Dr. Sarah Bren

Dr. Sarah Bren

Hello, Sarah here! Follow for parenting advice!

I am a clinical psychologist who is passionate about helping parents find the balance they need to help develop meaningful relationships with their children, built on a foundation of trust & respect.

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 24/04/2024

Cooking can help kids feel empowered. But, it can feel intimidating for parents to know where to get started inviting their kids into a kitchen filled with sharp knives, hot stoves, and a potential mess.⁠

But, cooking doesn’t have to be overwhelming! ⁠

Priya Krishna, food reporter and video host for and the bestselling author of multiple cookbooks including her new kid’s cookbook, Priya’s Kitchen Adventures is helping parents break it down.⁠

It starts by reframing what you think of as a kid-friendly recipe:⁠

“To me, a kid-friendly recipe is accessible. It doesn’t require a lot of special equipment or chopping. It’s safe, but it’s also empowering. It allows kids to make choices for themselves.”⁠

Want more tips from ?⁠

Like how to use food to teach your child about cultural diversity, strategies for navigating picky eating habits, and practical tips for making cooking playful, fun, and educational...⁠

Then check out this week’s episode wherever you stream your podcasts!

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 10/04/2024

How young is too young to bring a child to a funeral?

Rabbi Steve Leder suggests flipping the question to find your answer:

Rather than asking what age is too young, ask yourself when is the right time. He suggests the that kids are old enough to start attending funerals of loved ones by the time they are old enough to remember whether or not they were allowed to go, around 5-years-old.

I was honored to have join me on the this week to talk about death and the meaning and beauty it brings to life.

From guiding children through their first experiences with death to addressing their natural curiosity and anxiety surrounding mortality, this episode offers parents practical advice and heartfelt reflections. We explore the significance of preparing children for funerals, fostering open conversations about death, and navigating the complexities of theological beliefs and anxieties.

Through personal stories and insightful commentary, Rabbi Leder shares strategies for nurturing resilience and emotional intelligence in children and reminds us that while grief and anxiety may be daunting, they also present opportunities for growth, connection, and profound meaning.

This is an episode you won’t want to miss!

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 28/02/2024

Are your kids learning to value what you believe is most important in life? The answer might surprise you!

shared what she’s discovered from talking to both kids and their parents on the :

“I’ll be talking to a room full of young children and I’ll ask them, if your parent came into the parent-teacher conference tomorrow, would they rather hear that you’re the smartest kid in the class or the kindest kid in the class?

And almost every kid in the auditorium will say, oh, my parent wants me to be the smartest kid in the class.

And then I’ll ask the parents at night, what would you rather hear? Almost all the parents say, well, I’d rather hear my kid is the kindest kid in the class.”

She went on to say, “when you look at it, if you really value kindness, how often do you talk about that versus how often do you talk about achievement? We’re much more likely to say, how’d you do on your math test? Rather than ‘Who are you kind to at recess today?’ And so to just really make sure that we know what our values are, but then that we’re showing our kids our values with our priorities and the conversations we’re having and the things that we’re doing. Otherwise it gets confusing.

And for people that only value achievement, they struggle with so many things in life.”

Want to learn more about how you can parent with intentionality to fosters emotional resilience?

Tune in to episode 180, How mentally strong people handle life’s up’s and downs: Unpacking honesty, kindness, guilt, and intentionality with Amy Morin, wherever your stream podcasts.

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 18/12/2023

🎁🎁🎁 GIVEAWAY ALERT! 🎁🎁🎁

I am so excited to have carefully curated a special gift just for busy parents looking for a little boost helping you be mindful as you raise your child while prioritizing your own mental health!

Want to win this amazing gift with goodies from ? To enter this giveaway just follow these 3 steps:

🩷 Like this post

🤳 Follow me () and

💬 Comment one self-affirmation and tag 3 friends in the comments to tell them you’re grateful for them!

Plus, share this post to your story for an extra entry.

