A Healthy Heidi
This is a blog of my experiences as a heart failure patient.
To those who seek perfection:
Advice can be noise. What do I mean by that? It seems like everyone is thinking they have cornered the market on how to feel or what to do in every situation. Even if they’ve never experienced it before. So folks post about how to be happy, how to avoid situations, how to be the “best you”. If we’re not guarding against it, we compare ourselves to standards we think everyone else who is “healthy” are reaching.
But the truth is, only God knows a person’s heart. He knows motivations and intentions that we keep inside ourselves. I think it’s time to stop listening to the noise of advice, to stop comparing ourselves to the impossible.
If we set the bar of achievement too high, we burn ourselves out. I am not saying “do not even try”, because that is an equally extreme line of unhealthy thought. I am asking you to slow down for a minute. To empty your mind of the thousands of voices clanging around in there, to get rid of the emotions that accompany them. And I want you to think of what is achievable right now, today.
And do that. Do it with your whole heart, until it’s singing again. And do the same thing tomorrow. And the next day. Make this a daily pattern and you will find your joy in every day life again.
“Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. She offers you long life in her right hand, and riches and honor in her left. She will guide you down delightful paths; all her ways are satisfying. Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her; happy are those who hold her tightly.”
Proverbs 3:13-18 NLT
Proverbs 3:13-18 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you | New Living Translation... Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you
What a week!
It was my very first time teaching a class as its teacher. I currently have 14 kindergarteners who are learning the ropes of how we do school. Amidst my loudly wailing kiddo (he cried all day, all week), my leader who needs to learn how to lead in a good way, and generally getting to know the children, I found myself smiling at them.
These children are just like me! They have needs that are healthy! They need to be heard, encouraged, hugged, elbow bumped and high-fived! And twirled! And they need to learn routines, just like me!
So in-between the learning, we’ve been doing some brain breaks to get their minds to reset and be ready to learn. These are breathing exercises disguised as fun ways to be silly for a moment. Since our class’ theme is polar bears, one brain break we do is this: we put our hands high above our heads, make claws, breathe in, and exhale on a low growl.
Since I’m showing this to the class, I get the benefit of giving my brain a break too. And it’s needed! I think as adults, we can become so busy doing the things we think we should do, that we don’t give ourselves time to just breathe for a moment. Our emotions begin to run high, and we become cranky, wailing, bitter people. We’re waiting for the next vacation so that we can relax. We’re waiting for the weekend so we can be happy. But actually, if we just take a minute to stop, breathe, clear our minds, remember who we are and our immediate goals, we can have healthy emotions which produce that kindness for others which is needed.
One more thing: I remind myself as I do this of Whose I am. That He is greater than everything, that He is for me. I wrap myself in His strength and become strong, loving, and I look for wonder again.
So, everyone do this with me: put your polar bear paws up in the air. Show me your claws! Oh, those look sharp! Breathe in! Make yourself nice and tall! Low growl out and push your breath out. Now remember Whose you are….
“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28 NLT
Matthew 11:28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. | New Living Translation (NLT) | Download The Bible App Now Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
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(📸: .pw)
Frailty. I hate it. I have experienced it too much in my life. Physical frailty when I've had surgery after surgery, ending in my heart failure. Emotional frailty from just life, because life is full of hurts. Spiritual frailty when that one last thing seems like it has broken the camel's back. But I guess I've reached a stage in my life when I'm looking back and understanding. Frailty creates strength.
Regarding my physical strength, I don't know that I'll ever have the strength of those women who hit 40+ and they're running around to everything, involved to the hilt in what their kids are doing, making it all look (though it's not) so easy. But worrying over that did not create any strength in me. It was when I accepted my frailty and decided I was going to make a difference to my kids in other ways that made me strong. And so I accept my challenges and keep trying to do small, short term goals. I've finally gotten to where I eat good, healthy meals regularly and exercise. I'm slowly growing stronger, so that last Saturday, I was able to do all the physical rigors it takes to audition for The Voice! And it was a lot! about 5 hours of standing - no kidding! Then sitting in chairs for a few more hours, then finally auditioning! I can tell you all that being around thousands of your competitors all at once is an eye-opening experience, and if you're not patient, you can do a number on your voice and your ego before you even get in there! For me, it was fun! And I was actively thankful for every moment that I was able to stand! Afterwards, it took me a few days to be able to function normally (for me) again, because I had to rest for my heart. It was tired and needed to recover. I got back into exercising again yesterday.
Add to the physical issues that I have, the anxiety I put myself through and it can be a dangerous combination. I fight with myself every day to pick the good thoughts, to "Do the next right thing" (Thanks Anna from Frozen 2). The head game directly reflects how I'm doing, physically, so you'd think I'd have it together by now. But like many people, I'm constantly working on this. The days when I face my character problems and dwell there, only seeing my failures, those are days when I make a choice to do nothing. Fix nothing. Think I'm nothing. I compare this to a seed that has hardened and closed itself in, burying itself in the dirt. But I don't have to stay there. Like a seed, I can soften my shell, rise up, stretch my arms to the sunshine and then reach out to all around me, casting love to others by showing the beauty, the strength that was inside me all along.
And that beauty comes from my spirit, and Who I'm connected to. The One who sees my frailties and covers me with His wings, like I'm one of his little chicks that He's loving and protecting. The One who proudly lifts my head, looks in my eyes and speaks the truth, "I love you". Despite my frailties, my devaluing of myself, the ways that I miss it and fail to always love all around me, He makes me loveable. He shapes me when I work on our relationship, when I reach back to Someone who is always and forever reaching for me. When I finally admit that spiritually, I'm not enough, and that I need Him to give me the strength. This frailty I welcome. Because in a world where everyone tells me that I'm not enough, He makes me enough.
My sweet friend, Elena Hansen, shared this on her page, and it was great to see! Despite any illness you may go through, keep trying! Or as Anna sings, do the next right thing!