Lanie McKeever Counseling

"You know, people come to therapy really for a blessing. Not so much to fix what's broken, but to get what's broken blessed." -James Hillman, Dream Animals

From .holistic.psychologist:

“Depression has been marketed as a chemical imbalance of the brain.

But there is much more going on in the body.

Our vagus nerve goes into dorsal vagal shutdown when we’re too over stimulated, overwhelmed, or in a threat state. You can picture a deer in headlights that freezes or an animal that freezes and plays dead to escape a predator.

Humans do this too.

In extreme cases of fear/overwhelm we can literally freeze for hours. In lesser cases, we can be in functional freeze. Functional freeze is a blended nervous system state where we’re not in full shut down. But, the body still has limited blood flow, energy, and mobility. And our mind is dissociated— we’re spaced out, numb, and even our vocal tone can change. In functional people tend to be monotone.

A lot of people think of depression as chronic sadness. Sadness is a natural part of life. People who say they have depression actually are experiencing apathy, numbness, and the complete “I’m checked out of life” feeling. Many depressed people *can’t* even feel sad. Or cry if they wanted to.

This is why sometimes people come out of the functional and have high moments. Moments of joy and happiness. Or they can mask well. Then people struggle to understand how they could be depressed. They don’t understand this is actually: body immobilization. Not something just in the mind like we’ve been told.”

♥️

via

Most people do these 3 things when they cry:

1. Apologize “I’m so sorry”
2. Block the natural release (suppression)
3. Self shame “I hate that I cry so easily”

This is to be expect in a culture that doesn’t understand the nervous system and how it works. And, that shames people for natural human reactions.

When we experience fight or flight, our body goes into sympathetic energy.

We can go into fight or flight from:
- hearing about layoffs at work
- getting into conflict with a co-worker
- a partner raises their voice at us
- our mother in law brings up a subject we don’t want to talk about

Fight or flight is when our body senses external danger and: mobilizes or immobilizes to escape that danger.

Sympathetic energy will: dilate our pupils, increase heart rate, raise blood pressure, and increase sweating. All of this happens (usually beyond our awareness.)

Sometimes all of that sympathetic energy triggers a tear response. You’ll know it’s happening when you get a flash of anger and tears flood your eyes...

This is an attempt to discharge that energy— the body attempting to self regulate.

Let the tears flow.

Your body is working *for* you.

Notice how calm and regulated you feel after

Posted • Sister,⁠
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We live in a patriarchal world. And the BIG truth is that there is not one gender, or one group of people that upholds the Patriarchy...⁠

IT IS WITHIN US ALL.⁠
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And until we realize that we live in a patriarchal paradigm, and do the inner-work to undo it, we will continue to uphold and perpetuate that which we dislike.⁠
⁠
The patriarchy-within and without is a force of domination, control, and hierarchy. It manifests in thousands of ways and can show up in the most nuanced instances.⁠
⁠
A big one is its effect on our Self-Worth.⁠
⁠
When we as women are worthy, in our power, and connected, we are unstoppable forces. In this time of the Great Rebirth, it is necessary for us to reclaim our worth, heal our wounds, and get honest about where we are still holding these patriarchal tendencies within.

What Being Highly Sensitive Really Means 4 indicators of high sensitivity, in yourself or others.

"Much of our wounding occurs prior to the acquisition of language and is not able to be healed through the questioning and reorganization of patterns of thinking. In other words, we can’t think our way out of trauma, attachment, and narcissistic injury.

When our capacity to process unbearable terror, panic, and shame is overwhelmed, unmetabolized pieces of soul are held subcortically and in our cellular circuitry, unreachable by thinking which is a layer removed from the fires of the alchemical body.

Encouragement to “just get over it, it’s just your ego, just let it be, it isn’t who you really are” is experienced by an inflamed nervous system as the activity of empathic failure, aggression, and psychic violence.

It’s like a neural form of gaslighting and reflects a deep misunderstanding of relational wounding and implicit memory, and only contributes to the intergenerational transmission of trauma.

In addition to shattering and unendurable experience – which is painful and terrifying enough – there is a profound sense of aloneness that goes with this, the disorganizing reality of the missing Friend, and no accompaniment into the dark night. “I am alone in this.”

This is devastating to the soul.

When the lost orphans of psyche and soma come surging to be held, they’re not all that interested in our crystal-clear analysis, detached witnessing and fantasies of “mastery,” or powerful spiritual insights.

