Sunflower Grief Support

For anyone whose sign from their loved one is a red bird, here’s your sign! This guy has shown up on my wall paper 3x in the last couple of months. I NEVER get repeat background images, except for him. If something happens 3X, I take it as a sign to share it. ❤️

Grief art ❤️

TikTok · Sunflower Grief Support Check out Sunflower Grief Support’s video.

This! 💯

Reminder: good things do not fix bad things.
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If every time I say, "I hurt," you tell me that other people have it worse or that I just need to look on the bright side, it's not going to make my grief go away. It's just going to make me stop talking about it.⁣
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"Look at all the good you have around you."⁣
"At least you had them as long as you did." ⁣⁣
"Be grateful for your happy memories."

Gratitude does not work like that.⁣
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This idea that appreciating what you've got is the antidote for the pain of what you're missing ⬅️ that is a central fallacy.

Gratitude and grief don't cancel each other out. They exist side by side..
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I can be thankful that the air quality is such that I can breathe without having to think about it. I can be thankful that the sun is exactly enough million, trillion miles away that I am warm but not incinerated. That doesn't mean that my any of my pain goes away.⁣

One of the challenges here is that we think that if you're sad, you can't also be happy. Different emotions don't cancel each other out.⁣
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We are complex beings. You can have a big deep sadness and be having the best day ever, at the same time. The coolness of being human is that we don't have to choose just one thing at any time.⁣

Don't encourage someone to have gratitude for the good things that still exist. Good things and horrible things occupy the same space. Instead, mirror their reality back to them.⁣⁣
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One of the really cool things about this is that we can practice it in our everyday lives, which helps us build the skills we need to support each other when life goes sideways.
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The next time you hear someone make a statement of pain, I want you to notice your impulse to jump in and make it better for them and then DON'T do that. Instead, mirror their reality back to them. When they say, "This entirely sucks," say, "Yes, it does."

It's amazing how much that helps.⁣ It is an unfathomable relief to have a friend who will let you feel exactly how you feel.⁣
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For more on how to truly give the support you intend, go tohttps://refugeingrief.com/ or check out my first book, It's OK that You're Not OK (more info & ordering links at https://refugeingrief.com/books)

Keep checking in your bereaved friends and family! ❤️

TikTok · Sunflower Grief Support 114 likes, 20 comments. “Remember to check in with your bereaved friends and family! They need compassionate, nonjudgmental companionship. ❤️”

This is a tough one for those not in grief to understand and accept but it’s true! ❤️

It's a very normal human impulse to want to make people feel better, but trying to cheer up a grieving person simply doesn't work. Most people don’t want to be cheered up, they want to feel HEARD.

When things are dark, it’s ok to be dark. Not every corner needs the bright light of encouragement. In a similar vein, don’t encourage someone to have gratitude for the good things that still exist. Good things and horrible things occupy the same space; they don’t cancel each other out.

Instead, mirror their reality back to them. When they say, “This entirely sucks,” say, “Yes, it does.” It’s amazing how much that helps. It's amazing how that small act of acknowledgement helps.

It is an unfathomable relief to have a friend who will sit with you and let you feel exactly how you feel.⁣

For more on how to help a grieving friend, visit refugeingrief.com or watch our short animation, "How do you help a grieving friend?" at this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2zLCCRT-nE

What’s considered a traumatic loss?

TikTok · Sunflower Grief Support 1095 likes, 125 comments. “The way and time in which someone dies greatly affects how their loved ones grieve. Here are some examples of traumatic losses. These require an especialy loving, patient, thoughtful and skilled approach to partnering on the grief journey. ❤️”

What are the things that actually help as you grieve? (Simplified version!)

TikTok · Sunflower Grief Support 63 likes, 17 comments. “What actually helps you unfreeze in your grief? Here are just a few basic tips!”

This 💔😢

Grief is the hanging on to of love! That’s why you always feel it! 🖤

Grief has a way of really clinging to love. The more you love someone, the harder it can be to shake that grief when they're gone. It's like grief just wraps itself around all those cherished memories and feelings, and it won't let go. Even though the love itself is this beautiful thing, grief just kind of attaches itself to it, making it tough to fully escape that sorrow. It's a real battle trying to let go of the grief when it's so intertwined with the love you still feel.

How long does it take to get used to living life without the person you lost?

TikTok · Sunflower Grief Support 1737 likes, 93 comments. “Losing a loved one can be compared to losing a limb. It takes time to adjust to your new reality . Life can absolutely be good and having meaning after loss but you know it will never be quite the same. ❤️.”

This. Be gentle with yourself. Be slow if you can. Cradle your tender heart. 🖤

Just a gentle reminder…
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Grief brain is real! Your brain is physically altered after the loss of someone close to you!

TikTok · Sunflower Grief Support 5589 likes, 276 comments. “Grief affects your brain!”

You grieve not only the person you lost. You grieve the person you were when they were in the world!

TikTok · Sunflower Grief Support 1029 likes, 86 comments. “Part of losing a loved one is grieving the loss of who you were when they were alive.”

This ❤️ Grief is love. Grief and love can sit side by side.

Maybe people don’t want to stop grieving…

Maybe they are terrified, that the grief they feel is the last thing they have left of their person.

That if they move on from this grief, they will lose the final connection, the only tie.

Maybe people feel united with their loved one,
in the realm just outside our reality.
United in pain and loss.
Banished to a parallel universe where they can both exist together, still together.

Maybe that’s just too precious to move on from.

So if you are in this place, or you know someone who is,
maybe you can remind them that they are completely connected to their lost one,
in so many more wonderful ways than just the loss.

Inch for inch the pain they feel, equals the love they shared.

At the end of the day, it’s all just love.
And there is no need to banish either.
They can exist side by side,
grief and love.

And they do,
every day.

~ Donna Ashworth
(artist unknown)

Anger is not a root emotion. It often stems from the root feelings of grief, sorrow, helplessness, abandonment, fear and deep hurt. Ask yourself when you find yourself angry, “What is the feeling underneath this anger?” ❤️

TikTok · Sunflower Grief Support 261 likes, 4 comments. “The root cause of anger is often PAIN caused by: Grief, deep sadness, helplessness, powerlessness and/or rejection.”