Hurry! The giveaway winner will be selected on Thursday, December 21st. ⏰

Winner must be a minimum of 18 years and provide their First and Last name, shipping address, and email through DM within 72 hours of announcement. Giveaway not affiliated with IG/Meta.

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 07/11/2023

🧠 🤝 Breaking down polyvagal theory so you can use this knowledge to make you a more effective parent! 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻

Joining me on this week's is Seth Porges. Seth co-wrote the amazing new book, Our Polyvagal World: How Safety and Trauma Change Us, along with his father, the creator of polyvagal theory, Dr. Stephen Porges.

By understanding a person's need to feel safe and communicating that sense of safety to their brain and body, we can help our children become open to learning new things, strengthen their resilience muscles, and foster their emotional intelligence.

One of the best tools for doing this is to ✨coregulate✨ (aka using our own calm nervous system to signal safety to our child) when they are dysregulated.

Want more practical strategies for staying calm in an increasingly overwhelming and stressful world?

🎧 🎙️ Listen to this episode to learn how to use your connection with your child and a basic understanding of their brain, body, and nervous system to help make parenting easier!

Tune in now wherever you stream podcasts!

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 01/11/2023

The most important factor for building your child's resilience actually has nothing to do with your child! 🤯

I sat down with the author of the NY Times best selling book Never Enough on this week's and she shared what we've learned from decades of resilience research:

"A child's resilience rests fundamentally on the resilience of the adults in their lives. And adult resilience rests on the depth and support of their relationships."

And bolstering our child's resilience is a key piece to their overall mental health and wellbeing, particularly while navigating a society that has focused more and more on achievement as a means to "success."

Tune into today's episode as we dive into the subtle and not-so-subtle ways in which the toxic achievement culture infiltrates our children's lives, and offer parents actionable strategies to lessen its negative impact.

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 08/08/2023

When we are close to our babies our brains and bodies form a connection—even while we're asleep.

We're able to smell, sense, and perceive the other person's existence, which can be very regulating for the nervous system and allow for more restful sleep.

Want to learn more about infant sleep, like:

💤 Does sleep training impact the healthy formation of our child's brain and attachment relationships?
 
💤 If my child naps on me, does that mean they won't be able to transition to sleeping on their own in a crib at night?
 
💤 Can our sleep environments impact postpartum anxiety?

And much more!

Check out my episode with wherever you stream your podcasts!

17/06/2023

Don’t let tantrums ruin your summer break fun! 🌈

Parenting during summer break can be a bit of a rollercoaster ride, and those unexpected tantrums can quickly turn a sunny day into a stormy meltdown. With kids being out of school and home more often- you might be facing an uptick in tantrums and find yourself searching for solutions. 

If your child has ever taken center stage during a tantrum at the park, the grocery store, the zoo, the mall, or whatever fun place you planned for the day– you know all too well that sinking feeling you get in your gut as the stares from other parents zero in on you and your wailing little one. 

The Science of Tantrums is the solution you need to prep for those inevitable struggles that might be popping up more often while your kid is out of routine from their normal school week schedule.

I’ve combined expert knowledge with practical strategies to arm you with the tools you need to navigate tantrums like a pro. Discover the root causes of tantrums, uncover effective communication techniques, and master the art of staying calm in the midst of chaos. 

Let our program be your compass during all your summer adventures so you can create a harmonious break for your family. PLUS as a special bonus THIS WEEKEND ONLY I’ll be offering our best-selling “Be the Calm in Your Child’s Storm” workshop for FREE when you purchase The Science of Tantrums!

It’s the ultimate companion to help you breeze through those challenging moments and maintain your sanity. Make this the best summer yet! 🏖️☀️ This is only available THIS WEEKEND- so act now!

Click the link in my bio to get sign up and save!

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 17/05/2023

While this past weekend you may have seen Mother's Day images on social media of flowers, breakfast in bed, and smiling families, it is also important to take a moment to offer a source of support for those who may be struggling.