They’re longing for something else… for you, for your heart, for your holding. To know that you will stay near, that you will not abandon or shame them, that you will do your best to provide sanctuary and safe passage for them to come Home, to be helped out of that frozen, crystallized state and to live once again."

-Matt Licata
Photo by Lisa Runnels

Much of our wounding occurs prior to the acquisition of language and is not able to be healed through the questioning and reorganization of patterns of thinking. In other words, we can’t think our way out of trauma, attachment, and narcissistic injury.

When our capacity to process unbearable terror, panic, and shame is overwhelmed, unmetabolized pieces of soul are held subcortically and in our cellular circuitry, unreachable by thinking which is a layer removed from the fires of the alchemical body.

Encouragement to “just get over it, it’s just your ego, just let it be, it isn’t who you really are” is experienced by an inflamed nervous system as the activity of empathic failure, aggression, and psychic violence.

It’s like a neural form of gaslighting and reflects a deep misunderstanding of relational wounding and implicit memory, and only contributes to the intergenerational transmission of trauma.

In addition to shattering and unendurable experience – which is painful and terrifying enough – there is a profound sense of aloneness that goes with this, the disorganizing reality of the missing Friend, and no accompaniment into the dark night. “I am alone in this.”

This is devastating to the soul.

When the lost orphans of psyche and soma come surging to be held, they’re not all that interested in our crystal-clear analysis, detached witnessing and fantasies of “mastery,” or powerful spiritual insights.

They’re longing for something else… for you, for your heart, for your holding. To know that you will stay near, that you will not abandon or shame them, that you will do your best to provide sanctuary and safe passage for them to come Home, to be helped out of that frozen, crystallized state and to live once again.

Photo by Lisa Runnels

"In this informative and compelling video, Shavasti maps out how we can transform our wounds into diamonds through overcoming the need to 'get rid' of them. In this video you will learn how our early childhood wounding can be transformed from burden, to teacher and on to becoming our companion as a renewed compassionate human being."

Healing the Relationship to our Wound In this informative and compelling video Shavasti maps out how we can transform our wounds into diamonds through overcoming the need to 'get rid' of them. In...

I am trying another 6 month trial of Psychology Today with an updated profile -- and accepting new clients. Feel free to pass this on if you know someone who may resonate!

I am a registered provider for Blue Cross and Blue Shield, just look for me under Lanie Anderson.

Lanie Anderson, Licensed Professional Counselor, Asheville, NC, 28804 | Psychology Today Lanie Anderson, Licensed Professional Counselor, Asheville, NC, 28804, Hello and welcome! If you are at a point in your life and are ready to do the Work; are not looking for a quick "fix" or a few "tools" to patch things for the time being; are interested in exploring the patterns, influences, and....

Some parents mistakenly think their children were born FOR them…as in, the child is here to soothe the parent’s emotions, to make the parent feel loved, and to be someone the parent can live through, control, or arrange (in ways that suit the parent, not the child).

This level of boundary confusion causes soooo many difficulties, the most painful of which fall square on the shoulders of the child, who must now carry these warped boundaries into their adulthood.

Sadly, the distorted version of boundaries impacts nearly everything (from emotional health, relationships, sense of self, and the list goes on). 😩

Because boundaries matter.

And whenever the boundaries are twisted, confused, or distorted, there is gonna be suffering.

❤️

Molly

PS. If this describes you, know this. The burdensome legacy you were given is NOT something you have to continue to carry.

Healthy boundaries can be learned. 🕯️

And YOU are so much more than what they think. ✨

If you’d like to work with me more closely on boundaries, my 8-week online bootcamp intensive for women dives deep into the heart of it all, providing both practical skills and powerful paradigm-shifts. Graduates say it opened the doors wide to beautiful organic change.

Check out my free Intro Class to learn more about my unique approach. You’re also welcome to reach out to me for more information - I’m happy to send some your way.

Http://boundaried.com 🦋

Edit: Yup, statement 2 often doesn’t feel like it applies to people in situations of abuse.

H/T Rochelle Sadie

Self-compassion phrases to support you in any moment. 🙏🏽🪷🪴🗣

• May I be free from fear
• May I treat myself with kindness
• May I love myself just as I am
• May I know my own goodness
• May I give myself the compassion that I need