The Calm Connection System

The weight we feel is cumulative.

Most of it is weight we have been carrying for a long, long time.

So, of course we feel exhausted.

But you see, we don’t have to keep carrying all that weight. While many of the things we carry were useful at one point in our lives, they no longer serve us.

What was once necessary to get us where we needed to go and keep us safe getting there is now getting in our way and causing us pain.

To keep moving forward- to get to where we want to go now, we need to take some of those things out.

We need to thank them for the roll they played and then put them down.

Only then will we stand up straight again, feel energized, and walk without stumbling.

What is in YOUR backpack that you are ready to let go of?

Love,
Kate

✨join my broadcast channel for more specifics on how to actually figure out what those rocks are and get support with putting them down. The link is in my bio.

Hard to hear. But an important truth.

Our child breathes in the emotional air we breathe out.

We can say and do all the things the books tell us to say and do.

But what is happening inside us is what gets communicated the most, through our unconscious ways of moving through the world.

The most effective way to raise a child who feels worthy is to uncover your own worthiness.

Do you agree?

What was the first thing that came to mind?

Comment below ⬇️

Notice… is this something that has to do with taking care of others? Taking care of business? Some task that has to do with managing life?

Or does it have to do with something that tends to your health, heart, or spirit?

And if it has to do with something outside of you, what belief do you hold about that? What thoughts come along side?

When we focus on achieving things outside of us, we won’t actually end up feeling how we most want to feel. Not in any sustainable way.

But when we tend to our inner being first, everything outside of us begins to fall into place.

Love,
Kate

✨interested in taking a small quiz to assess your mental health and wellbeing? Comment with “quiz” below and I’ll send it your way

It will always be the smallest things that make the biggest difference.

And all or nothing thinking will get in our way of growth.

The all isn’t sustainable and the nothing keeps us where we are.

Imagine, just for a moment, how your life might change if you did that one, tiny, almost seemingly insignificant thing over and over.

And then she took one small step forward. And then another. And then another. And then another…

What will you one, small step be today?

Love,
Kate

✨DM me on the back end about something you are wanting to do or change and I’ll help you cone up with your one, small, seemingly insignificant step that will get you there 👣

Mothering is no different than anything else you do…

If you don’t have experience and skills in how to mother well, you simply won’t mother well.

So, first and foremost, let’s stop expecting ourselves to get it right off the bat.

What good mothering requires most is a capacity to stay steady amidst all the chaos, uncertainty, and unpredictability.

(This steadiness allows us to make rational decisions about what to do next.)

And what is required to do that is a willingness and capacity to feel hard things without running away.

And what is required for us to to that is immense self compassion, a sense of confidence in our ability to feel hard feelings and still be ok, and a collection of tools that help’s to settle our nervous system and shift from stress back to calm.

Many (most?) of us weren’t taught these things.

What our kids need most from us is to feel loved and accepted.

They need to feel seen, heard, and understood.

And I’ll tell you from my experience being a mom for 17 years…..

Seeing them, really hearing them, and working to understand can be very, very, emotionally and psychologically uncomfortable.

So….. 3 steps for you:

1. Ask yourself (WITH COMPASSION)…. Is my best good enough right now?

2. If your answer is no, ask yourself what’s missing.

What kind of help or support do you need in order to show up better?

3. Find that well of courage deep down within and seek out that support 💕

One final question: if your own parents had asked themselves this question and had taken those 3 steps, how might things have been different?

Love,
Kate

✨first step to resilience in times of stress is taking care if your basic needs so you are resourced rather depleted. Comment below with “reset” if you want info on my Aligned Mama Reset -which will get you there ❤️

The hardest park of motherhood for me is knowing that it’s not my job to prevent my child from feeling any pain.

Nor is it my job to prevent myself from feeling any pain.

If I took this on, I would be interfering with an important part of healthy development and personal growth…

The part that comes FROM pain. The part that develops when we learn that we can experience and feel hard things and still be ok.

