Sloth Machine

When your passenger is being a bad, bad girl

Thank you for having us!

Beautiful evening at setting up our sons with eligible ladies, sexy accountants, and sad people who just need some Brie

Always a pleasure to play at the night at - a dreamy venue to showcase some of our HIGHLY CONTROVERSIAL OPINIONS!

Tonight we met an Uber driver who will put up with an awful lot for 5 stars

Action packed Christmas dinners with

Come see us performing with at this Thursday night!

On-air breakups and unfair firings - harrowing scenes in Putney as we shared the stage with the wonderful and

A new species of "Gossipa Maxima" was discovered today!

Anna Bucks “Gossipa Maxima” can be identified by her noisy call (for reference see: monkey being strangled) and inappropriate jokes. Her natural habitat is the mean streets of South London, where she can often be found hiding behind a camera. Her diet consists of Yorkshire tea, brewed for at least four minutes with milk and no sugar thank you very much. She catches her prey by correcting their grammar and then eating them alive for breakfast.

Anna Bucks "Gossipa Maxima" can be identified by her noisy call (for reference see: monkey being strangled) and inappropriate jokes. Her natural habitat is the mean streets of South London, where she can often be found hiding behind a camera. Her diet consists of Yorkshire tea, brewed for at least four minutes with milk and no sugar thank you very much. She catches her prey by correcting their grammar and then eating them alive for breakfast.

Siobhánis unpronounceablus, colloquially known as the Sharp Nosed Shiv - is a common creature originally found in the hedgerows of Northern Ireland. But like her friends pigeons and squirrels, she will tenaciously find food anywhere, although her species does not adhere to the 5 second rule. Can often be found wandering through North London, uttering her distinctive call “god I should have just moved here in the first place since I spend so much money coming up all the time”

Pablo Saura (Saurus Ibericus), is a rare breed from the genus Twinkus, indigenous to the Iberian Peninsula and Northern Africa. When found in the British Isles, this species will regularly migrate South to avoid the worst aspects of the local climate. Many Pablos can imitate speech or human sounds, the average Pablo being able to reproduce 10-25min of speech with an 80% accuracy. Pablos are omnivorous scavengers and opportunistic feeders, and will eat almost anything presented to them. A gregarious creature, they live in aesthetically built nests surrounded by their flock. However, their mating rituals are so intricate that the World Wildlife Organisation considers the species currently endangered.

Ikenna the digital nomad (Digitus Nomadis). When not working from home, he can be seen with his laptop at hotels, cafes, libraries and even the beach! Diet is fairly healthy and typically includes Ben & Jerry’s ice cream with the choice of flavour depending on his work location.

Andrew Douglas Adams (Slothicus Northamericus) can usually be found walking along the river Thames. His diet includes cheese, bread, coffee, sparkling water with lime, and anything that perks him up without draining his wallet. For preventive antioxidant measures he also makes a daily salad and the fatigue of this labor anesthetizes him, allowing him to hibernate until dawn, after watching a bunch of TV shows and reading his Kindle in the dark until his eyes refuse to stay open. He’s an actor, sort of, and a writer, and he has also adopted the ritual of playing a stringed electric instrument which emanates such radical sounds that the human ear has yet to understand what they mean.

Kids these days, blowing all their money on hookers and coke

Wonderful evening at at The Greenhouse

We are performing alongside some amazing teams at The Greenhouse night! Come see some sloths in their happy leafy green place 🦥🥬
Tickets in bio 🎟️