May is and today is the perfect opportunity to highlight some of the symptoms of the most common perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs) that new parents may be diagnosed with in the first year after the birth of a child.

But most importantly, know that ALL forms of PMADs are treatable. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, you are not alone.

If you or someone you love needs help, go to  for free resources. If you are in NY State, you can also schedule a free assessment call with my group practice Upshur Bren Psychology Group to get connected with a therapist who specializes in maternal mental health and PMADs.

You do not need to suffer in silence. Click the link in my bio to speak to a licensed and trained mental health professional. And share this post far and wide to amplify this message that anyone struggling is not alone and they are not to blame.

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 13/04/2023

When going through a divorce, we don't want to hide our emotions from our children. But, we also don't want them to feel it is their job to take care of us or that they are responsible for our emotions.

Something my podcast guest, Michelle Dempsey-Multack, said struck me:

"The best thing you can do is keep your children in the center of your divorce, but not put them in the middle. Keep them in the center of your decision making processes, but don't put them in the middle of your anger and your emotional stuff."

We want our children to be free to feel their own feelings and not burdened with the added weight of feeling responsible to carry ours.

If you'd like to learn more about prioritizing your child's mental health during a separation or divorce, listen to the full episode, number 42, wherever you stream your podcasts.

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 10/03/2023

We want our children to think of themselves in terms of their resilient qualities:
"I am determined, I am hard-working, etc."

Rather than in terms of their achievements:
"I won, I’m the best, etc."

This type of thinking will help them to see outcomes in their life as fluid and changeable rather than fixed. They may win one day and lose the next. But, if they see themselves as a determined person, they are more likely to persevere and not give up.

When they do that, achievement tends to follow.

What is one resilient quality you see in your child that you can reflect back to them? Comment below to let me know!

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 21/02/2023

Mom brain is a real thing! And not just in the self disparaging and negative way it is often portrayed. The science behind the changes to our brains and bodies when we have a child is incredibly adaptive and neurologically sophisticated.

In order to ensure the greatest chance of our child’s survival (we’re talking caveman days here) women needed to be able to instinctively and immediately go into a state of fight or flight whenever we suspected threat to keep our children safe... and prevent them from being eaten by a saber tooth tiger.

But to be able to go into a protective physiological arousal state at a moment's notice, our threat detector had to become super sensitive. With that new focus in our brains, some of our executive functioning skills are put on the back burner.

Want to learn more about the changes our brain and body undergo during pregnancy, and strategies for prioritizing our own mental health in pregnancy and well into parenthood?

Check out this week's episode with !

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 07/02/2023

When it comes to establishing healthy relationships, before we can work to be a compassionate partner, parent, or friend, we must put some care and attention into our relationship with ourselves.

Joining me on the this week to discuss strategies for cultivating fulfilling relationships, a topic he explores in his new book, Making Great Relationships, is .

Wondering where to start?

Here are 4 things Dr. Hanson recommends focusing on to help refill our tanks, because as simple as it may sound, it's true that we can't pour from an empty cup.

1. Get on your own side.
2. Have compassion for yourself.
3. Take in the good along the way.
4. Take your body seriously.

Want to learn how to implement strategies in your daily life to improve your focus in these area? Plus tips for how to feel deeply connected to your child, set effective boundaries, and resolve conflicts?

Then tune in to episode 89, Fostering deep and meaningful relationships with Dr. Rick Hanson, wherever you stream your podcasts!

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 07/12/2022

Do you know the difference between the va**na and the v***a? Does that question make you a little squeamish? If it does, this could be a sign that we ourselves have some work to do on our internalized discomfort with certain body parts.

Perhaps because of the cultural stigma around female anatomy, many people don't use accurate words to describe female genitalia and may even mix up terms like v***a and va**na. The va**na is actually inside the body, whereas the v***a refers to the folds of skin around the va**na on the outside of the body.