Resilience, courage, and confidence can’t exist without the pain that comes from challenge and struggle.

And when we resist or work to prevent pain, we are resisting and preventing life.

The resistance to pain is a direct cause of anxiety and guilt.

Love,
Kate

✨✨✨it is impossible to move through pain in a healthy way without the skills required to do so. If you’d like to receive a short 5-minute video that talks about maternal & child mental health and a link to book a free call to hear about my 12-week coaching program, drop a ❤️ below.

Don’t scroll past this question. It’s one that will change your life.

It’s so easy to look outside at the things that are “getting in our way” of feeling how we want to feel.

The kids, the work, the to-do list, the expectations of others….

It can all feel like it takes over. And we have no choice.

But we do. We have lots of choice.

The thoughts we have (which are usually based on opinions and preferences and past experience rather than fact) and the choices we make (which are usually habitual and reactive) are always impacting how we feel and how our life functions.

Asking this question gives you your agency back.

Choice and control.

It’s a vulnerable and brave question. It requires honest reflection and a willingness to acknowledge blind spots.

We are each responsible for 100% of our part in what’s happening.

Get clear and clean on what your part is (with huge self compassion) and make new choices in how you think and respond and your world will open up to you.

You will thrive.
And your kids will thrive with you.

Love,
Kate

✨✨we can’t show up well when we aren’t feeling well. If you are ready to make some tiny, simple, but game changing steps that will lead you to mental and emotional wellbeing, step into the Aligned Mama Reset.

Simple, accessible, imperative ❤️

Link in bio or comment “reset” below.⬇️

You work your butt off to create the perfect vacation/event/gift/situation….

You are so excited…. You just KNOW the other person will love it. I mean, how can they not?

Your blood, sweat, and tears have gone into planning and you are proud of yourself- and this thing.

And you’ve lived it all in your head already.

This is called EXPECTATION

And then……

Crickets. Or tears. Or rain. Or illness. Or lack of enthusiasm.

It’s like having the rug pulled out, right?

And not only do you feel disappointed, but you also feel anger, shame, guilt, maybe even resentment.

And maybe you fall back into some “not enough” thinking about yourself and your capabilities.

Here’s why——>

🤯We simply don’t have control of the things outside of us. We can’t possibly control other people’s thoughts/feelings and when it comes to the environment? Well….

We try, so often, to make the uncertain, certain 😫

But we can never really know, for sure.

So, THAT’s why these ⬆️ statements are a set up.

Instead, try:

😊I feel great about the effort I’ve put into this.

😊I love what I have created, and I hope he/she/they do too (btw, disappointment is easier to manage than shame and blame)

😊I’m going to do these 2 things that will help it to be successful

You have now reclaimed your agency (choice and control) and made room for inevitable uncertainty ❤️

✨interested in learning more about how to feel in control again? Book a free call to talk through my 12-week calm connection system program. Link in bio or comment with “call” below 👇

Love,
Kate

Motherhood is the all time equalizer.

Mothers everywhere feel uncertainty, worry, anger, sadness, and grief.

We all know the experience of not feeling good enough.

We all know the torture of regret.

We all know the bottomless pit of despair that happens when we imagine something terrible happening to our child.

And, we all imagine that thing more times than we would care to admit.

We all experience the dizzying conflict of loving our children with ever cell in or body but not always liking (even hating) parts of motherhood.

We all wobble through the moments of hidden truths about what we are “really like” behind closed doors where nobody else can see.

And in the darkest moments, we all question our capacity to give and love and forgive as much as our children need us to in order to be healthy in this world.

No, you are not alone. You are part of a fierce army of mothers everywhere who know exactly how you feel.

Love,
Kate

These 18 signs of anxiety can be overlooked because they seem like something else….

Or they may be so habitual and familiar that you no longer see them as something important to pay attention to.

