Neurogility

If you have a teen or tween you've wondered this very thing. Some of their antics can be mind-blowing, but only if you don't understand the adolescent brain. Once you understand better, their behavior starts making sense and you can have more empathy for what they're going through and therefore reign in your own negative emotions a little better. Download the free e-book, "The Challenging Adolescent Brain" and many other free guides at neurogility.com/herewego.

If you learn nothing else about parenting teens, learn this: they do not respond well to punishment and controlling behavior. Teens, through their deep need for autonomy, want to have more say in how their live their lives and that pushes against our "parental authority". But there's a way to support their autonomy and keep them safe and teach them how to navigate their world safely. Discuss things with them - don't just hand down unilateral decisions or rules. Negotiate with them to insure everyone's needs are met. Listen to what they have to say on a subject and give them as much respect and deference as you would give another adult. It seems like a no brainer when they reach this age. But because often our fear for their safety and future takes over, we begin to punish and try to control them and it simply backfires, causes rebellion, more control...and it spirals out of control.

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You could keep assuming that they've done whatever they've done because they wanted to be "bad" or you can understand how the teen brain works, learn how to tame your own emotions and learn how to discipline in a way that keeps the peace and teaches them how to be an adult. Go to neurogility.com/herewego to download "10 Keys to Unlock Your Teen's Emotional Intelligence" and "Emotional Awareness Strategies" and listen to Speaking of Teens podcast episodes 15, 16 and 22 on any podcast ap or go to the podcast web page at speakingofteens.com. You can handle this!😘

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This is so true! But it's important that you understand, this is NORMAL! Teen are individuating and looking for ways they are different from you. They need to interact with and by accepted by their peers - they already know you love them! They feel secure enough in their relationship with you to essentially ignore you right now so they can go out into the world like they're meant to. It all works out in the end - hang in there!

Your own emotional awareness and regulation is vital to the connection with your teen (which is EVERYTHING during adolescence!) Listen more than you talk, try to understand what they feel, acknowledge those feelings and work WITH them to reach a solution or help them problem solve. Life will be so much easier, your teen will have better mental health and they will learn to be more emotionally regulated themselves!

Please don't scold your kid for "being lazy" on the weekends or playing video games when they need an "escape". Life is hard for them and too many kids are struggling with their mental health. They don't need to be constantly doing or going or working. Help them de-stress!

Make sure your kid knows their value goes beyond what people see on the surface!

The thing we should all strive for during the teen years is to maintain our connection with our teen so we can influence their life even when we're not with them in person. We want them to "feel" what we would want them to do in a situation where they have to make quick decisions. But without our deep emotional connection, that's not possible. If we are punishing, criticizing, and constantly negative, they will not hear a word we say, will not trust what we say and will not want to aligned with us. They have to be able to trust you to share information so you will be "in the know" and can help them stay safe.

Connection with your teen is SO much important than most anything else you could possibly be doing...really. Just stop - put down the phone, the laundry, the laptop, whatever you're doing and just fully engage in the moment.

Get all the details here: https://bit.ly/madteens
If you don't do something different, nothing will change!

Click here for more information: https://bit.ly/madteens
You just don't know what you don't know! Decide to make changes now - you CAN do it!

Just remember this as you're yelling from down the hall and wonder why you get no response! Try being in the same room, face to face, if you need their attention. 😁

It's not too late to register - Go here - https://bit.ly/madteens for details and to register now. If you don't try something different, things will never be different!

This is a difficult exercise, no doubt. But in these moments you need to remember that absolutely no good will come out of interrupting them and correcting their statement made in the heat of the moment. Instead, LISTEN to them, try to put yourself in their shoes and understand where they're coming from, validate their feelings about the situation and when they finish, state your concerns (about whatever it is they've asked to do, etc.), then invite them to brainstorm with you to come up with a reasonable compromise. 👏 No one wins if you get into an argument - BOTH of you win with a compromise!

Go here https://bit.ly/madteens for details. If you want to make a change in the relationship with your teen and their behavior, you need to take the opportunity to learn how! Things will never change if you don't change them!

Go here for more details: https://bit.ly/madteens

If you can keep your "calm", this is a great way to show them nothing they do or say will even make you love them less...AND it will make them stop a second and think about what they've said much better than your retort.

Our kids are literally experiencing the worst mental health in decades! We need to be taking pressure OFF rather than piling on AP class after AP class, more community service, demanding higher grades. Please listen to episode 2 of Speaking of Teens! It may help you put things in perspective. https://neurogility.com/2

I was doing research for an upcoming episode of the podcast, Speaking of Teens, when I ran across a NY
Times article entitled "A 'Teen-Age’ Bill of Rights". I was excited because that’s exactly what I was
researching (whether anyone had ever written such a “Bill of Rights” because I wanted to attempt it).

Although there was no date, I kept researching and discovered it was written in 1945 and was actually a
monumental use of the term, “teenage”. Apparently, it had been used here and there before but this
article really put that word on the map…it just really wasn’t mainstream before.

For the time it was written, this Bill of Rights is incredibly insightful and progressive.

And boy, did they ever get it right!

The quote in the post is the last sentence of the article. I’ll be incorporating the contents of the article
into episode 18 of Speaking of Teens that will drop August 30th – stay tuned!






goals

This might sound a little bossy. I don't really mean to be, but I'm desperate for parents to understand how much they are hurting their kids and teens by punishing, threatening, judging and rejecting their child.

It's absolutely heartbreaking to see it happen and to know how much that parent loves their child and believes they are doing the right thing.

Unfortunately, the child feels deeply wounded, unloved, unsupported and abandoned.

Connection, support, empathy, acknowledgment, respect, boundaries...and firmness rather than harshness...thats the kind of love that will ensure your teen stays safe and healthy.

Please, if you need further convincing, check my free resources and book list through my link in bio.❤️❤️❤️

They may take on aspects of different friends' or influencers' personalities, how they dress or speak or their ideas and attitudes, etc. And they may set aside some of who they've been as they search for this identity. Just remember that your influence in their life, and where they ultimately land at the “end” of this exercise, now depends on the strength of your emotional connection with them. And that connection will remain strongest if you support them in their quest rather than trying to redirect them.

Making assumptions about how your teen feels, what they’re thinking, what they did or didn’t do, what they need or want…leads to misunderstandings, arguments and hurt feelings. Instead, depending on the circumstances, give them the benefit of the doubt, ask questions for clarification, allow them to express themselves and listen intently and make sure you understand. Whether you think they've done something wrong, didn't follow a rule, or are angry, sad, or nervous about something...the key is empathetic and open communication. And there's simply no room for assumptions in empathetic and open communication.

An adolescent’s brain goes through major changes from around age 10 to around 25! These changes cause them to be moody, emotional, irrational at times and all without the benefit of good decision making and self-control! So, they’re not doing this on purpose, and it has nothing to do with you. Don’t take it personally and keep your connection with them strong. Don’t give up. They’ll come back around in just a few years and you’ll be closer than ever!

Somehow I think we tend to forget that just because they’re our kid, they leave their should leave their normal human emotional reactions at the door and just do what we say, when we say, with a smile on their face and a spring in their step! Or at least I guess I thought that now and then. When my patience wore thin the demands started tumbling out of my mouth so easily. And of course, all that ever did was cause opposition and arguments and cracks in our connection. So, just don’t. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