Using anatomically correct language to help our children understand the different parts of their body is important for many reasons:

✨ It allows each part of the body to be treated equally and reduces the feeling of shame surrounding certain parts.

✨ It gives children the ability to accurately describe any pain or discomfort they feel to an adult.

✨ It shows potential perpetrators of s*xual abuse that this is likely a child who is being taught about their body and about body safety and would be able to accurately report it if anything happens to them.

But just like almost everything in parenting and in life, this isn't black and white. To hear more about how to incorporate in the gray area, plus about introducing topics like s*x positivity, boundaries, body autonomy, and consent...

Tune in to Episode 80 of with .

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 04/10/2022

Dr. Dan Siegel has spent his career pioneering the study of what the mind actually is and what a healthy mind looks like—not easy questions to answer!

According to his (extensive) research, a healthy mind is a mind that has learned to monitor the information coming in from the inner and outer world with depth, detail, clarity, and stability, and is then able to take all this information and modify it for optimal regulation.

If that sounds like a mouthful to you, let me break it down this way:

When we can notice how we feel, can inhibit impulse, and have the tools to process and manage those emotions—that's the hallmark of mental wellbeing.

is joining me on podcast this week to talk about his new books with co-author Deena Margolin () that will allow parents to build these skills in their children, just by reading to them!

Using four easy-to-remember tools―a pause button, a focus flashlight, an OK monitor, and a compass―in NowMaps, tweens will learn how to create a snapshot of their present-moment experience, so they can navigate all of life’s moments with confidence and kindness.

NowMaps Jr. is for kids ages 3–6, a beautifully illustrated choose-your-own-adventure book that whisks them off to distant lands―including a jungle, a desert, and a pirate ship―as they learn about their thoughts, feelings, and sensory experiences.

Tune in to episode 71, The neuroscience of mindfulness and how teaching these skills to our kids has worldwide impact, wherever you stream podcastst

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 06/09/2022

This probably isn't the first time you've heard the word burnout. But while it's become a buzzword these days, do you know what it actually means?
 
Burnout is physical or emotional exhaustion, usually as a result of prolonged stress or frustration.

So it's no wonder so many of us parents are feeling it right now.

The cure to burnout is not about quick fixes or a day at the spa, but about true self-care and the need for personal, societal and systemic changes.

Joining me on this week to talk about burnout and offer strategies for finding balance in parenthood is the founder of , Shelley Kemmerer.

Tune in to episode 67, Parents are burnt out: A breakdown of what went wrong and how we can prioritize our own mental health, wherever you stream podcasts.

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 30/08/2022

When parenting with a partner, it can be easy to get so lost in the daily grind and constant schedule-juggling that you forget to make time to regroup.⁠

But, it's important to schedule regular check-ins in order for you to connect as a couple and ensure that each person is feeling valued and seen.⁠

On this week's I am joined by therapist and father or 2 .⁠

If you're a dad and you are still searching for your parenting community, or if you're a mom who wants to p*ek into the mind of what your partner might be thinking, this is an episode you won't want to miss!⁠

Tune in to episode 66, Busting parenting gender stereotypes: A dad's perspective on respectful parenting, wherever you stream podcasts!

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 23/08/2022

When asking parents why they think it's important for their child to go to preschool, you'll probably hear some answers like:

"To develop social skills."

"So they can learn all they need to know for kindergarten."

"Helping them find independence."

But there is a first step that must occur before ✨ANY✨ of that can happen that often gets overlooked.

In order for your child to be open to learning, they first must feel comfortable in their surroundings. And for small children, a huge part of that is being okay with their parent dropping them off.

It can be helpful for parents to foster their child's connection to their teacher, especially for those who struggle with separation anxiety.

If you want to learn exactly how to do that and tips for helping your child successfully transition into a school environment, you won't want to miss this week's episode!

Meredith Gary joins me to discuss strategies for dealing with separation anxiety, for smoothly getting your child out the door in the morning, and suggestions to help you feel prepared for the start of preschool!

