Kell's Well - Self-Care Coaching

*Recommended reading AFTER viewing the film*

There was so much I wasn’t able to include in these posts, but if there’s one nugget I want to leave you with it’s this: the Renaissance film exists largely due to Beyonce’s love for the process. Bey and her team embarked on creating the film 4 years ago and she was able to maintain her motivation due to focusing on and enjoying the process of creating AND becoming the woman she is today. Although her output says otherwise, Beyonce is a human just like us. She is not a machine and, like us, she achieves excellence one day, one step at a time while enjoying the beauty of the journey.

*Recommended reading AFTER viewing the film*

Like others, I left the film feeling inspired and bursting with energy. The analytical part of me really appreciates Beyoncé’s foresight, attention to detail and ability to zoom in and out to weave together an artistic masterpiece. Beyond her entrepreneurial and creative output, I also greatly admire the way she models self-care as a modern woman navigating the epitome of a ‘booked and busy’ lifestyle. Of course wealth helps, but even she recognizes “time is my biggest obstacle” and proceeds to show us how she sustains herself amidst chaos.

Do you ever come across content that sounds good in theory but in practice you’re not sure how to overcome the hurdles of doubt, fear, anxiety or overwhelm? If you’re nodding your head, I pray this frees you a bit. Toxic fitness/wellness culture centers fear, shame, punishment and scarcity which only reenforces & exacerbates unhelpful beliefs and habits that keep us stuck. I believe that by taking an approach rooted in compassion, love, and abundance, we set ourselves up for success.

Let me know if this resonates 🫶🏾

7 ways to FALL into a sustainable self-care routine and perhaps FALL in love with self-care even more.

Since cozy season has arrived (yes even in LA), it’s the perfect opportunity to adjust (or start) your self-care routine to align with what you need in this season. The “formula” is pretty much the same so let this serve as a reminder, particularly with all of the astrological events (equinox, full moon, eclipse, etc) supporting our process of reflection and release. 🍂🍁🌱

Since May is I compiled some lessons learned at the intersection of my lived experience + practice + research. This is likely Part 1 because I got more to say specific to Black women and girls.

One thing about talking about mental health, especially within the Black community, is that although we share universal experiences as humans, it is still nuanced. Standardized approaches don’t really work for us because the benchmark for “normal” is usually white, male, heteronormative, able-bodied, etc…which obvi doesn’t account for the myriad of intersections that exist among Black folk. So essentially we have to trust ourselves, advocate for ourselves and our loved ones and get the help we deserve as we always have. Don’t let stigma or judgment serve as an additional barrier. One of the good things about social media is that so many online communities have been formed and people finally feel seen. You are not alone and if you feel alone in your experience, you just haven’t found your people yet. 🫶🏾

To: anyone connected to a Black woman

On behalf of: the muvas - in whatever form you’ve existed as such - biological, step/bonus, adoptive, God-mommies, aunties, big sisters, cousins, mothers of the church, or mothers of the community

From: your fellow BW who has been inspired by and shaped by countless Black women (mothers and mother-figures)

On Mother’s Day and beyond,
y’all really deserve the world 🫶🏾🤎

Clearly plants and flowers are on the brain so I’m going to keep going with this 🌸

In order to ‘sustain your bloom’ focus on the basics: drink your water, bask in the light and breathe. Regularly checking in on these 3 things will help you preserve and replenish your energy.

Side note: you get extra credit if you caught my song references in the slides lol 😉

Yall know I love two things: affirmations and acronyms lol.

Sometimes when you’re in the midst of blooming, you are the last to notice. Just in case you needed a reminder, I gotchu! 😉and btw, if blooming is uncomfortable for you, just remember growing pains are normal. You got this! 💪🏾

I saw “Big Bloom Energy” somewhere and I am obsessed. Channeling big bloom energy all season long. When we are well taken care of, we BLOOM, baby! 🌷

Already feeling burnt out 4 months into the year?? Tap in, sis!