Often, these are (unhelpful) strategies to manage stress, symptoms of anxiety, or (dysfunctional) ways of trying to control what feels uncomfortable.

But here’s the thing- you don’t have to struggle with these things.

You can live a life where they don’t take up so much time and energy.

Which of these ⬆️ resonate for you?

✨DM me if you’d like to discuss how I can help ❤️

Love,
Kate

No one should ever be required to mother alone.

But too often, we feel alone.

Tag another mom out there who makes you feel seen, heard, and understood.

Let’s celebrate each other.

Because we are better, together 💕

Love,
Kate

I can get so frenetic in the “doing” and achieving that I skip over what matters most to me.

Which is connection. Clarity. Direct communication. Intentional action.

But sometimes I fall into the trap of “more.”

More done on my to-do list.
More emails responded to.
More DMs engaged in.
More birthdays remembered and teachers communicated with and blog posts written.

Much of the time I shoot these things out and get these things done without even realizing my mistakes…

Until someone responds with “what?!” Or “ha! So many typos!” Or I realize too late that I sent someone the wrong date or time.

It’s then that i remember: slow down. Pause. Reconnect with your values. Less is more.

Lately, my texts and emails and DMs (and even IG posts!) have been embarrassingly full of typos.

And it’s a reminder to me to pause. Get curious. Offer self compassion (instead of self criticism). And take better care of myself.

What’s your sign that it’s time to slow down? Comment below and let me know. Simply stating it here will help you shift.

Love,
Kate

✨looking for more ways to slow down and get back to your values? Join the Aligned Mama Reset & 21-day wellness challenge. Link is in bio or comment below with “reset” and I’ll send you more info.

Mothering is hard. It takes resilience. It takes commitment. It requires hard work and lots and lots of big feelings.

But when we learn how to show up as a safe and secure parent, and when we take the steps needed to create the relationships that help them thrive…

The ROI is infinite ❤️

3 things to commit to:

1. Your own health & wellbeing
2. A willingness to allow for their need to be separate and different than you
3. Consistent, healthy boundaries

Love,
Kate

✨if you are looking for help with these things, both my Aligned Mama Reset 21-Day Wellness Challenge and my 12-week Calm Connection System coaching program are here for you. Links are in the bio. Comment below with “secure” if you’d like me to reach out directly with more info on both.

This is perhaps the biggest road block to self care 👆

“It feels selfish to want to…..”
-take time for myself
-spend money on myself
-pay for a babysitter
-prioritize my wants/needs over my children’s want/needs

Let’s change the language

What you need to be asking yourself is this:

✨How are my thoughts & actions impacting my child?
✨In what way might this choice be in service of my child?
✨How do I want to show up as a mom with my child and what thoughts and actions will help me to get closer to that?
✨How can I prioritize my wants/needs in service of my child?

Love and compassion for ourselves and others will always positively impact the world around us. Yes- meet the true needs of your child and family. But do it from a resourced place ❤️

Love,
Kate

✨looking for guidance, tips, and support to access full brain health so that you can show up the way you want to? And feel better doing it?

Comment “reset” below and I’ll send you info on my Aligned Mama Reset and 21-day wellness challenge. My low-cost way to get support and hand-holding from me as you move towards better mental health.

The link is also in the bio 💕

At one point or another, these are the thoughts of every mom who is high achievers everywhere.

The secret to finding calm and connection in motherhood comes with learning to change our thinking 🧠
 
As High achievers, we are notoriously hard on ourselves.
 
Too often, nothing, including ourselves, feels good enough. We believe we can always do or be better.
 
Which makes it very hard to ever feel satisfied.
 
And this leads to chronic, underlying anxiety.
 
Because our expectations so often feel unachievable....
 
Because they are ;-)
 
So, let’s start to change the thinking that is leading to overwhelm, shall we?
 
1️⃣ Check in with your thinking. When you have that thought, how do you feel?

2️⃣ Question the thought. Is it possible that it isn’t true? (AKA is it possible that this thing you’re telling yourself is not a fact that everyone would agree on?)