Tune in to episode 65, Helping preschool parents prepare for drop-off, separation anxiety, and the development of social skills, wherever you stream podcasts.

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 09/08/2022

Whether potty training isn’t going as planned, or you’re just nervous about gearing up to transition your child out of diapers, it helps to understand all the skills that are required of our child to successfully move out of diapers.

When we understand what is being asked of our child in order to learn to p*e or p**p on the toilet, it helps us to identify any problem areas and build those skills in anticipation of beginning the potty training process.

On this week's episode, I am interviewing the owner of , pediatric pelvic occupational therapist Quiara Smith.

Quiara shares incredible insights about when it’s time (or more importantly when it’s too early) to start potty training, the importance of coregulation, and she breaks down the basics of our child’s anatomy and physiology so we can effectively support them through everything from bedwetting to constipation or whatever toileting or pelvic health challenges may lay ahead.

Tune in to episode 63, Potty training, bed wetting and constipation: A conversation about pediatric pelvic health, wherever you stream podcasts!

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 02/08/2022

The is an organization fighting for federal paid family leave, access to affordable and quality childcare, and maternal mental health support.

As a psychologist and a mother of 2, these are all causes near and dear to my heart.

It was an honor to have one of the founding mothers, Raena Boston, join me on the this week.

If you’ve been feeling helpless or hopeless in light of recent events, I hope this episode makes you feel supported, empowered and renewed in its collective call to action and message of togetherness.

30/07/2022

We are highly motivated to stay close to our caregivers. When something we do, say, or feel results in disconnection, rejection, or shame from our caregivers, we are likely to cut that part of ourselves off in order to maintain closeness with our caregivers. ⁠

As parents, when our children do things that remind us (consciously or unconsciously) of those feelings or behaviors we disallowed in ourselves, we are likely to feel at best overwhelmed and at worst very dysregulated in the face of that. ⁠

The first thing that we must do to combat continuing the cycle, and passing on to our child the same need to fragment the self in order to remain close to us, is to notice it with deep compassion. We must connect to our inner child in that moment and say “this used to be unsafe, but it is safe now. You are safe now.” ⁠

✨This will profoundly shift our response to our child, because we are able to move out of fight/flight and into safety and connection ✨⁠

This week, pay close attention to your internal emotional response when your child does a behavior that tends to result in you yelling at them or punishing them. See if you can identify within yourself a memory of how this behavior was responded to when you were a child. Now, instead of reacting to your child (as long as they are safe), respond to your self—your inner child—and offer reassurance or soothing before you address your child's behavior. ⁠

Notice if you soften at all, or are able to connect with your child with a bit more empathy and compassion and confidence. Let me know how this goes in the comments below!

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 20/03/2022

Parents can sometimes get tripped up understanding the overall objective of using coregulation to calm our children.

Coregulation is the process using our nervous system to communicate safety to our child's brain and body, which in turn helps them to move into a calmer, more regulated state.⁠

It's not about trying to shut down our child's feelings. They're allowed to be upset and communicate that. We just want to help them learn do this in a more regulated way.

Think of emotions like a lightbulb. We want our children have a dimmer switch, not a light switch. That dimmer switch allows them to turn down the intensity of their big feelings without simply shutting them off.

One of the major predictors of mental health is our ability to tolerate our full range of emotions, even the negative or uncomfortable ones. So it's important that our children learn coping skills that help them to actually feel and tolerate these emotions and not just disconnect from them.

If you think the goal is to get your child to stop feeling upset, you may feel like your coregulating "wrong," which can lead to feelings of frustration, confusion, and even shame - all emotions that move you further out of a regulated state and make coregulation way more challenging. Redefining your goal can help you remain calm, so you can more effectively help your child.

Do you use coregulation with your child? Comment below and let me know!