The flowers are blooming, the sun is shining and self-care is callinggg ✨ I’m back from my Q1 hiatus & ready to dive back into all things self-care 🤗. If I can be honest for a sec, between grief from my dad’s transition & starting a new job, my energy was suuuper limited. Self-care for me looked like dialing it back & doing less. Less creating, showing and telling, more being, receiving and feeling. Doing the things on this list has helped me get back to myself, so I hope they help you too!

Happy Day 3 of resting!

Today is all about creating space for rest by establishing boundaries. This is probably one of the most difficult aspects of rest. One of the main reasons we neglect rest is because we have so many responsiblities, so taking a step back to allocate more energy towards yourself and away from other things can be challenging.

It is understandable that communicating boundaries is difficult because most likely,
✨ No one taught you how to practice healthy boundaries
✨ You may have been conditioned to practice unhealthy boundaries
✨ Your parents or caregivers may have lacked healthy boundaries
✨ Life circumstances and/or your identity may have forced you to neglect boundaries (i.e. being the eldest sibling, being a woman, respectability)
✨ Cultural norms do not support healthy boundaries

So yea, I get it, but breaking generational curses related to health (mental and physical) and wellness, is going to require healthy boundaries.

As I always say, this is also going to require grace (and potentially a relationship with a mental health professional) to work through fear of abandonment or rejection, discomfort with priorizing your needs above others, fear of being perceived as "angry" or "sensitive" and guilt associated with disappointing others.

To start, make sure you're at least maintaining boundaries with your self by keeping your commitments to your self and doing what best serves you. You're already practicing physical and time boundaries with yourself by committing to rest this week so you're well on your way!

Happy Day 2 of resting!!

Did you know that all rest is not created equal? Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith (a Black woman, Internal Medicine physician, and rest researcher) discovered that we need 7 different types of rest (detailed in the post).

While sleep is essential, you may still feel tired after getting adequate sleep because the deficit may be in another area (mental, emotional, social, spiritual, sensory, or creative).

As you intentionally practice rest this week, consider what areas may need a little extra TLC. I usually average 8 hours of sleep each night and engage in a rather robust wellness lifestyle, but each year around this time I NEED to escape the city. My point is that doing a lot of good things for yourself is beneficial, but nothing beats giving yourself exactly what you need. When you itch the scratch, you will know.

FYI - I LOVED the feedback yesterday, yall are not playing games and I absolutely love it!

Hi loves! Happy Saturday ✨ I hope you are enjoying your holiday, in whatever way you chose to spend it this year.

I’ve been seeing a lot of encouragement for rest this year, (YAY!! Progress!) and I want to take it a step further by “coaching” you through it.

Even though we know we need rest, actually doing it can be challenging. We tell ourselves we’ll do it but then life happens, the laundry starts piling, someone invites you out, the kids start getting restless, you start to feel bored or restless yourself and your mind starts thinking about all the things you could be doing to “get ahead” for the week. Or you may never fully rest because the stuff that comes up when you’re still is too much to bear. Distracting yourself makes sure you don’t fall apart (someone’s got to be the strong one, right?!). No mam, not this year.

All of those feelings are normal, and yet it’s still important to carve out time to rest. I like to call it a rest practice because it doesn’t have to be perfect and over time, as you do it consistently, intentional rest becomes a part of your lifestyle.

So here’s the deal: over 7 days, starting on 1/26, I will post about different aspects of rest with some practical ways to practice it. You can choose to rest in whatever way you want (if that means taking a social media break then I’ll see you whenever you return). For those who will be on IG, I would love to hear from you. Tell me what you plan to do, what you did, or what you’re struggling with so we can offer a little encouragement. Let me know if you’re down!

On your mark, get set….HAPPY RESTING! 💛🌱

Did y’all feel the heaviness of grief on the timeline yesterday?

With the slew of bad news & the holidays approaching, I hope y’all will be able to unplug but I also wanted to offer another way to care for yourself. We often refer to having a number of coping skills as our “toolkit”, but why not create a physical manifestation of that?

If you’re thinking this is just for kids, quiet that voice and consider this: We all have an inner child that still needs nurturing so think of this as a gift to mini-you. And the adult version of you gets to be taken care of too.

