates.

The happiness, giddiness, sadness, anger and guilt that flood through my body in a matter of seconds is overwhelming.

I am so grateful for my family and my bio family who love me and accept me for who I am.

Polarity --> the state of having two opposite or contradictory tendencies, opinions, or aspects.

With all things in life you can't have an understanding of what hot is if you've never experienced cold, same thing with pleasure and pain, pride and jealousy, and happiness and sadness.

The experiences that I am currently facing have their own polarity.

Every time Interact with my biological family. I am filled with joy that they accept me. I am immensely happy to know that I am no longer missing out on any of their lives and all I have to do is pick up the phone and reach out. I go home and reminisce of the time I just had, memories being made, photos being taken, the excitement and glee I experience is intoxicating to anyone who is around me.

Without fail approximately 24 - 48 hours later, I have emended sadness and guilt. I am saddened by the thoughts of other events like these that happened without me. All the birth's of my nieces and nephews that I missed, weddings that I missed, family vacations I've missed, I am sad that I missed growing up with my brothers playing sports and cheering for them.

Right after I am saddened by that I feel guilty that I was ever happy or sad over them. I LOVE my family, they are absolutely amazing, I would not have had the opportunities to do the things I did or live the life I am living without my mom and dad. I feel guilty for searching for my biological family, even though it was the greatest source of my pain, I didn't want to cause them any. I feel as if I have betrayed their loyalty by searching for the people who gave me up. I feel guilt that I enjoy them so much and they just get me. I've never had people just get me.

I am learning to understand these strong emotions that polarize each other. I am learning to decrease my sensitivity to these emotions because they are big and overwhelming. I am learning to embrace both of my families and navigate what it means to communicate with and about everyone in them.

Most of all I am learning that I am loved by so many. Wanting to find my bio family was so important to me, wanting to feel apart of my tribe and I am so grateful to have 2 different tribes to be a part of.

What I wasn't prepared for.....

My search was about 20 years. I was so focused in my search for finding my biological mother (to get answers to who my biological father was) and then after got answers from her the search was focused on finding my biological father with the new information that she provided me.

Although I was aware that after 25+ years my bio parents would have other relationships and children, I was not prepared for the interactions between siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles.

I was met with two very different responses from both sides of my family and the interactions were and are still overwhelming.

For me, it's 20+ new family members to get to know and for each of them there is just me to add to the people they know. So I just want other adoptees who are searching to be aware of the interactions that may or may not be experienced.

Happy New Year!

I am excited to say I am heading home in February because my baby brother #6 is having a baby! This baby will be the first biological family member that has had me in their life since birth!

The emotions that I am feeling are all over the map. I feel excited & emotional. I feel sadness of missing the birth's of my other 10 nieces and nephews before this. I feel fearful and proud, yet at the same time feelings of guilt and betrayal wave over me.

I still struggle with feeling a sense of pride and excitement from finally finding my biological family and the guilt and betrayal (not from my family, but if I betrayed them for searching).

My amazing parents and family members have told me numerous times that I shouldn't feel that way and they are excited for me, but it doesn't change my feelings towards the situation. They are common feelings for adoptees that have been reunited with their bio families regardless of the reunion outcome.

Merry Christmas

As the reunion began so did the never-ending influx of family photos and moments in time of memories. Times where myself or #4 would discuss high school and how we knew the same kids and had some of the same friends. We would discuss high school basketball tournaments and how we were most likely at the gym at the same time and place but never had an idea.

But the photos of my nephew and my niece blew me away when comparing them to my baby photos. These two photos are obviously different times in my life. Here my nephew and I are about the same age 2-3 (preschool) and my niece, this photo was taken shortly after we first met. I think I was 38 or 39 at the time, but man does she look like me.

isn’t just for humans!!!

Welcome my newest addition Brody. He’s the sweetest little boy. 4 years old and full of love!

Number 6!

BABY BROTHER

The very first time I saw someone who I believe looked like me, I was 38. That feeling of looking at #4's picture and seeing myself in his eyes looking back at me was breathtaking. The moment I saw a photo of my niece and nephew ( #4's kids) my jaw almost hit the floor. The joy that brought to my soul is inexplainable. I re-live those moments as often as I can. It's in those moments I started to heal from my internal demons.

Meet Number 1!!!

My fun-loving, beautiful, strong, caring, selfless big sister.

She is the oldest of the 6 of us. She gives sound advice, loving energy to all she meets and a quiet strength that can be felt in any room she is in. She is fierce and protects her family at all costs. She is one of the strongest people I know. She is never afraid to speak her mind or share her vulnerability when necessary. She has raised a beautiful daughter who works just as hard as her mother.

I love this family.

It's been hard for me to love myself, even now I struggle. But through this journey I have learned / discovered a lot of things about myself.

Number 2

My big brother

My 40th Birthday........

I finally got one on one time with my and it was in Barbados!!!! This memory is forever set in my memory. The stories he told, the memories he had, some good, some bad were awe inspiring. I felt like a little toddler sitting at my father's feet listening to him tell me stories. It felt like a dream, I wanted to pinch myself. There are no words to articulate what this moment in time means to me.

Number 4

Here is my baby brother (I have to remind him that I am still older than him). Not by much but I am older nonetheless. This was the first photos of each other that were exchanged. Never in my life had I met someone or known someone who looked like me, not from the outside world, but my eyes looking back at a someone else's eyes and saying to myself I belong to you! You are my tribe. So Grateful for my brother.

Meet my bio dad….

It’s still so surreal that I can pick up the phone and call him, I can get on a plane and go visit or he can come visit me.

He’s welcomed me with open arms, manned up and spoke the truth about his relationship with my bio mom. Although he didn’t know about me until I popped at the age of 38, he’s never rejected me, never denied me, and has made me feel like I’ve always been apart of this family!

So eternally grateful for this man.

-journey

When the world shut down in 2020, my brother ( #4) decided to do an ancestry DNA test. On September 3, 2020 I opened up my email and was met with an AncestryDNA.com match. The match was #4.

From that day on, my life changed.

This was the official notification / email I received from Ancestry informing me that my bio dad was 100% my father. There is no emotion to describe that feeling.

ADOPTION DAY!!!!!!!

I absolutely love my family, God blessed me with the most amazing mom and dad!

I would not be where I am today without these two! They have and continue to love on me the best way they know how! They have always been my go to people when things get hard, when my pain and tears need more than just a friends shoulder. They give sound advice, they provided me with so many unbelievable opportunities and my very own cheer squad! I love them to the moon and back

Good Morning Facebook Family!

What's your favorite way to beat the Monday's? Mine is a nice cup of coffee and a journal entry to start my day with a fresh mind and clarity.

Welcome to Adopt.E.

My name is E. I am here to share my experiences throughout my adoption journey. The ups and downs, the fun, the love, the hate.

This is my journey from my perspective. Please understand that everyone involved has their own perspectives, feelings and outlooks on life. I ask that you please be respectful of that.

I hope my experience helps other adoptees in their journey's of self discovery or journey's to reunions.