3️⃣ Dream a bit. Who would you be and how would you move through the world if you didn’t have that thought?

4️⃣ Try something new on. What is a new, more realistic and grounding thought?

5️⃣ How do you feel when you have that new thought?

6️⃣ What is one, small action step that you can take from that new place?
 
This quick thought process will open up new possibilities and, when done accurately, will settle your nervous system on the spot.

✨ looking forward to more tips on how to shift from anxiety to calm? Comment “calm” below and I’ll send you a link to my short 15-minute masterclass with more fresh new perspectives for you!

Love,
Kate

Healthy moms are willing and able to feel it all.

Because it all makes sense.

In the mental health world, mental health and well-being exists when these 2 things are happening:

1. Your internal emotional experience matches what is happening externally.

✨your baby is crying and you don’t know why, you will feel anxious. Your toddler is throwing a tantrum, you will feel frustrated. Your kid is struggling, your heart will hurt. Something doesn’t happen that you were hoping for, you will feel disappointed. Someone does something kind, you will feel grateful. Your child smiles, you will feel joy. You get good news, you will feel relief.

2. You have healthy coping strategies to move from difficult emotions back to pleasant emotions.
✨you can move from anger to love. From disappointment to gratitude. From sadness to joy. From anxiety to relief.

It’s not the emotional experiences that are problematic.

Each and every one of them makes sense.

It’s what you do when you feel those things- and how you take care of yourself- that will determine whether or not something becomes problematic.

So…. For a start, try this:

Next time you feel sad, disappointed, angry, or worried put your hand on your heart and say these words 👇

“Of course I’m feeling this way given what is happening right now.”

That gesture of self compassion will, in and of itself, free yourself up to feel other things as well.

Love,
Kate

✨✨if you are looking for more guidance on healthy coping in hard moments, sign up for my Aligned Mama Reset. Link is in the bio or comment “reset” slow and I’ll send you everything you need to get started 💕

You don’t have to be perfect to be a good mom, guaranteed.

This is the secret to raising healthy, happy kids.

When we make mistakes, we have an opportunity for this important thing that grows our kids’ trust in us as their mothers…..

✨mistake and repair✨

Our imperfection shows our kids that they don’t have to be perfect.

Our empathy for their valid emotions of disappointment, sadness, worry, and anger teach them that they can both feel hard things and also be ok at the same time. And this teaches them self compassion self worth, and resilience.

Our mistakes and our ownership of them and then our willingness to make different choices when necessary shows our children that failure is a part of growth and success.

What does this all lead to?

✨Healthy kids
✨Strong relationships
✨Less guilt
✨Less exhaustion
✨More confidence and security for everyone

Which will lead you to feeling…

Like a freaking GREAT mom.

So, stop trying to do it all so perfectly. Not only will that lead to anxiety and guilt but it does NOT give your kids what they need most to thrive.

For accessible tips for other ways to feel like (and be!) a good mom with healthy kids, sign up for my Aligned Mama Reset and Interactive Super-Guide

Link is in the bio 💕

Love,
Kate

Which of these resonate? 👆

Here are a few things that will help:

✨Adjust standards: striving for perfection is like fuel on a fire.

✨Scale back on commitments for both you and your child: less is more and what they need most is your stability and calm

✨Ask specifically for what you need help with (even when you don’t want to need help)

✨Set priorities: most of what you are focusing on doesn’t really matter

✨Streamline healthy habits & routines

✨Get professional support

Let’s be clear, these things 👆 will be easier said than done, especially if you have deeply buried beliefs about yourself and the world around you.

But they are imperative for you if you want to move away the anxiety that is getting in your way of feeling how you want to feel.

My Aligned Mana Reset is a GREAT place to start. The link is in the bio.

You’ve got this.

Love,
Kate

Hey moms... what's the biggest worry that keeps you up at night?😧

It’s the biggest mistake we can make as moms.