If you have a care bag (or version of this), I want to hear what’s inside? What do you find useful? And if you don’t have one, what would you include? I’ll go first in the comments 🤗

I'm not sure who started the "check on your strong friend" blanket response to su***de, but its missing actionable (and necessary) tips beyond that first step. The spirit of "check on your strong friend" is well intentioned, but navigating this discussion is more nuanced than that.

Truth is, su***de is still a mystery. Mental health professionals, doctors, researchers, spiritual leaders, etc do not fully understand su***de. We have an idea of what can contribute to suicidal ideation, but we cant predict it or fully explain where it comes from. Each person is different and the signs vary so there is no perfect way to determine if someone will follow through with it or why someone did it in the past. For this reason, we have to remember that there isnt always something you could have done to prevent it and its not helpful to live in fear or assume that everyone who is depressed or sad will do it. These tips are so that you can be aware and intentional, if/when its relevant to you or your loved ones.

SPOILER: Both are necessary. I often see people making the case that we need community care more than self-care and to that I say: what we really need is to divorce ourselves from binary thinking and expand our understanding of both concepts. These are a few ways self-care & community care are interconnected:

✨Community care is a part of self-care
✨Helping others is self-care as long as it’s your choice and it’s restorative.
✨Self-care allows you to give to others from your overflow
✨Self-care helps you show up in your community as your most aligned self
✨Self-care helps you recognize when to go within & when to connect with others
✨Self-care helps you choose how you want to be treated
✨Self-care allows others to understand how you want to be treated
✨Community care can save you & offer support even when you can’t help yourself
✨Community care helps us connect to ourselves and each other

Caring for yourself not only teaches others in your community how to care for you, it also helps you recognize when others aren’t being caring (which helps you establish boundaries, remove yourself from toxic situations & surround yourself with supportive people). And being self-aware and caring towards yourself helps you tend to your stress, so you aren’t projecting or going off on people you love - which helps you maintain meaningful relationships.

So I’m curious…what’s your favorite way to receive community care?

“A body in motion stays in motion and a body at rest tends to stay at rest [unless acted upon by an outside force]”

Struggling to get back into your routine doesn’t mean you shouldn’t rest, it just means your body needs time to adjust to the change in pace.

Getting back into my routine yesterday was much harder than I anticipated. I intentionally built in an extra rest day after traveling and STILL struggled. It’s important to remember even when you do everything “right”, life is still hard and things don’t always go as planned. The best thing you can do is accept things as they are and adjust as best you can. In my case, that meant getting Chick-fil-A delivered to class when I didn’t have time to cook as planned 🤷🏾‍♀️ Grace for yourself and others allows you to handle challenges a little bit easier.

Sending you all love as you get back to it! 😌

One of my favorite things about centering self-care for Black women is honoring our culture and traditions. We don't have to change who we are to be well. Actually, leaning into who you are helps you better care for yourself ✨

We often talk about intergenerational trauma, but our ancestors and elders instilled intergenerational strength and wisdom as well. Spirituality, for example, was a key factor in building their resiliency.

In the mental health field, providers have a tendency to intellectualize coping skills, but sometimes you have to get back to the basics and do what your grandmother, mother, and aunties learned from their foremothers. While they didnt call it mindfulness or self-care, spirituality is a powerful way to enhance holistic wellness. Ironically, data shows that spirituality can relieve stress because it helps you connect with self, others, and nature. It helps you connect with purpose and gives meaning to life. And it helps you release what is not in your control. 🙌🏾

Whether you embrace traditional practices like I grew up with (as I've included in the post), practice ancestral rituals, or create your own spiritually-centered routines, remember to trust your inner knowing and engage in things that replenish your spirit.

I don’t know about y’all, but as I get older, I now understand why my mom kept the radio station tuned into gospel. It’s full of affirmations and it can articulate your struggle when you feel alone, lift you up when you’re down, and stir your spirit when it feels dormant and out of reach.

What’s something your foremothers practiced that you want to incorporate into your self-care practice?