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 14/03/2022

Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) can present anytime within the first year after welcoming a new child. ⁠

While many people are aware of postpartum depression, there are also several other ways PMADs can present in new parents, like anxiety, bipolar disorder, OCD or even psychosis.⁠

If you've recently had a big hormonal shift - you've just given birth, stopped breastfeeding, or your period has returned, you're at a higher risk of developing a PMAD.⁠

It's important to know there is support for anyone going through this and PMADs are treatable. If something doesn't feel right to you, seek professional help.⁠

Not sure where to turn? has several resources along with a database of providers in your area.⁠

And if you're a new or expecting parent looking to feel grounded, centered and supported in your postpartum experience, click the link in my bio and click the ✨"free parenting guides"✨ button to download My Mental Health Postpartum Checklist that will help help you prepare for the mental health changes that accompany new parenthood.

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 11/03/2022

Coregulation is the process of using our own calm nervous system to communicate safety to our child's brain and body, which in turn helps them to move into a calmer, more regulated state.⁠

But here's the kicker, we can't coregulate unless we actually have a calm nervous system. ⁠

So a vital piece of the process that can often be overlooked is that we must first start by regulating ourselves. Otherwise, rather than helping matters, we inadvertently end up adding gasoline to the fire that is our child's dysregulation. ⁠

Making mindset shifts can help you override the threat detector in your brain so you can get back to a state of calm. ⁠

✨ Know that dysregulation is contagious and it makes sense that your child's upset is making you upset. Also know that you have the power shift this response intentionally.⁠

✨ Remind yourself that tantrums are developmentally appropriate (and even healthy.)⁠

✨ Understand you and your child did nothing wrong and free yourself of shame and blame, two emotions that can lead to more dysregulation.⁠

✨ Know that it's your job to set limits and it's your child's job to tell you how they feel - even if they're upset, that doesn't change this or mean you're doing something wrong.⁠

And when things are just too overwhelming, as long as your child is safe, step away and then come back when you've managed to calm yourself.⁠

Once you have a calm nervous system you are able to coregulate with your child and help them move through their dysregulation.⁠

Do you have any mantras you tell yourself when your child is having a meltdown to help you get through it? I want to hear them! ⬇️ ⬇️

Photos from Dr. Sarah Bren's post 28/02/2022

Expressing fear of the dark at bedtime is a fairly common and developmentally normal thing that many children will express. While this phase can last for a while, it is ultimately something most children overcome.

Showing them compassion and support can help them to navigate this fear.

💤 Start by putting on your detective hat and determining whether the fear they’re expressing is actually them feeling afraid, or rather a delay tactic, no different than asking to go to the bathroom or to get a drink of water. At this age, children have limited skills to communicate what they’re feeling, and separation anxiety can manifest in many forms, including them expressing fear to try to prolong connection with you.⁠

💤 If you feel they’re genuinely afraid, validate their fear and try not to minimize it. It's late, you're tired (we've all been there!) and it can be tempting to say something like, "there is nothing scary about the dark." But instead, try, “it can feel really scary when mommy shuts off the lights at night.” ⁠

💤 It's important to find that delicate balance between helping them work through their fears without over-accommodating for them⁠. So you may allow them to have a nightlight or leave their bedroom door open a crack, but draw the line at leaving the room's overhead lights on.

💤 Work on building their resilience throughout the day⁠. Parents may thinking bringing up their child's fear during the day will only upset them, but it's a good opportunity to help them work through this feeling when they're feeling more safe and connected to you.

When your child is experiencing fear, especially at bedtime, it can be easy to either want to deny it or fix it - after all, it’s the end of the day, you’re tired and sleep struggles can push us all over the edge. But, it’s important to use the tools in your toolkit to work through this issue with your child.⁠

Fear at night is just one of many sleep struggles kids and parents face. If you’re experiencing battles at bedtime, check out my toddler sleep workbook for tips and tricks to making the nighttime routine flow more smoothly! ✨Click the link in my bio to download that free resource.✨

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