We aren’t meant to do this thing on our own. And way too often, we think we should be able to.

Somewhere along the way, we’re taught that we shouldn’t need and shouldn’t want others to help us.

And so we take too much on. Or when we do ask for help (or receive offers for help) we feel guilty or embarrassed or maybe even a bit shameful.

When, really, we aren’t historically or biologically set up to do this humongous thing in isolation.

Plus, in reality, it’s a gift to our kids to recognize that they can be loved and cared for by many people.

When we ask for and receive help, we create a village for our children.

And this concept of being a part of a village of love and support will serve our kids forever.

So…. Today- do one thing that will take a load off.

❤️Share your thoughts with a trusted friend
❤️Drop your child off with someone for an hour
❤️Accept the offer for a meal or carpool help

These small steps will be the start to helping you mother in community with others.

And…. If you’re ready to shift your habits towards long-term health and wellbeing, sign up for my aligned mama reset. You’ll have me in your pocket for 21-days and I’ll make sure that you no longer feel so alone. 💕

Link is in bio.

Love,
Kate

For busy moms, the idea of self-care can be annoying at best and a portal to guilt and shame at worst.

So, let’s actually set some of the myths straight.

True self-care is:
*in service of our kids
*required for efficient and effective functioning
*about creating more access to time and energy
*easy and accessible

Is it time for you to reset your health? Is it time to reduce that feeling of guilt, anxiety, and overwhelm?

Is it time for you to feel good again?

Join me in my new 21-day wellness challenge and reboot. I’ll make it all easy for you 💕

Ask your questions in the comments below, and sign up by 5/29 for a launch week investment of $67!

(And PS- who needs another baby blanket?! Consider this to be the best baby shower gift or gift for a friend 🎁)

Link is in bio ✨✨✨

Love,
Kate

If you knew this was true, what would you do differently?

Today…. Do just one of those things. Something small.

Because I’m telling you now, it’s in service of that child who you live so fiercely.

Love,
Kate

You are not alone.

And there is nothing wrong with you.

But the skills you bring into motherhood to be successful….

Don’t work the same way here.

In motherhood, success comes with your ability and willingness to:

-feel the hard and uncomfortable feelings
-not know the answer
-stop seeing problems that need to be fixed
-focus on this moment right now rather than looking ahead or analyzing the past
-do less

😳

These are very different skills that you might be used to.

But remember this…

You can do hard things
When you set your mind to something, you get it done
You are committed to what is important to you

Which means that once you know what it takes to be successful, feel calm and grounded, connect deeply with your child, and be the securely attached mother you long to be…

You will, no doubt, get there.

And PS- you can continue to use all of those incredible traits and skills in the rest of your life to thrive there at the same time.

You don’t need to choose.

Love,
Kate

Let me be clear, this post is not intended to look backwards at blame towards our own parents.

I’m going to make the assumption that they did “their best” with what they had, but that their “best” may have been missing something important and, simply put, wasn’t good enough.

Because, while there may not have been abuse or neglect, there may have been subtle parts of your being that weren’t loved well.

In any case, here’s 3 steps that will help:

1️⃣ challenge the deep, hidden belief that you aren’t good enough

2️⃣ stay connected with YOURSELF (aka love yourself) in the hardest moments

3️⃣ remember that true, unconditional love is always available, but it exists only when you allow things to be exactly as they are

On this Mother’s Day, I offer up heaps of love to you, exactly as you are.

Love,
Kate

Pass it along.

These words will help someone out there breathe.

Love,
Kate

Tell me…. What do you see when you look at this photo?

Because I can assure you that what you see is not what I was feeling inside.

Did I love my babies? Fiercely.

Was a grateful to be a mom? For sure.

Was I doing “good job?” Yes- I was doing all the things that a “good mom” does.

But, can you see this?….

I was terrified, a lot of the time.