Story time: I hosted my first ever Thanksgiving in 2020 and it was the first time I prepared any food on Thanksgiving in my life. I wanted to make it special so of course I decided to go allll out. 💅🏾 I cooked oxtail for the first time, mac & cheese from scratch, and a whole spread of sides. I created cute little menus, spiced up my place with festive decor, and basically had my little LA apartment feeling like a warm hug. Mind you, I was only cooking for two people (myself and my boyfriend), but it was also our first year dating so I had to show off a lil bit 😉. I’ve got to give him credit because he offered to help but I said no and insisted that I do everything on my own. I’m not going to say I regret it because it turned out perfectly, but let’s just say I was EXHAUSTED and wished I had taken a different approach. I immediately had 100x more respect for all of the Black mamas, grandmas, aunts and cousins in my life who predominantly prepared Thanksgiving meals for our entire family and extended family every single year…while also working and handling other life duties leading up to it.

The funny thing about it is that I didn’t even have to do that to myself and you don’t either.

It’s beautiful that we have traditions in our families. The way things have always been done has benefited a lot of people (myself included), but it’s time to take care of ourselves and the women in our lives.

While this post is a reminder for Black women who are hosting (because I know we struggle with these things), if you are going to be a guest this year, do your part to make sure they are well-fed, well taken care of, and well rested. Make sure you express your appreciation through words and action. And please please please don’t stress them out with unnecessary drama 🙅🏾‍♀️

Cheers to a happy and healthy holiday, yall! 🥂🦃

I speak to so many women who don’t believe they’re practicing self-care because it doesn’t look a certain way (ie luxury vacations and spa days). I created this spectrum to show that those types of activities are only a fraction of self-care and while they are lovely and you absolutely deserve all of that and more, taking a holistic approach to self-care can support your well-being even when spa days & vacays are not on the horizon.

Self-care comes in many different forms and may look different for you depending on the day. I believe it’s helpful to think of self-care as fluid so that you can give yourself grace as your life ebbs & flows. I also believe you should acknowledge and celebrate the small acts of care because that’s what will motivate you to keep going. Nobody wants to do something they think they suck at or that makes them feel like they’re failing. So remind yourself that you’re already killing the self-care game and get curious about other ways you can continue building that muscle.

Btw, as you look at the chart above, remember that no category is better than another. Minimal and essential self-care matter just as much as the others. On some days, the best version of self-care you can give yourself is the least amount of effort. 🫶🏾

"Black women have the highest levels of allostatic load compared with other groups in the workplace"

Whew! I dont know about yall, but I'm ready to read some data about Black women being the healthiest, most prosperous group.

Looking around at the state of the world, we’ve got a ways to go. In the absence of a month-long pause and a structural overhaul like we all need, the best way to combat chronic stress is consistent self-care!

In this midst of this busy season, you may be tempted to wait until your schedule clears up, the holidays pass, or that new year motivation kicks in, but that stress isnt going anywhere *until* you take care of it.

What is one thing you can do for yourself that will help you get through this season with a little more ease?

Now it's easier to contact Kell's Well - Self-Care Coaching.

Do you find self-care challenging??? If so, you're not alone.

If you're on social media, you've probably seen the increase in self-care related trends, ranging from to . It's important to note that these "trends" are a direct response to very real issues related to burn out, chronic stress, systemic oppression and trauma. While the aesthetically pleasing posts and vlogs may lead one to believe that everyone is "living their best life", behind the scenes, many people are still struggling to incorporate self-care into their daily lives. Although we may understand the importance of self-care, no one actually teaches us how to do it. In fact, we are conditioned to do quite the opposite.

For this reason, I created Kell's Well to support women who want to live life on their terms and sustainably practice self-care, without neglecting their very real responsibilities such as family and work.

If this resonates with you and you have about 5min to spare, I would love if you could complete my market research survey. In addition to being a HUGE help, you'll also be receiving a free digital self-care calendar (Yay!). Thanks in advance for your support!

Survey link: https://ppg069hgo3r.typeform.com/to/p2wu2blb

Kell's Well Market Research Survey Please participate in this brief market research survey about self-care. Your responses will inform future products and services. I want to offer resources that are impactful and you can help make that possible!

Struggling to practice self-care at work? Check out these practical tips to get you right.