the depressed monk

When things start to make sense

I really miss having medical aid so I can take a mini vacation to the wellness center

One never realizes how depressed they are until they have a mental breakdown.

Alcohol that I find bitter tastes good when I'm sad

Life is seriously not lifing one can't always struggle so much.

It was nice seeing lankie again. Well this time she was very sober. She worries me shame.

Life isn't lifing after all the hard work and dedication

I keep wondering what really went wrong, I breakdown every moment I get to release pain but it keeps getting worse. At this point I really don't know what to do with myself nore my life. I'm at a point where I drug myself to sleep, begging for answers in my dreams. It's really painful no lie . Just need a week or two to go through my emotions than pick myself up, but is giving myself a deadline to gather myself a really good idea?

The pain of working and pushing for a greater life but you not seeing any output. Self introspection and trying to see where you went wrong, fixing, changing just to to see some output but you not seeing anything, it's really painful trying to fight for your life to be better and not seeing results. Cleansing and praying just to see light in your life but you not seeing anything it's painful really painful it leads to suicidal thoughts cause nothing is going right in your life

So today I met this girl called Lankie, well that's not her real name. One would think they very depressed until you meet other depressed people. She's so open about her life, not within 4 hours of meeting her I found out she had a drug addiction. She didn't admit that she's depressed but within that one day of meeting her I could see she's been traumatized before and she's still going through alot, according to me I think she uses s*x and alcohol to cope. Yes she says she survived drug addiction but by the look of things it looks like she's replacing an addiction with another addiction.

I really love her personality of not being afraid to speak her mind and saying how she feels at the moment. She's really fun like I enjoyed her company somehow she helped me to relax and take things easily. I'm very sure I didn't spend 6 hours with her, but being with her brought out the joy in me, I even forgot about all the things worrying me . She really needs help real serious help ,though she's fighting for her life she needs guidance but I love her fighting spirit. I really see a peace of me in her.

I hope I don't get too attached to her to a point I want to be a savior it's going to hurt me too, I want to be a person she's thankful of meeting in her life, not a savior but a person who showed her the right direction for the guidance she needs

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Not a mental health service but had to choose a category

I never thought I would open another page of depression. Well this time I own this page alone. Well welcome to the depressed monk