My husband, whose arm you can see in the picture, was standing behind me with empty hands while I carried both my children…

I was carrying both my children 👆because I told myself that nobody else could do it. That if I didn’t, then something bad would happen. That I had “no choice.”

I was panicking because of a crises at work that I believed was all my fault and that I felt incapable of putting down, even while “on vacation.”

I was hopelessly concerned with what people thought of me.

I was exhausted and losing my patience so often that I didn’t know who I was any more.

It’s funny, isn’t it? How easy it is to appear one way to the outside world and then feel so different inside our own skin?

We, high achievers, are at risk for developing a lot of anxiety in new motherhood.

Nobody talks about this, but it is nearly universal—-

You worked so hard to be successful and in control of your life and then…

Boom.

You become a mother and wonder where that balanced, competent, confident, and successful woman went.

Is this you?

If you’d like to receive access to my 15-minute free masterclass to learn more about this phenomenon and what can help, comment with a ❤️ below and I’ll send it your way.

Love,
Kate

Do you agree?

Children are wise beyond words.

And if your environment wasn’t safe when you were a child…

Or if there wasn’t a secure adult around to help you move through big and difficult feelings…

You likely learned to take care of yourself by detaching and distracting from the moment.

Because the moment was just too painful.

And so now, in motherhood, where there are tons of big feelings and hard moments, your brain detaches and distracts because that’s what it has always done.

But…..

You are no longer a child and you can put into place things that you simply could not put into place back then.

These things are small, but wise. And they will keep you right here in THIS moment. Which is where the true magic in mothering happens. 👇

✨feel you feet on the floor. The bottom of your feet. Against the floor. This practice brings you right back to this moment right here.

✨take a big, long deep breath where your exhale is a beat longer than your inhale. This sends a message to your brain that in THIS moment you are ok.

✨go through your senses with curiosity. Name 3 things that you see, hear, feel physically, smell, and taste. This brings your whole body back into the moment.

Your adult brain can stay steady to process things in a way your child brain couldn’t. So, you’ll need to remind your adult brain that being in the moment-being present - is both safe and wise.

Know someone who could benefit from this? Share it. Let’s all take care of each other.

You’ve got this.

Love,
Kate

The dizziness of it all.

Is it this? Or is it that?

When we have to choose, we feel like Jekyll and Hyde.

But here’s the thing….

It’s not an either/or.

It’s a both/and.

And while our brains believe we need to choose one OR the other, because that is certainty. And our brains like certainty….

Our nervous systems like it when we make room for both.

They can BOTH be true.

So, try this:

Replace the “but” in these statements, with “and.”

And give yourself permission to honor that it is all true.

And then, once you do that, comment below with your new reality….

👇👇👇👇

….. because all of the other moms following here need to hear it too.

Together, let’s create a loooong list, right here, of all of the both/and statement that are true for us. As a unified commitment to allowing it all to be true.

You’ve got this.

Love,
Kate

Because you are human, the smallest, youngest part of you is afraid of something:

🥲not being loved
🥲not being good enough
🥲being abandoned

This “little girl” part of you feels that for a valid reason- usually because of something you were taught directly or indirectly in childhood.

But you have buried her deep inside because:

A) her needs weren’t met anyway, so letting her out only leads to disappointment or

B) you are embarrassed by her

So, you hide her under layers of protection.

Until…

The outer layer of you looks so together- so perfect- that nobody could possibly know that a very scared & unsure part of you exists.

But she’s in there.

And when you become a mom and bring another vulnerable human into the world…

You are reminded again of what she feels like.

If this resonates- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This is a normal response to motherhood.

But she needs to be reminded that she makes sense and is not bad.

That part of you needs to be heard and loved on and accepted as simply trying to keep you safe.

She needs to know that she can finally settle down and trust you- the adult- to both honor her vulnerability and also be ok.

I teach this and more in my 12-week program for women struggling with hidden anxiety in motherhood.

DM me for more info.

You’ve got this.

Love,
Kate