A Gift from Ben

Eulogy for Ashley written and
delivered by her Aunt Kimberly Newman

Twenty three years ago, my family suffered a catastrophic loss. My nephew —Thumper’s 14-year old son— perished in a horrible car accident. Now we have lost my brother’s 20-year old daughter in another tragic traffic accident. We have gathered here today to mourn her passing and to celebrate her miraculous life.

The renowned British literary scholar C. S. Lewis wrote extensively about grief and pain. He noted that all Change — especially emotional and spiritual growth— involves Loss and Loss involves Grief and Grief involves Pain. He famously asserted that pain and Grief serve as God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world.

In other words, God intends our grief to awaken us to the Will of God. Our grief is meant to knock us to our knees in prayer. Only then can we really hear God’s Call on each of our lives. Grief serves as a brutal reminder that God — not us — is really in charge. Scripture informs us that All Things—even tragic, heartbreaking and gut-wrenching things — work for good for those who love the Lord and are called to His Purpose. ( Romans 8:28)

My 14-year old nephew who died 23 years ago was named Benjamin. After Ben’s death, my brother started this food bank and charity, “A Gift From Ben”. Since that time, this charity has moved millions of pounds of food and fed thousands of people. A Gift from Ben is really a Gift from God.

After Ben’s death, I adopted two baby boys from Russian orphanages. They are also named after Benjamin. Those boys are now almost men and they sit among us today. They too are gifts from God.

And out of the ASHES of Ben’s death, ASHLEY, my 20-year old niece who just died, was born. Another gift from God.

I realize that many here did not know Ashley, or know her well. People who did know her (and many have posted comments about her on social media) would often use adjectives like “ beautiful, brilliant, fun-loving and hilarious “ to describe her. Thumper and I like to think that she took after our side of the family!!! (😉Just kidding)

All kidding aside, you might then be shocked to learn —as our family was once shocked to learn — that Ashley actually struggled with a life-threatening eating disorder in high school. It was so serious that it required a medical intervention. She survived — with God’s help.

This illness baffled my family. How could anyone with so many blessings want to end her own life by not eating? A life-threatening eating disorder is a slow-motion su***de, like alcoholism or drug addiction. After much reflection, I concluded that many of us don’t feel worthy of God’s love. I suspect sometimes that we (erroneously) think we must be flawless to deserve the love of God. Of course, that is not true. In fact, it is not even possible. We all are sinners, and we all fall short of the Glory of God. Nonetheless, God loves us all — despite our flaws and brokenness.

Recently, my brother had dinner with Ashley at Paul’s Deli (see photo). During that dinner, they began discussing (among other things) why some people never seem to grow emotionally or spiritually. Ashley made the wise observation that some people never learn that the love you receive in life mirrors the love that you give. My brother — ever the Rock and Roll fan— half-jokingly responded, “ Oh, yeah, that is a line from a song on the Beatles’ Abbey Road album : In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”

Ashley added, “ Yes, Daddy, but it is also biblical. To give, is to receive.” Indeed she was correct. There are numerous verses in the Holy Scriptures to that effect. Here are just two of the many:

Galatians: 6:9 “ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest, if we do not give up.”

Luke 6:38 “Give, and it will be given to you. . . For in the measure you give, it will be measured back to you.

I have known octogenarians who never understood this Biblical lesson. But 20-year old Ashley already understood it well.

I know what you are thinking. It is what everyone is thinking when a beloved young person goes home to heaven: why Lord? Why?

As I stand here today, I have no idea why God took this wonderful young woman home to heaven so soon. But I do know 2 things:

No. 1. We should never grow weary in doing good. We should not become embittered, vindictive, angry, or wallow in self pity. God wants us to move forward spreading his love to the world. That is what Ashley would have done.

No. 2. God will use Ashley’s short life and tragic death for His Glory and to bring Love and Goodness to the world — as God did following Ben’s tragic, premature death.

In the meantime, those of us who loved her will remain on our knees in prayer and discernment in the hope that we will hear soon what God wants us to do next.

Godspeed. Amen.

Eulogy for Ashley written and delivered by her Aunt Kimberly Newman New item · Album by Robin Thurman

(Left to right) Chris Brown, Thumper Newman, Nathan Newman, Bo Newman, and Kimberly Newman

Thursday June 20th 2024 at 1pm Faith to Faith Life Ministry with Marlon Spratley will live stream the service for Ashley for those who cannot attend the service at 309 Waltz Farm Drive Williamsburg Virginia. Service can be viewed on our page right here!

With much sorrow we are sorry to announce the death of Thumper's daughter, Ashley. Ashley was a 20 year old JMU student who died Friday after being hit by a car. A service will be held Thursday at Faith to Faith Life Ministry, 309 Waltz Farm Drive at 1 pm.

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