Help4Caregivers

What are your self-care plans for the weekend? What moments are you going to take for you?

Why do I constantly talk about self care? Because we make a million and one reasons to put it off and neglect taking care of ourselves. Caregivers are some of the worst offenders and often the ones that needed it the most.

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/jane-hamilton-help4caregivers_selfcare-employeesupport-caregiving-activity-7089255168923320322-nRSO?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop

Have you ever wondered why some days, even though the load is the same, just feel harder? This is why. When you neglect self care you leave yourself nothing to care for others with.

Whenever things get hard I look back at where I have come from. I look at the challenges I have already faced, and I remember my reasons for doing what I do. It is in these things that I find my strength to keep going. Where do you find yours?

I recently had the opportunity to do a radio interview and I thought I would share it with you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIqwLaJU-Zw

My book can be found here: https://a.co/d/ilw8jpF

Jane Meier Hamilton with Benji Cole From CBS Radio Jane Meier Hamilton, author of “The Caregiver’s Guide To Self-Care: Help For Your Caregiving Journey 2nd Edition,” was interviewed by Benji Cole from CBS Rad...

We all struggle sometimes, be it physically, emotionally, mentally or financially. Often times it is some combination of the three. It is important to have a tool box to fall back on during these times. Conserving energy, simpler approaches to things, stepping back for perspective. This article is my story, my tight spot and how I got through it.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/struggles-through-tight-spots-jane-meier-hamilton/?trackingId=S1dHkG96UIgL4ZHFcWM3qQ%3D%3D

It's okay for people to fall apart sometimes. It happens. Things can get to be too much. The important thing is to they keep going despite the hardship, looking for solutions and reaching out for help.

The way we look at mental health today is such a far cry from when I started as a psychiatric nurse. It gives me hope that it is no longer a subject we avoid, hiding our pain and shoving it to the back of our closets in shame. The difference in our approach today from even just 10 years ago is huge. So if you or a loved one see yourself in this article please reach out for help. It is okay if things are too much. It is not okay to suffer alone.

The caregiver’s guide to anxiety and depression: How to help a loved one (and yourself) with mental health Providing care for a loved one with depression and/or anxiety is a difficult job. These strategies can help.

In almost every caregiving journey there is a moment, sometimes more than one, where it all seems like too much. Caregivers can feel selfish for hoping their loved one's pain ends, they are tired, they are guilty and they are overwhelmed. I wrote this many years ago, but this was one of my moments.

When you feel like it is too much and then that guilt comes crashing in, remember you are not alone. Your experience, while the details are uniquely your own, the emotional roller coaster is normal and okay.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/take-cup-from-me-jane-meier-hamilton-j5v4f

Real talk: Sometimes it is too much. Sometimes the pressure, the anxiety and the to do lists are just more than one person can handle. Be honest with yourself when you feel this approaching. Don't hide. Don't mask. Talk to the people you love, talk to your spiritual leader, pray, or seek out a therapist to talk through it. Don't try to do it alone.

This seems so counter to what we actually do and it feels selfish to say, but as a caregiver it is important to put taking care of yourself as a top priority. If you are the primary caregiver what happens if you get sick? Injured? Or so burned out you lose your capacity to care? Make sure to recharge. Make sure the caregivers you know are taking time to recharge too.

Does the red icon give you anxiety when you see it on your phone? Do you plug it up to charge when it is in the yellow? I try very hard to not let my phone get into the red. But what about when your personal energy battery is low? Do you take the time to recharge? Not just sleep or eat, but really fully charge yourself physically, mentally and emotionally? Why not do for yourself what you would do for your phone?

How long can you pay to keep your personal energy meter spinning? As a caregiver you need to be aware of where you are consuming your energy and use it wisely.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/my-meter-always-running-jane-meier-hamilton-hqlue

It always feels selfish when we try to take time for ourselves when we have others to care for, but the truth i, it is a loving thing to do. By taking care of yourself you maintain your capacity to care.

Remember Monday? Caregiving is not a sprint often times and it isn't a marathon either. It should be a relay. You can pass some of the burden to others by talking to a friend or councilor, building a medical care plan in conjunction with your loved ones care team, and taking offers of help with basic tasks like cooking, cleaning and errand running. Don't let yourself reach this point.

Caregivers often feel they are alone or that no one understands, and while everyone's situation is unique the feelings associated with caregiving are often the same. It's up to the individual to make sure they are reaching out and not trying to do everything alone and accept help as it is offered. Don't assume someone is just being polite, take them up on the assistance.

Lately I have had a lot on my plate and I keep having to remind myself of this. I don't have to run things alone, but I have to reach out and pass the baton when and where I can.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/going-distance-jane-meier-hamilton/?trackingId=gupI6I1kSEqS8FuU2gbK1g%3D%3D

Going the Distance Caregiving is often a long and arduous journey that can be uplifting as well as exhausting; fulfilling, but also frustrating. For twenty years and in many different circumstances I have been both rewarded and drained by caring for many of my loved ones.

What is doomscrolling you ask? You might be doing it right now. One definition is When you start scrolling and just can’t stop. You’re doomed because you can’t stop yourself. You will often even say you are going to get off but end up losing hours of time. It can be a number of reasons, but often you are avoiding something and just hoping to feel something other than sad or numb.

Who? What? And why? Who are the caregivers? Who qualifies? Are there really so many in the work force that you should be concerned as a business? The numbers suggest that between 18-22% of the workforce are family caregivers. That is close to a 1/4 of working persons not only doing their regular job, but going home to take care of someone else like a parent, friend, partner or grown child.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-am-caregiving-employee-help4caregivers%3FtrackingId=oHTSe3m48aza38EQaJjwVg%253D%253D/?trackingId=oHTSe3m48aza38EQaJjwVg%3D%3D

Are you guilty of this? I know I am. They habit has become so common that we now have a word for it. Maybe next time you find yourself staying up late for no particular reason ask yourself what you can do to take back control of your daytime hours.

Sometimes we think, looking on from the outside, that being exhausted is a choice. "Well have you tried going to bed earlier?" Questions like these can do more harm. Sometimes caregivers stay up late not because they don't want rest but because it is the only 'freetime' from all the noise they have. What is going to be most helpful for caregivers is helping them with resilience strategies, ways to replenish through out the day and week so they don't feel they have to stay up to get time to themselves.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/resilience-power-persevere-prevail-help4caregivers%3FtrackingId=mx9k2zECQpyJHPSXoXMGVQ%253D%253D/?trackingId=mx9k2zECQpyJHPSXoXMGVQ%3D%3D

Sound familiar? It isn't uncommon to feel overwhelmed as a caregiver and then to feel guilt because you feel like you should be handling things better. It tends to send us into a spiral of sadness and depression.
Is there a way to avoid it though? There is so much to do, so much that could happen, so many variables. Honestly the best first step you can make is to not borrow trouble. Don't worry about the "could be's." You can't deal with something that hasn't happened yet and it is unfair to your current self to do so. You have enough on your plate with the here and now.

Who am I? Why do I do this? This video, though several years old, still holds turn. This is still my mission, both with Help4Caregivers and Partners on the Path

Welcome to Partners on the Path Jane Meier Hamilton, founder of Partners on the Path welcomes family and professional caregivers. Visit www.partnersonthepath.org.

I want to finish this week out with a final thought on loss. We often have this misguided expectation of grief and loss. How long it is acceptable to grieve. How long we are required to grieve. But at the end of it all each loss is unique to each person. How you grieve, how long, and the emotions that accompany a loss are deeply personal and influenced by where you are at that point. Take things at your pace and don't let anyone tell you, your are 'grieving wrong.'

It is only through the loss of most of our light that we appreciate the majesty of a single ray of light.

It used to be that hundreds of thousands of Jews would go to Jerusalem each year. When they entered the plaza they would turn to the right en-masse, except for those in mourning. Those with heavy matters on their hearts would turn to the left and those people that encountered them would offer encouragement.

We don't have a system as simple as this anymore, but the lesson holds true. When someone is going through a loss or the caregiving experience the modern instinct is to isolate because we don't want to be a burden. Modern wisdom isn't always so wise though. While none of us really know what to say, and often the English language fails to provide the words, we all know that next year, next month or even tomorrow we could be in their shoes and are profoundly sorry for their pain.

But how can you help? Sometimes just being there and showing an genuine interest in a person is enough. Sometimes a simple word of consolation is all it takes. Be the person that reaches out, and if you are the one going through loss don't be afraid or ashamed to reach out and take the hands that are offered. We are all human after all.

Happy Monday. Now don't groan. It is often hard to start the week with a positive outlook while you stare down another week of work, chores, appointments, responsibilities and, for caregivers, caregiving duties. Chances are you spent the weekend playing catch up and barely feel you have had a break. This go doubly for your caregiving employees. But keeping a positive mindset will help you get through the week, maybe not seamlessly, but at least a little easier. Aim to spread positivity in your workplace and leave negativity at the door.

It seems counter, but it's true. Some days it is hard. Some days for caregivers it feels impossible, but it is important to sing anyway, because sometimes the only positivity they have is what they create. As an employer you can help by promoting a positive, drama free work environment.

Thursday Thoughts:
Today especially this is rings true. For caregivers it is often important to remember that their strength is not just in the things they can do. When you look at strength through that narrow lens it can actually become harder to face the unknown. Strength is also found when you didn't think you could, but did anyway.